Bill Belichick Would Not Make a Good Doctor

For the thousandth time, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick today played defense on reporters trying to glean information on the team during his media availability. The biggest question on everyone's mind is the health of quarterback Mac Jones, who suffered what's being deemed a "severe" ankle sprain during last Sunday's loss to the Baltimore Ravens.

Despite being peppered from every angle, Belichick stuck to the script, which was simply saying "day by day" over and over again. He did break once, though, saying "what do I look like — a doctor?"

The answer is no. At least not a doctor I would be interested in visiting.

First and foremost, there's the known lack of medical expertise. That's a big one. Everyone is doing their own research these days and medicine has become politicized yet 90 percent of us would still prefer to entrust our health management to someone who has read Gray's Anatomy. Honestly, it seems like a safe bet that Belichick has never seen so much as one minute of Grey's Anatomy.

Then there's the presentation. You want a doctor in a crisp white jacket. Or actual scrubs. Not someone who simply looks scrubby. Shallow? Maybe.

And finally, the bedside demeanor Dr. Bill would dole out is not the vibe I'm seeking. Not the warmest touch. A guy so committed to efficiency he might not field questions about the lump he felt while only repeating "We're on to lungs" in monotone fashion.