I basically reinvented the horse racing preview a few weeks ago with a post entitled, “If the 2012 Preakness Horses Were The Avengers, Who Would Be Their Favorite Characters From The Wire?” I was ready to do something equally as incredible, groundbreaking and original for the Belmont today, but tragedy struck and I’ll Have Another was pulled from the race. Thousands of words and dozens of photoshops were deleted, never to be seen again.
Instead, I contact each horse to see if they had any kind words for their fallen friend and rival. Surprisingly, they had all bought Get Well cards for I’ll Have Another. They let me copy down their notes of encouragement before they sealed the envelopes and put them in the mail. It was quite heartwarming – for the most part. Below are the messages from each horse to I’ll Have Another. You must be warned – Guyana Star Dweej is a real dick.
1. Street Life (12-1)
“Hay, hope you feel better.”
2. Unstoppable U (30-1)
“At least you can finally sit down and start that GetGlue account. We know you’re faking. Quit stalling. ”
3. Union Rags (6-1)
“Tendonitis? I thought you were sick. You look quite horse. ”
4. Atigun (30-1)
“Get well soon. If you need anything, call. I will be tracking your progress.”
5. Dullahan (5-1)
“Fuck your Honda Civic, right buddy? Remember that song? Good times. Get well!”
6. Ravelo’s Boy (50-1)
Don’t tweet white after labor day. Make sure to use lots of slang.
7. Five Sixteen (50-1)
“Fuck the neigh-sayers. You can come back from this buddy.”
9. Paynter (8-1)
*sends eCard* “Remember, you are amazing. Show those fillies where the lemonade is made.”
10. Optimizer (20-1)
“You’ll be horsing around again in no time.”
11. I’ll Have Another (4-5)
“Fuck all of you.
12. My Adonis (20-1)
“Why the long face? J/K. Get well soon!”
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