The New York Yankees have lost nine of their last 13 games, two of which came to the surprising Baltimore Orioles over Labor Day weekend, shrinking their once comfortable division lead to just one game.

With 28 games to go before October dramatics and an obscene helping of Bruce Springsteen, the Yanks could very well be looking at a third place finish — the Rays are currently just 2.5 games back — to cap off what would be a hilarious meltdown to everyone on the outside looking in. The most thunderous laughter will of course emanate from the city of Boston, mostly because heaping misery prefers to weep with fellow losers.

So what are Derek Jeter’s thoughts on the manic panic sweeping the streets of Manhattan?

“Who’s panicking? You?” Jeter replied to a reporter. “Are you panicking? How do you deal with panic? I don’t panic, so I don’t have to deal with it.”

Just a perfect response from the Yankee captain to an all-too familiar question destined to go nowhere.

Has there ever been a professional athlete who actually replied to such a query with, “yes, I’m panicking, so much in fact that I’ve been sleeping inside my Jeter gift basket“? It’s asinine, but this is the kind of open flesh wound where the New York media prefers to toss its Junior Mints.

The reality is, the core of this Yankees roster has been through similar situations multiple times, it just so happens that the unexpected Orioles are the latest to play the role of noisemaker. However, until Baltimore, a team with 11 wins over their last 15, actually overtakes New York, the appropriate behavior for Yankee fans is to remain calm and pull the “Gary? Who’s Gary?” routine until further notice.

Previously: Lindsay Lohan Spotted Partying With Former Yankees Pat Kelly and Shane Spencer, Obviously
Previously: Joe Girardi Chased a Heckler Out of Chicago
Previously: A New Low for the Associated Press: Writing About Derek Jeter and HGH Because Skip Bayless Talked About It
Previously: The Yankees Suck, Obviously
Previously: Derek Jeter Reportedly Dating Model Hannah Davis
Previously: Suzyn Waldman on Derek Jeter Plunking: “That’s enough of this Seattle”
Previously: Derek Jeter’s Conquests Get Free Signed Balls