Five Teams That Could Use Chad Johnson: From the Allen Wranglers to My Son’s Flag Football Team
Chad Johnson’s release last night from the Dolphins leaves him without a job. A few months ago, right before the Dolphins gave him a chance, I declared him done after looking at how little he contributed in New England. That was probably harsh. So after racking my brain, here’s a list of five teams that could use Chad Johnson:
5. Miami Dolphins– after trading Brandon Marshall, the worst receiving group in the league. Could get a chance there if he stays out of trouble, based on nothing but desperation. Mean Machine — Could probably beat out anyone from the 1974 film “The Longest Yard” at this point to catch passes from Paul Crewe, but more doubtful as to whether he could start on the remake version.
4. Allen Wranglers — with Terrell Owens no longer with the Wranglers, they have an opening.
3. My son’s third grade flag football team. The playbook is complex for a third grade level, so this is certainly no given. Still, with summer vacations and school getting ready to start, we could use some scout team depth – haven’t had a fully attended practice yet.
2. Las Vegas Sin, Lingerie Football League. Chad was arrested for head butting his wife in an argument over a box of condoms. Seems perfectly suited to move directly into the Lingerie League, where he’ll get head butted if he gets out of line.
1. Seattle Seahawks – they need someone to keep Braylon Edwards, Terrell Owens, and Kellen Winslow in line.
[photo via US Presswire]

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31 Responses to “Five Teams That Could Use Chad Johnson: From the Allen Wranglers to My Son’s Flag Football Team”
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August 13th, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Maybe he can be Money Mayweather’s next opponent. They both seem to spar with similar competition during their training time.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:25 PM
Great post Lisk
August 13th, 2012 at 12:25 PM
WTF? How do you not include the Gotham Rogues? Their entire WR depth consists of Hines Ward, who apparently is primarily a kick returner.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:27 PM
J-E-T-S. JETS, JETS, JETS!
August 13th, 2012 at 12:28 PM
One other funny thing from TDKR, which I’m not sure how much publicity it has gotten is that Luke Ravenstahl (mayor of Pittsburgh) is the kicker for the visiting team, I assume because they wanted Ward to return and wouldn’t have fit him into the movie otherwise. Apparently he was a placekicker in college for Washington & Jefferson.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Beat me to it.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Zing!
August 13th, 2012 at 12:34 PM
Chad headbutted you as well?
August 13th, 2012 at 12:35 PM
Raiders.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:35 PM
I would like to make the observation that Carl Lewis > Chad johnson.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
If there is no incident involving any of these players Pete Carroll should win Coach of the Year and get HoF consideration.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
I was hoping he would at least stay on through camp so some dumbass in my fantasy league would take him in the 5th round.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Brav-fucking-O.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:41 PM
Meanwhile…
August 13th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Braylon Edwards, Terrell Owens, and Kellen Winslow in line.
Braylon would be #1 for issues, T.O. will likely be just way past his prime. K2 is a servivceable tight end.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
One other funny thing from TDKR, which I’m not sure how much publicity it has gotten is that Luke Ravenstahl (mayor of Pittsburgh) is the kicker for the visiting team, I assume because they wanted Ward to return and wouldn’t have fit him into the movie otherwise. Apparently he was a placekicker in college for Washington & Jefferson.
Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont was also in the movie. He was the older man with glasses on the Wayne Enterprises board. He also had a cameo as a party guest in The Dark Knight.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
For the caption, we were looking for “Chad likes balls on his chin.”
August 13th, 2012 at 12:44 PM
The best cameo in The Dark Knight was the massive UPMC advertisement in focus at Heinz Field right before Bane snaps the doctor’s neck. Thought that was appropriate given how UPMC has destroyed healthcare in this city.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
The best part about TDKR is where YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT TDKR BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE HAS SEEN IT YET AND I DON’T NEED YOU ASSHOLES TO RUIN IT BY RUNNING YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS ABOUT IT, ESPECIALLY YOU JEREMY PIVEN. YOU’RE AN ACTOR AND YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER, SO EVERYONE SHUT UP.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:50 PM
I am going with the Panthers.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:50 PM
When a movie has been taken over at the box officer by a goddamn Jeremy Renner piece of shit, the spoiler window is opened.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
You should stop reading comments that have “TDKR” in the first sentence, and move on to the next one.
Bruce is a patient.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Great post. Snarky Lisk is the best.
August 13th, 2012 at 12:59 PM
I would like to brain Kate Upton’s rack.
August 13th, 2012 at 1:03 PM
NOT EVERYONE HAS SEEN IT YET AND I DON’T NEED YOU ASSHOLES TO RUIN IT
Darth and Luke have daddy issues.
Keyser Soze’s a lot more verbal than you’d think.
You’d think Dil was a reference to a strap-on, but no.
Gary Cooper? / Coop’d
August 13th, 2012 at 1:06 PM
K2 is a soldierem>
/fixed
//douche
August 13th, 2012 at 1:10 PM
The man claim he’d being doing Porn if not football. So, this looks like a perfect match.
August 13th, 2012 at 1:12 PM
Fail
August 13th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Yeah he is. Low-key about it, but hilarious. Always a treat.
August 13th, 2012 at 1:38 PM
they need someone to keep Braylon Edwards, Terrell Owens, and Kellen Winslow in line.
Marshawn Lynch would like a word
August 13th, 2012 at 1:56 PM
they need someone to keep Braylon Edwards, Terrell Owens, and Kellen Winslow in line.
can’t wait to see these three in TO’s driveway doing bench