We've Kept the COVID Crisis Going Long Enough for Dr. Anthony Fauci to Totally Re-Tool His Pitching Arsenal

Kyle Koster
Alika Jenner/GettyImages

Many are writing the first draft of history attempting to accurately reflect how America handled the COVID crisis for future generations to study. Perhaps the most economical way to capture the bleakness we're all simply choosing to ignore is this: The pandemic has now gone on long enough for Dr. Anthony Fauci to become a major media personality to the point he was asked to throw out a ceremonial first pitch, for him to botch it, and for him to go on a prolonged rehabilitation program to capitalize on yet another opportunity two years later as COVID persists.

Impossibly dark.

Fauci famously botched his first opportunity back in 2020 when he failed to land his toss within 20 feet of the plate before a Nationals game in D.C. Now, more than two years later, we're still kinda-sorta producing vaccines and 10 percent of people might wear masks at the grocery store as experts warn one of the variants will elude our efforts and really wreak havoc.

But do you want to know the frightening truth or do you want to watch Fauci chuck in a heater?

Here he was last night in Seattle, getting his Tosh Web Redemption before the Yankees-Mariners tilt.

Now, obviously, good for him. It's kind of impressive what 25 months of hard work can do. Maybe Fauci can get Tommy John surgery and heal up before a third opportunity a few years down the line. By then he might be hitting 75 mph and painting the corners.