Tiger Woods’ Bad Day Ends After Seven Holes Due to Weather Delay, Five Strokes Behind Rory and Vijay
If Tiger Woods is going to complete his first comeback when trailing entering a Sunday at a major since the 2005 Masters, at least he will have more holes to do so. Weather has now officially postponed today’s round, the PGA has announced, and the third round will resume at 7:45 Eastern time tomorrow morning.
Tiger Woods, playing in the last group with co-leader Vijay Singh (-6), will have 11 holes to play. Rory McIlroy was -6 through 9 holes. Tiger is probably fortunate to get to regroup with 29 holes remaining, after missing several putts and bogeying 3 of the 7 holes he played today.
Because of the delay while the groups finish the third round, the final round will be played in groups of three, with players starting on both holes 1 and 10. Thus, the leaders will actually have groups playing behind them. The first tee time for round four is at 11:44, with the leaders turning around a couple of hours after round three, and starting around 1:45.
[photo via US Presswire]

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329 Responses to “Tiger Woods’ Bad Day Ends After Seven Holes Due to Weather Delay, Five Strokes Behind Rory and Vijay”
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August 11th, 2012 at 7:34 PM
Wrong he already did this at the 2005 Masters….
August 11th, 2012 at 7:35 PM
Bet on Rory for the PGA and had Bubba in the Masters, not a bad year for my degenerate golf betting habit.
/I wish I were joking about betting on golf
August 11th, 2012 at 7:38 PM
/I wish I were joking about betting on golf
I’m sure there’s many much more questionable betting activities.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:43 PM
There’s a farm not far from my house. This guy put up a small track about about half an acre big, with a set of bleachers on each side. You can bet on pig and lawn mower races.
/I wish I was joking about living in an area where they did this.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:44 PM
/ Post-Elin’d
August 11th, 2012 at 7:45 PM
Tiger Woods, playing in the last group with co-leader Vijay Singh (-6), will have 11 holes to get his Sunday meltdown started before moving on to final-round mediocrity.
Tiger Woods needs to go back to plugging 11 holes, then he might not have a problem putting the ball in 11 holes.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:46 PM
You live in Hooterville, Pixley or Crabwell Corners?
/ Actually, Hooterville had monkey races. Arnold wouldn’t have allowed pig races
August 11th, 2012 at 7:48 PM
Hey Nada, after the race you could take that pig down to Sussex County and find someone who’d be willing to fuck it.
/Last night’s TBLAD’d
August 11th, 2012 at 7:49 PM
So now Rollo’s SIL is a pig? I thought she was crazy hawt.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:51 PM
Watching Houston-Carolina. Was not aware Derek Anderson was still allowed on NFL fields.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:52 PM
Watching Houston-Carolina.
Thanks to my schedule I have watched 0 football.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:53 PM
Re earlier EIC post on Jets: the QB competition.
August 11th, 2012 at 7:54 PM
No can watch online? Blocked at work?
August 11th, 2012 at 7:56 PM
I don’t know for sure because I haven’t tried but I’m going to go out on a limb and say yes. Every now and again those GIFs they put on here are viewable, but for the most part any kind of video is blocked.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:02 PM
He shouldn’t be. I still can’t believe the Cardinals thought he was a serviceable replacement for Kurt Warner.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:03 PM
You haven’t missed any real football yet Monster.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:05 PM
You haven’t missed any real football yet
True, but problem is, I will soon if I don’t find a new job with a better schedule.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:05 PM
Sorry, Meth, TBL won’t let me post links.
Do a search for “first” + “row” + “sports”
Also “at” + “dhe”
August 11th, 2012 at 8:06 PM
I’ll at least get Monday Night Football, I don’t work Mondays.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:06 PM
That’s fair. Any prospects out there for you? I’ve been looking at a career change myself after almost 10 years at my current job.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:07 PM
Aren’t you a Dolphins fan?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:10 PM
The Texans are driving it down the field, and the commentator is talking about the effects of fatigue on the defense. It’s the fucking second quarter of your first preseason game! What fatigue?!
August 11th, 2012 at 8:10 PM
No dice, Nada.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:12 PM
Aren’t you a Dolphins fan?
Unfortunately. I already know they don’t have any Monday games this year. Fuckers don’t deserve it.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:14 PM
That’s most years as a Cardinals fan too. My best friend is a Dolphins fan, it’s been a rough couple years for you guys.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:14 PM
That’s fair. Any prospects out there for you? I’ve been looking at a career change myself after almost 10 years at my current job.
I keep my eyes open and apply for positions I see open. No luck though. I’ve got two problems when it comes to higher aspirations. I’m young and have had a lot of jobs doing a lot of different stuff, but not really highly experienced in any of them. And the other problem is I just really don’t know what I want out of life.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:14 PM
I foresee some brutal wind and bogeys coming in with the potential delays. If Woods goes off 3-4 groups ahead and posts a modest score, he could back into it. It’s not unreasonable if the weather gets 30+ winds.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:14 PM
Sincere question: How does someone from NY State end up a Dolphins fan?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:15 PM
it’s been a rough couple years for you guys.
I always tell people only reason they made the playoffs a few years back is because nobody could figure out how to defend the wildcat until first round of playoffs.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:17 PM
Sincere question: How does someone from NY State end up a Dolphins fan?
I was a big Marino fan as a kid. Plus, all my family is from PA and asides from my Dad roots for the Steelers. Had to break the mold.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:17 PM
Don’t forget, Vijay handled that stuff yesterday better than Tiger did, and he was looking pretty sharp today.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:18 PM
Don’t forget, Vijay handled that stuff yesterday better than Tiger did
Had to remind him since nobody else would huh?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Pat White, the original black Tebow
August 11th, 2012 at 8:20 PM
I can appreciate that. I think the reality is that most people are in that boat at your age.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:23 PM
Come to think of it, I still don’t know what i want out of life. Other than playing golf every day.
/don’t think that ones going to happen.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:24 PM
I think the reality is that most people are in that boat at your age.
I’d be in the military right now if it wasn’t for the big bad marijuana I smoked in high school. There’s other things that interest me, too, but just don’t have the level of experience needed to be able to walk in and command a job.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:24 PM
Those WVU teams were fun to watch when him and Slaton were running circles around every other team in the Big East.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:25 PM
Other than playing golf every day.
Tell you what if I could make a living hunting, fishing, getting drunk and crankin’ my meat I’d be one living making motherfucker.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:26 PM
Stop bogarting my dream, dude.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:26 PM
For the life of me I still can’t figure out how weed isn’t legalized yet.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:27 PM
The Mountaineers are going to enjoy playing in the defense-optional Big 12.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:28 PM
It’s called the prison industry/lobby.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:28 PM
Ha! I played my best round of the year this morning.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:30 PM
And if you think the hyper-focus on tossing casual tokers into prison is bad, wait until the debtors’ prisons make a comeback. I’m convinced this will happen soon in some manner.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:30 PM
All I know is that if it was legalized and taxed, the government would make a shit tone of money on it.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:31 PM
Fellas, wassup?
Olindo Mare still in the league?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:32 PM
I have a dream…
/Monster’d
August 11th, 2012 at 8:32 PM
I agree. But when even California votes decriminalization down, it’s not happening anywhere else. And the Obama White House is more anti-weed than either Bush administration.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:33 PM
Fellas, wassup?
Not much. Talking about things we’d like to get paid to do for a living but never will, legalizing weed, the occasional pig and lawn mower racing reference…the usual.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:33 PM
SROD, in the house.
Olinda Mare? I believe he’s somewhere beyond the sea.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:34 PM
No clue. Let’s find out.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:34 PM
I have a dream…
/Monster’d
I’m sitting here trying not to laugh. Somebody’s going to ask me what I’m laughing about and I don’t feel like offering up that information.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:35 PM
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I have 20 years before I’m eligible for the Senior tour. That’s a lot of practice time…
August 11th, 2012 at 8:38 PM
Don’t know if I’m gonna watch Titans-Seahawks later, because I don’t know if I can take the inevitable “T.O T.O T.O” blather that will constitute the TV commentary.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:39 PM
because I don’t know if I can take the inevitable “T.O T.O T.O” blather
You got the popcorn ready?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:40 PM
I’m betting the Panthers are still kicking themselves for ever letting Kasay go.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:41 PM
I’d put on the iPod, play some Ace of Base or something…
Seems like yesterday he was must-watch. Now, I would like to see him competitive, but the end is gonna come soon in any event.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:43 PM
Highlights of the preseason so far:
- Colin Kaepernick 78-yd TD run
- Trindon Holliday 90-yd KO return
August 11th, 2012 at 8:44 PM
I tend to only watch Cardinals pre=season games, and usually only until the starters come out. I’ll watch any regular season game and every playoff game though.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:45 PM
Did the sign open up your eyes?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:45 PM
I assume you guys have all heard the phrase, “Eat shit”?
http://www.foxnews.com/recipe/mac-cheese-pancakes?intcmp=features
August 11th, 2012 at 8:48 PM
You bet! Haha. That way I could see a dancer in a daydream…
August 11th, 2012 at 8:48 PM
Watching NFL Network highlights but listening to this:
Well I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
But I’ll be thinking of you
And how it might have been
Ring any bells, SROD?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:50 PM
That way I could see a dancer in a daydream…
Is this dancer of the naked variety?
August 11th, 2012 at 8:51 PM
I’ve heard that all that she wants is another baby.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:51 PM
Love mac n cheese. Love pancakes. That item looked like nasty crap.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:52 PM
That’s why it’s a beautiful life…
August 11th, 2012 at 8:53 PM
And now we’ve exhausted my entire knowledge of Ace of Base songs/lyrics.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:53 PM
Love mac n cheese. Love pancakes. That item looked like nasty crap.
As if Mac and Cheese pancakes wasn’t bad enough on its own. They just had to go and throw Vermont maple syrup on it, which is pretty much pure fucking sugar.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:53 PM
Now up on the mp3 player:
One soft infested summer me and Terry became friends
Tryin’ in vain to breathe the fire we was born in …
August 11th, 2012 at 8:55 PM
You know what this bowl of mac and cheese could use? A pancake and some Aunt Jemima.
/Wrong!
August 11th, 2012 at 8:55 PM
2 things stood out to me here:
1. MP3 player? No iPod/iPhone?
2. I have no idea who you’re listening to.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:56 PM
Bruuuuuuuce
August 11th, 2012 at 8:57 PM
MP3 player? No iPod/iPhone?
If you dug deep enough in my closet you’d find a cassette player and a VCR. Don’t judge me.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:57 PM
Oh, I am feeling my age.
August 11th, 2012 at 8:59 PM
To be fair, I am listening to a mix of my favorite ’70s stuff, and Smallie has indicated he’s only 30.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:00 PM
I didn’t realize you were alive for cassette tapes and VCRs.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:00 PM
Shit, I really am feeling my age.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:01 PM
I listen to a lot of 70s rock, just had no clue what song/songs you were quoting. What gave my age away?
/31′d
August 11th, 2012 at 9:03 PM
SROD, a couple of weeks ago in TBLAD, the subject of The Commodores came up, and no kidding, right after that I came across this while searching for another song and remembered how much I liked it when it was released.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:03 PM
I didn’t realize you were alive for cassette tapes and VCRs.
Shit. I used to have this red sports car tape rewinder. You want to know something that shocked the hell out of me? A buddy of mine had snatch on VHS, which isn’t that old of a movie. I think 2000 or 2001.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:04 PM
Mentioning you had to wait 20 years for your place on the Champions Tour might have been the clue.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:05 PM
Don’t suppose his name is John Holmes?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:06 PM
I listen to a lot of 70s rock, just had no clue what song/songs you were quoting. What gave my age away?
/31′d
And about the didn’t realize I was alive for VCR’s, you’re not much older than me.
/24′d
August 11th, 2012 at 9:07 PM
Nada, that track is sweet.
There were a lot of brothers in the ‘hood who would swear up & down they’d never listen to country music. But, they loved this song…which is country to the bone.
Their catalog is dead full of solid tracks. People don’t talk about the band much now, but they were legit.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:07 PM
Who remembers when 8-track was the ultimate in audio technology?
/ Raises hand
// Looks around for SROD to raise hand
August 11th, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Touche.
That made me laugh.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:08 PM
OK, it’s story time…
August 11th, 2012 at 9:09 PM
OK, it’s story time…
We’re about to hear about the phonograph.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:09 PM
Well, those gents were all from Tuskegee, so that figures.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:11 PM
We called it the Victrola in my day.
Now get off my lawn.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:14 PM
Yeah I know. You’re the same age as my youngest brother and he was also around for cassettes and VCRs.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:14 PM
dang it, monster!
Anyhoo, back in ’73 or so, my mom was dating this guy who wanted to impress her. So, he made her a mix tape on 8-track of the Spinners’ “Mighty Love” album. She wasn’t too impressed. I snuck off with it later. I was a huuuuuge Phillipe Wynne fan back then.
Fast forward to spring of ’77, me in high school. Junior on the H.S. baseball team, starting pitcher (not very good). Before my starts, I would play that mix tape 8-track on a portable 8-track player to get my mind right. Didn’t work. Still got lit up more often than not.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:18 PM
The Spinners!
Could it be I’m fallin’ in love
With yoooooou … with yooooouuuuuu
Now there’s a group that should be in the Rock ‘n’ Roll HOF. So many quality tracks.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:18 PM
She wasn’t too impressed. I snuck off with it later, but not before dropping a spoiler on the way out the door to throw them off my trail
August 11th, 2012 at 9:18 PM
That’s a great story SROD.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:18 PM
Can’t remember the last time I made a mix CD, much less a mixtape.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:20 PM
Can’t remember the last time I made a mix CD, much less a mixtape.
I got a funny story about mixtapes
August 11th, 2012 at 9:20 PM
monster, dang it again…lol.
jim, I try to keep ‘em short. Lord knows us old dudes can be too long-winded for you young cats.
I loved me some Philly soul back then. The Delfonics, Stylistics, Blue Magic. Couldn’t hit the falsetto notes, but that didn’t stop me from trying.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:21 PM
Bring it. We’re all ears.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:21 PM
Too mellow. You should have been rockin’ some Thin Lizzy, Foghat or PFunk.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:23 PM
Watching Jackie Brown always puts me back in my early years, simply because of the soundtrack.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:23 PM
I was a 16-year old with no girlfriend. I was already too high-strung and tense. Rocking before games, I’d have been throwing balls over the backstop.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:24 PM
What’s the mixtape story, Meth?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:25 PM
There was this black dude in high school I used to buy my weed off of. One of those guys that tried to walk with the “pimp gimp” and act all tough and what not. Pretty cool guy, just one of them characters. He asked us all in math class if anybody would be interested in buying some mix tapes. We assumed he meant CD’s and just called them mixtapes. This motherfucker never lived down the fact that he brought in a bookbag full of cassette tapes the next day. I’ll never forget the one dude saying “What the fuck are those?”
August 11th, 2012 at 9:26 PM
I saw the Delfonics here in 2000. Second row, dead center. They didn’t bring a string orchestra, but otherwise sounded great. The Chi-Lites followed, but I went home early and didn’t see all their set.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:26 PM
I used to listen to Beethoven before football games and track meets to calm me down. I was too wound up otherwise.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:26 PM
Describes 99 percent of us, I’d wager.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:27 PM
Man! I love that. The response is classic.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:28 PM
That’s funny shit.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:28 PM
That is a funny fucking story, Meth.
You didn’t shoot him and take the weed? You metrofukcinsexual.
/ The late ddmcd’d
August 11th, 2012 at 9:29 PM
That’s why I’m amazed at guys who can get jacked up on metal or hip-hop before competing (or even going into combat), then bring their heart rates down enough to function. I couldn’t do it.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:29 PM
My, oh, my.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:31 PM
My junior year, I rarely played, so I’d ride around with my buddies in the marching band before games and get jacked on Jim Beam and Coke. Never got caught.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:31 PM
Hey, that reminds me. Anybody know if this guy stopped in on Jason for pizza and whatnot? Remember the e-mail and following comments a few days ago?
Jason, you out there, brotha? Got a story to share with TBLAD?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:33 PM
I remember getting a mix tape from a girl when I was 16. All love songs that had some kind of meaning to them. Scared me off and she never figured out why I avoided her. Looking back, she must have spent a shit ton of time doing that.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:33 PM
I must have missed that one. I was away from computers for the last few days.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:33 PM
How’d those cats remember to play well and march right after Beam & coke?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:34 PM
He knocked, but no one answered, so he rode his ATV over to Rollo’s and took the SIL into the barn for Bud Light and nookie.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:35 PM
rollo!
You musta been a chick magnet all your life. Guys like you fighting ‘em off, while guys like me can’t even catch leftovers most years.
Play on, playa. Ain’t mad at you, at all. Do your thang.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:35 PM
And you broke her heart.
Rollo, breaking hearts and entertaining TBLAD.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:36 PM
Pizza?
/wants a slice
August 11th, 2012 at 9:37 PM
From now on, whenever I look at barns or ATVs, it’ll make me giggle.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:38 PM
Marching band dudes were the hard-core partiers at my school. We went to Hawaii one summer to march in a parade and ended up with our tour bus driver as our connection. Fine, fine weed that week.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:38 PM
Nah, I was 15 or 16 at the time and hadn’t had a girlfriend either. So I didn’t know what to do. But a song like “finally found the love of a lifetime” by Firehouse or whoever was not what I wanted to hear.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:39 PM
ended up with our tour bus driver as our connection.
Nice
August 11th, 2012 at 9:40 PM
“finally found the love of a lifetime” by Firehouse or whoever was not what I wanted to hear.
One thing I want to know is what it was Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Rollo, why don’t you comment during the day?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Case Keenum in the Texans!
August 11th, 2012 at 9:41 PM
I bought weed from a cab driver one time.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:41 PM
He’s too damned tired from all the drama and ATV riding.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Well, yeah. The islands are known for smoke.
Somewhere in this great land of ours is a woman. She may be married, may be with kids, working her way through a humdrum existence.
Lost in a random moment, in the background she hears “How Much I Feel” by Ambrosia. She thinks back to a time, a place, a night, a face. The face of a man. That man…is Rollo.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:42 PM
That’s “Case Kennum in for the Texans.”
August 11th, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Have a newborn and have been all out of sorts without a home of my own all summer. When work starts again in late August I’ll have more of a chance, but I teach so sometimes all I can find the time to do is read and not post.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Killer.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Rollo any luck with the loan?
August 11th, 2012 at 9:46 PM
I know a woman, became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said a good day ain’t got no rain
She said a bad day’s when I lie in bed and think of Rollos that might have been
August 11th, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Ugh. Deadline for getting financing was yesterday. So we had to get an extension until the 14th and closing is still the 15th. We’ve extended the dates so many times now. So Monday and Tuesday we are praying for a good answer. And if not, I don’t know wtf our plan C is.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:48 PM
Rollo, you have become a meme in your own time.
Don’t go all Coop, get mad, take your ball and go home.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:48 PM
You should see this barn. It’s from two generations ago and hasn’t been touched since then on the outside. You could film a scene from ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ for sure.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:49 PM
nada, that’s smooth. Smooth, I say. Love that song.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:50 PM
Ha, I’m still here. I wouldn’t have brought it all up if I would have ended up butthurt from comments after the fact.
/awaits next family party
August 11th, 2012 at 9:50 PM
That’s insane. I can’t fathom how a lender won’t take your money when you’re putting enough down. Hopefully you get the news you need Monday or Tuesday.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:51 PM
rollo, that barn sounds cool. Lotsa history there. That’s fascinating to me, seeing in a small way how people lived back when the barn was first erected. Workmanship, materials, etc. – way cool.
In a different circumstance, a quiet moment with a pretty woman in a secluded barn could be fun.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:51 PM
You know the nearer your destination
The more you’re slip-slidin’ away
We’re gonna drive these rugrats nuts with our nostalgia, SROD.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:53 PM
Mr. and Mrs. Hatfield, meet your in-laws, the McCoys.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:53 PM
btw, Jason’s question reminded me of work when a boss emails and says “see me in my office”, you try to think of what you did wrong in the last few days, worry for an hour, then find out they need your help with something minimal.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:54 PM
It’s only the second weekend of preseason, and already I am sick to fucking death of all the Erin Andrews commercials.
Get nekkid of GTFO, you attention ninny.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:55 PM
I was thinking more like Montagues and Capulets, but you could be onto something.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:55 PM
Don’t fuck with the banhammer.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:56 PM
Naw. These young cats are sharp and aware. They get it. And if they don’t, their sarcasm and smartassery cracks me up. It’s a win/win.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:56 PM
Groin was here the other day to give me good answers about it. The lender mainly wants to avoid a situation where we can’t pay down the road and the house has already lost a lot of value. But I don’t know if they say no if we can ask the sellers for a lower price. But they won’t be able to sell to anyone else either so…
it even has the family name on it. Still afraid of what the SIL has inside.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:56 PM
lived back when the barn was first erected.
As coop takes his ball and goes home.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:57 PM
The EIC makes not only a TBLAD appearance, he makes Weekend TBLAD appearance.
We’re not worthy.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:58 PM
btw, Jason’s question reminded me of work when a boss emails and says “see me in my office”, you try to think of what you did wrong in the last few days, worry for an hour, then find out they need your help with something minimal.
Maybe he just wants more pageviews.
/Cha-ching
/Cha-ching
August 11th, 2012 at 9:58 PM
Used to think she was more hype than substance. The more I see her, the more I think she really is pretty. Her voice would drive me to puncture my eardrums, though.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:59 PM
Ha!
TBL: Rollo, your daytime comments are down 63% and your TBLAD comments are only up 46%.
Rollo: I can do better I swear.
/tells another SIL story
//comment levels rise to epic proportions.
TBL: Well done Rollo.
/counts low 7 figures.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:59 PM
You’re aware that Groin is an actual member of the Bluth family, right?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:00 PM
smallie!!!!! “Must be the monaaay!”
August 11th, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Hola!
August 11th, 2012 at 10:01 PM
‘sup, Wayne. How ya livin’?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:01 PM
Hmmm … shackles, a ball gag and a Jeff Stryker strap-on?
Plus a keg of Bud Light, for lubrication.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:02 PM
I get that to an extent, but aren’t you putting 20% down? My guess is you’re only financing 70-75% of the current value. Home values can’t drop that much more can they?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:02 PM
monster, I knew I could count on you, brotha.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:03 PM
EA is definitely attractive, but she’s not that good of a sideline reporter.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:04 PM
Just got done making Shrimp Bisque. De-friggin’-licious. Ladies of the house are watching skinny dudes in Speedos dive off platforms.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:04 PM
that was good, Smallie.
i did picture him as Tobias the whole time.
shudders and awaits cold sweats at night
August 11th, 2012 at 10:05 PM
Definitely Bud Light Platinum.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:05 PM
/ Drools
August 11th, 2012 at 10:06 PM
A man, a plan, a canal … anal.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:06 PM
watching skinny dudes in Speedos
What channel?
/Coop’d
August 11th, 2012 at 10:06 PM
You would think. Plus we have two incomes for 5+ years, credit scores 800+ and no debt. WTF!
Big problem is since it’s rural, there’s not much comparable to it in price. Which is our biggest problem…if we can’t the dream house, the rest in this area is either shitty, old, or has like ungodly amounts of land that the price is too high.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:07 PM
All seafood bisques are delicious if made right.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Life is like a box of condoms. You never know where you left the receipt and then your damn wife finds it.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Whoa! Seahawks take it back all the way, first play!
August 11th, 2012 at 10:07 PM
That begs a question: in this age of social media and virtually immediate info, do we even need sideline reporters anymore? If EA was the most famous, and not very good at it, why even have folk who aren’t pretty girls?
I say thee nay! Banish them to Skartheim (like the Thor reference?)!
Dissenting opinions?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:08 PM
or has like ungodly amounts of land that the price is too high.
That’s weird. A lot of rural places land is dirt cheap because nobody wants to live there. Unless it truly is an ungodly amount.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:08 PM
So did Vez confirm that this is a Coop meme-included zone the other day?
And Nada confirmed the Rollo/SIL meme is approved here as well…
August 11th, 2012 at 10:08 PM
Aaaaaiiiieee!
August 11th, 2012 at 10:09 PM
Wow. with that kind of credit history and down payment it should have been an auto approval. Your mortgage company sucks.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:09 PM
Bad luck streak in dancing school,
Down on my knees in pain
Down on my knees in pain,
SIL don’t make me beg…
August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 PM
why even have folk who aren’t pretty girls?
Like that fat Shelly bitch I saw on ESPN today. I was watching wondering why she was announcing something. I said is that…a second chin?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 PM
It’s just that barely anyone sells those places. The ones with like a 50+ acres just sit empty these days.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 PM
I’m of the opinion that we can do without them. I’m ok with most booth announcers, but the sideline reporters don’t really bring anything to the table IMO.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Jimmy Clausen, you leperous leprechaun.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Nice!
Those Seahawks’ unis suck bad, though.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:12 PM
Sounds more like the appraiser sucks.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:12 PM
It’s been Freddie and Fannie that are the problem. We are given the clear go-ahead from the actual banks and they paint the optimistic view. It’s the big name lenders that seem to suck.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:13 PM
in this age of social media and virtually immediate info, do we even need
sidelinereporters anymore?Some would make this argument.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:13 PM
The ones with like a 50+ acres just sit empty these days.
Up in Maine you can get ridiculous amounts of land for not much more than the spare change you’d find underneath the couch cushion (bit of an exaggeration). Better hope you like vertical mountains, rocks, extreme fucking cold and snow drifts that go on for days.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:15 PM
Chad Johnson arrested on a misdemeanor domestic violence charge? Dang. Not good, man.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:15 PM
I don’t think even Warhol appreciated just how prescient Warhol was about media and fame.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:17 PM
That’ll probably spell the end for old OchoCinco
August 11th, 2012 at 10:18 PM
nada, I think not having access to the teams’ inner circles would make reporting tough.
With practice, any of us could do play-by-play though. We wouldn’t be Vin Scully or Jack Buck, but I’d be we could function.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:18 PM
Chad Johnson arrested on a misdemeanor domestic violence charge?
I thought I told you TWO slices of meat on my sandwich.
/Slap!
August 11th, 2012 at 10:19 PM
but I’d bet we could function.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:19 PM
How soon until he finds himself ocho-seis’d by Miami?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:19 PM
Damn. He never struck me as someone that would do that.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Laughing a little, SMH a lot. Put that on your reality TV show, Ocho.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:21 PM
but I’d bet we could function.
Porky, round the outside, makes his break, i-n-t-o t-h-e f-i-n-a-l turn!
/Won me 50 bucks
//Nyuk nyuk nyuk
August 11th, 2012 at 10:22 PM
How soon until he finds himself ocho-seis’d by Miami?
Damn. He never struck me as someone that would do that.
Both of y’all, nicely done. Tommy points for you both.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:22 PM
/30
//loves old music
///remembers the days of rocking the walkman while riding the bus to school
////flips off the red sox
/////drinks
August 11th, 2012 at 10:22 PM
Laughing a little, SMH a lot.
Same here. Jokes about wife beating? Funny. Actually beating of the wife? Not so much.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:23 PM
A.P.!!! How you, brotha?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Both of y’all, nicely done. Tommy points for you both.
I didn’t even notice till you pointed it out SROD. Very well played WFS.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Ochocinco never seemed like the violent type. He’s goofy as shit, but I guess you can never tell what happens at home.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:24 PM
I was referring to news overall, not just sports. But to be honest, I’m not sure any reporter (or many reporters) has real access to any team’s inner circle anymore. They get fed certain info by their “sources” and get played to further said sources’ agendas.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:25 PM
He’s goofy as shit, but I guess you can never tell what happens at home.
Maybe she took his replacement Gold Starbucks card.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:26 PM
no Office Depot, Nick Cannon doesn’t make me want to buy school supplies there.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Going to see The Bourne Legacy tomorrow afternoon. Cant wait…
/goes to movies alone
//friendless lame-o
August 11th, 2012 at 10:27 PM
That part stinks.
I’ve almost completely given up on mass-marketed news. So heavily agenda-driven, it makes my head hurt. HLN is pretty much unwatchable these days. CNN ain’t much better.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Milla Jovovoich..so hot…
/fifth element
August 11th, 2012 at 10:29 PM
I think this would be the coolest job ever.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing. She’s been told twice already.
/ Waves bye to TBLAD while sliding down to Hell
August 11th, 2012 at 10:30 PM
Going to see The Bourne Legacy tomorrow afternoon. Cant wait…
/goes to movies alone
//friendless lame-o
I’d go with you if you weren’t 3,000 miles away. I want to see that, too. I didn’t want to go at first just because Dillon wasn’t going to be in it but then when I saw the preview. Looked pretty good.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:30 PM
i’ve seen guys bring small notepads and pretend they are writing a review for the film when they go solo. maybe you should try that move.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:30 PM
Agree on both points.
I miss Bernie Shaw.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:31 PM
/ Waves bye to TBLAD while sliding down to Hell
I remember hearing that for the first time in a movie I was watching and I swear I thought I was going to drown on a Mountain Dew from laughing.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:31 PM
A.P., let me know how you like it. I wanna see it maybe next week or the week after.
rollo, that is one slick move. Small notepad? Brilliant.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:32 PM
I think that’s what got Fred Willard in trouble — going solo.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Small notepad?
Real men use big notepads.
/DDMCD’d
August 11th, 2012 at 10:33 PM
I loved me some Lynne Russell. She had the sweetest lips, at least from a distance.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:34 PM
Rollo,
I dont care that i go alone or what people might think. I also don’t go to the movies that often. Before this year, the last time i went to the theater was back in 2008 for the dark knight. After tomorrow, i will have seen three movies this year. Thats a record. I did go see TDKR with my brother and his lady because he paid for my ticket. I saw the avengers by myself on my birthday. Late night showing with 5 people in the theater.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:34 PM
Yesssssss …
Not only yhat, her album The Divine Comedy is one of the best records you’ve probably never heard.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:36 PM
Guy Fieri is such a douche but i still watch diners driveins and dives all the time. I want to eat at all those places
August 11th, 2012 at 10:36 PM
That brought to mind the cinema scene near the end of An American Werewolf in London.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:36 PM
fellas, I’m fading. But, I’ll catch ya down the road.
200+ on a Saturday night? I’d say we’re ready for some football. TBLAD lives!
Peace, brothas.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:37 PM
Ocho’s Facebook page is getting interesting:
http://m.facebook.com/OchoCinco?id=100003202367080&_rdr#!/100003202367080/timeline/story?ut=2&hash=-1363040069794523443&wstart=1343804400&wend=1346482799&__user=1109132695
August 11th, 2012 at 10:37 PM
The guy who poached his Porsche in San Francisco should be given a medal.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:38 PM
Late night showing with 5 people in the theater.
That’s one good thing about having Monday off. If I want to go to the movies (it’s rare) or something, I’m usually about the only one there.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:38 PM
200+ on a saturday night means many of us are single and the married guys are avoiding their wives
August 11th, 2012 at 10:38 PM
Adieu, SROD.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:39 PM
i hear ya. most of the time when i’ve gone recently there have been just as many people going alone as with a group of people. i’ve been able to score field trips as part of my curriculum so I got to see The Hunger Games and The Avengers during the work day. i plan to continue that strategy for as long as they’ll let me.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Jim, i dont have facebook. Whats being said?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:39 PM
I used to only work Mondays until noon and played golf in the afternoon. I loved being alone on the course with just my thoughts.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:40 PM
I haven’t logged into facebook for like a year. Is it worth checking out?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:41 PM
An american male has won a diving medal for the first time since 1996 in atlanta. Gold medal for whoever this guy is…..he was on the bubble at the end of the semifinals and he ends up winnng gold. Good job, good effort
August 11th, 2012 at 10:41 PM
i’ve been able to score field trips as part of my curriculum so I got to see The Hunger Games and The Avengers during the work day.
Getting paid while at the movies? Nice. Did you talk them into popcorn and a soda, too?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:43 PM
I actually did get a lunch stipend for that, since i would be too “busy” to have lunch.
/teach film & video production for the record
August 11th, 2012 at 10:44 PM
TLC has a new show next week called “High School Mom”.. About girls who have had kids as teens and still go to school. I’m guessing a positive spin on things to balance out the awfulness that is Teen Mom on MTV
August 11th, 2012 at 10:45 PM
She’s actually sitting 10 feet from me watching Olympics with my daughter. She’s NBC’s target market. Doesn’t check results thru the day. Just tunes in and watches like it’s live.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:45 PM
teach film & video production for the record
I know my film teacher toked. No doubt.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:47 PM
High Jump totally blows my mind. Always amazing how you can get your body to do that
August 11th, 2012 at 10:47 PM
My version.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:48 PM
Basically, we’re getting the pro and anti Chad groups going after each other. I was looking at Pro Football Reference and his most comparable player was Herman Moore. Say what you will about Chad, but was great at self promotion. How many people really remember Hernan Moore?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:49 PM
“This next film, kids, is actually a home movie of mine. Now, that’s my sister-in-law …”
/ Sorry, Rollo, it came across the fat part of the plate
August 11th, 2012 at 10:50 PM
haha, i do hear that a lot. actually, i had a bong named after me by a group of kids one year, who got caught by the police and had their bong taken. they told me on a monday in case the police ask to be ready because they had written my name on it.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:50 PM
//Raises hand
August 11th, 2012 at 10:50 PM
That and the pole vault. I did the Long and Triple Jump in college, and tried the High Jump but couldn’t bend like that. Also tried to pole vault but quit when I realized that our All American High Jumper could jump higher than i could pole vault.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:50 PM
they told me on a monday in case the police ask to be ready because they had written my name on it.
Bastards.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:51 PM
Any relation to Herman Moore?
/ Snark gods will get me some day
August 11th, 2012 at 10:51 PM
How many people really remember Hernan Moore?
//Raises hand
/Keeps hand down
August 11th, 2012 at 10:52 PM
Our versions aren’t that different Nada…
August 11th, 2012 at 10:52 PM
actually, i had a bong named after me by a group of kids one year,
At least they didn’t try to sell you cassette tape mixtapes at $3 a pop.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:53 PM
May be trying to be positive, but like anything else on TLC, it will probably be crap.
Remember when the L in TLC stood for “Learning”?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:54 PM
That’s funny. Ours was named the Bishop, and I have no idea how/why it ended up with that name. And we never got caught with it.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:55 PM
/ Freddy Shoop’d
August 11th, 2012 at 10:56 PM
And we never got caught with it.
When I was like 16 my Mom’s boyfriend at the time found my bong and took it upstairs saying he was going to show it to my Mom first thing in the morning. Dumbass left it on the counter behind the paper towels and I found it before he had a chance to show it to my Mom.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:56 PM
reminds me of a story in Vegas while walking down the Strip, and two guys looked like they were handing out their rap CD’s to people walking by. i asked “are they free?” and the guy said “hell nawwww, man.”
honestly, who would buy a homemade CD on the street from two no-name dudes?
August 11th, 2012 at 10:58 PM
“What the fuck are those?”
August 11th, 2012 at 10:59 PM
Considering TLC has a show called “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”, that’s not a stretch.
August 11th, 2012 at 10:59 PM
The guy who discovered the Black Keys?
August 11th, 2012 at 11:00 PM
Speaking of wives finding things, whatever happened to the person whose wife found his tabacco tin in the house? i can’t remember who it was earlier this week or if there was any resolution.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:00 PM
Ironically, I was in Vegas this week and while I was walking across the pedestrian bridge outside NYNY some guy holds out a cd like that. I was completely shitfaced so I grabbed it and kept walking.
He starts walking with me and says he’s giving them out for donations to cover the cost of making the cds. I reach in my pocket and pull out $1. He goes “I usually try to get $5″. My response: “take your cd back then”
August 11th, 2012 at 11:03 PM
Heard this bong story second-hand through a friend (which probably makes it an urban myth, but it’s entertaining, so anyway …):
Dude goes to The Warfield in San Fran to see George Clinton, takes along a small bong, sneaks it in, fires it up after the lights go down.
Tap on the shoulder, turns to face a security guard. Stern head shake, bong seized, but no arrest (remember, this is San Fran).
Few minutes later, turns around and is bummed to spy the security guard tokin’ on his bong.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:05 PM
love that feeling of being hammered, walking real fast down the strip not giving a crap about what’s going on. classic move giving him the $1, Smallie.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:05 PM
Can’t remember who it was either, but his new nickname should be Snuffy Smith.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:07 PM
My response: “take your cd back then”
Yes. Nothing better than a good, hearty “Fuck you”
August 11th, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Honey Badger considering Prairie View? My, how the mighty have fallen.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:13 PM
Awesome reference.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:13 PM
“It’s my privilege to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new … “
August 11th, 2012 at 11:14 PM
Honey Badger considering Prairie View?
I saw that earlier and was reading the comments. Some guy said something along the lines of “Must be nice to be a prestigious athlete and be allowed to transfer a few weeks before class starts” some other guy responded “If you want to transfer to Mcneese State, and your check clears, they will take you tomorrow.”
August 11th, 2012 at 11:14 PM
4×100 Relay on NBC now for anyone who wants to watch what happened six hours ago
August 11th, 2012 at 11:14 PM
“It’s my privilege to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new … “
THE SHERIFF IS A N(INAUDIBLE)
August 11th, 2012 at 11:15 PM
Well, come on, it’s a Louisiana public university. I knew a guy who got into LSU after scoring a 7 on his ACT.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:16 PM
Me too. First day we get out there I started drinking immediately and heavily. My wife was there for work and had a meet and greet at like 7-9pm. By 6 I’m sloppy and we head back to the hotel for her to do her thing and me to sober up so we can go back out afterwards. I stop at the lobby bar and order 2 manhattans to take up to the room. I hand one to her, and promptly spill half of the second all over the floor with my first step. Without stopping, I hand her the half empty one, take the full one and drink half of it to make sure I didn’t spill anymore.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:16 PM
The same guys who assume the chicks on the cards the Phillipino guys are flicking are who they will be humping when they call the escort service.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:16 PM
“What did he say?”
“He said the sheriff is near!”
August 11th, 2012 at 11:18 PM
I like the cut of your jib, sir, and would like you to join my team. No further references are needed.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:19 PM
Jebus. My white middle-class 16 year old says he needs a 26 – 27 to get into Michigan State at a 29 – 30 for Michigan.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:20 PM
I always love trying to give them back to the ones handing them out.
That’s the move of a pro.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Whenever I see or hear the phrase “cut of his jib,” I immediately think:
Hmm… who’s that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Er, Prince of Darkness, sir. He’s your eleven o’clock.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Welp. Shifts about done. It’s been fun boys. I’ll be by tomorrow.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:24 PM
I’m just happy to be here, and I want to do anything I can to help the team.
The best was a couple hours later I stopped at the lobby bar to order 2 more manhattans on our way back out, and I told the bartender to give me a rocks glass instead of a martini glass so I didn’t spill again.
/didn’t get served that time
August 11th, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Hmmm I guess Chad Johnson’s wife did a shitty job of hiding the receipt for condoms in her car that Johnson found. No wonder why he head butted her.
/ still not a reason to physically assault a woman
August 11th, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Nice work, Meth. I mean your work here, not at your job.
/in for 300+
August 11th, 2012 at 11:25 PM
‘night, Meth. Watch out for them flying pumpkins.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:27 PM
takes a pro to not got served in Vegas. although i’m imagining this was at something like 2pm and not 1am.
first thing i can think of is trying to put beer bottles that i accumulated playing penny slots at 3am and trying to put them on ice in the sink so i could have them still cold in the morning.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:27 PM
I took the ACT with a bunch of buddies at 7 a.m. after an all-night bender that ended when we drove over to the auditorium for the exam.
One of my guys scored a 14. He had no problem getting into LSU either.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:27 PM
I expect a full productivity report on exactly how much time you spent working on your TBLAD comments during the course of your shift.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:29 PM
/checks Southwest for rates to Vegas in the near future
August 11th, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Chris Johnson: 5 carries, 8 yards.
You, sir, are no Usain Bolt.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:31 PM
Hey Nada, since you are so quick with the SIL jabs, got anything awkward I could say to the in-laws who are now sitting in the same room right now?
August 11th, 2012 at 11:31 PM
It was like 8:30 pm. We still went back out to get some food and I had a few more drinks. Started right back up at 9 the next morning with a vodka cranberry at breakfast.
My brother got cut off in Vegas at 3pm one time. That took some effort.
That’s just a smart play right there.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:32 PM
That’s what JMac said to Rollo in the email offering him an SEO job.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Honestly, I don’t think anyone could top that suggestion from Sousedbergin, but I guess that’s Duckworth’d now?
August 11th, 2012 at 11:35 PM
My latest was being so drunk at Venetian/Palazzo that when a girl started hitting on me and complimenting my jacket at 2am I didn’t realize she was a hooker for a full minute conversation.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:37 PM
You could start, under your breath, singing that Elvis song:
Little sister, don’t you …
Little sister, don’t you …
Little sister, don’t you kiss me once or twice,
Say it’s very nice, and then you run
Little sister, don’t you do what your big sister done
August 11th, 2012 at 11:37 PM
2 years ago I was in St Louis for a meeting and after a long night of drinking we decided to go to the casino downtown near our hotel. As we rode up the escalator and started going past security, he stopped me and said I couldn’t come in because I was too drunk. Everyone else went in anyways.
I went back down the escalator, back to the bar, had another drink and grabbed some more co workers to go to the casino. 10 minutes after I was denied entry, I ride up the escalator again, where the security guard sees me and says “I already said you can’t come in, now leave or I’m calling the cops”. I couldn’t even argue with him, just went back down and hopped a cab back to the hotel.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:38 PM
Don’t feel bad, that happens every time a woman talks to me.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:38 PM
I suppose I probably shouldn’t since we should be out of here Wednesday but could be here forever.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:39 PM
Rollo, I’ve had more than my share of fun with the SIL thing, so I’m self-imposing a moratorium on any further SIL jokes.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:41 PM
That’s awesome.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:41 PM
Haha, I was half-hoping you were gonna say you went back to the bar and kept drinking until he left. You must have been pretty smashed. ‘Tis the way to do it.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:41 PM
But at least you didn’t spill any drinks that time, so you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:42 PM
Hmmm…so I should avoid batting practice pitches right down the middle for you? All bets are off if we cross paths tomorrow when she comes home.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:43 PM
I learned early on to never drink with any co-workers who outrank me.
The secretary at my current employer once went out after work and got sloshed with her boss, and he later wrote her up for it in her annual job review and recommended she seek treatment. Grade-A asshole.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:45 PM
Very true. and on that moral victory, I’m out for the night.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:46 PM
I may be biting my lip, squirming, with tears of pain streaming down my face, but I will stand by my pledge.
Anyway, someone else will step up to slam it out of park, of that I’m sure.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:46 PM
The same guy was probably buying her a drink or two throughout the night. Hate that. What did you expect would happen when everyone was drinking?
August 11th, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Thanks for the Vegas/drinking nostalgia, Smalls. I want to do both right now.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:49 PM
Well, I don’t care, just don’t want others getting annoyed by my name.
I think that just about wraps it up for me. Hit the lights, Nada.
August 11th, 2012 at 11:49 PM
OK, we’re over 300. Pretty good for a Weekend TBLAD!
I’m bugging out, too. Want to devote my full attention to the second half of a meaningless preseason game and to drinking as much alkeehaul as possible before daybreak.
A tout a l’heure
August 12th, 2012 at 12:38 AM
Sooooo…too late for my story about a hooker?
August 12th, 2012 at 12:40 AM
Nope, I definitely owe you a listen.
August 12th, 2012 at 1:53 AM
Sometimes an audience of one is all you need, Rollo.
It’s early summer of 2004 and I’m 23. I was still having a tough time getting over my first long-term GF, whom I’d broken up with last December. We’d been going out for the year and she was my first, so I was very much still hung up on her. It took me a couple months just to get her smell out of my mind, if that makes any sense. But the sexual idiosyncracies were a lot harder to shake, especially after I learned she started dating some tard within a month after our breaking up.
Anyway…my brother in law invites me and one of my good friends to come to a bachelor party he’s attending along the Mississippi gulf coast. My bro in law is about six or seven years older than me, but he’s a really awesome dude and we used to hang out all the time anyway, so he was trying to help me get over this gal. He wanted my friend to come with because he liked this guy to.
No big whoop, we’ll make the drive from new orleans to Mississippi for this thing. 90 minute drive or less, I’m thinking. My friend gets us in Gulfport, driving along the beach. Very few businesses on the beachside. I could only remember the casino being on that side before… Anyway, he says, “you wanna get a massage before showing up at the party?” I’m kinda stunned that somebody would wanna drive to Miss. to get a massage but whatever. My friend, a traveling cigar salesman, said this place is good. Okay, fine. We took out money before the trip for the bachelor party so I’m cool spending some cash.
We pull into a deserted parking lot of this blue-painted cinder-block building and it’s now dark out. Place looks closed. He knocks on the door and I shit you not a little window in the door opens. My friend talks to the lady and after a couple minutes the lady lets us in. She’s a middle-aged Vietnamese woman if I had to guess. We walk in and she asks for our IDs. Weird.
August 12th, 2012 at 2:07 AM
Been there…
Uh oh…
August 12th, 2012 at 2:08 AM
So we paid a flat fee up front ($40 a piece or something) and then we sit on this wicker couch behind a prefab partition, watching tv. Thats when my buddy tells me: this is one of THOSE types of massage places. I have a mini panic attack, thinking the cops were going to burst in, or maybe the Asian lady was a cop, etc. my friend calmed me down and said he’d been here before and never had an incident. My friend tells me to chill out and explains the situation: we’ll each go get scrubbed off by somebody in a bathing area, then we’ll each go into a separate room for a “massage.” or course, I’m getting anxious and terrified, so I start cramping up in my back and neck.
Five minutes goes by and this wrinkly old Asian lady (again, Vietnamese, I think), comes from this shower room and calls me back there. Talk about awkward. She has me strip naked and lie down on this tiled table in the middle of a giant shower area and she hoses me down with a shower head, then soaps me up (balls included), scrubs me down and hoses me off. She’s making small talk with me the whole time and I am seriously wigging the fuck out.
She gives me a bathrobe and I go wait in this other room, no bigger than a 10×10, with a massage table, a loveseat and a small fridge inside. The woman who let us in the door tells me to take the towel off, climb onto the table and cover up, and wait for the masseuse to come in. I pace around for a few minutes before finally hoping on the table and attempting to relax. I’m trying to determine what kind of shade of yellow the walls are painted when I hear the door open…
August 12th, 2012 at 2:26 AM
Lady walks in and I almost stand up to be polite, but she reminds me to just lay down on the table. Long black hair, heavy eye shadow (turquoise I think) and brigh nail polish. Again, Vietnamese. Age was hard to come by and I wasn’t going to ask, so I figured she was in her late 20s. In hindsight she was prolly mid-30s. She wore white Capri pants and a tiny little shirt. Whatever the case, she appeared to be in shape and her face wasn’t a wreck, so I breathed a sigh of relief.
She actually goes through the masseuse schpiel with me and I tell her my shoulders and neck are killing me. She proceeds to give me a real massage for the first 15 or 20 minutes and it’s not really that good. At all. She has me turn over partly through and lie on my back. By this point I’m thinking Penthouse Forum and remembering porns I’ve seen, so I’m good to go. She starts talking cryptic about massaging me lower than my waist and whatnot. I tell her I’m down for that and she says it’s $40 for the beej and another $60 for reg sex. Acting like I’m some swift negotiator (and I’m not), I tell the lady lets see what happens with the beej first.
Without getting too graphic here, im “sold” on having sex with this gal with five minutes. She lets me off the table to get my wallet, but I’m short the sixty bucks. Fuck that. I’m not about to miss out on sex at this point. I put a towel on and go to the room where my friend is and have him lend me the money.
August 12th, 2012 at 2:31 AM
I hope people get to read this story tomorrow…putting off sleep to hear the end of it.
August 12th, 2012 at 3:14 AM
To be honest, I was hoping for some sort of Craig James twist at this point, but, eh.
I’m assuming there was a happy ending.
Or else the cops really did bust in?
August 12th, 2012 at 3:51 AM
We may never know, Nada and Rollo. Heldover may have pulled a soused and passed out drunk. I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.
/High fives neighbor for the internet connection
August 12th, 2012 at 3:55 AM
We may never know.
/Can’t get back to sleep
//High fives neighbor for the internet connection
August 12th, 2012 at 3:59 AM
Stupid internet. You told me that first comment didn’t go through.
/Takes high five back from the neighbor
August 12th, 2012 at 4:14 AM
/Just let the dog shit the neighbor’s yard
//Calls it a night…again
August 12th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Again, I won’t get too graphic here: she had fake cans which didn’t look too bad, she was up for shifting around and was nice and friendly when she needed to be (acting like i was super fucking huge, etc.) This went on for a while until we were done. She got dressed faster than i did, gave my hair a quick tussle while I was sitting on the massage table and left. After getting dressed, I checked my wallet and realized that my buddy gave me 80 bucks instead of 60. I figured he did that on purpose, so when I went out of the room, I handed the masseuse the 80 bucks. She actually tried to give me the 20 extra dollars back. When my buddy got out, he wanted to know what I’d done with the extra 20 he gave me. I told him I gave it to her as a tip. He laughed at me and said that was so I could try and negotiate something else.
I felt like a tip was in order. Yeah, she wasn’t that good a masseuse, but she helped me take a big step in getting over my ex. It also helped that a week later I found out my ex was engaged to the guy, but he didn’t give her a ring and was, I think, still living with his folks, like her.
I never went back to that massage parlor. I imagine Hurricane Katrina wiped the building out. I had a good time at the bachelor party.
The End.
August 12th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
PS – Sorry for the delay. I feel asleep.
August 12th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
heldover, that was pretty intense. Getting over an ex ain’t easy.
August 12th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Your life experiences are so interesting.