Ryan Kalil of the Panthers Guarantees Super Bowl Win in Charlotte Observer Newspaper Ad

All, Media Gossip/Musings, NFL Jason McIntyre July 25th. 2012, 11:05am

Ryan Kalil, I love your confidence.

Kalil, the center for the Panthers, took out a full-page ad in the Charlotte Observer explaining why Carolina will win Super Bowl XLVII. The Panthers haven’t made the playoffs since 2008, and haven’t won a playoff game since January 2005 (over Chicago). It matters not!

They have electrifying QB Cam Newton, who only had one of the best rookie seasons for a QB in NFL history. They picked up a franchise linebacker in Luke Kuechly in the April draft, which should help their shaky defense. The Saints don’t have their coach this year. The Falcons, overrated to begin with, seem ready for a slide. Don’t let last year’s 6-10 fool ya – the Panthers will be a playoff contender in the NFC.

The newspaper industry thanks you for the full-page AD, Mr. Kalil, and every paper in every market wishes an NFL player would do the same. Yes, even someone from the Oakland Raiders, which might be the worst team in football.

Previously: Cam Newton Autograph Anger is Silly, Especially When You Consider Tim Tebow Charged $225
Previously: Projecting the 2012 Quarterbacks: Let’s Start With Last Year’s Rookies
Previously: Cam Newton vs the Other Top Rookie Quarterbacks

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33 Responses to “Ryan Kalil of the Panthers Guarantees Super Bowl Win in Charlotte Observer Newspaper Ad”

1
VladimirCrouton Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Hey Ryan
Your Mom’s hot.
2
Roethlishotdog Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:10 AM
I’d hardly call that a guarantee – looks more like a “team sponsored” ad. Hell, if you ask any player as they arrive at camps this week “Who’s going to win the Super Bowl” they’re all going to answer “We are”
3
ButtersBC Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Hell, if you ask any player as they arrive at camps this week “Who’s going to win the Super Bowl” they’re all going to answer “We are”
But there will still be those who get annoyed by those responses…the nerve of professional athletes thinking their teams might be good
4
rittyrich Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Nice sentence fragment, bro.
5
cracker jack Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Something something looks like the Panthers offensive line got their hands on some more steroids something something
6
s1rweeze Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:14 AM
They’ll be this year’s Lions if their defense is worth even half of half a shit.
7
reggie_dunlap Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Panthers won’t smell playoffs (Playoffs? Don’t talk to me about playoffs!) for another year or 2.
8
jthussler Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
They picked up a franchise linebacker in Luke Kuechly in the April draft,
Good to know that he’s a “franchise player” before even playing a down in the NFL.
es, even someone from the Oakland Raiders, which might be the worst team in football.
The Raiders the worst team in the NFL? What NFL are you watching?
Off the top of my head, the following teams are easily worse: Dolphins, Browns, Rams, Vikings, Jaguars and Colts.
They’re on par with: Arizona, Seattle, Tampa, Washington, KC, SD, Tennessee, Buffalo, and NYJ. There are probably more, no way they’re close to the worst.
/fuck da raidahs
9
njensen79 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:17 AM
I love this time of year. Nobody can predict how good their team is going to be so things like this are fun.
10
spencer096 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Nobody can predict how good their team is going to be so things like this are fun.
now predict how bad their team is going to be? for some of us, that’s extremely easy.
11
scripty Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Panthers will be an entertaining team to watch, win or lose.
12
s1rweeze Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Panthers won’t smell playoffs (Playoffs? Don’t talk to me about playoffs!) for another year or 2.
If everyone on offense stays healthy (they’re overdue for some luck in that regard), they’ll put up tons of points. Their D is garbage but the Lions proved last year that doesn’t matter that much nowdays.
13
s1rweeze Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:20 AM
I love this time of year. Nobody can predict how good their team is going to be so things like this are fun.
Except the Vikings.
/4-12
14
njensen79 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:21 AM
now predict how bad their team is going to be? for some of us, that’s extremely easy.
Oh that’s easy. Vikings win 5 games MAX this year. I actually hope they don’t win that many. We need more draft picks.
15
cleet Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
Panthers won’t smell playoffs (Playoffs? Don’t talk to me about playoffs!) for another year or 2.
They will sniff them. NFC South will be a good division but I don’t think any team is going to run away with it.
16
s1rweeze Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Oh that’s easy. Vikings win 5 games MAX this year. I actually hope they don’t win that many. We need more draft picks.
We need more Honey Badger
/bandwagon
17
phillymantis915 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Jets will finish 3rd in the AFC East
Panthers will finish 7-9.
18
fluffy_bunny_feet Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:29 AM
I’m really just waiting to see if the Andy Dalton mirage fades.
Weeden better not suck.
19
Jay V Of Considerable Influence Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:31 AM
I’d hardly call that a guarantee – looks more like a “team sponsored” ad.
Thought so, too. But the article linked says that Kalil did it entirely on his own, telling no teammates or anyone in the organization ahead of time.
20
Coach Mike Woodson, Atlanta Hawks Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
I’m really just waiting to see if the Andy Dalton mirage fades.
Tough to call him a mirage when he wasn’t that good last year. Playing at Mark Sanchez levels isn’t something to write home about.
As long as he can still throw jump balls to AJ Green, he should be ok. I don’t ever think he’ll be elite or even top 10, but he’s serviceable.
21
Walking Underwear Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
But Spence i thought trent was gonna carry defenses to the goal line
22
spencer096 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:42 AM
But Spence i thought trent was gonna carry defenses to the goal line
do we need a refresher course on what the past tense does? i mentioned hed push the pile like crazy against the bad defenses you mentioned and that there was video evidence supporting this…not that he’d do it in the nfl.
23
St. Bear Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:44 AM
The newspaper industry thanks you for the full-page ,strong>AD, Mr. Kalil
I like to read this as Will Ferrell in SNL.
/I CAN’T CONTROL THE VOLUME OR TONE OF MY VOICE, COLIN!
24
Tim Ryan Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:44 AM
They routinely play that cool panther growl over the PA system, so I’ll be rooting for them.
25
scripty Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:45 AM
Browns will be competitive until injuries pile up. Then that 5-6 game losing streak should hit. If their two returning OG are improved, their offense climb out of the dark ages given the additions of Weeden, T-Rich, Schwartz and Gordon.
I think their secondary will be soft as they still lack an imposing pass rush and although he’s a nice guy, Shelden Brown will get abused and I don’t see Eric Hagg scaring defenses.
26
St. Bear Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:46 AM
They routinely play that cool panther growl over the PA system, so I’ll be rooting for them
Penn State does the same thing.
/BOOM!
27
phillymantis915 Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:47 AM
Penn State does the same thing.
/BOOM!
SHUT IT DOWN
28
Walking Underwear Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Busted. Damn english language
29
PeerLessPrices Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Sad
30
volduck Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:51 AM
Mostly shows that NFL players have money to waste on newspaper ads.
31
scripty Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Mostly shows that NFL players have money to waste on newspaper ads.
work related expense. Writeoff!
/no tax code smarts
32
Nada Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 12:18 PM
We need more draft picks.
We need more Honey Badger
No matter how good he is this season, I’ll wager he won’t be a first-round pick based solely on his size.
33
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
July 25th, 2012 at 12:34 PM
Good shit