Jeb Bush Chest Bumping: Keep The Sports Celebrations Out of Politics

By Ty Duffy

Jeb Bush’s campaign figured out he comes off a bit nebbish, about six months too late. The past couple days have witnessed a machismo barrage. He shed the glasses, tweeted about his gun, and inflicted this awkward, surprise chest bump on his poor brother.

We could dwell on Jeb. But, this could be the harbinger of a broader, disturbing trend. Sports terminology has already infiltrated political coverage. In fact, it’s hard to differentiate how the two things are covered. The last thing we need are sports celebrations piggybacking their way in.

Here are some that should stay out of the political realm.*

The High Five: Way too much mutual hand-eye coordination required. That’s before some hooligan tries to pull the “too slow” trick. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

The Fist Bump: No one sees it coming from the over 30 crowd. There are few moments worse than a fist bump/handshake snafu.

The Hearty Butt Slap: It will be uncomfortable and/or sexual harassment suit fodder.

Premature Champagne Celebrations: Baseball teams celebrate division wins, clinching the wild card, winning the wild card, and triumphs in each round with champagne celebrations. *Cuts to Hillary showering everyone with an Ace of Spades after a narrow win in Nevada*

The Dab: Cam Newton made it a sports thing. Unlike dance crazes past, it has an antibody against coopting by old white people. It just gets stronger.

The Emphatic Shirt Removal: Waiting for Paul Ryan to bust this out after another passed bill to repeal Obamacare.

The Hilariously Awful Theme Song: Guessing Bernie could rap about as fluently. [H/T Dan Wetzel]

Talking About Sports (At all): Doesn’t tend to work well.

That said, there are multiple politicians we’d love to see attempt the “Antonio Brown.”

* Obama excepted, obviously.