Ryan Lochte a Fan of “One-Night Stands,” According to His Mom
Ryan Lochte’s Olympic glory may not be limited to the pool. He’s not the monogamous type. He might be inseminating the villagers as we type these words, or at least the “70 to 75 percent” who might be down for that sort of thing. Lochte’s mom alluded to this in an interview with the Today Show.
“He goes out on one-night stands,” Ike Lochte told Today.com while being interviewed on the set of NBC’sToday show. “He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”
That’s the rationalization anyway. A mother will put her positive spin. For the man who lists his celebrity crush as Carmen Electra and thinks women look best in his button down shirts (or wants women to think he thinks they look best in his button down shirts), this may be by choice rather than necessity. Women are all lying and evil anyway.
Aspiring bachelor athletes, you don’t want to be Lochte. You want to be Derek Jeter. Don’t promote any narratives. Don’t even be cryptic. Confirm, deny and acknowledge nothing. Sure, something absurd like the gift bags might leak out, but the essential point is you don’t know what Jeter is getting up to, but you would believe anything. That’s how you become a legend.
[Photo via Getty]

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26 Responses to “Ryan Lochte a Fan of “One-Night Stands,” According to His Mom”
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August 2nd, 2012 at 9:50 AM
Jeter could have done better with his new cock moistener.
August 2nd, 2012 at 9:51 AM
lists his celebrity crush as Carmen Electra
Wow. She hasn’t been culturally relevant in 15 years.
August 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Goddamnit I’m tired of people getting this wrong. A shirt that buttons up the front is called a button up shirt. A button down shirt refers to a button up shirt with a collar that has buttons on it as opposed to the traditional spread collar.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 AM
Dear lord, you are a swimmer dude. A sport that is important for 2 weeks every 4 years. Not Mick Jagger circa 1968.
/Phelps probably crushes more top-shelf birds than him anyway.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:08 AM
/Phelps probably crushes more top-shelf birds than him anyway.
Read in a article after the last Olympics that Phelp’s dipping addiction has really turned off a lot of potential hotties.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Lochte’s mom’s name is “Ike”?
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Read in a article after the last Olympics that Phelp’s dipping addiction has really turned off a lot of potential hotties.
He can probably put two cans of chew between his gums and lower lip.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 AM
I have always called those shirts button down collar shirts.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 AM
Ryan would be my one night stand, and Nathan Adrian would be my husband. In fact!
F: Lochte
M: Adrian
K: Phelps
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:15 AM
I have always called those shirts button down collar shirts.
I have always called those shirts awesome because it means I won’t lose the collar stay.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:15 AM
Lochte’s mom’s name is “Ike”?
She was named after the best President this country has ever known.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:16 AM
+19 Gold medals!
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 AM
How does Coop fit into all this?
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 AM
I figured her parents just sided with Ike in the whole Tina v. Ike Turner saga, but yours make more sense.
/Let’s all write in Eisenhower this Nov.! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va5Btg4kkUE
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:23 AM
We saw that Ike and Tina movie at my high school as a freshman. I went to a predominately black high school for freshmen and sophomore year. Enjoyed it a great deal. For junior and senior year, moved to a all-white school and hated it so much. Bunch of preppy douchebags mixed in with a healthy dose of rednecks. There, I learned to hate overly southern people.
/Has nothing to do with nothing
//But since Ike was brought up, thought I’d share
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:26 AM
The uneducated, nearing a stereotype, ultra conservative version? What does this mean?
/puts on seersucker and pours bourbon
//too southern?
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Which leads me to link their greatest song.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:29 AM
so you’re sayin’ there’s a chance???
/coop’d
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 AM
I never knew that.
/school’d
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 AM
She was named after the best President this country has ever known..
/team no social progress.
The Ambrose books on Ike are good reading. Ignorial the powder keg of racial unrest and letting the defense side begin the atomic arms race are his two main downpoints. But there was a lot of smart ideas as well.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 AM
I live in Alabama, which means you automatically hate me.
August 2nd, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Are we sure these 1 night stands are with ladies?
/legitimate question
August 2nd, 2012 at 11:14 AM
Yeah, we are going to need evidence. And maybe some pics. And then some more evidence. Lots.
/Coop’d again
August 2nd, 2012 at 11:40 AM
heard the same rumor.
/nttawwt
August 2nd, 2012 at 11:47 AM
GloriousMullet learned something. go figure.
August 2nd, 2012 at 12:51 PM
What an idiot. Why even say anything and isn’t kind of gross for a mom to be talking about her son’s sex life. YUCK!