Thomas Keiser, the Panthers Defensive Lineman, Eats Chia Pet Seeds
Thomas Keiser is a second-year defensive lineman for the Carolina Panthers. If you didn’t know him before today, you will probably remember him from now on. See, Thomas Keiser is the guy who eats Chia Pets. From Panthers.com:
CH-CH-CH-CHIA: Panthers defensive end Thomas Keiser is familiar with the 1990s ads for Chia Pet, an animal-shaped piece of pottery that sprouts like a shrub when water is added to chia seeds.
That hasn’t stopped Keiser from adding water to chia seeds – then drinking the mixture.
“People ask me all the time if it’s the same stuff that’s in Chia Pets. It is,” Keiser said. “I’ll have probably two or three tablespoons in somewhere between two-thirds and a full gallon of water every day.”
According to Keiser, there is some science behind this.
“It helps hydrate you, because it absorbs 10 times its weight in water,” Keiser said. “And instead of the water just going in your system and flushing right out, it’s going to sit in you longer.
I mean, I don’t know if this is real science. (He also compares it to the juice from Space Jam.) Either way, Thomas Keiser eats Chia Pets because they keep him hydrated. Keiser is in his second year with the Panthers. He accumulated four sacks as a rookie last season, but there is no information on the number of Chia Pets he consumed.

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33 Responses to “Thomas Keiser, the Panthers Defensive Lineman, Eats Chia Pet Seeds”
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August 10th, 2012 at 2:01 PM
i’d eat those instant fish they used to sell in the back of comic books. hydration, protein
August 10th, 2012 at 2:04 PM
Jerry Richardson is so cheap he won’t even buy his players numbers for their jerseys.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:05 PM
i think keiser is just that white
August 10th, 2012 at 2:05 PM
Don’t want to hear about this guy spewing during a game.
For the internists out there, is this safe? GI tract take care of the seeds properly?
August 10th, 2012 at 2:06 PM
Hillbilly.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:11 PM
I’m not dr., but ever since I realized a tiny sesame tree was causing my sore throat, I’ve stuck to gum.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:11 PM
It’s very popular among long distance runners
August 10th, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Thomas Keiser read about this on some faux-sciency blog around comment 200 right before everyone devolved into calling each other Hitler.
Do note take medical advice from internet comments children.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:14 PM
Fascinating article. Thanks for linking to that.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:16 PM
They were an ingredient on an episode of Chopped.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Here’s hoping they turn out to be carcinogenic then.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:22 PM
Contract the Panthers.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:23 PM
Yes, they are. I’ve never personally had them, but they were prominently featured in the barefoot running book “Born to Run“.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:25 PM
Oh. Oh god. Someone combined running, BAREFOOT running, and a Springsteen reference? If I were in prison write now I’d be writing a manifesto.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Anyone get their passport renewed lately? What a fucking racket.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Someone didn’t click the link
August 10th, 2012 at 2:28 PM
…. or getting plowed in the ass.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:29 PM
I bet Moleman hates me
I am by no means an endocrinologist or nephrologist, but I’m not sure this really is that true. It may sit in you longer, but that doesn’t mean it necessarily hydrates you. Free water is pretty tightly regulated by the kidney/adrenal glands and electrolyte levels. Any water you “flush out” comes through your kidneys, which have already decided you didn’t need it.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:30 PM
Let’s be fair here, you probably have 15 pages of it saved already
August 10th, 2012 at 2:30 PM
I wanted to make sure Moleman got the information, since he was never going to make it through 3 paragraphs of that column.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:30 PM
Just renewed my kids. And yes, it’s a horrible money grab.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:33 PM
WWS that Onion article the other day fucking killed me man.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Before yesterday’s soccer game, Megan Rapinoe ate a Clapper.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:35 PM
Ryan Broles isn’t playing tonight.. Sweet pick Mayhew.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:36 PM
I mean, I don’t know if this is real science.
I live in Kansas. After Tuesday’s elections, I’m pretty sure I am one of few Kansans that know what real science is.
To which, ingesting odd things like this seems like he is just begging for a failed drug test. Chia seeds may be harmless, but I don’t think he is going to be able to use the Adderal excuse when his piss test comes up dirty.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:36 PM
I tried it – I’m pretty sure it’s just placebo effect (although I was probably running slightly shorter distances than the tarahumara). Consistency of a cement mixer shot. Not a refreshing drink.
RIP Caballo Blanco
August 10th, 2012 at 2:40 PM
I heard the jury’s still out on science
August 10th, 2012 at 2:41 PM
We can do better.
‘When I take Springsteen, my rescue dog, for barefoot runs through our organic orchid I always listen to Cold Play.’
August 10th, 2012 at 2:42 PM
“I’m going to force-feed you running stories” and “here let me show you a picture of my fucking dog and tell you about them when you start talking about your kids” are the two people I try very hard to avoid being.
At least I don’t play fantasy football because “let me tell you why I lost rooting for a backup tight end to get 37 yards” guy is on that list.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:43 PM
I imagine the powder would be better for you. Many seeds aren’t particularly digestible. I also wouldn’t be surprised if there actually was a stimulant (caffeine or something similar) in it.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:54 PM
Some days you eat the Chia pet, some days the Chia pet eats you.
August 10th, 2012 at 2:57 PM
At least you don’t live in Louisiana, where the schools now teach that Jesus rode his pet dinosaur while smoting the gays and liberals.
Sorry, the LGBTs and liberals.
/ Yesterthread’d
August 11th, 2012 at 10:53 AM
Chia seeds have been a ‘real’ food for a long time now. Whole Foods has a whole shelf of them. You can buy bottles juices with them in it too; I use them for mountain climbing and do feel that I get an endurance increase as a result.