Floyd Mayweather is just 13 days into an 87-day sentence for attacking his ex-girlfriend, but the champ is ready to go home. Floyd’s lawyers are asking that he be allowed to serve the remainder of his sentence under house arrest. From the Las Vegas Review Journal:

The 35-year-old’s physical conditioning is deteriorating under the stress of being jailed at the Clark County Detention Center, and he is being held in “inhumane conditions,” lawyer Richard Wright said in the motion filed Monday.

The boxer is being segregated from the general population and confined to his cell 23 hours a day in a locked-down section populated by felony defendants, Wright said. And in the hour each day Mayweather is allowed in a recreation area, he is alone and unable to use training facilities.

I tell you what – that sounds a lot like jail. Better work that cardio, homeboy. The lawyers argue that prison is bad for this health and could either shorten or end his career. You know what is worse for a boxer’s long term health than three months in jail where he can’t get a proper meal or workout? BOXING!

Mayweather has fought just four times since beating Ricky Hatton in December 2007.  Four times in five years. How is this going to shorten his career? Mayweather says he planned on fighting for two more years. They do realize that he doesn’t have to retire in two years, right? He’s 35. Two years is a completely arbitrary time span that Mayweather picked. He’s a boxer. They don’t retire gracefully while still undefeated in their 30′s. Boxers retire unceremoniously while struggling to crawl out of debt in their 40′s. That’s just the way it is.

Mayweather’s lawyers also contend the Money is used to a daily training routine and generally consumes between 3,000 and 4,000 calories a day. He is currently taking in around 800 calories from “fruit, bread and energy bars bought at the commissary.” Obviously, I’m no nutritionist, but since he’s not doing rigorous training, I don’t think his body needs three or four thousand calories a day right now. There’s going to be some shock to his system, but maybe he could eat the prison slop. Is Mayweather really the only guy wasting away in the entire place? Jail sounds awful. They should make it illegal. There’s more …

Voy also investigated Mayweather’s ability to exercise. He found Mayweather has no room to exercise in jail, and he is not allowed to use the training areas because he is in isolation.

Now, hold on just a minute. I’ve seen enough movies to know that there is more than enough room to not only stay fit, but to bulk up inside a jail cell. If Mayweather needs more exercise, he can feel free to join gen pop. Then he can put those energy bars to use. (They are actually gold Krugerrands that he can pay the other prisoners so he doesn’t get stabbed.) Finally, the truly shocking part. He’s really grumpy!

Voy was concerned that Mayweather was withdrawing into depression and developing anger issues that he normally can “dissipate” through his exercise routine.

Depression? They must be out of ice cream sandwiches. As for the anger issues… HE’S IN JAIL FOR ATTACKING HIS EX-WIFE! And that was when he was training 12 hours a day. How much fucking exercise does this man need!?

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I kid! The previous words in this post were a lark for humor’s sake. Obviously, I agree that Mayweather should be allowed to go home. I know that if I were in jail, I would want to go home. I’d be all, “Can I please watch the Burn Notice marathon on Thursday? Where’s my laptop? I need to update Twitter! Can we order pizza tonight? No? How about wings? Well, this fucking stinks.”

See, Floyd Mayweather is in a horrible spot that he doesn’t deserve to be in. He’s rich and famous and the rules should not apply to him. Plus, he hangs out with Justin Bieber. This is not a man who belongs in prison. Even if he is under house arrest in his mansion, is it still not a prison? And worse than that, does Mayweather not have to live with what he did? I’m sure his actions will weigh on his mind heavier than the heaviest prison guard ever could. And is being trapped in the prison inside one’s own mind not the ultimate punishment?

If Mayweather wants to hide form Manny Pacquiao and the people who are in charge of fixing his fights, he should be able to do it wherever he wants. If Mayweather is forced to spend 87 days (or just two months with good behavior) in prison, will he ever be able to re-adapt to the free world? Shouldn’t we be worried about him going to a club and not remembering how to make it rain? Will they find him dead in Vegas some day with “Floyd was here” crudely scratched into the decorative support beam of a Ted Nugent-themed suite at the Hard Rock?

These are the things that I worry about. If Mayweather isn’t allowed out of jail, he may never recover. And then we would never be able to talk about how he will never fight Manny Pacquiao. If both boxers aren’t active, then we can’t be disappointed and we would be forced to move on with our lives. I don’t know if I want to live in a world like that. I guess I know what Floyd might go through someday. Maybe. (Probably not.) Let me tell you, it is no fun.

[Las Vegas Review Journal]