Florida Freshman Football Player Jessamen Dunker Charged With Grand Theft Auto … For Stealing a Moped
According to Robbie Andreu of the Gainesville Sun, freshman offensive lineman Jessamen Dunker is in deep trouble. He is being held in jail on the felony count of grand theft auto. Sounds like a tough guy.
The theft was of a moped. Let’s rate this version of Grand Theft Auto M for Moron.
I’m now trying to picture a college offensive lineman moving around campus on a moped. Almost as ridiculous as when Arian Foster gave all of his linemen segways.
If you are going to get popped in college, let it be for tattoos and not for mopeds.
[Update: According to Jason Lieser of the Palm Beach Post, Dunker was pulled over on campus for following too closely and having an expired license. The moped was also discovered to have been reported stolen. Dunker claims that he did purchase the moped.]
[photo via mit.edu, of course]

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13 Responses to “Florida Freshman Football Player Jessamen Dunker Charged With Grand Theft Auto … For Stealing a Moped”
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January 16th, 2013 at 3:05 PM
Typical Will Muschamp recruit.
January 16th, 2013 at 3:06 PM
His parents should have been arrested for naming him Jessamen.
January 16th, 2013 at 3:09 PM
/Sousedbergin’d
January 16th, 2013 at 3:19 PM
It’s not like he stole a laptop.
January 16th, 2013 at 3:21 PM
The CEO of the Segway company died when he drove his Segway off a cliff.
/ Guns don’t kill people, Segways kill people
// Mopeds kill college football careers
January 16th, 2013 at 3:28 PM
/not a dunker
January 16th, 2013 at 3:30 PM
jessamen, jessamen, ooo lala.
/no gaytors
January 16th, 2013 at 3:30 PM
Wasn’t it at UGA where football players riding mopeds first became a big deal/tradition?
January 16th, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Y’all see that girl from the USC story talking about the TBL commenters on Twitter, and duffy getting (assuredly jokingly) huffy about it? Something about not acknowledging us so we wouldn’t put on airs.
January 16th, 2013 at 3:42 PM
Wasn’t it at UGA where football players riding mopeds first became a big deal/tradition?
Yep, and getting trafffic violations and racking up Fulmer Cup points. Go dawgs.
January 16th, 2013 at 3:47 PM
Ritty, it sounded on that Twitter feed like she’s crushing on you!
January 16th, 2013 at 3:48 PM
/ Gets ignored by Twitter girl
// Lets air out of room
January 16th, 2013 at 3:57 PM
Y’all see that girl from the USC story talking about the TBL commenters on Twitter, and duffy getting (assuredly jokingly) huffy about it? Something about not acknowledging us so we wouldn’t put on airs.
Well I never.