Kobe Bean Bryant, the emotional leader of the 0-2 Lakers, went on a rant against Laker fans and critics alike. As a life long observer/fan of Kobe’s, please allow me to translate.

“I just … I don’t understand … the city here … for me not trying to bite my tongue and not calling them dumb, which I kinda just did.
They’ve seen us win multiple championships here, playing an offense that was tough to learn, that was a sequence of options that weren’t set plays that took five guys being on the same page of working together.”

Translation: Where’s the fire? Shaq and I got in fistfights and still won three rings together.

They say, ‘Well, let Steve [Nash] dribble the ball around and create opportunities for everybody. And let Dwight [Howard] post up and let me iso.’ It’s … I don’t want to say idiotic, but it’s close.

Translation: I really don’t care as long I get mine.

The message changes according to who is giving it. It’s the sequence of options. The equal opportunity offense and the essence is the same. The only thing that changes is now you have Mike Brown telling everybody to be patient.Back then, it was Phil Jackson telling everybody to shut up.

Translation: This dude can’t coach.

The critics are more likely to take runs at him [Brown] than they would at Phil Jackson. Phil obviously won and Mike hasn’t won yet. But you have to look at the offensive philosophy. They’re the same type of philosophies.

Translation: HELP! Phil please come back I’m sorry for what I said. I miss you. I still got some of that sage grass you gave me, I rub it all over my jersey before every game.

For people not to understand that…it’s kind of funny to me actually to sit back and see that and see the arguments. A lot of people took runs at Phil too about the offense and what he’s doing. That tells you about some of these people.

Translation: These guys better get their shit together.

Yeah because I’ve won, so I can. Mike, it would be a little tougher for him to say that. So I’ll say it for him: Everybody shut up. Let us work and at the end of the day everyone will be pleased at the end of the day

Translation: I’m Kobe, bitch … Anybody got Phil’s cell?

Lakers. Clippers. 10:30. ESPN.

Video courtesy of ESPN
Quotes courtesy of CBS Sports

Note: Stephen A Smith comes on right after the Kobe interview, there’s no need to watch as he doesn’t blurt out the N-word this time. I highly recommend you stopping before he speaks, you can’t get those three minutes of your life back.