Bruce Allen Used a Guest Appearance on MMQB to Kiss His Boss Daniel Snyder’s Butt
Bruce Allen, General Manager of the Redskins, was this week’s guest columnist on Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback, while King is on vacation. Sometimes these guest columns can lead to excellent stories and insight; other times you get, well, Bruce Allen.
Allen used this platform to basically let us know that he is a grumpy old white guy, and that he is willing to kiss his boss, Daniel Snyder’s, butt. This is Allen on Snyder:
Today, I’m constantly impressed by the active, non-stop, brilliantly quick and witty mind of Dan Snyder. There is no better example of America being the land of opportunity than Dan’s story — a boy growing up rooting for his favorite team each Sunday alongside his hard-working father, then becoming owner of that team and striving for a championship for the fans and community.
That paragraph immediately followed the one where he talked about his former bosses, the Glazer family. He described the Glazers as “the leading experts in sports franchise ownership” thanks to also owning Manchester United. He tells us that the owners who had one of the lowest payrolls in the NFL while the cap rules were being adjusted, and did not have enough coaches to function if they fired Raheem Morris before the season ended, “have a burning desire to win on the field.”
Thanks for the insight, there, Bruce. Bruce Allen has had long time ties to the league thanks to his father, and the one entertaining nugget was a story about Halas, who taught him his first curse word, “Packers.” A guest piece where he just related stories from the league and its colorful characters could have been worthwhile. Instead, for the rest of this advertisement, we found out that Bruce Allen thinks players who used to play for his father or were former Redskins would be his choice for the Hall of Fame (without explanation as to why), that he loves the Redskins, that he wants the Redskins to win, and that he loves America. He also does not like staying up late and just like others that frequent buffets at 5 p.m. for the senior discount thinks Monday Night Football should start earlier and we shouldn’t have names on the back of jerseys.
It is at least good to know that Allen would move the kickoff back to the 40-yard line. “All of this talk about eliminating the kickoff is nonsense. The only question — why was the kickoff ever moved from the 40-yard line?”
That’s a good question, indeed. Wait . . . when was the kickoff ever at the 40-yard line?
This fluffy MMQB appearance by a current league executive merits a Good Job, Good Effort.
[photo via US Presswire]

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94 Responses to “Bruce Allen Used a Guest Appearance on MMQB to Kiss His Boss Daniel Snyder’s Butt”
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July 9th, 2012 at 3:17 PM
The only question — why was the kickoff ever moved from the 40-yard line?”
Oh, my.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Wait . . . when was the kickoff ever at the 40-yard line?
It’s from the NFL’s indie days. You probably never saw it. Football was cool then
July 9th, 2012 at 3:26 PM
PRINT MEDIA
July 9th, 2012 at 3:27 PM
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
/that game is shuffleboard
July 9th, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Seems like a great owner.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Except for Bob Kraft’s story where he grew up a season ticket holder, bought the team, then… you know… didn’t completely suck as an owner and brought a championship to his team.
Jonathan Kraft seemed like a pretty down-to-earth/decent guy when he was on the BR Report last season, too.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:29 PM
i don’t frequent the senior buffets (although being more spry you’d get to the buffet quicker for the freshest food), but i do think MNF should start at least 30 minutes earlier.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
The ghost of Snyder’s dead wife hasn’t lost his team a Super Bowl yet, though. Yet.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
I’d like to see MNF get cancelled and then have a re-boot 2 years later.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
She did draft Patrick Ramsey though.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:36 PM
Still a better story than William Clay Ford’s inherit a shitload of money, marry someone who also has a shitload of money, buy an NFL team, and suck ass for 50 years.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Manifest Destiny actually had MNF in mind…move westward, son.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
rumor has it the lions are going to sign frank reich, since he’s a thousand years old.
/because ford’s a dumbass and probably a nazi sympathizer like pops
July 9th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Still a better story than William Clay Ford’s inherit a shitload of money, marry someone who also has a shitload of money, buy an NFL team, and suck ass for 50 years.
high hurdle to clear there.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Already seems like another doomed Matthew Perry vehicle where he’s the wise-cracking color analyst
July 9th, 2012 at 3:39 PM
NFL should add one 11:00am start each Sunday.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Leave that mess to the college game and let the fine people of Green Bay drink in the parking lot for another hour
July 9th, 2012 at 3:41 PM
the best place for sports is hawaii, can’t wait to retire there. 6 hour time difference, wake up early for football on sundays, be done by dinner time and still have time to watch the sunday night tv shows.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:42 PM
NFL should add one 11:00am start each Sunday
That’s a good idea. Let slacker East Coasters get a feel for the coast their lazy asses should have been on all along. I love waking up after the games have started
July 9th, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Hells bells.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:43 PM
Thats the worst idea Ive ever heard. Sunday morning is for church. What they should do is move some more 1:00 starts to 4:00
July 9th, 2012 at 3:44 PM
Football at 7am in the morning? Not so sure on that. As much as I love Hawaii, not for sports.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:44 PM
Go to an earlier Mass. Only rummys go to an 11:00 AM Mass.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:45 PM
I have a choice of 8 and 10 and 11:30. I am not getting up at 7 AM on a Sunday morning until I have a screaming child, thankyouverymuch.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:46 PM
a politically correct response… it’s DC, what’d you expect?
July 9th, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Buddy of mine lives out there, get texts during the Badger games sometimes that he woke up at 6 for (and like a true Son of Wisconsin kid’s got a cocktail in hand)
July 9th, 2012 at 3:47 PM
And Halt.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:47 PM
Yikes.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:48 PM
8am during the football season…I think I like this idea.
Also…church is for suckers.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:48 PM
seems to me you could save yourself the trouble and also an hour by…
/sniped
July 9th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
Should I have included a qualifier? Sunday morning is for church for a lot of NFL fans. Not sure why that statement needs to be attacked, it’s the truth.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
the best place for sports is hawaii, can’t wait to retire there. 6 hour time difference, wake up early for football on sundays, be done by dinner time and still have time to watch the sunday night tv shows.
if i lived in Hawaii, i sure as shit wouldn’t watch TV for 15 straight hours.
/team surfing
July 9th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
I’m with CJ. I like a 2:00 start even though it’ll never happen.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:50 PM
sunday morning is for Three Stooges, not church.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:50 PM
do you know why college football is played on saturdays and there aren’t any nfl teams in the southeast?
it aint just coincindence, i’ll tell you whut.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Sunday morning is for Sports Reporters. Duh.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Say what now?
July 9th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
the worst idea Ive ever heard: Sunday morning is for church.
/Fixed
July 9th, 2012 at 3:52 PM
Ones people care about I assume was what he meant
July 9th, 2012 at 3:52 PM
My map must be broken.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:52 PM
Sleeping in, making breakfast and then doing a beer run for the 10 hours of football watching.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:52 PM
i really only watch the pats when they are on, or if it’s a great match up i’d watch teams i don’t care about.
i’d be happy to wake up at 7 for the pats, enjoy a nice leisurely breakfast, be done by 10am, and have the entire day to do what i want. my wife would love it if she could sleep through most of my football watching anyway.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
Indeed. Sunday morning is for bingers, hungover brunch, and drinking three Gatorades then passing out for six more hours.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
jacksonville doesn’t count as either an NFL team or in the southeast, since they’ll be gone in like no time flat.
and my little riddle was just trying to poke fun at dumb religious southerners.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
hawaii…sigh…
/reminisces of the plantation course
July 9th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
I like college football starting at Noon EST as a good measure of when to start drinking. EPL is always tough with 8am beer drinking but not as bad as the South Africa World Cup with 7:30 am drinking.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
I’ll allow it.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Wow. Not a lot of church fans here.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Seriously, I’m just gonna back away now. Getting a lot of heat for no good reason.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
atheism makes me feel a part of something, you know?
July 9th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
agreed…fuck this weather.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Oh, don’t get me wrong…they know opulence. Great buildings, tons of great art (painted and sculpture).
Big fan of churches…not a fan of church.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
i prefer to believe in Nihilism.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Well, you are from Ohio…
/ I keed, I keed
July 9th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Wow. Not a lot of church fans here.
did church ever bring the browns a superbowl? did they keep lebron in town?!? do the indians exist!?!
/mr096
July 9th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Like trying to herd bitter cats with a garden hose.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
exactly…i see the horrors of blindly following twisted human interpretations every day.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
or trying to get rid of a family of raccoons in the barn.
/pours one out.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I was born a snake handler and I’ll die a snake handler.
July 9th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I have a choice of 8 and 10 and 11:30. I am not getting up at 7 AM on a Sunday morning until I have a screaming child, thankyouverymuch.
The time you are looking for is 3AM on a Sunday. Trust all is going well.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:01 PM
http://www.nola.com/opinions/index.ssf/2012/07/louisiana_lawmaker_needs_lesso.html
Hilarious story, considering what we are talking about now. Louisiana lawmaker supports voucher program for religious schools, until she finds out Islamic schools are also eligible.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:01 PM
Has anyone set a date yet when the Feast of Maximum Occupancy can be observed?
July 9th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
A-HA!!!
July 9th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
i lolled.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:03 PM
I emphatically agree.
And, there are so many times games come on (Sunday AM, Sunday afternoon, Sunday night, Monday night, Thursday night), I don’t miss the games I really want to watch.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:03 PM
…she’s not a history buff either.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
I go to church each week, but damn, waiting til the late service. kill me. growing up they had a 630am service at this one church by my house. My dad would drag me up there, and we could be teeing off the first tee, or on lake erie fishing by 715.
/but that mass helped out a lot of people that had to work on SUN.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
We would go to Saturday night mass which was at 5:15 I want to say…made me miss the end of #1 Ohio State losing to MSU in ’98, started turning the way of the atheist that very night
July 9th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
i cried that night.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
when i was in HS i used the church’s complimentary lemonade for bikers to mix my rail vodka drinks.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
/The original Coop’d
July 9th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
it was the 11am or nothing when i was growing up, and b/c it was a popular church you had to get there at 1015 to get a seat, 1030 or later was normally SRO. numerous things turned me off to church, this whole process of getting there so early and sitting around was one of them.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
made me miss the end of #1 Ohio State losing to MSU in ’98, started turning the way of the atheist that very night
I was in the Ceasar’s Palace in Vegas.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:11 PM
I just didn’t like the characters.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:12 PM
America’s Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity,
…she’s not a history buff either.
History is a lot easier if you just gloss over the parts you don’t like or that were too hard to remember.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:14 PM
who doesn’t like cherry picking the facts that support their argument.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:16 PM
You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he’s got to say.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Making up history is much more fun. Especially when it’s your job.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
remember when rommel slapped king kamehameha when delivering elk to hawaii? that was aweosme.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
sorry, golf question.
how important is a good putter? i always thought it was overrated, if you cant putt, you cant putt. i have a old putter, and wonder if i would do better with something new.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:24 PM
the putter itself is less important than if it fits your and your stroke.
you’re not going to sink more putts with a new scotty over an old bullseye or 8802 like you’ll gain 20+ yards with a titanium driver over a persimmon.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:24 PM
remember when rommel slapped king kamehameha when delivering elk to hawaii? that was aweosme.
So good!
July 9th, 2012 at 4:30 PM
Until last year, I putted with a 15-year old TP Mills putter. A very good but not high end putter. I putted lights out from 15 feet and in and at times decently. I recently moved to a $70 putter and marginally imprpoved, the switch being mainly to improve my lag putting.
I think you can do okay with an old putter. From my experience, a vast sum of putting issues are due to poor set up. That is the first thing I would consider. Do you manipulate the putter at address? Every putter is made to putt straight. Changing it’s lie is where putts go to die. Then work on improving your stroke, proper tempo.
Then if all else fails, look at new ones. GolferCraig sounds like the real putter expert. But I putt alot and I think set-up is so so vital. If you like the feel of your old one, don’t abandon it.
I would worry if you are good at lagging and struggle on short ones though. That is rarely the case.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:33 PM
Yep.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:33 PM
THIS.
also, two good links.
1 and 2.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:35 PM
how important is a good putter? i always thought it was overrated, if you cant putt, you cant putt. i have a old putter, and wonder if i would do better with something new.
the putter itself is more about comfort. sure, there are putters out there with more feel, better weight distro, etc that can be had for a higher price, but you just need to be comfortable and confident with what’s in your hands (no homo). except belly putters; there’s no excuse for using one of the gayest fads since hybrid clubs.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:36 PM
white pants are a gayer fad than hybrid clubs.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:42 PM
mp iii,
check your putter grip. People often neglect changing the grip on their putter. An older grip can cause a tighter grip which is death.
Then look at your actual hands-on-the-club-grip. I’m in the “both thumbs point down” group. That allows you to use the tops of your hands for pointing to/from your target.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:43 PM
remember when rommel slapped king kamehameha when delivering elk to hawaii? that was aweosme.
That mischievous Sanford B. Dole stuck a banana in the tailpipe of Rommel’s car while he was in the palace. Things took a turn from that point on. And that’s how global warming started.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:45 PM
white pants are a gayer fad than hybrid clubs.
i don’t know how you keep them clean if you’re a digger.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:48 PM
I will murder you with any of my hybrids. take it back.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
I will murder you with any of my hybrids. take it back.
Looks like someone has some naughty thoughts to ask forgiveness for in church.
July 9th, 2012 at 4:54 PM
least of my concerns, bro
July 9th, 2012 at 4:56 PM
least of my concerns, bro
Well clearly hiding the bodies is more important. You can always ask for forgiveness later, when there’s more time.