Arian Foster Bought the Houston Texans Offensive Line Segways [Update: The Lineman Are Probably Too Heavy!]
Arian Foster is a big fan of his Segway. He has been riding one around the Texans facility since the beginning of the season. It seems to be working out for Foster who is coming to the end of his third consecutive season with 1,000 rushing yards. For Christmas, Foster purchased Segways for all of his offensive linemen. From the Houston Chronicle:
“I feel like all of them big hogs up front can enjoy the joy that I get from riding my Segway,” Foster said. “Guys like Chris Myers and D-Brown and Wade Smith, they’re always getting on me about riding my Segway. ‘You can’t walk? You’re too good to walk?’
“I was like, ‘No, man. I would just rather ride wheels.’ I saw a little jealousy in their eyes when they were talking about me, so I figured I’d get all the linemen a gift.
According to ESPN, “the linemen screamed with delight when they discovered their presents.” Of course, they did, guy.
UPDATE! As @MeisterBuerger points out, the linemen are probably too heavy. Per the Segway website:
Q. Does the Segway PT have weight limits?
A. Yes. Segway sets weight limits for rider safety and to reduce the risk of damage to a Segway PT. A rider must not be less than 100 lbs. (45 kg). The PT’s maximum payload (which includes the rider and all cargo) is 260 lbs. (117 kg). The total weight of any handlebar cargo plus any additional attachments hanging from the handlebar should not exceed 10 lbs. (4.5 kg).
As you can see, the Texans offensive line all exceed the maximum weight. We will continue to monitor this situation as the Segways presumably turn to dust in the locker room.

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69 Responses to “Arian Foster Bought the Houston Texans Offensive Line Segways [Update: The Lineman Are Probably Too Heavy!]”
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December 20th, 2012 at 11:14 AM
I’ll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:14 AM
/throws up the U
December 20th, 2012 at 11:15 AM
The Segway. Invented in …. New Hampshire.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
These boys get that syrup in ‘em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Pretty cool gesture
December 20th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Fuck your Isotoner gifts right in the face, Dan Marino.
/nods at the old farts
December 20th, 2012 at 11:20 AM
i wish more people i come across in my daily life would get this reference…one of my favorite lines of all time.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:21 AM
Karen Foster > Arian Foster > Barry Foster > George Foster > Kurtis Foster > DeSean Foster > Jodie Foster
December 20th, 2012 at 11:22 AM
SITTDOWN RANDO
December 20th, 2012 at 11:22 AM
It needs to be 5 PM right meow
December 20th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
Pretty cool gesture
yeah, until Duane Brown tries to do a segway 360 and falls on his face, and is lost to the team for the playoffs.
If that happens, fans can’t even tell Arian Foster to eat a dick, because he’s a vegan. They’d have to tell him to eat a……fuck, there’s no joke word that combines tofu + dick.
Forget I said anything.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
This definitely sounds like a “you” problem.
As in, you need to find better people to be around in your daily life.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:24 AM
this was cool from foster.
agreed.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:25 AM
It needs to be 5 PM right meow
Sitting in traffic one day I found myself yelling “Come on meow!” to the car in front of me when he didn’t respond to the green light quickly enough.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:31 AM
“Theyyyyyyyy think I’m Mexican.”
December 20th, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Aryan Foster is a racist.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:35 AM
protect the hands that protect you.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Weight limits, eh? I guess these will be re-gifted.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Anyone know what the tax is on bonus checks? Yahoo Answers (YAHOO FINANCE) seems to think it’s a flat 25% federal then some state and local.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Yea I know…you got beautiful, big brown lips.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:37 AM
If that happens, fans can’t even tell Arian Foster to eat a dick, because he’s a vegan.
Except when he eats chicken.
Speaking of which, I’ve got a snow day today. I wish the Beef O’Brady Bowl was on this afternoon.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:37 AM
Pretty good draw for Champions League, eh moleman? Bayern will stomp Arsenal. I’m sure of it.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:38 AM
YOU’RE DEVIATING FROM THE POST SUBJECT MATTER. YOU’RE ALL BANNED.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:38 AM
you’re not Mexican?
December 20th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
Bunch of young republican names in that Texas OL.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
Between that and the Pokal Cup draw, busy two days for you.
There’s zero reason any English team should get through. United is awful in defense and central midfield, Arsenal are not going to stop anyone on Bayern but will score.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:40 AM
OT
I’m watching First Take (not my choice). Does that mean I’m a low life and jobless and uneducated?
/yesterday’d
December 20th, 2012 at 11:40 AM
interesting that shaun cody plays defensive tackle on the offensive line.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:41 AM
interesting that shaun cody plays defensive tackle on the offensive line.
The list also doesn’t include Chris Myers…you know, the starting center.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:41 AM
No, but it means that you’re now banned for discussing a matter that is off topic. C’est la vie
December 20th, 2012 at 11:42 AM
looks like the only thing chris myers is starting, is starting to get DRUNK.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:43 AM
looks like the only thing chris myers is starting, is starting to get DRUNK.
Wild Turkey….oh how you have made me do some regrettable things in the past.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Pretty sure it’s taxed as earned income.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:49 AM
St. Bear, I believe, is correct.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Soydick? Cucumber? I feel like you could have put a little effort into that and come up with something better. How’s everything at home?
December 20th, 2012 at 11:51 AM
December 20th, 2012 at 11:51 AM
I had thought it was taxed as supplemental and thus a lot higher, gets the same regardless of your bracket.
I hope you’re right though. Big difference in the bender I’ll be going on.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:54 AM
It’ll get just reported on your W-2 and taxed as part of your overall earnings…the only stuff that gets taxed differently (for now) are capital gains and dividends
December 20th, 2012 at 11:54 AM
What happens if Hernia gets drunk on maple syrup tonight and just bans every commenter? Will TBL reverse that, or let it ride?
December 20th, 2012 at 11:54 AM
I’m watching First Take (not my choice). Does that mean I’m a low life and jobless and uneducated
no, but it means you really enjoy getting kicked in the balls and fisted at the same time.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:56 AM
Not to get too political, but I’ve done a 180 on capital gains taxes, and now think it should be taxed as regular income. I’m sure you all care to know.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Speaking of Wild Turkey, does anyone else drink American Honey? I love drinking that stuff straight from the bottle.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Does anyone like the Tennessee Honey by JD? I’ve heard mixed reviews… In general I don’t think my friends like whiskey/bourbon, because I’ve got a bottle of Jack, Jack Honey, and Woodford Reserve, all basically for guests, and no one has even opened them.
December 20th, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Wait, so there are people who get taxed on capital gains in the USA? I presumed everybody had this shit offshore.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:01 PM
/TBL’d?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:01 PM
Does it change the answer if it comes as a separate check and not on top of my regular pay?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:02 PM
you hate your guests I see.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Speaking of Wild Turkey, does anyone else drink American Honey?
No because I have testicles.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Does it change the answer if it comes as a separate check and not on top of my regular pay?
I don’t believe it matters. See how it shows up on your W-2 or 1099 first though.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Or mole you could just spend $50 to have an accountant do your taxes for you.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:03 PM
It shouldn’t, your employer’s not going to report it differently…are they withholding taxes on the check?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:05 PM
I’ll do it for a bottle of the brownest of brown liquors
December 20th, 2012 at 12:06 PM
Yes, and I chase it with Mikes Hard Lemonade.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:06 PM
I have an accountant.
I’m referring to the deduction that comes out of the amount I’m getting as a bonus, not the implications when I file the taxes.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:07 PM
I’ll do it for a bottle of the brownest of brown liquors
Would you do it for this Orange Julius? It’s nearly halfway full.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:07 PM
They didn’t last year but last year it was several thousand dollars less so it may have just come out of the cash fund.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:08 PM
He’ll be back.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:08 PM
I’m referring to the deduction that comes out of the amount I’m getting as a bonus
I see. Well that probably depends on how your company reports it on the W-2 then. If they did no withholding then it might be up to you to figure out the deduction yourself…which I suppose was the point of your initial question.
/not helpful
December 20th, 2012 at 12:11 PM
You liqour snobs are hilarious.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:12 PM
I assume you are doing this while you are icing down your Zima’s?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:13 PM
You liqour snobs are hilarious.
You people who like girly drinks are hilarious.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:14 PM
Speaking of Wild Turkey, does anyone else drink American Honey?
Yes, and I chase it with Mikes Hard Lemonade.
I assume you are doing this while you are icing down your Zima’s?
Is your table wine Arbor Mist?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:14 PM
Gotcha. Should find out today hopefully.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:25 PM
Sometimes I just want to sit and stare at a fire and get drunk, not always getting top shelf shit. It does the job.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:29 PM
Sometimes I just want to sit and stare at a fire and get drunk, not always getting top shelf shit. It does the job.
Regular Jim Beam is not top shelf. And it’s not ridiculously saccharine like it is if you add a sweetener to it. Get yourself a rocks glass, a bottle of Beam white label, some ice, some club soda, and you’re in good shape. Adding a lime wedge is acceptable. If you feel the need to have something sweet and sugary in your drink then you probably shouldn’t be drinking whiskey in the first place.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
/scribbles in notebook
December 20th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
If you are going to friends’ places and expecting better than JD and Woodford for Whiskey/Bourbon selections, I want your friends. It’s that Sapphire gin, or some bottle of wine we got for $6 at Trader Joes. Want anything better, go to Scripty’s.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:55 PM
I’ll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit.
I almost pissed myself when I read this. Great quote. You’re going to have to be more specific. They’re all kind of fat and stupid.
December 20th, 2012 at 1:10 PM
The CEO of the company that makes Segways died when he drove his Segway off a cliff in Britain.
/ True story