Cowboys Fullback Leaves Practice Due to Fire Ants in His Pants
Lawrence Vickers, the new fullback of the Dallas Cowboys, got attacked by fire ants at practice this week.
“I wanted to pull my pants down and run inside, but I couldn’t do that. When those ants get close to those testicles, there ain’t no laughing about that.”
Now that your laughter has subsided, it is important to know Vickers was stung by fire ants four months ago and his neck swelled up. He’s allergic, apparently, and now carries an EpiPen around with him in the event he gets stung again.
The solution this time was Benadryl.* [Dallas Morning News]
* Benadryl is the best. The two times I’ve gotten allergic reactions from Sushi – once I couldn’t stop sneezing and the other time (which I’ll never forget happened during George Mason’s win over UConn in the NCAA tournament), my eyes swelled up – Benadryl did the trick.

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20 Responses to “Cowboys Fullback Leaves Practice Due to Fire Ants in His Pants”
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June 7th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Fire ants are the worst. We had those in SW KS when I grew up. Hate hate hate. Fortunately, there aren’t any up where I live now. M-80s + Fire Ant Mounds = Big Fun.
June 7th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
hard hitting analysis.
good job good effort
June 7th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Video of the practice.
June 7th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Somebody sent me this tweet yesterday, and I couldn’t stop laughing:
June 7th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
There is a time and a place.
June 7th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
um….wow
June 7th, 2012 at 9:45 AM
Sounds like it was just one ant. Probably more annoying than anything.
June 7th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
HE’S GOT ANTS ON HIS ASS
June 7th, 2012 at 10:04 AM
“Fire ants are the worst. We had those in SW KS when I grew up. Hate hate hate. Fortunately, there aren’t any up where I live now. M-80s + Fire Ant Mounds = Big Fun.”
My grandpa lived out at Russell for years and years doing oil work, lived out in the country on a big plot of land with a shop and all the associated machinery/stuff. Like every week he’d walk his half-acre yard and basically pour a gallon of gas down every fire ant mound he saw.
June 7th, 2012 at 10:07 AM
“When those Aunts get close to those testicles, there ain’t no laughing about that.”
Worst family reunion story ever.
June 7th, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Growing up in MD, there was a spot down the road from our house that always had a couple of enormous mounds.
We’d throw rocks on them to stir them up to the point that you could hear them – creepy.
June 7th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
Also fun:
-running over ant hills with the lawnmower
-stomping on ant hills a few times before the realize whats going down
-spraying ant hills with the hose
-pouring gas on ant hills (optional, lighting gas on fire)
-placing a handful-sized food item on top of the hill and seeing what they decide to do with it
basically, you can have a lot of fun with ants
/fun for the human, that is
June 7th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
don’t forget boiling water ohheelyeah
June 7th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
irish – damn, now that would suck.
/again, for the ants only
June 7th, 2012 at 10:28 AM
burning ants with a magnifying glass
June 7th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Why is Channel Four News Team sports anchor Champ Kind in the background, stretching?
/whammy
June 7th, 2012 at 10:39 AM
running over ant hills with the lawnmower
Reminds me one time of a neighbor – go the bright idea to hit an ant hill with the weed wacker. He slung ants all over himself – it was hilarious.
June 7th, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Damned ebay scams. That’s what I received the time I ordered a penis enlarger.
June 7th, 2012 at 11:34 AM
I’m sure getting ready to take Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
June 7th, 2012 at 5:06 PM
got a couple cocktails in him and ready to go to SeaWorld and take his pants off.
Gawd, I love that movie