Ice Cream Truck Funeral Procession Is Deeply Emotional

Kyle Koster

Life is like an ice cream cone. When you begin, it seems the end will never come but as the treat shrinks and the scoops begin to melt, natural feelings of mortality inevitably creep in. If you lick it too fast, it can cause a headache. If I had a third data point to support this analogy, I'd use it but it's Friday and that's enough pretext.

We're gathered here this morning to bask in the unexpected poignance of an ice cream man's funeral procession, which took place this morning in South London. Because how often do you see a long line of ice cream trucks solemnly following a hearse while traditional, neighborhood-kid-alluring music blares from a speaker system that hasn't been updated since 1981?

MyLondon helpfully offers this note, which demands a Daniel Dale-esque fact-checking: "According to replies to the post, vans following in a funeral procession is a tradition among ice cream van drivers."

That's beautiful whether it's true or not. No word yet on what the ice cream truck driving community thinks about outsiders adopting their customs but I'd like it on the record that a similar procession at my own funeral would be entirely welcome. Nothing like seeing a bunch of excited kids spilling out of their homes thinking they're about to get a sweet treat only to end up in a conversation with their parents about what happens when we die.