Biden White House Refuses to Guarantee My Holiday Packages Will Arrive on Time

Holiday creep officially eached the White House briefing room on Wednesday. CBS News' Ed O'Keefe asked press secretary Jen Psaki if the Biden administration could guarantee holiday packages would arrive on time this year.

.@edokeefe asks, can the White House guarantee holiday packages will arrive on time despite supply chain challenges?

Psaki: "We are not the Postal Service or UPS or FedEx. We cannot guarantee. What we do is use every lever at the federal government's disposal to reduce delays" pic.twitter.com/4omVChOoz3
— CBS News (@CBSNews) October 13, 2021

Psaki pointed out that the Biden administration is not the post office or UPS or FedEx, but that's not good enough for me personally. I'd like President Biden to commit here and now to hand-delivering packages in December. If we as a country are committed to winning the War on Christmas we need Joe Biden dressing up as Santa Claus to ensure timely package delivery during the holidays.

We have the resources. Whenever something is in danger of not being home for Christmas (or any other gift-giving holiday), I'm going to need it loaded onto Air Force One and delivered to the nearest airport where Marine One will be waiting to be used like Santa's sleigh. Secret Service members will be given codenames correlating with the reindeer. I don't think this is too much to ask.