Tigers Pitcher Drew Smyly Diagnosed With Extremely Disgusting Finger

All, Baseball, Oddities Tim Ryan June 13th. 2012, 4:40pm

Detroit Tigers starter Drew Smyly was removed in the third inning of a 7-6 win over the Reds on Sunday due to what was initially believed to be a blood blister. It has since been officially diagnosed as ~~Ebola~~ a joke by FanGraphs. ~~Here’s the official quote from Dr. Prajit Kapoor at the Centers for Disease Control:~~

“After extensive testing by a team of leading experts in the field of infectious disease, we’ve determined that Mr. Smyly definitely has Ebola — or, at the very least, an Ebola-like virus — but that, strangely, it is confined to the tip of his left middle-finger and is unlikely to spread further.”

Still, the disgusting blister we’re seeing here looks like something one might contract while sleeping in Dennis Rodman’s bed. It also resembles the egg currently residing on my face.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Mr. Smyly’s grotesque finger. Carry on.

[via FanGraphs, Victory Formation]

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33 Responses to “Tigers Pitcher Drew Smyly Diagnosed With Extremely Disgusting Finger”

1
KC Resident Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:43 PM
“personally vomited four times”
Who else was going to vomit for him?
2
ms621 Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:43 PM
Jason1 and Pay2Play are in it to win it on the Craig James thread.
3
ms621 Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:44 PM
Have they eliminated the possibility that Smyly went across the Detroit River and finger some dirty Canadian woman?
4
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:46 PM
Damn. First we have zombies eating faces in Florida, now MLB pitchers are turning into zombies. Fortunately, CFB season will soon be here, with its zombie BCS.
5
Tim Ryan Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
“personally vomited four times”
Who else was going to vomit for him?
Other doctors who worked with the finger vomited too. So there were a ton of doctor vomits, with this doctor vomiting — personally — a total of four times.
6
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
A doctor vomited because of the condition of his finger? It’s ugly, but it isn’t that bad.
7
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
the Craig James thread
My laptop locks up every time I try to open that thing.
/ Ashamed to have only 100 or so comments on there
8
starkweather Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
What do you do to get rid of ebola in the finger? He can’t pitch or shake hands with the finger like that
9
I'm a Horse Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:47 PM
“personally vomited four times” due to the grotesque nature of Smyly’s finger.
Sounds like he’s soft.
10
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:48 PM
His finger looks more like the Moon than it does a fried egg. You can see the Sea of Tranquility and everything.
11
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
Drew Smyly was removed in the third inning of a 7-6 win over the Reds on Sunday due to what was initially believed to be a blood blister. It has since been officially diagnosed as Ebola.
Little-known fact: this mirrors the deleted original opening scenes of The Walking Dead.
12
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
What do you do to get rid of ebola in the finger?
Call Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey, Rene Russo (RIP), and Cuba Gooding Jr.
13
KC Resident Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:49 PM
Other doctors who worked with the finger vomited too. So there were a ton of doctor vomits, with this doctor vomiting — personally — a total of four times.
It doesn’t look that bad. Was there I link I was supposed to click?
14
Tim Ryan Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:50 PM
His finger looks more like the Moon than it does a fried egg.
It’s a fried egg with a piece of bacon underneath the first layer of egg.
15
kaiserwilhelmreems Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:51 PM
jesus, ebola? that’s crazy.
at least it wasn’t marburg for his sake
16
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:52 PM
It’s a fried egg with a piece of bacon underneath the first layer of egg.
In other news: Drew Smyly’s finger, which made multiple doctors vomit, has now made me hungry.
17
starkweather Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:53 PM
It’s a fried egg with a piece of bacon underneath the first layer of egg.
You would eat your eggs like that, fatty
18
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:55 PM
By the way, this would have been a better headline:
Tigers Pitcher Drew Smyly Diagnosed With Extremely Smelly Finger
19
chocolatedunker Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:56 PM
lol wow thats gross
20
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:56 PM
It’s a fried egg with a piece of bacon underneath the first layer of egg.
Coming soon from Burger King: the Fried Egg Bacon Sundae.
21
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Rene Russo (RIP)
She died? Or just in the movie, which I haven’t seen?
/ Damn sexy in Get Shorty
22
rondoman Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:58 PM
LANCE ARMSTRONG IS GOIN DOWN!
23
kaiserwilhelmreems Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:58 PM
She died? Or just in the movie, which I haven’t seen?
/ Damn sexy in Get Shorty
kevin spacey died in the movie, she lived.
spoiler alert
24
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 4:59 PM
She died? Or just in the movie, which I haven’t seen?
/ Damn sexy in Get Shorty
She’s not really dead, but her career is. Maybe I should’ve given the RIP to Cuba Gooding. At least Russo used to be a piece of ass.
25
Ballz is The Stig Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:04 PM
LANCE ARMSTRONG IS GOIN DOWN!
/sighs
No. No he isn’t.
26
Babar 2.0 Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:10 PM
I am at a loss. Is this one big joke? What doctor vomits from that?
27
spencer096 Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:13 PM
jai alai > smyly
28
spencer096 Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:18 PM
a) hasnt like every one of lance’s main competitors been caught cheating as well? what, they’re going to retroactively give his TDF’s to a bunch of schmucks?
b) why are we wasting time on shit this old?
c) transfusestrong
d) i always thought sheryl crow was hot
29
Sir Spicious Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:21 PM
O/T
best comment ever? best comment ever.
http://thebiglead.com/index.php/2012/06/13/jim-rome-asked-david-stern-about-the-nba-lottery-being-fixed-and-stern-responded-have-you-stopped-beating-your-wife/#comment-1691672
30
Scouser Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:25 PM
i always thought sheryl crow was hot
She had that “I’ll fuck you nasty” look.
31
kaiserwilhelmreems Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 5:29 PM
a) hasnt like every one of lance’s main competitors been caught cheating as well? what, they’re going to retroactively give his TDF’s to a bunch of schmucks?
they better have some damn good evidence than just testimony from competitors with sand in their vagina’s and looking for a way out of their own ban
32
Nada Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 6:01 PM
Why the strikethrough on the quote?
33
KC Resident Says:
June 13th, 2012 at 10:51 PM
Why the strikethrough on the quote?
Because it is a bullshit story. A joke by Fangraphs. There wasn’t any link to what was quoted. It happens. The internet is sometimes fallible. Ebola makes one spew blood from every orifice including eyes, ears, anus, etc… and occurs in Africa. That’s why I asked for a link. Never heard of it in this part of the world being a blister.