A Short List of Things Bill Simmons Invented


Bill Simmons got upset earlier this week when baseball writer Jonah Keri published a thing which Bill Simmons had previously encouraged Jonah Keri to write while they worked together. Jonah Keri credited Bill Simmons. Bill Simmons will likely claim he was joking at a later date. He may have already. I couldn’t tell you because he blocked me on Twitter years ago.

Still, Simmons obviously considers the idea of ranking athletes by a perceived value something that he created. Here are some other things that Bill Simmons invented which your probably shouldn’t try.

Mixing sports and pop culture.


Avoiding the line at the post office.

Hot sauce subscriptions.

Talking about a movie or TV show you once saw.

Telling people about the weather.

Lone Survivor.

A TV show for ESPN.

A TV show for HBO.

Being a full-grown adult professional wrestling fan.

Ranking other stuff.

Lists. (Sorry!)

Making fake trades in ESPN’s deeply flawed NBA Trade Machine.

Talking about gambling.


Going to Las Vegas.

Going to Las Vegas with friends.

Calling Las Vegas “Vegas.”

Playing blackjack in Vegas.

Inside jokes about Vegas.

Being from Boston.

Rooting for Boston sports teams.

Saying “we” like he’s on the team.


Michael Rapaport.


Talking with friends on a podcast.

Talking with friends.

Talking with famous friends.

Talking with famous friends about other famous friends.

Blocking people on Twitter.

Loving soup.

Thinking Kanye West is a genius.

Thinking all this stuff is actually bad:

Thinking billionaires should pay for their own fucking football stadiums.


Halls of Fames.

Mount Rushmores.

The title “Any Given Wednesday,” which has nothing to do with Any Given Sunday. Nope. That’s not a thing based on a previous thing that someone else did or said.