Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Dwight Howard is upset at Orlando management, and wants to be traded. His latest flirtation appears to be with the Brooklyn Nets (again?). According to a report from Adrian Wojnarowski earlier this week, the Magic center wants to be dealt before the draft, and he’d like to go to Brooklyn … and be paired with Deron Williams.

Howard is signed through the 2012-13 season, but another fallout with management has left him wanting a trade soon. Howard will push for a trade to the Brooklyn Nets before the June 28 NBA draft to clear the way for Nets free agent Deron Williams to re-sign with the Nets and partner in the new Brooklyn arena next season.

I recently mentioned to my wife that I wanted a Porsche. Specifically, this one, in black, or this one (it’s the one Dylan McKay used to drive). My wife had no response. When I forced the issue, she rolled her eyes. I pressed on. She derisively laughed at me and left the room. The “discussion” was over.

I surmise this is probably what the Magic are privately doing at the latest Howard report. The Brooklyn Nets have zero pieces to trade to Orlando for Howard. No, Brook Lopez is not nearly enough. If you attempt to tinker with the ESPN Trade Machine in attempt to come up with something enticing the Nets could offer, I’ll scream in your face, “THERE IS NO FUCKING COKE,” like Keaton yelled at McManus in the Usual Suspects. There’s just no way the Nets can trade for Howard.

Dwight Howard, you bricked. You decided to stay in Orlando for another year so you wouldn’t look like a bad guy, and so the chain restaurant capital of the US wouldn’t hate you. What a colossal mistake.

Previously: Dwight Howard’s Summer of Fun is Rapidly Approaching
Previously: Dwight Howard is Willing to Sit Out and Collect Paychecks Until Stan Van Gundy is Fired
Previously: Dwight Howard Quits Against the Knicks, Keeps Trying to Get Stan Van Gundy Fired