Houston is back on top. It’s not a place you want to be, trust me. Let me save you time:

–How can you have the Texans ahead of the Packers? (Because Matt Schaub is taller than Aaron Rodgers)

–How can you have the Packers ahead of the Seahawks? (Because the replacement referee who made that call last week was refereeing my son’s flag game last week–good dude)

–How can you have the Broncos ahead of the Falcons and Patriots? (Because Michael Turner has aged 50 years in the last month, and Peyton Manning has more rings than Tom Brady)

–How can you have the 49ers ahead of the Giants and Vikings? (Because Alex Smith isn’t dating somebody whose name I can’t remember at ESPN)

–How can you have the Patriots ahead of the Ravens? (I deduct for fake field goals up 30)

I probably missed some. Make sure you let me know.

St. Louis has totally created another fake controversy for our fake ratings. They are set to be evicted. Then they tied. I mean, who ties? Come on. The rules though, say that the team must win to avoid eviction, so see you later, Rams.

This week’s candidates for eviction, and I think we should just cut two (because why not?) are Washington, San Diego, Cincinnati, Detroit, and Miami, who have been off the block since the early rankings, but get back on after the Tennessee debacle. Meanwhile, our readers are officially worse than Dean Spanos and A.J. Smith. How can you keep failing to evict the Chargers? Norv truly is the Teflon coach.

1. Houston Texans (8-1)
2. Green Bay Packers (6-3)
3. Denver Broncos (6-3)
4. San Francisco 49ers (6-2-1)
5. Atlanta Falcons (8-1)
6. Chicago Bears (7-2)
7. Seattle Seahawks (6-4)
8. New England Patriots (6-3)
9. Baltimore Ravens (7-2)
10. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3)
11. New York Giants (6-4)
12. Dallas Cowboys (4-5)
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-4)
14. Indianapolis Colts (6-3)
15. Minnesota Vikings (6-4)
16. Detroit Lions (4-5)
17. Cincinnati Bengals (4-5)
18. Miami Dolphins (4-5)
19. San Diego Chargers (4-5)
20. Washington Redskins (3-6)

EVICTED: New Orleans (4-5), St. Louis Rams (3-5-1), New York Jets (3-6), Carolina (2-7), Buffalo (3-6), Philadelphia (3-6), Arizona (4-5), Oakland (3-6), Tennessee (4-6), Cleveland (2-7), Jacksonville (1-8), Kansas City (1-8)

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[photo via US Presswire]