Indians Gave Roberto Hernandez (Fausto Carmona) 3 Birthday Cakes to Celebrate “Missed” Birthdays

All, Baseball, Crime Stephen Douglas July 22nd. 2012, 4:17pm

In January Indians’ pitcher Fausto Carmona was arrested in the Dominican Republic for using a false identity. Carmona, whose real name is Roberto Hernandez, was actually three years older than he said. Today Hernandez rejoined the Indians for the first time since his arrest. His teammates greeted him with three birthday cakes to celebrate his rapidly advancing age. That’s some major league trolling right there. I’m glad we can all laugh about this. His actual birthday is August 30th. Supposedly.

[WaPo, Twitter]

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23 Responses to “Indians Gave Roberto Hernandez (Fausto Carmona) 3 Birthday Cakes to Celebrate “Missed” Birthdays”

1
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:23 PM
Something tells me the average person wouldn’t have been given the green light to come back to the country so quickly after this mess. Glad they think it’s funny.
2
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:36 PM
I am deeply fascinated by the fact that he chose (or perhaps was given by an agent), the name of ‘Fausto Carmona’. What an interesting name. It is diametrically different from ‘Roberto Hernandez’, which is pedestrian by comparison.
3
Some Random Old Dude Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:38 PM
That’s some major league trolling right there.
Bravo, CRM! That works on multiple levels. You are the man.
/your favorite OFP
P.S., since no one else is using “Fausto Carmona”, can I use it? An alias can come in handy
4
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:42 PM
I am deeply fascinated by the fact that he chose (or perhaps was given by an agent), the name of ‘Fausto Carmona’. What an interesting name. It is diametrically different from ‘Roberto Hernandez’, which is pedestrian by comparison.
I saw on Outside the Lines piece on this, at least I think it was Outside the Lines. This shit is actually more common than you’d think. They use names of their friends.
5
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:44 PM
I saw on Outside the Lines piece on this, at least I think it was Outside the Lines. This shit is actually more common than you’d think. They use names of their friends.
I’m sure the practice is common, but I have been wondering ever since this story initially broke how he ended up with such an interesting name like ‘Fausto Carmona’. It could be the name of a friend, but I prefer to think that he or his agent were fans of Goethe.
6
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:47 PM
I guess it’s got to sound real, but if I was going to have a fake passport and all that, I’d want a name so ridiculous they look at it and think, there’s no way that’s a real person.
7
orly57 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:54 PM
If guns really made us safer, 50 peoplle would have killed that piece of shit in Colorado. I’m not a political person. I blog for fun about sports only. But I can’t stand to hear people who somehow argue that EVERY American has the right to bear these semi-automatic, mass-killing machines, that our forefathers never dreamt of. I can’t understand how it’s easier to get an assault riffle than a pilot’s license. Both are capable of similar destruction. Hate to be a downer, but just venting with you guys. Lord knows we talk about enough useless shit.
8
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Lord knows we talk about enough useless shit.
Agree.
I can’t understand how it’s easier to get an assault riffle than a pilot’s license. Both are capable of similar destruction.
Disagree.
9
grayson Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:00 PM
When Brad Ausmus was with the Astros, Tejadas age was being looked at. Tejadas birthday was a few days later and Ausmus had 2 cakes for him; both with different ages- 35 and 37 I think; too long ago.
10
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:00 PM
Any asshole can crash a plane into a building, taking out thousands. I know some people that can’t hit a flattened box from 25 yards away with a pistol. Not sure if felons can get a pilot’s license, but felons can’t get guns (legally). Nobody says EVERY American should be able to have them as you said they say, just remember that not everyone is a fucking psycho.
11
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:03 PM
When Brad Ausmus was with the Astros, Tejadas age was being looked at. Tejadas birthday was a few days later and Ausmus had 2 cakes for him; both with different ages- 35 and 37 I think; too long ago.
I never heard about that. That’s fantastic. Good ole Brad Ausmus. Couldn’t hit a lick when he was with the Astros, but a smart, funny guy by all accounts.
12
grayson Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:32 PM
I never heard about that. That’s fantastic. Good ole Brad Ausmus. Couldn’t hit a lick when he was with the Astros, but a smart, funny guy by all accounts.
True. Hitting lacked but he made up for it in other ways inside the clubhouse. When we left via free agency, he left a big gap to fill.
13
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:48 PM
Catcher has long been a hole in the Astros roster. I’m trying to recall a catcher other than Ausmus who was able to hold down the job for more than a year or two. The last one I can recall is Alan Ashby, way back in the late 80s. Craig Biggio only played catcher for a couple of years before moving to outfield and then second, then the early 90s were a mixture of Scott Servais and Eddie Taubensee (god what a terrible trade that was). Then we had to deal with Tony Eusebio. Mitch Meluskey was supposed to be the catcher of the future (in that reminds me of what was said about Jason Castro), but he was horribly inconsistent and was an asshole in the clubhouse to boot.
14
JDiddy3000 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 5:57 PM
that our forefathers never dreamt of
Fuck our forefathers, really. These fucks are considered holy when all they were were rich white fucks that didn’t like to pay taxes. It’s amazing what kind of pass they get. They didn’t foresee semi-automatic guns? Sure. But did they foresee maybe saying that we’re all free and equal might someday include blacks and bitches? I have yet to see how me, the common American, has his life improved by breaking from England. The forefather shit needs to end, they are long dead and useless.
15
grayson Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 6:05 PM
Mitch Meluskey was supposed to be the catcher of the future (in that reminds me of what was said about Jason Castro), but he was horribly inconsistent and was an asshole in the clubhouse to boot.
There’s not a catcher coming anytime soon. I was hopeful for Castro and he meshed with the team pretty good but couldn’t do much else. Thank goodness Towles is gone. After Ausmus left, he, along with Castro were being touted as the future but Towles had zero common sense. Going to be an interesting year or 2 for the Astros as they rebuild and we see how the new regime will do.
16
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 6:06 PM
Congratulations JDiddy, for writing the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever read in my life. Calling that misinformed or wholly without context isn’t going far enough.
17
ms621 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Grayson, I agree. But catcher is one of our lesser issues right now. I like the trades Luhnow has done the last few days, but they should erase any doubt as to whether he is taking us in for a soft landing or if we are going to plummet further before rising back up again. I’m thinking now that we will be competing again no earlier than 2015. But that’s okay, this is the path we have to take to fix the mess left by McLane.
18
Walking Underwear Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 6:11 PM
grayson and ms, that may be the most words ever about the astros here
19
grayson Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 6:25 PM
MS- I’m happy with what Luhnow is doing. For starters, he has a plan and second- trading with a team other than Phillies. I’ve been surprised how well they have played this year. McLane as a person is great- pleasant and easy to talk with. His “win now” philosophy had some fun years but with no long-range goal, well, look at the past few years.
20
orly57 Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 8:51 PM
Perhaps if I’d posted about your favorite beers or scotches you guys would give a fuck. FYI monster is meth (I’m a fan of your posts) this guy had a knife on him. He just never used it as he unloaded hundreds of bullets per second in a movie theater. Why would any LAW ABIDING person ever need such weaponry? Can one person please explain that to me? I promise that I won’t even debate it! I just can’t see why we need these weapons for any dickhead with a passport. Usually gun nuts would argue they need their guns for self-defense….where were those guys??? Why didn’t one person fight back if guns are so necessary for our safety???
21
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 8:55 PM
Why didn’t one person fight back if guns are so necessary for our safety???
I really don’t understand that question.
Why would any LAW ABIDING person ever need such weaponry?
They don’t. But if they’re law-abiding, and they’re legal…then all there is to do is debate.
22
Monster is Meth Says:
July 22nd, 2012 at 8:56 PM
Do you mean why weren’t people fighting back to defend guns? Or fight back against the gunman?
23
orly57 Says:
July 23rd, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Nevermind. I was drunk and frustrated. This is not the right forum anyway. Love your posts though man.