Post Game Handshakes, Week 4: Brian Hartline’s Big Day, Cardinals Dance Ugly to Another Win, Tom Brady and Matt Ryan are Potty Mouths
This week’s Handshakes are extended to the remaining undefeated teams. The Texans continue to roll, handling the Titans in dominant fashion and continuing to look the part of the best team in the league. The other two teams needed heroics after falling behind early, and both were able to come up with key plays late.
In Atlanta, it was Matt Ryan’s F-Bombing Bravado after a big completion to Roddy White to secure a late win. In Arizona, the Cardinals were out gained 480 to 295, and trailed 13-0 in the second half. They got a 61 yard fumble return from Patrick Peterson on a close play that probably would have been upheld either way depending on how it was called on the field. Kevin Kolb hit Andre Roberts for the tying touchdown in the final :30. Arizona then got the key interception of Tannehill to set up the game winner in overtime.
Plenty had to go right, and it did, for Arizona to win. That’s happened a lot recently, as they have won 11 of their last 13, but last week’s win over the Eagles is the only one by more than a touchdown, and this is the fifth overtime win over that stretch.
Brian Hartline, Out of Nowhere Into the Record Books: The biggest handshake goes to Brian Hartline, who had a game for the ages. Sorry for not having Hartline in my fantasy predictions for the week. How did we all miss that Hartline would have the 17th highest receiving yard day since 1960? How unlikely was it? Setting aside that it came against a defense that looked great through three weeks, pretty rare. Well, hindsight always changes things, but if we look at it from the point when each big game happened, the following other receivers had a monster game of 250 yards or more receiving that seemed to come out of nowhere.
- Stephone Paige had a career similar to Hartline’s when he exploded for 309 yards on the final day of 1985, the highest ever at the time and still 2nd most ever.
- Qadry Ismail was the definition of a journeyman when he did it at age 29 in 1999 with 258 yards and 3 touchdowns.
- Jerry Butler had 255 yards in his fourth career game. He was the 4th overall pick, though, so not sure that qualifies here.
- Miles Austin was the most improbable. At the time, Austin (25 years old like Hartline) had only one game with at least 50 yards receiving when he had 10 catches for 250 yards against the Chiefs in 2009. The next week, he had 171 on the way to several more big games.
Our Best Wishes to Chuck Pagano: Some bad news breaking this morning, as Colts head coach Chuck Pagano has been diagnosed with a treatable form of leukemia. He will be taking a leave of absence during treatment, somewhere between 4 to 6 weeks. Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians will serve as interim coach while Pagano gets treated and hopefully has a full recovery.
Jim Harbaugh Trolls Rex Ryan by Showing Him How to Use a Running Quarterback: The Jets brought Tim Tebow in, but it appears to be more for the circus aspect, and throwing balls off helmets, than for legitimate creativity. Jim Harbaugh gets an emphatic post game handshake strong enough to start a fight with Jim Schwartz, as he came in and unveiled Colin Kaepernick, who scored on a goal line package run and ran some option. We can only assume that Kaepernick will now be on GQ. 49ers roll 34-0.
Darryn Colledge on the Cardinals 4-0 Start: They are not the prettiest girl at the dance. “We’re like a 4 or a 5, but we dance like an 8″. [via @kentsomers]
Danny Amendola Knows How to Get Open:
Danny Amendola is hard to cover. He’s got a Wes Welker like quality that I can’t quite put my finger on. This is especially true on fake field goals when no one decides to notice him on the field.
Blaine Gabbert, Mr. Consistent: The Bengals were playing without starting cornerbacks Leon Hall and Nate Clements, as well as first round draft pick Dre Kirkpatrick, who has yet to play this year. They were down to starting the corpse of Terence Newman and Pacman Jones, with guys off the practice squad as depth. It didn’t matter.
Gabbert is Mr. Consistent. In 18 career games, he had averaged 5.45 yards per attempt. He showed improvement on Sunday, jumping to 5.47 yards per attempt on 23 of 34 attempts for 186 yards. That’s the kind of situation that would have a competent veteran offense salivating but instead the Bengals held Jacksonville to 10 points in the convincing road win.
Patriots are in Trouble . . .Wait, Never Mind. F*** You, B****es: The Patriots were trailing 21-7 in the third quarter on the road in Buffalo. The defense had just given up a long touchdown to Donald Jones. The rest of the game, though, was a dismantling as New England wanted to remind all you bitches how good they are. 45 to 7 New England for the rest of the game. In less than a half.
Vince Wilfork destroyed Donald Jones during that run, Wilfork’s wife was pleased, and Tom Brady joins Matt Ryan in teaching us that quarterbacks–and player’s wives–have potty mouths.
Detroit Special Teams, Woof: Why would Jim Schwartz ever choose to kick? (see Fourth Down log below). The Lions gave up a kickoff return on the opening kick to Percy Harvin, then had this punt returned for a touchdown at the start of the second half. They lost at home 20-13, and while Christian Ponder will continue to get praise, almost all the points in this one are on the Detroit coverage units and the Minnesota returners.
Denver Broncos Roll as Peyton Lights Up Raiders: So, apparently having losses to Houston and Atlanta isn’t a bad thing for predicting your future. Most teams in the league would have two losses there. The Broncos exploded, even without Demaryius Thomas hanging on to the ball, for an emphatic win over the Raiders 37-6. Denver, and not San Diego, should be your AFC West favorites after four weeks even though the Chargers stand one game ahead in the loss column. The Chargers beat the Titans, Chiefs, and Raiders, and got destroyed by Atlanta at home, while Denver was more competitive with Atlanta and beat the Raiders far more convincingly.
FOURTH AND ONE WEEKLY LOG
We continue the weekly log, and again, in immediate retrospect, the decisions to go for it were better than kicking. Some worked but didn’t matter, others were key, including calls for Carolina, and less notably but just as important, Detroit. Green Bay and Washington used key decisions that were the difference in winning, while the Dolphins got to overtime with a chance based on playing for the touchdown early.
1. Carolina at Atlanta 45, 1:51 remaining, up by 1. Panthers took a delay of game and punted to Atlanta 1. Atlanta won. This would be an arguable case of going for it: The Falcons only needed a field goal, but would have just over a minute left and no timeouts. Were the chances of the Falcons getting that FG less than 25%? If they weren’t going for it would have been a chance worth taking with the Panthers secondary and the Atlanta wide receivers.
2. Detroit at own 40, down 10-3 in 2nd Q. Punted, and Minnesota went on long field goal drive to make it 13-3.
3. Detroit at MIN 40, down 20-6, early 3rd Q. Punted (!!!), nobody scored in 3rd quarter, Lions lost 20-13.
4. Miami at ARI 1, 2 minutes left first half. Dolphins go, and score to make it 10-0. Eventually lose in OT.
5. Both New Orleans and Green Bay punted on 4th and 1 deep in own territory, something I wouldn’t normally note because no one goes there early in games. GB, though, faked a punt later on 4th and 1, converted, and went and scored a touchdown in what was a 28-27 win eventually.
6. Washington at TB 26, up 7-3 in 2nd Q. Went for it, converted on Alfred Morris run, and went on to score TD for 14-3 lead in a game they eventually won 24-22 on last second field goal.
7. NY Giants at PHI 40, end of 3rd Q, down by 3. Manning hit Cruz for 30 yard gain to set up first and goal. He threw interception on next play, ending drive at PHI 9. Giants lost by 2. Later, Giants also had to go on 4th and 1 at their own 44 on last drive, and that was the conversion due to the Rodgers-Cromartie interference call.
OTHER NFL CONTENT THIS WEEKEND:
Previously: Eagles Beat Giants 19-17, Surviving Late Tynes Field Goal Attempt
Previously: Jeff Triplette Screaming at Clay Matthews? Yes, it Was Comical
Previously: Jamaal Charles Touchdown Run: Incredible Score, the Kind of Thing You See in Tecmo Bowl
Previously: Tim Tebow Flips Aldon Smith: No QB Picks Up a Blitz Like Tim Tebow
Previously: Matt Ryan Drops F-Bomb After Falcons Beat Panthers, 30-28
Previously: Danieal Manning Pick-Six Touchdown Highlighted by This Incredible Johnathan Joseph Block
Previously: Vince Wilfork Destroys Donald Jones, and His Wife Approves
[photos via US Presswire]

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95 Responses to “Post Game Handshakes, Week 4: Brian Hartline’s Big Day, Cardinals Dance Ugly to Another Win, Tom Brady and Matt Ryan are Potty Mouths”
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October 1st, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Coming into the season, I didn’t believe this to be true. But as of right now.
Matt Ryan > Matt Stafford
October 1st, 2012 at 11:27 AM
We go live to a Colts fan’s reaction from a local Golden Corral.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Qadry Ismail
The MISSile.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:28 AM
If Panthers fans existed they’d be calling for Rivera’s head right now. Such a chickenshit chain of events. When Cam gets off that team in two years he will actually progress like he should have this year.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Short. White. Texas Tech.
Boom.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Schwartz/Linehan = pussies
October 1st, 2012 at 11:29 AM
I am legitimately frightened by that gif of Wilfork’s old lady.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Where was Amendola lined up at the snap?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Did anyone else think that the flag on the fake FG was because he lined up in the end zone waiting for the pass the first time they saw that gif?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Hands of stone.
It’s not even close. Ryan might be the MVP right now. Their new OC has made a huge difference.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:30 AM
This cracked me up by the way
October 1st, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Wilfork’s wife kinda looks like him.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Qadry Ismail
Hands of stone.
He was awful.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:34 AM
The green matches Banders’ wardrobe, but come on, he’s better looking than that
/coop
October 1st, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Weak Red Zone day yesterday, only 1 close early game. Couple decent late games, but overall not great.
RGIII less of a chucker than I saw in college. Stafford more of one, stop throwing high over the middle ass hole, you gonna get someone killed.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:36 AM
The Ryan-to-White pass was a thing of beauty. Ryan just fucking uncorked that ball.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:37 AM
Some of that is on Linehan who was apparently flabbergasted by the cover-2.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:38 AM
pokes win tonight. i just do not trust cutler
October 1st, 2012 at 11:38 AM
After giving up to kick return TD’s, and being down by 14, I have no idea why the Lions punted from the Vikings 40. If you aren’t going to go for it there, just put on a dress and go home.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Who the fuck is Bill Bentley? That guy sucks.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:38 AM
THIS. Seeing the Panthers safety feebly misjump on that Ryan bomb from the 1 and the shitty soft coverage on the rest of the drive tells you all you need to know about whether the Panthers should have let their $100 million (hat tip to Mr. A) go for it. Stupid fucking coaching, Riveria is not HC material.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Flabbergasted today that the Lions are sticking with their special teams coach.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:39 AM
See: Crayton, Patrick
October 1st, 2012 at 11:40 AM
He was split out wide. Prolly acted like he was trotting off the field and then lined up by the sideline. Rams learned by watching, the Pats did this very same play to them in St. Louis some years back. Vinatieri threw the TD pass.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:40 AM
i don’t see how anyone eating at the same table as Wilfork everyday doesn’t immediately get high cholesterol and type II diabetes.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:42 AM
Brian Hartline now is 8th among active players in yards per reception, averaging 15.9. Yeah, that’s higher than people like Randy Moss.
He averaged 22.8 in his last year at OSU. Seems to have a knack for getting deep. He only ran a 4.58 at the combine.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:42 AM
Remember when Mike Tice tried this same thing in a playoff game and it was a total disaster in every possible way?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:43 AM
They should get that guy Denver has, he’s pretty good.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:43 AM
pokes win tonight. i just do not trust cutler
Yeah, Cutler was terrible last time they were in Dallas.
/huh
October 1st, 2012 at 11:44 AM
Ha ha – man, I bet they’ve got some very large meals.
Wilfork is a great player and very fun to watch, but he’s gonna have to lose a lot of weight when he’s done playing. That body is not healthy.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:46 AM
He’s one of the all-time NFL Big Fat Guys who are cartoonishly large yet manage to play forever. Ted Washington, Jerry Ball and Sam Adams are also in this category
October 1st, 2012 at 11:46 AM
The Ryan-to-White pass was a thing of beauty. Ryan just fucking uncorked that ball.
when he threw it, I said to myself, “desperation arm punt.” As it was flying, it looked like an obvious interception. Then the one panthers defender collapsed under the pressure. He kinda jumped downward. And it became an easy catch, and therefore a “great” throw.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:48 AM
I’ve seen about 4 or 5 CB’s that are starting and making impacts that were drafted after Reiff. Perhaps more. Broyles got on he field yesterday. And dropped a ball.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:48 AM
He’s one of the all-time NFL Big Fat Guys who are cartoonishly large yet manage to play forever. Ted Washington, Jerry Ball and Sam Adams are also in this category
War Daddies ( i read the chris brown football book). You forgot your own team’s Fat Pat, and you forgot Casey Hampton. The thing they all have the most trouble with is getting off the field in a hurry on 3rd and long.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:49 AM
He has lost weight this year. Did you see the side-by-side shots NBC showed during the game last week?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:50 AM
I still have a hard time believing Roddy White is a product of UAB. I don’t remember who all offered him, just seems odd he ended up there.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Good for him. I missed that.
I read a story during the summer about Wilfork knowing that he’s going to have to change his body in retirement. At least he knows what’s up.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:51 AM
this about sums up the Mike Tice era pretty well.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:51 AM
Being a falcons fan, I’ve seen this script before. It’s going to take more than a few good regular season games for me to get rid of the stink off of last 3 play-off games. We’ve looked great in regular season before. Yes, I know it’s a whole new offensive philosophy, but let’s just say I’m still traumatized by the Giants game. If they manage to score more than 2 points in a play-off game, I’ll be full on board then.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:51 AM
That was dumb. In his prime he was fantastic. Not just at being fat either
October 1st, 2012 at 11:51 AM
Screen shot.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Rivera is not HC material.
affirmative action hire
October 1st, 2012 at 11:53 AM
the nice thing is he’s a well known football player who can probably get a nutrisystem endorsement to make it his job to lose weight. not bad work if you can get it.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:53 AM
That’s gotta be, what, 30-40 pounds?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:53 AM
Maybe it’s just a bad set of pictures, but he looks the same to me.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:53 AM
With Megatron going on a bye this coming week, is Brian Hartline worth picking up to start at WR against Cinci?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:54 AM
If they manage to score more than 2 points in a play-off game, I’ll be full on board then.
when they get out in front in the playoffs, I’ll get on the bandwagon. But I’m not a frontrunner, because right now, I hate them, even though they are my team. That’s an ambivalent fan right there.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:54 AM
I’m flabbergasted that Logan, Bell and Wendling are out there in kick coverage.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Damn, did someone fart in your breakfast this morning?
October 1st, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Eagles, Cowboys, Saints, Cardinals. We won’t know how good this offense is until then because Matt Ryan has been throwing against non existent secondaries.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Logan,
he’s so tiny and wee.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:56 AM
I’d say so. He is listed as the same weight as last year (325), but when asked about it in interviews, he says he’s lost “a few pounds”, but won’t give a number.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Wilfork should get a ton of credit for rocking the receding hairline a la Clyde Drexler and Patrick Stewart. More balding guys should do that.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:57 AM
I was hoping for a GIF in this post of Wilfork pancaking that WR yesterday.
October 1st, 2012 at 11:58 AM
Wait… just found it posted here yesterday. BAM!
October 1st, 2012 at 11:59 AM
/looks in mirror
//Vader Fist Pump
October 1st, 2012 at 12:01 PM
One of these teams is not like the other…and it’s the 3rd one listed. Saints secondary is woof.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:02 PM
either bic it, buzz it or wear it as is. guys who get transplants or comb overs need to embrace it and stop hiding it.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Bad secondary or not, he’s already completed more deep passes than I can remember for last season. So there’s that. Sean Weatherspoon is such a great Linebacker. It’s refreshing to cheer for a LB that makes impact plays rather than someone like Keith Brooking. He would rack up literally 100′s of tackle each year stopping the RB after he already completed a 5-7 yard rush. The guy was the great white hope if there ever was one.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:04 PM
But…he’s like that every day.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:05 PM
I will be totally honest, losing my hair hasn’t been all that bad. No more paying for haircuts and not having to spend one second in the morning combing my hair has been a delight.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:05 PM
I don’t know, seems like he’s being more of a bitch than usual.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:07 PM
I don’t know, seems like he’s being more of a bitch than usual.
I was trying to phrase that pleasantly, because i knew you’d get upset. Turns out, you’re just easily upset.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:09 PM
Lisk – I feel like you might have missed a 4th and 1 opportunity with the Broncos. It was just beyond midfield in the first half, Manning hit the tight end and extended the drive, resulting in a field goal I believe. It didn’t make too big of a difference (37-6 Broncos), but it was a good momentum play.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:10 PM
buzzing my remaining hair was the best decision i ever made. if it gets any worse tho, i’m going to bic it.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:10 PM
Agreed, I’ve been enjoying not having to mess with my hair at all, just wasn’t expecting to do no required mussing in my early 20s.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:12 PM
Nah man, I’m losing my hair and would love to go back to time when I actually had to comb my hair. Plus, I got the triangle thing going. I still have hair in middle, but losing it on the side. Got a slight Eddie Munster thing going.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:12 PM
I don’t think so, seems like his normal bitch level, try not to get bothered by it.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:13 PM
Shame they have to resort to eye rakes in order to get off the field these days
October 1st, 2012 at 12:17 PM
That Panther Safety who was feebly backpedalling on both the Falcons first TD pass and the bomb to White from the 1 shouldn’t be playing anything other than special teams.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:21 PM
325? Psshhh…maybe if he’s 5’2″.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Worse thing about Falcons great start is that I can’t even play the “DAM NATINAL MEDIA STIL DON’T GIVE OUR TEAMM THE RESPECT THEY DECERVE!!!!” card. Not after the Giants and Packers ass kicking we got.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:27 PM
To me, Brian Hartline favors Adam Sandler, therefore I hate him.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:33 PM
100 percent correct. That was a potential game-breaking interception. Give Ryan credit for realizing Carolina is terrible, though, and would probably fall down rather than seal the game with a pick.
Matt Ryan is not a great QB and I’ll bet my home and future kids that another opening-game playoff loss is in their future.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:34 PM
Wait, the Saints might have the worst secondary in the entire NFL.
I want to see Matt Ryan beat a good team outdoors when it matters. Until then he’s Captain Checkdown to me.
/realizes that doesn’t matter
October 1st, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Shame they have to resort to eye rakes in order to get off the field these days
Saints can’t help it if:
a) Discount Double Eye Drops needed a minute on the sidelines
and…
b) You guys have Badger from Breaking Bad as your backup and he couldn’t handle something as simple as a handoff.
/brohugs
October 1st, 2012 at 12:37 PM
No love for Greg Zuerlein?
October 1st, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Harrell’s bad but Saturday getting pushed yet again made the true mess of that play…still surprised they managed to come back from all that and the pick to win
October 1st, 2012 at 12:39 PM
F*** You, B****es
I fuckin’ hate New England, but I have to admit that I do like Brady’s “Eff You” demeanor. It conjurs up images of that Eff you spike in Pissburgh’s face a couple of years ago during a Sunday Nighter. Damn, that dude wants to win, which has to be respected, especially when my quarterback is busy eating hot dogs on the sideline and spending time mimicking a jet airplane, all while completing 47% of his passes. Fuck!
October 1st, 2012 at 12:44 PM
Oct. 28th in Philly. Philly coming off the bye week too.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Yeah, if he goes in there and beats Philly I’ll be impressed.
Feel like Nick Jett is the EiC’s Luther the Anger Translator.
October 1st, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Such an arbitrary analytical tool since you get to decide what matters…does it mean postseason? Big division game? Monday nighter?
October 1st, 2012 at 12:58 PM
Such an arbitrary analytical tool since you get to decide what matters…does it mean postseason? Big division game? Monday nighter?
any game Matt Ryan actually wins then “doesn’t matter,” and nothing will change until he wins a big game that does matter. The only way to determine whether it “matters” is whether the Falcons lose. That’s how that works.
If they get homefield advantage through the whole NFC playoffs and win all those games, they won’t “matter” because A: he’s a game manager and B: those games are all indoors. Only outdoor games matter, and then, only really, really big games.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:27 PM
No mention of Anthony Allen doing it in a scab game?
October 1st, 2012 at 1:29 PM
Truthified.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Yesterday morning my cousin had Hartline and in an attempt to drop Beanie Wells from his fantasy team, accidentally dropped Hartline. He called up the league commish and was told that he couldnt undo it because he couldnt log in. He called up his backup and he said the same thing. It was torture for him watching Hartline having a great game.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:40 PM
that’s how i felt watching roddy white
/had julio jones
October 1st, 2012 at 1:41 PM
Damn, that dude wants to win, which has to be respected
This is the most overused and meaningless sports analysis used today. Do the other players not want to win? Wanting to win needs to be respected? I’d like to gouge my eyes/ears out ever time I see that written or hear that phrase come out of Herm Edwards mouth.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:43 PM
I’m pretty sure Chris Johnson doesn’t give a shit about winning. so there’s that.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:45 PM
I’m pretty sure Chris Johnson doesn’t give a shit about winning. so there’s that.
I pretty sure he gives a shit about shitting though. Much respect.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:49 PM
I REALLY would like to have carnal knowledge of Sophia Bush. I am now worthy of all of your respect. GIVE IT TO ME.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:59 PM
Sophia’s Bush > Sophia Bush
October 1st, 2012 at 2:24 PM
Saints secondary is woof.
Not true. The Saints secondary is only below average. But, the front seven is truly atrocious! Can’t stop the run/can’t rush the passer – a real formula for success.
October 1st, 2012 at 2:26 PM
bush getting the play it deserves
October 1st, 2012 at 2:34 PM
If Fantasy is your thing, take a minute to appreciate how bad the Raiders Def has been through 4 weeks. Depending on your scoring system, they’re probably single digits, or very close to it, in your league. 125 points allowed, 3 sacks, 0 INT, and 3 fumble recoveries.
The race to the bottom between them and the Chiefs D (second worst by almost any measure) is going to be fascinating this year.