Roundup: Eddie Murphy Didn’t Die, Daniel Tosh is Sorry & Peyton Manning Bought a House in Denver
Olivia Munn and Hayden Panettiere at the ESPYs … The Room soundboard … old album recorded in the 70′s becomes a hit … woman kept her friend “alive” and cashed benefit checks … world’s heaviest woman losing weight by having lots of sex … best baseball hats of all-time … awesome storm pictures … a professional snuggler … 60 traffic citations at once … Canada’s New York City 500 years ago … wacky police sketch … bus driver duct tapes a kid …Oh, and Eddie Murphy is not dead … Starbucks in a funeral home …
Everybody thank Charles Barkley for opening up the Dream Team vs. 2012 Olympic team debate. [ESPN]
Bud Selig has an opinion on the Tampa Bay Rays’ attendance. [Tampa Bay Times]
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is close with his mother. [Charlotte Observer]
Apparently, Penn State is more than a football program. [Patriot-News]
Daniel Tosh apologized for making rape jokes. [New York Daily News]
Peyton Manning bought a $4.5 million home in Denver. [Denver Post]
The UFC had a fighter summit where they had to attend lectures and such. Like kids back in school, some fighters slept through it. [Cage Potato]
An interview with MLB announcer Tim McCarver. [Sherman Report]
How NBC will get you to watch the Olympics, even if you don’t want to. [Daily Beast]
Class of 2013 recruit Devin Williams shattered a backboard when he grabbed the rim. [Prep Force]
Buffalo Sabres prospects train with Navy SEALs. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin coach the next season of The Ultimate Fighter. [MMA Junkie]
Old Milwaukee’s Jose Canseco ad.
The best view yet of the San Diego fireworks fail. [via Gawker]
Super Golden Friends!
Game of Thrones impressions.

- Manchester City Players Were Super Excited To Catch Passes From Eli Manning [Video]
- Miami Heat Remix of Pitbull’s “Feel This Moment?” Dále!
- Buffalo Bills Fan Has O.J. Simpson Mug Shot Tattoo on His Thigh
- Fox Sports 1 Heavily in Pursuit of Former NFL Player Trevor Pryce and ESPN Chicago’s Sarah Spain
- Premier League: What Each Club Should Prioritize in the Summer

- Donald Patrick Mynack on Footage of Kelly Tripucka Unveiling the Original Teal Charlotte Hornets' Uniforms in 1988 is Breathtaking [Video]
- Ty_Webb on Fox Sports 1 Heavily in Pursuit of Former NFL Player Trevor Pryce and ESPN Chicago's Sarah Spain
- LesNessman on Miami Heat Remix of Pitbull's "Feel This Moment?" Dále!
- somewhereoverthedwaynebowe on Fox Sports 1 Heavily in Pursuit of Former NFL Player Trevor Pryce and ESPN Chicago's Sarah Spain
- ohheelyeah on Buffalo Bills Fan Has O.J. Simpson Mug Shot Tattoo on His Thigh
205 Responses to “Roundup: Eddie Murphy Didn’t Die, Daniel Tosh is Sorry & Peyton Manning Bought a House in Denver”
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July 12th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
This morning on the highway, I was behind a car with the license plate A55-BAG.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:33 AM
This is bullshit. I hate how a huge segment of the population just loves being offended and has the viewpoint that anyone with a different opinion or life view than their own is wrong and should be held accountable for it.
You went to a fucking comedy club and heckled the comedian, so he busted your balls. He didn’t encourage anyone to rape you, no matter how you try to spin it. Cool it with your faux-outrage.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:34 AM
It still boggles my mind that people think Penn State’s football program should be sanctioned/nuked/dissolved because of what a former employee did many years ago. Typical sports mouthbreathers taking this stance doesn’t surprise me. But PSU alumni?
July 12th, 2012 at 8:35 AM
This is the key phrase. Had Tosh just started saying that shit, unprovoked, then yeah, spit out that apology. But the woman interrupted his act. No rules exist at that point.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Tim McCarver + Joe Buck = Muting the tv and getting back to those old fashioned radio broadcasts
July 12th, 2012 at 8:36 AM
sentence you’re looking for?
the most powerful people at the university enabled him to go and rape more kids
July 12th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
This is bullshit. I hate how a huge segment of the population just loves being offended and has the viewpoint that anyone with a different opinion or life view than their own is wrong and should be held accountable for it.
You went to a fucking comedy club and heckled the comedian, so he busted your balls. He didn’t encourage anyone to rape you, no matter how you try to spin it. Cool it with your faux-outrage.
This + a billion
Have you seen his show?? Who did this bitch think she was going to see??
July 12th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Caption for the roundup pic?
Mediocre and Midget, LIVE at the ESPY’s.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Hayden P – definitely can get it
July 12th, 2012 at 8:39 AM
Hayden P – definitely can get it
Plus she is invincible so each time you bang its like its the first time!!
July 12th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
im skeptical. maybe an ex-SEAL trainer…but lets just ask ourselves these questions. why would an active SEAL be in buffalo for nothing? if they werent on duty, or in coronado or little creek training themselves, did they just do this as a favor? are SEALs outsourcing training now?
wish they had been a little more descriptive…but lotta sports celebs doing shit with SEALs lately. the narrative i bought into about SEALs training all the time must have some time allowed for shootyfun with athletes.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
she’s got a stellar tush.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
The Varys was top notch
You should have read Duffy’s piece about how this isn’t an NCAA issue
July 12th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Rape jokes are usually comedy gold, but Tosh sucks and the woman just didn’t know how to properly react to this fact…. “Don’t blame the rape joke… blame the below average comedian delivering it”- Churchill
July 12th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
one of churchill’s finest quotes.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Midget lover.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
sophie, bubaloo…the body’s fantastic. gotta work on that face tho, f’real.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
The whole package is looking good.
Thoretical…Anna Paquin or Hayden P?
July 12th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Can we get a moratorium on Olivia Munn in the Roundup?
July 12th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
hayden…paquin’s always had something about her i find strange.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Hayden P, no question.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:47 AM
The whole being married to your co-star and being bi-sexual thing?
But yeah, high fives St Bear & Spence
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
i had no idea about either of those, but i was going more along the lines of “i think her mouth looks weird or something.”
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
Roethlis …
Roundup picks are usually determined by who just went to an event, showed up on the red carpet, and posed for pics. Otherwise, we have to recycle.
Tell Scarlett to go out more.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
That’s not really accurate. Only Jerry Sandusky is responsible for raping kids. I’d say that different actions of the school president and AD could have prevented Sandusky from continuing to rape kids at Penn State — which is one reason I remain disgusted at the unending focus on the deceased Paterno when guys like Spanier are still running around without charges.
Regardless, it has nothing to do with football. It’s a criminal scandal involving a university.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
Paquin, landslide. Love that body and the gapped teeth are oddly attractive.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
TBL really, really needs some new sponsored posts. Or at least allow us to mock-comment on that one.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
Queefer, you haven’t read the documents, have you?
Sandusky was raping kids ON TRIPS TO BOWL GAMES. AND ON CAMPUS.
EVERYONE KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. They – the football program and the school admin – looked the other way.
Have you not followed this case at all?
I’m done here.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:52 AM
That’s a good one. I get behind a lady in a mini van from time to time with a tag that reads “LUVBEVO”….. in Alabama. I’m surprised she’s still alive.
Olivia Munn can GET IT
/Team Brunette
July 12th, 2012 at 8:52 AM
yea, but all those guys are gone now. the football program itself wasn’t to blame…just the idiots running it. if anything, PSU should be required to put an ugly, hideous, ill-matching logo on their uniforms as pennance.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
Like most things, you take an argument presented to you, make a blanket statement that is only tangiently related, and then pronounce all of us clueless. You really suck at this.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
I wasn’t offended by that joke nearly as much as I am by the premise that Daniel Tosh is considered funny.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
What case? And there’s no evidence that anyone knew this was happening. If so, please post those sources.
None of what you said has anything to do with the NCAA or the football team. The current athletes who were barely infants when Sandusky was still an employee should not pay the price for other people’s inaction (including Second Mile, Child Services, the State College Police Department, and Tom Corbett).
July 12th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
I understand that, but it just seems we’re subject to a photo of Olivia Munn every week.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Actually, they had 1 3rd party report of an incident.
This is my favorite part, facts that come out are now being retroactively “known” about. And not just by 3 or 4 people, but by EVERYBODY.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
she is putting ole man-face to shame up there.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
I’ll admit to liking him from time to time. His delivery is an acquired taste.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Well, in thorey, I am going with Hayden and I don’t even know why. Maybe her smile is better? Now, in THEORY?? Well, thats another situation entirely…
July 12th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Sad.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:57 AM
At this point I’m convinced JMac thinks that in freshman orientation they put his picture up, said “hey this guys a pedo, and if you come here you’re totally cool with that” and everyone cheers.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:57 AM
He’s OK. He’s the Tucker Max of comedy.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
Apparently, Penn State is more than a football program.
you’re a fucking troll.
July 12th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
It’s a well known fact that Paterno regularly had to use a bullhorn during halftime so his team can hear him over the rythmic slapping sounds coming from the showers.
/TBL
July 12th, 2012 at 8:59 AM
It really is enjoyable watching PSU fans/alumni get all indignant about the Sandusky stuff.
“LET ME PUT THIS CHILD RAPE INTO CONTEXT”
July 12th, 2012 at 8:59 AM
Is it wrong that I wanted them nuked before the allegations?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
LOL
July 12th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
hayden pennattnnemmanne has annoying face.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:01 AM
He’s the Tucker Max of comedy
tucker max. one of the biggest liars of all time, and one of the pioneers of the douche movement.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
Sad jokes aside, it really is depressing to go back and read the media coverage of this scandal as it unfolded. With few exceptions, the sports media utterly embarrassed themselves from start to finish. Hack writers would fall all over one other trying to write the most outrageous column — Paterno should be reprimanded no fired no charged no arrested no shot! Penn State should be investigated, lose it’s football program, and burned to the ground — without ever once stopping to check how far over the line they had traveled. I don’t really expect better, but the almost total lack of dissenting voices was really disappointing.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
Nice job of trying to piss off the fans, Bud. Instead of pointing out that their attendance is up 7%, he bitches that they still aren’t drawing big enough crowds.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
I think JMac loaned the old Billy Wagner to the Freeh committee – their website is not handling this well.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
Have to agree with TBL (winces) that it is more than the child rape happening that most people are upset over. It’s that after a rythmic slap slap slapping was seen and reported, this dude kept rythmically slap slap slapping kids for years.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
So you mean to tell me that these were the only two splitties at the ESPY’s? Bullshit. You chose them because you always choose them. Theres nothing wrong with that, but these two goobers aren’t the only attractive women who were out in the last few days at some event.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
Meh. Had this involved higher-ups in the Business and Economics or Fine Arts programs instead of the football program, heads would have rolled right then and there.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
“I can’t buy sexy lingerie, I can drape a nice sheet over me.”
July 12th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Eh, that’s not really what’s happening here. There’s a difference between excusing child rape – which no one is doing – and trying to inject some common sense into a situation that many have blown completely out of control.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
It really is enjoyable watching PSU fans/alumni get all indignant about the Sandusky stuff.
“LET ME PUT THIS CHILD RAPE INTO CONTEXT”
when the sports media has headlines like “Apparently, Penn State is more than a football program.”, people get a little pissed off. It is one of the top public colleges in the country. It has graduated Nobel Prize winners (maybe just one, but still). Joseph Heller started writing Catch-22 while a professor there. It is far more than just a football program.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
He’s not wrong.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
This. Although common sense and pageviews rarely have anything in common.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
It’s that after a rythmic slap slap slapping was seen and reported, this dude kept rythmically slap slap slapping kids for years.
yeah, but thats the media’s fault.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Pedobear a little too on the nose?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Look, I don’t think Penn St should have its football program dissolved or heavily sanctioned. BUT to say this has nothing to do with football is asinine. Sandusky was….ya know, a football coach and allowed by the football team to use their facilities and keep using their facilities after he retired, including after someone saw him ham-slamming some kid. The head football coach was told and he in turn told univiersity officials, including the athletic director. This is not all bout football, but football is a big part or it, the biggest part being that some monster was allowed to rape and keep raping kids because of his association with Penn State football.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Reminds me of the chicks who went to see Tracy Morgan when he came to my school, got all offended and left when he started talking about butt sex
July 12th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
And how is the football program responsible for those actions? What were current players supposed to do about that?
Paterno was fired over the phone within a week of the scandal breaking. Spanier was out as well. Schultz and Curley are probably going to jail. Seems like heads rolled.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
And nuke any ties to Neil Diamond.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
but even then you wouldn’t cancel the economics or fine arts program.
the people who are responsible for these acts and the cover ups have all been removed from the program.
punishing the program, players and staff for what was done by people no longer associated with the case just reeks of angry populist reaction driven by media folks who just want pageviews from the angry populists.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
Thought Kobe fired the first Dream Team shot and Chuck was just responding?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
Please stop with the contortions to defend any part of the PSU football program, people. The people in charge are all cowards and complicit in the entire thing, including Paterno. And if the program gets fucked then so be it. It’s only football. JMac is right on this one.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
I thought that’s what Curley and the AD are in trouble for (sure, technically it’s the perjury associated with the excusing) and Spanier is under investigation for.
Joe Pa’s in the clear, though, cause he didn’t know a man could do that to a boy.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:10 AM
You can’t expect people who are riding the outrage train (EVERYONE KNEW!) to find the nuance. You especially aren’t going to get nuance from people who didn’t care for the school in the first place.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
The Big Pageview > The Big Common Sense?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
Just read the summary of the Freeh report – not exactly kind to the “Big 4″ (Paterno, Spanier, Curley, Schulz).
July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
And how is the football program responsible for those actions? What were current players supposed to do about that?
by this logic, no current players should ever get punished for the actions of the programs previous actions.
the football program at PSU had a part. not all of it, but they had a part.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
I liked when after the Michigan basketball stuff with Ed Martin came out after about a decade those kids were barred from postseason play as if they had been giving Chris Webber money
July 12th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
sorry, no coffee yet.
by this logic, no current players should ever get punished for previous actions of the program.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
And that’s my point. If Sandusky was the Alumni Director or Dean of Student Services when he got caught he would have been in jail the next day, not 10+ years later.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
The football program is responsible for having Sandusky around and not stopping him when they had the chance. One fucking coach said he got in the showers when Sandusky was there just to make sure he would stop raping the kid and just leave.
The current players have nothing to do with it of course, but the program should be held accountable. In my previous comment I said that I don’t think there should be any major sanctions, but this notion that the football program as a whole has no part in this is retarded.
Penn State should and will be allowed to play football this year and for years to come, but the program should be left on them for what happened for what its leadership did.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Yeah, I understand. The general stupidity of our society is a rather large pet peeve of mine to begin with. It would just be nice if a scandal of this magnitude didn’t devolve into hyperbole and pageviews.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Someone needs to say a dick joke or post a link to some boobs or something, I’m not in the mood for the same old arguments.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
The only reason he was able to continue to buttfuck boys for over a decade is because football was the most important thing in Happy Valley.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Nor should it be.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
roeth, what’s the url?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
That fantasy baseball kid in the spam post looks like he got his ass kicked every single day in school.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Here’s the Executive Summary.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
Here you go
July 12th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
It was never going to be. Hell, it wasn’t designed to be. This was a report to reach a rather pre-ordained conclusion.
That said, is there anything new in there? We already knew Curley, Spanier, and Schultz didn’t act when they should.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
+15 years of irrelevancy.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Freeh Report.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
/dick joke
July 12th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
that server is getting worked right now
July 12th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
best baseball hats of all-time …
can respect an list that doesn’t soley gameday hats (not BP hats or golf-version) hats, but i’ve at least five of those Tigers hats going back to HS just because they’re so smooth.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Its incredible that in 2012 people still don’t understand server capacity.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
I see your defense and raise you a Maginot Line.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
You missed something brah, I went ahead and got it for you.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:20 AM
One too many cups of coffee this morning. I’m starting to break out in a sweat.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Sorry for the cut/paste, but here you go for those who can’t get on the server:
II. Findings
Our most saddening and sobering finding is the total disregard for the safety and
welfare of Sandusky’s child victims by the most senior leaders at Penn State. The most
powerful men at Penn State failed to take any steps for 14 years to protect the children
who Sandusky victimized. Messrs. Spanier, Schultz, Paterno and Curley never
demonstrated, through actions or words, any concern for the safety and well-being of
Sandusky’s victims until after Sandusky’s arrest.
In critical written correspondence that we uncovered on March 20th of this year,
we see evidence of their proposed plan of action in February 2001 that included
reporting allegations about Sandusky to the authorities. After Mr. Curley consulted with
Mr. Paterno, however, they changed the plan and decided not to make a report to the
authorities. Their failure to protect the February 9, 2001 child victim, or make attempts
to identify him, created a dangerous situation for other unknown, unsuspecting young
boys who were lured to the Penn State campus and football games by Sandusky and
victimized repeatedly by him.
Further, they exposed this child to additional harm by alerting Sandusky, who
was the only one who knew the child’s identity, about what McQueary saw in the
shower on the night of February 9, 2001.
The stated reasons by Messrs. Spanier, Schultz, Paterno and Curley for not
taking action to identify the victim and for not reporting Sandusky to the police or Child
Welfare are:
(1) Through counsel, Messrs. Curley and Schultz have stated that the “humane”
thing to do in 2001 was to carefully and responsibly assess the best way to handle
vague but troubling allegations.
(2) Mr. Paterno said that “I didn’t know exactly how to handle it and I was afraid
to do something that might jeopardize what the university procedure was. So I backed
away and turned it over to some other people, people I thought would have a little more
expertise than I did. It didn’t work out that way.”
(3) Mr. Spanier told the Special Investigative Counsel that he was never told by
anyone that the February 2001 incident in the shower involved the sexual abuse of a
child but only “horsing around.” He further stated that he never asked what “horsing
around” by Sandusky entailed.
Taking into account the available witness statements and evidence, it is more
reasonable to conclude that, in order to avoid the consequences of bad publicity, the
most powerful leaders at Penn State University – Messrs. Spanier, Schultz, Paterno and
Curley – repeatedly concealed critical facts relating to Sandusky’s child abuse from the
authorities, the Board of Trustees, Penn State community, and the public at large.
Although concern to treat the child abuser humanely was expressly stated, no such
sentiments were ever expressed by them for Sandusky’s victims.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
No need to worry about him anymore, God already took care of that guy.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:22 AM
University Police knew about 1998 and did nothing. Wow.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
It was real.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Read the Executive Summary.
I can’t see any way Spanier, Schultz, and Curley escape a guilty plea in their cases.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
That Tim McCarver link is likely to go down as the least clicked link in a roundup ever right ?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
So yesterday I was supposed to have jury duty but I called the phone number the night before and was on the list of those who didn’t have to show up. Of course I took the day off anyhow but now my boss is asking for proof of jury duty. How do I get out of this one?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
So Paterno knew of 1998 allegations? Hmm…
July 12th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
So Paterno was anxious to know the results of the investigation and police found nothing. Not really sure what that means yet. If I was in his shoes I’m not sure what I would have done at that point.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
One too many cups of coffee this morning. I’m starting to break out in a sweat.
a healthy pinch of skoal will counter that.
i prefer apple blend.
/spencer
July 12th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Can you just say that you showed up and they dicked you around and then sent you home without proof?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Time to go to the courthouse for a voucher. Play dumb when they asked why you came. Get a receipt from a parking garage nearby.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
did you take the day off as a jury duty day or just a day off?
that’s tough. plead ignorance about the days counting differently, mea culpa, and ask if the system can be changed to reflect a personal day rather than a jury duty day.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
Yeah but the police said there was no evidence. I dunno that’s a pretty tough spot to put someone in. If my friend was accused of child rape and the cops cleared him, I wouldn’t think anything of it.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
You have to kill him
July 12th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
My suggestion would be to take care of this during a 3 hour lunch break.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
That Tim McCarver link is likely to go down as the least clicked link in a roundup ever right ?
a changeup is slower than a fastball but the key is replicating the arm action of a fastball.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
There is no debate. The Dream Team is the greatest basketball team to ever be assembled. If you don’t think Michael Jordan at his prime would wipe the fucking floor with LBJ and Kobe at age 34 then you’re really stupid and should never have kids so your stupidity doesn’t spread.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
That is pretty much what I said. That I showed up, handed in my questionaire, and was sent home later. They mail out the proof a few weeks later. I think I will just tell my boss I never rec’d it and just bring in the original letter telling me I had jury duty.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
LOL. I like this. I want to use it.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
I took it off as jury duty.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
This x 1,000,000
July 12th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Sportsgal is spot on here.
/cringes
July 12th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
two words…
HARLEM.
GLOBETROTTERS.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
you’re boss kind of sounds like a dick.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
The Dream Team is the greatest basketball team to ever be assembled.
I agree, but how in the fuck then did they lose to a college team?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
I’m voting for the Deering Tornadoes…don’t believe they ever suffered defeat either
July 12th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
I love you man!
July 12th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
If my friend was accused of child rape and the cops cleared him, I wouldn’t think anything of it.
in this example, you must be the most powerful man in town with connections to the cops. probably should think a little more of it.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
Hangovers make mortals of us all
July 12th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
HE’S JUST SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE IT!!!!
July 12th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
Maybe MJ had money on the college team
July 12th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Also, I’d like to wish Dwayne Wade another gigantic FUCK YOU for saying he thinks NBA players should be paid to represent their country in the Olympics.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
play dumb about procedures, drag it out and hope it’s forgotten, unless you have a boss that’s cool. if they are cool, play it straight, tell them you went there and were dismissed right away, since it was already 10am, or whatever, you didn’t think it was a problem. my bad, won’t happen again, etc.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
that game was fixed…they were using a ladder for crissakes.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
I agree. Aside from Jordan, how is Tyson Chandler going to stop Ewing and Robinson?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
never mind, saw your post about telling your boss.
don’t dig too deep a hole, keep the lies simple.
and remember, it’s not lying if you believe it.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Maybe MJ had money on the college team
I wouldn’t put it past that degenerate gambler.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
No, he couldn’t possibly have said that. There is no way, I refuse to beleive that someone, even as egotisitcal as Wade would ever say that.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
AAU breeds mercenaries. kids that go to college are better than that.
/idiot sportswriter
July 12th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
now that’s the sportsgal we’ve all come to appreciate
July 12th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
then you’re really stupid and should never have kids so your stupidity doesn’t spread.
Rawwwrrr
July 12th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
obligatory.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Haha, isn’t this the truth. There are lies I told as a kid that I still believe happened and have to remind myself I made them up.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Holy crap that’s cute.
/team tiger cub
July 12th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
Penn St. shouldn’t be “nuked”, but there should definitely be something done by the NCAA and Penn St. internally to show that they do have some remorse as a University about what happened.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
so reading the executive summary and timeline, I have a few questions/comments:
-He was cleared by police in 1998, something that notes show Paterno was pressing to find out about while it was being investigated. It was a weird event, but he was cleared.
-Paterno reported to Curley and Schultz the 2001 McQueary incident.
-They buried it, with a cryptic mention of Paterno
-Why the fuck did they continue to let Sandusky use facilities and do business with him after that? I really wish it gave a time of day that the events at the Lasch Building occurred, so that you could know if people would have been around to see Sandusky there, and “know” what was going on. Our practice facility was across the street from there, and it is pretty deserted over there after 5:00 or so.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
like the snake that chased me across the yard. fuck you, snake!
July 12th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Does Munn have vitiligo on her tits or something?
July 12th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
/team tiger cub
*adjusts Lion hat*
July 12th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
just looks like there was some shade partially covering her
July 12th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
/team bear cub
July 12th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
It’s hard to explain the idea that he was still allowed to use the facilities. Paterno shares some blame in this.
The idea that Paterno willingly harbored a child molester is pretty well destroyed by this report. He followed up incessantly in 1998 hoping to get to the bottom of the investigation. Once DPW and the police cleared Sandusky, there was no reason for him or anyone else to consider him a pedophile. I wish we knew more about what Paterno said regarding the 2001 incident.
July 12th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
You wouldn’t think *anything* of it? Really?
July 12th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Queefer, maybe you should stop talking for a while.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Man I feel like I threw up in a trash bag last night, probably because I threw up in a trash bag last night. Fuck this.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Yeah, you made a few good points, but you’re still hanging on to the old man a bit much. Let people yell and scream and be angry today and we’ll all move on.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:07 AM
I wonder if this years USA squad is using this us vs. ’92 Dream Team as some sort of motivator for this years games. They knew those comments would be scrutinized and attacked. Well done, Kobe.
/USA! USA!
July 12th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Had the media done their jobs when the scandal broke and not been so concerned about pageviews, none of this would be news today.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
It’s hard to explain the idea that he was still allowed to use the facilities. Paterno shares some blame in this.
maybe, that’s why I’m interested in time of day. the road leading to the Lasch building deadends into a parking lot, with Lacsh/Holuba Hall on one side, and the ice hockey rink/indoor track on the other (or at the time, they’ve rebuilt some of that). after practices were over, there’s not a lot of people there. why didn’t they take his keys to the building?
July 12th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
she shows her tits in Magic Mike for a good 20 seconds.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Uh…
July 12th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Oh, still talking about rape I see.
/exits quietly
July 12th, 2012 at 10:10 AM
“Paterno showed no concern for Sandusky’s victims.”
Yep, great guy.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
Man I feel like I threw up in a trash bag last night, probably because I threw up in a trash bag last night. Fuck this.
if you were sober enough to make the trash bag before puking, you needed another drink.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Uhmm…duh?
July 12th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
He was wearing the trash bag.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
Veteran move right there.
/respect
July 12th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
God that Sara Ganim chick is busted.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
This week has motherfucking sucked.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:18 AM
they all fucking lied to the grand jury about knowledge of 1998, including Paterno. Why? just say we heard, and police cleared him, with a psychologist report that Sandusky didn’t exhibit pedophilic behavior. Why lie?
July 12th, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Worst place you’ve puked?
Mine – booted in an airport van on the way to a hotel. All over everyone’s luggage (except mine) and in front of the only hot girl in my engineering class who I was making in-roads with up to that point.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Dear QueeferSutherland,
You are fucking disgrace. Leave. Please.
Signed,
Everyone
July 12th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
I yaked 2-3 times on an early flight the morning after going on a booze cruise. It was brutal.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
17th hole, little mountain, with a shot at breaking 80.
/sadface
July 12th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
On myself, while driving.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:23 AM
Because in the era those guys are from, in the hyper-controlled bubble that is Happy Valley, they thought that could control the situation. Any reporter who has ever worked the area can tell you that.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:23 AM
Out of a moving car on the Roosevelt Blvd in the middle of January
July 12th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
In grade 8 on my desk, Cherry Brandy.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
Should add out my nose because I was trying to hold it in.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
I hangover ralphed at 545am in a gas station trashcan mid fill-up about 2 months ago on the way to play 18. Good thing they have napkins handy.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Worst part is, Paterno couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth. He hemmed and hawed about “rumors” being discussed in his presence, but nothing about receiving constant updates on the allegations.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:28 AM
I think the worst place to puke is anywhere that you puke.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
“Today you should’ve seen me and Mousy today at school today. I got cocked on a pint of Blackberry brandy, ate some THC on the bus. We were fucked. This teacher Mr. Rivera goes, “What’s wrong with you Delaney?” I go, “I’m totally fucked, maaaaan!” Everybody laughed like a bastard. “
July 12th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Chubs Stafford is doing OK in the lady dept
July 12th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
If my friend was accused of sexually assaulting a child, but no charges were filed, I would still be a little weirded out by that. Then if he was accused again three years later by someone I know and trusted, I would talk to my friend and alert the police. At this point he would stop being my friend. If the police did nothing, I don’t think I’d let that guy hang out at my athletic complex, or bring children to camps and practices or give him tickets to my teams football games. With the knowledge of the two previous allegations, if you see that guy with children, you have to at least wonder if he’s going to do something again. Joe Pa, Curley, Shultz, Spanier and McQueary didn’t seeem to be bothered by that
July 12th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Yeah, this. There was nothing to hide. Both police and DPW cleared Sandusky.
Paterno didn’t technically lie. He hid behind legalese. They asked him if he had knowledge of inappropriate sexual content and he said he only heard a rumor. Which, given the DPW and Police investigations, is accurate. It’s lying by omission and far less than truthful, but he didn’t technically lie. I know, I know, splitting hairs.
Rex, I worked as a reporter in Happy Valley. It was incredibly difficult to pry information from the football program. So yes, that would explain a lot. But it seems far easier to just tell the truth.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
Strongly disagree. Puking on grass or in the toilet is fine, puking all over your girlfriends mom’s bathroom in grade 10 or puking on a females acquaintances couch 10 minutes into her ‘grown up’ Halloween party are so different.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:32 AM
Better than Olivia Munn
July 12th, 2012 at 10:32 AM
That’s one way to get her alone.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
There was a Jim Sandusky that played for the BC Lions and Eskimos. I always thought he had something to hide too.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Veteran move right there.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Doesn’t everyone in Canada?
July 12th, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Worst place you’ve puked?
All over my clock radio….shorted it out…then slept late for my line cook job. No such thing as cell phone then as a back up alarm
July 12th, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Doesn’t everyone in Canada?
heh. Ya
July 12th, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Worst place you’ve puked?
the bathroom after every meal.
/fiona apple
July 12th, 2012 at 10:36 AM
Did not know that. Small world. As for the truth being far easier to tell, I’ll have to disagree with that one. This is a striking representation of the old power guys in movies who think they can keep a lid on anything they want. Look how long they succeeded? As I’ve said to every reporter since this occurred, “the failure” of 1998 was not that a solid enough case was not deemed to be had, but that it should have been the impetus to serious oversight of Sandusky. That was the failure. I couldn’t even guess a number that would be the people who heard the ’98 or ’01 rumors, but it would not be small. Personally, I think the worst was not the knowledge held by PSU, but the knowledge held by some in 2nd Mile.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:36 AM
Puked in my car while driving. That was probably the worst.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:37 AM
I’m not alone!
July 12th, 2012 at 10:39 AM
Agree that the failure of oversight is the chief issue here. If a friend of mine is cleared of child sex abuses charges, I don’t restrict his access to campus or fire him. But I do make sure someone keeps an eye on his actions. For that not to take place is mind-boggling.
And Second Mile, for whatever reason, is getting a huge pass on this. I cant figure out why, either/
July 12th, 2012 at 10:42 AM
In a drive through car wash at 2 in the morning, holding on to one of those brushes that spin down the side of your car.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
/ the new coop’d
July 12th, 2012 at 10:49 AM
Out the window of a car on the highway. Only problem was the wind blew it all back in and all over my buddies in the back seat. The next day when we cleaned the car you could see the outlines of my buddies faces from the dried on puke.
July 12th, 2012 at 10:49 AM
So in addition to date rape jokes, he also does jokes about anal that leads to someone crapping the bed?
/ Earlier-this-week thread’d
July 12th, 2012 at 10:51 AM
Also, out of respect for Scripty, I will refrain from drawing any Penn State-Catholic Church analogies this morning.
/ Lettin’ it go
July 12th, 2012 at 10:55 AM
Hayden Panettiere something Klitschko something clit.
July 12th, 2012 at 11:00 AM
Jimi Hendrix’s esophagus.
/ “The official explanation was he choked on vomit. … It was actually someone else’s vomit.”
July 12th, 2012 at 11:00 AM
OK, Vez, you take it from here …
July 12th, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Nada -
Um, when you are done here, can you turn off the lights. Thanks.
July 12th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
The report doesn’t show that Sandusky was cleared, rather that (and rex likely knows more about this) the physcilogists reort made it impossible to convict him. Thus the case was closed, but I don’t think it’s accurate to say that Sandusky was “cleared.”