Warren Sapp’s house is for sale. In April it was revealed that Sapp had to declare bankruptcy because he owed child support as well as owing more than six million dollars to various creditors the IRS. Now his Florida home can be yours! Sapp’s 4 bed, 8 bath (or 6?), 15,162 square foot house, located on 2.90 acres is currently listed for $3,774,000, but if the house does not sell by November 1st, there will be an auction. You know what that means…

If there is an auction, I will be there. And that house will be mine.

I will start by walking around the house (without stepping inside) and saying that there doesn’t look like there is much there for me. “I’ve seen better. That counter top probably isn’t real marble…”

Then I will show why I’m the best in the business. “One hundred dollars,” I will say to the auctioneer.

I know value when I see it and if you look at this full gallery of pictures from Sapp’s house (courtesy Realtor.com) you will realize there is a lot of money to be made if you’re a pro like me. Once I win, I’ll tour my new property.

“Got a couple nice light fixtures and – is that bathtub also a whirlpool? That’s a twenty-five dollar bill right there.”

“That looks like an entire bedroom set. Never mind. Some pillows are missing. This room is garbage. I just don’t see the money in this room. Wait a second! Is this what I think it is?”

*commercial break*

“Wait a second! Is this what I think it is? This is an indoor pool with a water slide. I’m going to have to have my water slide guy take a look at this, but that’s my money back right there.”

“This view? It’s all profit for me at this point. Maybe next time my wife / business partner / son / random person I brought will let me spend more. And these other guys will know I’m not fooling around.”

Previously: Warren Sapp Returning to the NFL Network
Previously: Warren Sapp Speaks About His Bankruptcy, Compares Himself to a Diamond in a Pile of…
Previously: Warren Sapp is Broke and Lost His Super Bowl Ring