James Harden had a birthday party. He took off his shirt, wore a silly hat and took a picture at that birthday party with some women. If you didn’t think this picture would result in at least one insanely stupid column, you were wrong. Take it away Jenni Carlson of the Oklahoman.

Apparently, The Beard hosted a party over the weekend, and from the look of things, it was quite the event. Everyone dressed in head-to-toe white, hung out on a yacht and, um, had a lot of fun.

If you believe what you read on Twitter, Diddy or Sean Combs or whatever he’s calling himself these days even sent over some pricey cases of Ciroc vodka.

These young kids and their Diddies. Who can keep track? Does Carlson know that this all-white hippity-hop party with Puffy Dad’s vodka is something that Harden has apparently done every summer to celebrate his birthday?

Since this is a tradition with no history of being anything more than a themed birthday party, it shouldn’t be cause for alarm, right? Or is this actually a call for help? A sign that Harden can’t handle himself in a big city. Duh. References to Kobe shirtless, Mr. T and other harmless things that have previously happened are all the proof you need of that.

But seriously, if this is how The Beard parties now, what can we expect after he signs what everyone expects will be a massive contract? And if he happens to sign that deal with a team in Los Angeles or New York or some other hot spot?

My god. His yearly, annual birthday party might take place again. Someone think of the children of Oklahoma City! Who knows what would happen to James Harden if he lived somewhere that kids could wear the shirt of their favorite basketball team!

Oklahoma City can save Harden from himself.

That is some condescending, patronizing bullshit right there. There is absolutely no proof that James Harden needs to be saved from anyone. He had a birthday party on a boat.

But I’m telling you, the Thunder could use this to its advantage. Harden clearly has some wild child in him, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but here’s where the Thunder can make OKC a huge positive. Sell Harden and his people on the fact that he shouldn’t live in party city with a bunch of money. Convince them that he can visit places like L.A. and Miami in the offseason but that he needs to spend most of his time in a place like Oklahoma City.

Is there a better way to convince a player to sign somewhere than telling him that he is immature and cannot handle the money his is being paid?

Previously: Serge Ibaka Signs 4-year, $48 Million Extension with Thunder. What Does That Mean for James Harden?