Fred Smoot, the former NFL cornerback who played for the Vikings and Redskins, among others – he’s best known for inserting a double-headed dildo into two women on the notorious Love Boat in 2005 – was popped for DUI in December. During the traffic stop, he told the arresting officer he was upset because he “got into it” with his girl at the club. Then …

“During processing, in the service area, while handcuffed, the [defendant] peed his pants creating a puddle on the floor,” Carll said in the affidavit. “[A police officer] witnessed the urine running down his pant leg and onto the floor. [Smoot] did not express that he had to use the restroom.

It could be worse, Fred. You could have been talking to a dude on the phone for a year, thinking you were talking to a girl. [Washingtonian via Steinberg]