Tim Tebow Will Appear on The Bachelor (Note: Tim Tebow Will Not Appear on The Bachelor)
Tim Tebow is a swinging bachelor who will be attached to every single, chaste female celebrity or athlete from here to the day he finally marries one of them. Lolo Jones is among the many interested parties, but she may not get a chance if Tim Tebow becomes The Bachelor. At least that is [kind of] the hot goss from Access Hollywood Live. Via The Christian Post:
Tim Tebow has agreed to take part in “The Bachelor” reality television show, according to host Chris Harrison, who also expressed doubt that the professional athlete would actually appear on the ABC program.
Wow. Didn’t even get out of the first sentence before rendering the entire thing pointless. That’s impressive. Harrison went on to share more juicy details about how Tim Tebow [will not] appear on The Bachelor.
“I met about him becoming our next Bachelor, I think he’d be a great Bachelor,” Harrison said. “He did say yes, but he’d never do it. He has a little job called quarterback in the NFL.”
So now you’re calling Tebow a liar? That’s a sin, my man. That dog won’t hunt and that quarterback won’t lie. Tebow will have no choice but to appear on The Bachelor after he (or his handlers) see that someone flat out accused him of lying. Right after he finishes his little job called quarterback in the N-F-L, Tim Tebow will definitely appear on The Bachelor. That will show everyone.
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July 5th, 2012 at 3:47 PM
expanded
July 5th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
agreed it’s a little job if you’re backing up mark sanchez.
July 5th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Poor Sanchez can’t even get a post these days. That Jets QB situation is going to be a hilarious tire fire all year. Matt McGloin and Rob Bolden type of idiocy, where its the 4th quarter and you literally have no idea which QB is playing the next possession.
July 5th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
LOOK AT THE STATS…4TH QUARTER’S TEBOW TIME.
/sans context
July 5th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Excellent caption on the second picture.
July 5th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
/sans context
Ah yes, the less famous Fifth Estate from the French Revolution. The Sans Context were never as famous as the Sans Coulettes, but this may be because the points they made in speeches and in pamphlets were not presented alongside other relevant facts.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
horatio, what if we did one of these memes without you in it?
i guess that’d make it…
/sunglasses
…horatio, sans.
/YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 5th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Real awkward filming The Bachelor when Tebow starts blowing the sound boom guy.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
this dumpster fire is loaded with easy cheese
July 5th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
holy shit…check out the chops on the guy right above serpenis’ shoulder. nice sideburns, ambrose burnside.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
“Hal, what does this mean? Hal?”
/Loudon Downey’d
July 5th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
serena’s got man hands.
/this is my surprised face
July 5th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
damn msnbc.com and huffingtonpost for that slideshow of the portraits of dogs on death row. damn them.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:11 PM
meanwhile..
July 5th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 5th, 2012 at 4:16 PM
I see that a play on words about a faction of the French Revolution is as well-received as a poopy-flavored popsicle in these parts.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:17 PM
i was going to keep it up, but, much like the french, i just said “fuck it” and gave up.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
spaking of “easy cheese…”
/nods at 17
//WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?!?!
July 5th, 2012 at 4:23 PM
I’m in the ‘pen, like Livan Hernandez.
OT: White Sox 2, Rangers 1. Texas only got two hits. Youk scored both runs for the “Good Guys”. Game started in 100-degree heat, ended in a rain shower.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:25 PM
//WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?!?!
I’m still available to talk about the Carlos Lee trade. Or Europe (the continent, not the band). Or non-AQ college football.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:27 PM
You think the Western Mustangs can turn it around?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:28 PM
This would have made it so much more entertaining.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:29 PM
You think the Western Mustangs can turn it around?
Is that CFL?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:29 PM
I like the fact this thread had references to both Sans Culotte and AMbrose Burnside.
Can’t have a revolution without repugnant facial hair.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:30 PM
ms, ya didn’t ask me, but since this is the Internet, I butt in.
Dominguez, IMO, has topped out at AAA. Don’t think he’ll help you much. You could move either Martinez or Bogusevic to 1B, and plug somebody else into the outfield. Or, call Wallace up once and for all to see if he can be your long-term 1B.
Thoughts?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:31 PM
LOOK AT THE STATS…4TH QUARTER’S TEBOW TIME.
/throws jump pass
July 5th, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Are they still playing professional baseball in Houston and Denver?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:33 PM
I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn’t say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there’s a page that you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.
-jack handey
July 5th, 2012 at 4:34 PM
what the fuck is with people saying “Right”? after every sentence? is this the new “it is what it is”???
July 5th, 2012 at 4:36 PM
ms, ya didn’t ask me, but since this is the Internet, I butt in.
Dominguez, IMO, has topped out at AAA. Don’t think he’ll help you much. You could move either Martinez or Bogusevic to 1B, and plug somebody else into the outfield. Or, call Wallace up once and for all to see if he can be your long-term 1B.
Thoughts?
I’ll talk about the Astros with any and everyone. You are always welcome to chime in.
That was the consensus on Dominguez when I talked with Phillymantis earlier. Wallace tore it up when we called him up from AAA in June while Lee was on the DL. I imagine they’ll move him to first and let him try to hold it down for the rest of the season. If Wallace doesn’t work out at first, Matt Downes is the other option there. Downes is the definition of a plug-in guy. Nothing spectacular, but he can field the position. I don’t know that either Martinez or Bogusevic have any experience playing the infield (though Bogusevic was drafted as a pithcer out of Tulane, so I guess he actually has some experience). Of those, I’d say Bogusevic is more likely to move in. He’s a better, more adaptable athlete than Martinez. Martinez is the only real power hitter of note we have in the outfield, so I can’t imagine moving him around the field. We don’t have any decent options behind him.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:36 PM
Tim Tebow needs to go away forever. If I see one Tebow Jets jersey in my office, I will snap.
Robbie V will lead them to glory.
/can’t wait for Hamels-Dickey tonight
July 5th, 2012 at 4:37 PM
what the fuck is with people saying “Right”? after every sentence? is this the new “it is what it is”???
I know, right?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:37 PM
With a forward by Ken Kesey?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:38 PM
spencer, that is also way too “deep”…
July 5th, 2012 at 4:38 PM
/fixed for Tebow time
July 5th, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Jose Quintana is becoming the Colombian Mark Buerhle, Don Cooper is the Pitcher Whisperer
Not to be outdone today though the actual Mark Beurhle completely shut down the Brewers today, miss that dude
July 5th, 2012 at 4:39 PM
Also, as I related earlier: I’m just glad that we got something for Lee. Even if it was a flier.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:40 PM
My first college roommate would tack on “Hey?” at the end of sentences (“Packers looking pretty good today, hey?”)…it’s the closest I’ve come to conversing with a stereotypical Canadian
July 5th, 2012 at 4:41 PM
how long did it take you to punch him in the throat?
July 5th, 2012 at 4:42 PM
ms, I think in the long run, you’re better off getting rid of El Caballo. Once your front office settles on who is your 1B of the future, run him out there day after day. The second half of the season is audition for ’13. At least you got Altuve and Lowrie.
Just think – if you were a Rockies fan, it would be even worse.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:42 PM
i’ll take this any day over an umm-er.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:44 PM
Too many rumors around Hamels. Is he really on the trading block?
I love, love watching Buerhle work. Get the ball and throw it, dadgum it.
Also, Darvish and Freese are the last two guys added to the ASG. Hooray for gimmicky fan voting!
July 5th, 2012 at 4:45 PM
While I’m sure Peavy would have enjoyed the experience I like the idea of him getting a few days off…now I’ll just hope Sale doesn’t pitch in the game (guessing Verlander will get the start)
July 5th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
“umm” is better than “like” and nothing induces fury like an uptalker who uses “like and um” within 3 words.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
baseball is gayer than a bag of dicks.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:48 PM
During pregame, WGN showed a fake interview of Gordon Beckham as Peavy, talking about possibly making the ASG. Funny as hell.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
umm suggests you’re full of shit. like suggests you’re looking for something creative/funny/different to say.
uptalkers must die tho. TO THE LIQUIDATION.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:50 PM
/let me help you with that’d
July 5th, 2012 at 4:51 PM
ms, I think in the long run, you’re better off getting rid of El Caballo. Once your front office settles on who is your 1B of the future, run him out there day after day. The second half of the season is audition for ’13. At least you got Altuve and Lowrie.
He was gone after this year regardless (this being the last year of his absurd contract). So we were going to have to pay him $9 million no matter what. We would have done so the rest of the season and gotten a few home runs and several ground outs from it. Instead we’re getting two young-ish players that may or may not turn out to be helpful later. I’m happy we made this move.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:52 PM
baseball is gayer than a bag of dicks.
When you say “bag of dicks”, what do you mean? Is it like a plastic bag filled with dicks pressed together like chicken parts or is it like a paper bag where the dicks stick out the top like baguettes?
/Louis CK’d
July 5th, 2012 at 4:54 PM
i always imagined a bag of dicks* was a like a golf bag where a power bottom would pick and choose the dick based on the required shot.
*no coop**
**sleeps with loaded gun
July 5th, 2012 at 4:57 PM
*no coop**
one more of these and I will make sure you never comment here again…
July 5th, 2012 at 4:57 PM
no coop.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:58 PM
Had to look that up, did not know there was a term for it. But GOD FUCKING DAMN IT yes, oh man. This one chick who occasionally plays trivia with us. I can’t stand when she is talking anywhere near me.
July 5th, 2012 at 4:58 PM
“umm” is better than “like” and nothing induces fury like an uptalker who uses “like and um” within 3 words.
Most irritating … tailing each and every sentence off as if it was a question. Mostly a chick thing – seen it a lot out there during presentations. ugh
July 5th, 2012 at 5:01 PM
you’ve given this way too much thought. needs more “no coop” for all that dick thinkin’ you’re doing.