Dan Shaughnessy Says The Patriots Have Two Byes, Calls Texans “Pure Frauds”
Dan Shaughnessy has the big game writing experience needed when it comes to playoff time. He relied on that experience when he started his column about the upcoming Divisional Round game against the Texans with “[t]he 2012-13 New England Patriots just became the first team in NFL history to get back-to-back byes before advancing to the conference championship game.”
It is a magnificent piece of work, as Shaughnessy manages to insult the Texans over and over again, the exact kind of thing that any NFL coach would salivate for as he tries to sell a “no respect” platform heading into a key game. Arian Foster has already changed his twitter avatar to the first two paragraphs of that article.
Shaughnessy manages to play both sides, also delivering repeated backhanded compliments to the Patriots where you can feel the Belichick-hatred and Ben-Gay odor coming through with each word. These lucky Patriot bastards–”whatever can go right for [them] will go right.” This is more of a layup than last year, Shaughnessy tells us, when the Patriots got possibly one of the worst teams in NFL history to advance to the divisional round, with Tim Tebow at quarterback. “Pure frauds,” he calls the Houston Texans, with “absolutely zero chance” of winning next Sunday.
Want to compare this to the Jets victory just two years ago, when the Patriots appeared ready to roll after having destroyed the Jets in the regular season, 45-3? Not the same, says Shaughnessy, because those Jets had attitude, while these Texans will wet themselves.
Boom. Point proven.
Here’s the thing, though. The Patriots didn’t dominate the Texans as much as that the score would indicate (the blowout of the Jets in 2010 was way more dominant). I’m here to tell you that the Texans are better off having played, and lost, in New England than if they were rolling in there for the first time in six seasons, and only the second time ever, for a playoff matchup.
The Patriots were the better team when the two met earlier this year. The Patriots, were on balance, the better team in the regular season, even when the Texans had the superior record at 11-1. The scoreboard said 42-14, but there were important swing plays that dictated the extent of the apparent domination. I can assure you that Bill Belichick is emphasizing this even as Dan Shaughnessy leans back and smokes a cigar.
At the moment that Danny Woodhead fumbled it ahead after the non-existent J.J. Watt drilled him from behind, and Brandon Lloyd recovered in the end zone to make it 35-7 at the start of the fourth quarter, the following had happened:
- The Patriots had converted a stellar 20 of 25 potential first downs, including 4 of 5 on 3rd and long (two by penalty).
- The Texans weren’t bad themselves, having converted 15 of 23 potential first downs, coming up short twice on 4th down in “no man’s land” between the New England 30 and 40 yard line.
- New England had recovered two very valuable fumbles, Ridley early at the goal line when Kareem Jackson should have had it, and the Woodhead fumble ahead for TD. That’s 14 points.
New England should have won the game, but the difference does not indicate the likelihood of success this time around. They outgained the Texans on both the ground and air, with a total yard difference of 96 yards. In the sixty-six other games over the last two years where a team outgained the opponent both rushing and passing, by a net total of between 75 and 125 points, the average margin of victory was +8.2 points.
Special teams, turnovers, third down conversions, and key swing plays are what make up the difference. In this game, the Schaub red zone interception, the two fumbles recovered leading to 14 points, third down hits and misses explain the extent of the score.
Houston is also better off getting a second shot. They had not played in New England in almost six years. Now, they get to go back less than six weeks later. Familiarity plays some role in home field advantage, or more appropriately, reducing road disadvantage. Since 2002, there have been thirty-three playoff matchups where the home team beat the visitor at home already in the regular season, and faced them again at home in the postseason. The home team is 19-14 in the rematch, but only 10-23 against the spread. (The average spread in those games was -5.7 points to the home team, the average result +0.4 points to the visitor after the home team had won by +10.7 in the regular season).
New England is the favorite, and rightly so. I suspect that Dan Shaughnessy isn’t the only one overvaluing the Patriots less than 100% chance in the rematch.
[photo via USA Today Sports Images]

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42 Responses to “Dan Shaughnessy Says The Patriots Have Two Byes, Calls Texans “Pure Frauds””
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January 7th, 2013 at 4:05 PM
I hate this shit, I hate even more that this clown fraud has allowed everyone to get intoa frenzy. Only shitheads who deserve to be assfucked with their own elbow think the game this weekend is a certain victory for NE.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:06 PM
I think its a done deal cleet.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:06 PM
Shaughnessey is without a doubt one of the three worst sports writers in this country.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:07 PM
he also has #namaste in his profile, therefore making him much more unlikable that originally thought.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:08 PM
Takes one to know one.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:09 PM
Shaughnessy is pretty incredible. he’s what, into his fourth decade of being a total assclown?
are Simers and Mariotti the other two? this would actually be a decent discussion.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:10 PM
The Texans are a good football team. The Pats having the Broncos last year was the easiest divisional opponent in modern NFL history. That was a legit bye.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:11 PM
There is absolutely no one here in Boston worse than Shaughnessy with the exception of Gerry Callahan.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Mariotti counts. Doyle is the other.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Needs more Lupica, Murray Chass, Morosi, Heyman in that discussion.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Rob Parker and Mitch Albom would like a word.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:13 PM
he also has #namaste in his profile, therefore making him much more unlikable that originally thought.
what? He’s so interesting, according to every broadcaster ever. I mean, he’s good at his job AND has other interests. plus he writes poetry. INTERESTING.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:13 PM
[Local sportswriter from where I live] should make the list
January 7th, 2013 at 4:13 PM
Harsh but fair
January 7th, 2013 at 4:13 PM
I might be impressed if it were anyone other than Shaugnessy, an arrogant condescending tool of monumental proportions.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:14 PM
Funny, I think there were teams just as bad. 7-9 Seahawks won at home, but then again so did the Broncos last year. That Tom Brady quick kick was fantastic last year.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:14 PM
Lots of chatter (still unconfirmed, AFAIK) that RGIII has torn ACL and MCL. I tend to believe the worse-case scenario; good news would have been delivered at this morning’s presser.
/End tj.
//End Redskins hopes for 2013.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:15 PM
Bill Plaschke is pretty awful too. I’d still go with Mariotti as the worst.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:16 PM
Thing is there are many many worse that you’ve never heard of, for that reason.
Basically what butters typed
January 7th, 2013 at 4:16 PM
Even though Shaugnessy’s face causes pregnant women to miscarry, he’s correct.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Is this where we talk about this clown being right? Because NE is going to roll.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:18 PM
RG3 has a torn ACL and PCL.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:18 PM
I enjoy the two main guys in Atlanta. They’re not overly homerish nor are they always ripping the teams. It seems a lot of the people who read sports columns hate the columnists. It’s weird.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Jean Jacques Taylor (Dallas) is pretty pret-tay bad. At least Randy Galloway is occasionally funny
January 7th, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Well Pats have covered the spread of what, one playoff game (Broncos last year) since 2007? Houston doesn’t look very good though for sure.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Is he Haitian?
January 7th, 2013 at 4:23 PM
Bummer. Guess Atlanta will have to take on media darling Kirk Cousins next year.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:23 PM
RG3 has a torn ACL and PCL.
So he’ll be ready for camp.
/AP’d
January 7th, 2013 at 4:23 PM
Columnist for a dying medium drives shitloads of traffic to his site by writing something he knows will get talked about by everyone. Shaughnessy is brilliant.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:24 PM
I don’t read sportswriters…and only know most of them because of the complaints here.
I follow some local beat writers on twitter, but never click on their articles.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:24 PM
Dan Shaughnessy is Craig James’ favorite columnist.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Sad but true. FJM’s takedown of his columns are excellent
January 7th, 2013 at 4:26 PM
Adrian Peterson has pretty much ruined everyone’s barometer for when they are “good to go” for coming back from serious knee injuries. Just an amazing year….
January 7th, 2013 at 4:26 PM
Rick Reilly
January 7th, 2013 at 4:28 PM
Every Bleacher Report columnist. Even the “good” ones.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:29 PM
A Bleacher Report slideshow on the 10 worst sports writers in America up next after the slide show on the 10 greatest natural disasters in sports history.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:30 PM
Anyone remember when ESPN did that “Trial of Pete Rose” a few years ago? Dan Shaughnessy was a ‘witness’ for the Rose defenders and Alan Dershowitz was playing the prosecutor. He shredded Shaughnessy so thoroughly on the stand that it looked like Shaughnessy was going to start weeping right there.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:31 PM
Bill Plaschke is pretty awful too.
One of the best FJM posts ever.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:36 PM
RG3 has a torn ACL and PCL.
link?
January 7th, 2013 at 4:40 PM
What did RGIII have in college, was than an ACL too? That would be a troubling sign.
January 7th, 2013 at 4:58 PM
The sad thing is, I think Shaughnessy in this case is correct, and my dream Super Bowl matchup of SF-Houston screeches to a halt in Foxborough.
January 7th, 2013 at 5:27 PM
What did RGIII have in college, was than an ACL too? That would be a troubling sign.
yes.
/breaks out crying pillow