The Oscar Nominees For Best Picture Are Like These Athletes, Teams and Leagues You Know
The 85th annual Academy Awards – a.k.a. “The Oscars” – take place Sunday night, live from Hollywood, California, the home of the movies. As usual, these movie awards are hotly contested with such blockbuster hits as Amour, Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Django Unchained, Les Misérables, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Zero Dark Thirty competing for the top spot, or as industry insiders call it – “The Best Picture Oscar.” But did you know that the best picture nominees have parallels to the sports world? Well, it is true and I have the listicle to prove it!
Amour is the NHL
You’ve never heard of any of these people, they’re foreign and this movie has as much of a chance at winning Best Picture as hockey does leading SportsCenter.
Argo fuck yourself.
Beasts of the Southern Wild is Jadaveon Clowney

Because this is what I see when I see this gif of Jadaveon Clowney.
Django Unchained is Jimmer Freddete


I see no major difference between Django Unchained and Free Jimmer. #Djimmer
Les Misérables is the Los Angeles Lakers
So many stars, but in the end, long and painful to sit through. Except instead of singing, Dwight Howard talks. There is an equal amount of self-satisfaction.
I regret nothing. /adjusts monocle
Lincoln is a movie about a guy who was famous for his hat and beard. That movie made a lot of money. DeShawn Stevenson is a guy who wears a hat, has a beard and has an ATM in his house. Also, he has a *bleeping* tattoo of Abe Lincoln on his throat.
Silver Linings Playbook is Danica Patrick


Danica Patrick is coming off another amazing Go Daddy commercial and she just won pole position for this weekend’s Daytona 500. Silver Linings Playbook is also one of the favorites to win on Sunday. Plus, people are Googling Danica Patrick this week, right!?
Zero Dark Thirty is LeBron James
The whole damn league is Osama bin Laden.

- Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- Oxbow Upsets Orb To Win Preakness, No Triple Crown For 2013
- Charmin “Stop Skidmarks” Billboard Won At Charlotte Motor Speedway
- Mets Resort To Groupon To Sell Tickets, Including Yankees Games
- Oklahoma State Blocks Wes Lunt Transfer Options, Lest Mike Gundy Look Bad Indirectly

- starkweather on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- vermincain on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- starkweather on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez has the highest WAR evah! on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- Curtis the Close talker on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
132 Responses to “The Oscar Nominees For Best Picture Are Like These Athletes, Teams and Leagues You Know”
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February 22nd, 2013 at 2:26 PM
Best post of the week, and best line of the month. Bravo.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Holy hell…that third pic of Webb is amazing.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Huh? So if Jimmer is Django does it mean he is overrated? I’m lost here.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Amour is about people dying tragically from dementia so I’m pretty sure you got the wrong league there.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:32 PM
Sounds like a terribly depressing movie.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:34 PM
I’m catching Silver Lining’s Playbook tomorrow night. Heard great things. That will mean I will have seen Argo, Zero Dark Thirty and Silver Linings Playbook. Won’t catch Lincoln or Django Unchained before Sunday. I figure the three I’ve seen are the lead dogs for Best Picture, with Argo the big favorite.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:37 PM
It is. Old couple, wife has a series of strokes then Alzeheimers, husband ends up smothering her to death and sealing off the room then he starves himself into dementia and eventual death. Movie starts with the cops busting in and finding the corpse and it’s been there for months and they all start retching, kind of like in Seven.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Django was the only one I saw. Great flick.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:38 PM
That third pic of Katherine Webb is downright incendiary, though I’m not big on her as a whole, she does bring something to the table
/better than that asexual Danica Patrick pic
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:40 PM
does Webb have a full set of SI shots? As far as I could tell, she wasn’t listed on the 2013 swimsuit roster on the SI website.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:42 PM
I think she was a last minute addition. Has the sanctimonious media watchdog Richard Deitsch said anything about how his company objectifies women?
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:44 PM
Harbaugh, this might help, middle of the page slide show
Like the shoulder pads pics
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:45 PM
Silver Linings Playbook is (+2500). Juicy number.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:46 PM
Great hair
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:46 PM
Same here. Seeing Silver Linings this weekend.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:46 PM
You all should watch this right now, especially Spencer, I need his feedback
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmsbHGEB6UU
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:47 PM
That third pic of Katherine Webb is downright incendiary, though I’m not big on her as a whole, she does bring something to the tableGreat hair
Reminds me of something out of the golden age of Playboy for some reason
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:48 PM
Saw Django and Zero Dark Thirty. Heard great things about SLP and Argo. Very good year for movies, I’d say.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:49 PM
I saw Django, Zero Dark Thirty, and Argo. Of those Zero Dark Thirty should win, Django could have used a bit cut down and no movie where Tarantino does that Australian accent should ever win an award no matter how awesome the rest of it is.
Lincoln will win because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DID YOU KNOW DANIEL DAY LEWIS STAYS IN CHARACTER THE ENTIRE SHOOT AND IT’S NOT JUST TO COMPENSATE FOR THE FACT THAT ACTING IS THE WORLD’S EASIEST JOB
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:49 PM
Butter face
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:49 PM
Doesn’t SLP actually have a chance at winning though?
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:52 PM
Webb in the blue dress is amazing. Wow.
Loved ZDT. Made me nostalgic for deployments.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Nailed it. Manly face.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 PM
You ever watch those oscars roundtables? Obama doesn’t think about legality of drone strikes with as much seriousness as those actors who talk about their “craft”.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Argo is on Direct TV Cinema. I might just watch it this weekend too.
Django was great but has zero chance of winning Best Picture. But for some reason Crash did.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:54 PM
It’s between silver linnings and Argo. SLP was an amazing movie. It is my favorite
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:57 PM
I liked ZDT over Argo, but I’ve heard, as Charlie’s Dopeman said, that Argo and Silver Linings Playbook are the two favorites. Seeing as how everyone involved with SLP was nominated for a major award, you’d think it would take the prize.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Interesting take, I guess.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:58 PM
If I were making twenty million to hang out in a trailer all day while the second unit spends eighteen hours getting the lighting right so I can come out and work for ten minutes I’d be bluffing a shitload to make it seem noble, too.
February 22nd, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan, so that sad movie about the old fucks will probably win.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Shakepeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan? Fuck Oscars
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:01 PM
Joseph Fiennes, what a rapid turn downward that guy’s career took.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:01 PM
The job is much harder than Mole wants to admit. I think how actors transform themselves and become characters is very difficult. It’s not at all important work, but I do think it’s very difficult to be the best.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:02 PM
SLP can relate to a whole bunch of families. Including mine. My brother is bipolar.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Saving Private Ryan shouldn’t have won that year either, American History X should have and wasn’t even nominated. Even so, still not as bad as Titanic winning over LA Confidential the previous year.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:04 PM
I can’t say definitively that SPR shouldn’t have won or should have, but I agree that American History X should have been nominated. That’s one powerful movie.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:04 PM
Show of internet hands: Who else saw Titanic in the theaters
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:05 PM
here is a link to watch SLP for free. PAuse it and let it fill up the bar, then watch. Malware free
http://www.movie2k.to/Silver-Linings-Playbook-watch-movie-2388067.html
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:05 PM
The fact that Bradley Cooper has an Oscars nomination is crazy. I mean, he was in Wedding Crashers and Hangover. But by all accounts, it was a well deserved nomination. Good for him.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:05 PM
I saw it twice
/
cries
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 PM
I just refuse to accept that the biggest Oscar snub ever is a Vin Diesel and Tom Sizemore movie not winning best picture.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 PM
hand
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 PM
I saw it in the theaters. Haven’t seen it since. I actually liked it, but could not understand for the life of me why it got the awards it did.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:08 PM
It was a great movie, and they played their parts very well. Barry Pepper was fantastic in it.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:08 PM
I didn’t see Titanic until 2009 or so. Finally saw Avatar last Christmas though so I’m really peeling back my timeframe on getting around to Cameron movies.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:09 PM
Show of internet hands: Who else saw Titanic in the theaters
I did, months later when people were seeing it for the umpteenth time. And i saw it alone. Straight doodoo.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:09 PM
Without a doubt, just don’t think it was the best of the crop that year.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:09 PM
Good one. They lost to Ben Afleck in tights
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:10 PM
I remember hearing there was a lot of behind the scenes drama with AHX where Norton basically hijacked the movie and drastically changed it, and the director got so fed up that he tried to “Alan Smithee” it. given the bullshit politics that go on in the Academy I wouldn’t be surprised if they punished it for that for some reason.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Was too young to see it in theater. I hope Amy Poehler and Tina Fey co-hosts the Oscars next year. Thought they did an excellent job at the Golden Globes.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:11 PM
I’m an unabashed Pulp Fiction homer, but I really feel as though that movie should have been the runaway winner in 95. The oral history someone posted here a week or so ago was so cool.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:12 PM
I would have hunt you down if you said Barry Pepper
/all I want to do is race daddy
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:12 PM
2014 Oscars host: Lena Dunham
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:12 PM
This doesn’t surprise me at all
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:12 PM
Actually the bigger snub was The Color Purple losing to Out of Africa…and losing everything else it was nominated for.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:13 PM
The politics behind the Oscars is gross. I’ve heard where Norton rewrote things and they turned out horribly. Hadn’t heard this about AMX though.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:14 PM
Ed Norton and Terrence Howard douching their way out of Avengers money still amuses me to no end.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:15 PM
Terrence Howard’s new movie looks watchable
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:16 PM
They were really good hosting the Globes. I’m intrigued by The Family Guy hosting this year’s Oscars. Nice to change it up and get a new face to host them.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:16 PM
Sgt. Osiris not winning for Tropic Thunder was a disgrace. Not even being funny. Thought he did an excellent job in that movie.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Howard is a massive douchebag from most of the stuff that I’ve read. His divorce case was intense, too.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:18 PM
Billy Crystal sucks dick, fuck him. Unfunny Hollywood hack
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:19 PM
Three 6 Mafia guys were saying how Howard didn’t really care for them when he did that pimp movie. Not sure you want to start beef with a rap crew.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:19 PM
And not to sound anti-semetic, but AMX didnt win because well, just watch the movie.
Schindlers list is cool, that movie isnt
/
voters
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:19 PM
Agreed 100%, watched it again last weekend and it still holds up. If the Olsen twins don’t commit murder he gets that award.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Dick-hat and Douche-stache, The Movie?
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Cornball
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:20 PM
never saw Titanic.
I thought No Country For Old Men winning best picture was one of the worst. the end of that movie was trash. michael clayton and atonement were much better pictures.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Loved Beasts of Southern Wild, saw it at a brewery. Of what I’ve seen (not watching Les Miserable, yet to see Amour) BOSW far and away the best movie. Zero Dark Thirty is basically a giant CIA press release, Lincoln is fucking boring, Argo is just a formula movie, Django needs editing soo bad, Silver Lining Playbook was just interesting nothing special and I loved Life Of Pi.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:21 PM
I had never heard of Alan Smithee until now.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:22 PM
I think Les Mis is one of the greatest stories ever told and will never see that movie. From all accounts I’ve heard the singing is horrendous.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:22 PM
between Norton, Spike Lee, and Tony Siragusa, I’m surprised the cumulative douchiness on the set of 25th Hour didn’t create a black hole.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:23 PM
I liked Clayton better, but dammit can Bardem play the villain. He crushed that and the Bond one as well.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:23 PM
The year Hollywood lost all credibility for giving Diablo Cody an award for screenwriting.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Such a badass story.
Yawn
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Hard to tell which has more PhotoShopping: The Webb photos or the Danica photos.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Speaking of 3-6, This is the best Dance Song I have ever heard (outside of Freedom)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1mayfSg0yA
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Juno was a well written movie. The problem with her style, though, is it’s like Kevin Smiths. The first one is great. The other 8 all sound like shittier versions of the first one.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Danica. It could be Danica against a CGI woman and the answer is still Danica.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Wasn’t that bad. Take it from who the singing is coming from. I enjoyed the movie, but I also had just finished the book so I was interested.
Reading it now. Love these things
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:26 PM
really? Atonement was alright, but No Country was better. wasn’t a big fan of Michael Clayton at all.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Went to Titanic in theaters with my 5th grade girlfriend. First pair of titties I ever saw.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:26 PM
I saw Danica interviewed somewhere the other day and she looked pretty hot. She seems like a massive bitch, but I’d give her a shot at the title and love all 15 seconds of it.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Old Country was an amazing movie. Better Book.
/
awaits the hate from the movies are better than books haters
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:28 PM
No. A million times no. It’s a musical, it’s supposed to be performed by people who can sing. Les Mis is Colm Wilkinson and Patti LuPone, not fucking Wolverine and Catwoman.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:28 PM
really? I thought the consensus was that the book was almost always better.
The Godfather and Fight Club are the two biggest exceptions I can think of.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:28 PM
Typical Coen movie in that it gets better with each viewing. Don’t understanhd the hate for the ending.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:29 PM
Great heist flick
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:29 PM
I don’t want to say 100% of the time the books are always better, because surely that’s not the case, but 9/10 is probably accurate.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:29 PM
In the Coen version do you think he blasts the wife? Does he get caught?
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:30 PM
Though Jackman can actually sing a bit but the point remains. A group of retarded kids performing Shakespeare isn’t going to be passable based on the pretense that hey they’re retarded good for them trying.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:30 PM
One of my favorite memes on this site. Never change, TBL.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:30 PM
I just watched it and it gets more perplexing every time I see it.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:31 PM
I think the DGA doesn’t allow anyone to use that pseudonym anymore.
There’s actually a movie titled Burn, Hollywood, Burn: An Allen Smithee Movie, on which the real director demanded an Allen Smithee credit because he hated the way it turned out.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Completely disagree on Fight Club, the ending of the book is much better.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Not disagreeing with you, just saying, the point was to make money and get nominated for an award. How else would they do that without those guys. Also a neat fact, that they sang it and filmed it live. The extended previews on youtube are cool to watch
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Moonrise Kingdom was a great deal beater than almost all these movies.
/Wearing cardigan
//Sees PBR in recycle box
///Goes to bar with no signage
////”Do you have anything local?”
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:32 PM
Also the movies based on Puzo books are always better because the books are 90% him describing the cocks of the male characters.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:33 PM
I initially read that as “Les Miles” and was totally perplexed.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Yeah, I’ll check out a movie; but it’ll take a black one to move me.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:33 PM
well I’ll concede that the Fight Club comment is biased due to my general distaste for Palahniuk. I suppose I ought to re-read it soon.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:35 PM
The writer of Fight Club wrote a book about a 7 year old chinese student that was in America and he was a spy assaulting people in a Walmart and it was the funniest book I have ever read. Outside of Catch-22.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:35 PM
I thought No Country For Old Men winning best picture was one of the worst.
Shitting on the end of No Country because it wasn’t a conventional ending is beyond tiresome at this point.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Which is why they’re the frontrunners. Hollywood does not reward innovation. (See: Forrest Gump over Pulp Fiction, How Green Was My Valley over Citizen Kane, My Fair Lady over both Dr. Strangelove and Hard Day’s Night, etc.)
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Oh man when he rapes the other kid in the Walmart bathroom then describes the blue of his cock, the red of the blood from the kid’s ass, and the white of the semen and thighs as a comparison to the flag, yikes.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:37 PM
He really fell off the cliff after Lullaby.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:39 PM
So we can expect lots of random cultural references and no actual jokes?
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:39 PM
Wow
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:39 PM
Rant and Snuff were just flat out awful, though there were some hilariously gross moments in Snuff.
Survivor would make for an incredibly weird movie.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:40 PM
What.The.Fuck
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:41 PM
What the hell is the name of the book I’m thinking about? It is written in total broken english, like how a 7 year old chineese person would speak
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:41 PM
I stand corrected here’s the quote
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:41 PM
Sooo typical bedtime story for the kids, eh
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:42 PM
Pygmy.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:42 PM
I loved his advertisement with Brosnan as Bond ordering a martini.
“Shaken, not stirred.”
“Yeah…no one ever gets one stirred. Like…ever.”
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:43 PM
If you ever want a great read on the politics behind the Oscars, year by year, get Inside Oscar by Damien Bona.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:43 PM
There is no such scene
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:44 PM
I honestly think you’re insane.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:44 PM
I gave up on Rant after two chapters.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:45 PM
Thanks Cowboy, I gonna gonna go get it at the library tommorow
/
spent alot of time in prison have read every book atleast once
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:45 PM
I think I can die happy if I never read “Pygmy”
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:46 PM
I still think the back-to-back Oscars for American Beauty and Gladiator are the worst one-two punch since My Fair Lady and Sound of Music.
The Straight Story was straight-out robbed in 1999, as was Richard Farnsworth for Best Actor.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:47 PM
WUURRRRNNNNSTRRRRUUMMMM
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:49 PM
I’m not insane just confuse alot of those type of novels. I thought he just beat the shit out of the fat kid at walmart and then smelled prescription drugs on the parents.
I remember every chapter is titled with a karate move
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:51 PM
Nah he definitely raped him, it was … pretty graphic. Lots of description of the “dry friction.”
That was the last of his books I read.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:54 PM
don’t forget they followed up those two with A Beautiful Mind the next year.
hence my general distaste for him. over time he just started writing shocking shit for its own sake. for whatever reason it kind of reminds me of like Bret Eason Ellis’s worst instincts.
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:55 PM
+100 with the Chuck D, PE reference.
/Fear of a Black Planet
February 22nd, 2013 at 3:57 PM
Eddie Murphy was robbed by Alan Arkin. Arkin was in Little Miss Sunshine for only two minutes.
February 22nd, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Anthony Hopkins won Best Actor for a role that had him on screen for something like 20 minutes of a two-hour movie. Ditto David Niven for his win. BOth should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor.
February 22nd, 2013 at 5:15 PM
He was dead in the back of the van! Quality work.
February 22nd, 2013 at 5:16 PM
eddie murphy has robbed everyone of their dignity since the mid 90s
February 22nd, 2013 at 5:17 PM
SLP is Danica?..except for the fact that Jennifer Lawrence >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Danica Patrick