Ask Men released their list of the Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2013. It is as ridiculous as usual and was only created so people like me would link to it and talk about how incredibly stupid it is, but I’m not going to fall for it this year. Nope. I’m simply going to show you where all of the sports-related females landed.

98. Kim Kardashian – Ex-wife of Kris Humphries. Ex-girlfriend of athletes in general. Still attends sporting events so people will look at her. It works.

96. Ana Ivanovic – Tennis player. Has been struggling. Kind of impressed she’s still relevant enough to make one of these lists.

92. Paulina Gretzky – Instagram Sensation. Daughter of (arguably) the greatest hockey player to ever live. Not Kim Kardashian.

75. Carly Rae Jepsen – Gave collegiate athletes something to sing about. Dolphins cheerleaders.

73. Lindsey Vonn – Divorced skier. Friends with Tim Tebow.

65. Leryn Franco – Javelin thrower. Model.

62. Bar Refaeli - Goddess. Might have dated the Flying Tomato.

53. Antonija Misura – Remember the Olympics? She played basketball there.

43. Ronda Rousey – The face of women’s mixed martial arts. Badass in general. Wants to beat up Kim Kardashian. Rousey appeared nude in ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue. She will headline UFC 157 in the first female fight in UFC history.

41. Lolo Jones – Track athlete. Bobsledder. Friend of Ndamukong Suh. Virgin.

37. Sara Carbonero – European Soccer WAG. Television personality.

30. Hope Solo – Married to a really night nice guy. Dancer. Takes medicine for PMS. Posed for ESPN’s Body Issue. Plays soccer.

16. Cheryl Cole – Hall of Fame WAG.

10. Michelle Jenneke – Track athlete. (Though no one has ever seen her actually run.) Inspired the creation of new art form known as the “gif.”

3. Kate Upton – Responsible for 78% of our business.