ESPN Will Carry the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest Through 2017 – God Bless America!
ESPN and Major League Eating announced today that the network would continue to carry the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest through 2017. This is tremendous news. While some people who founded this very website (I won’t name names) have said some really grumpy, close-minded things about the Hot Dog Eating Contest, I’m here to say that person is wrong.
ESPN’s coverage of the Hot Dog Eating Contest is an hour of absolutely amazing tongue-in-cheek television. If you can’t find joy in the Nathan’s contest, you’re doing it wrong. They spend 40 minutes building up the contestants as incredible athletes on par with Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth and Muhammad Ali. If an eater has a mild cold, Jordan’s flu game is brought up. Joey Chestnut’s 68 hot dogs are compared to Barry Bonds’ 73 home runs. They are in on the joke and it is alright for you to be too.
This year’s contest is especially important as Joey Chestnut can tie Kobayashi’s record of 6 straight Mustard Yellow Belts. Don’t think the sport is without drama. Kobayashi will forgo the Nathan’s event for the third straight year. Following an arrest in 2010, and a rooftop hot dog eating exhibition in 2011, Kobayashi is part of a new event that will compete with Nathan’s. It’s real to them, dammit. And if you’re too serious to let it be real to you for an hour a year, I feel bad for you.

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94 Responses to “ESPN Will Carry the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest Through 2017 – God Bless America!”
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May 24th, 2012 at 3:18 PM
Shots fired?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:19 PM
/team kobayashi
//don’t let the haters get you down
May 24th, 2012 at 3:21 PM
Comrade Spencer sides against America again
May 24th, 2012 at 3:23 PM
kim k would be awful at this.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:26 PM
Being in on the joke was watching MXC back in the day. Watching people eat is not my thing.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:26 PM
#FreeKobayashi
May 24th, 2012 at 3:27 PM
sasha, how many time are we having to go over this? it against rule to save hotwurst for later. eat! eat! you are the skin and bone.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:27 PM
Joey Chestnut is one of the best athletes in the world. On par with Usain Bolt.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Joey Chestnut also has to hold the record for the largest shit ever taken.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:28 PM
I usually boycott this. Waiting for the sausage & peppers contest.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:28 PM
I’ve got Spencer’s mom in a walk.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:29 PM
i hate you.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
They throw it all up.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
USA!
USA!
USA!
May 24th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
She doesn’t bite
May 24th, 2012 at 3:31 PM
I’ve got Spencer’s mom in a walk.
What position is that? Doggy style with legs in the air while she has two hands on the ground? I thought that was a wheelbarrow. I’m married, so I’m not up on this stuff.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:31 PM
do i really have to explain a joke about my mom eating weiners?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:32 PM
I thought married people were the experts on wanton casual sex.
/cj
//49er fan with the sweater monkey wife
May 24th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Whats a sweater monkey?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Link?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
I’m married, so I’m not up on this stuff.
I thought married people were the experts on wanton casual sex.
Maybe my model is defective. I’ll inquire about a refund.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Yes they do. I’m friends with Gravy Brown (real name Time). He’s a disgusting vile human being. I’ve seen him “train.” He throws it up right away. They “stretch” their stomachs by chugging water until they puke. Seriously, he’ll drink 2 gallons of water in about 5 minutes and then throw it all up. Fucking gross.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Big tits.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Whats a sweater monkey?
Adorable.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Do I have to explain what I mean when I say she doesn’t bite my weiner?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:35 PM
*Tim
May 24th, 2012 at 3:35 PM
It means she sucks dick professionally, kindly, like a gentleman.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:35 PM
pretty sure that’s the chinese…and while brainstorming a joke that’d flop, i thought that a sex store/coffee shop called kama sumatra would be a dank idea. now was the latte or the prosthetic vagina a venti?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:35 PM
I”m having a hard time connecting this metaphor
May 24th, 2012 at 3:35 PM
I am heartbroken that you corrected that, I was hoping the guy’s name was really Time but he still went with a fake name.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:36 PM
No shit? That’s stupid.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
weed is to major league eating as steroids are to real sports.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Sorry I let you down.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Well that is fuckin disgusting.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Throwing up all the time has to really wreck their bodies. The acid must eat at their teeth and turn it yellow. Blech.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Said it on here before, but eating contests are disgusting and should be illegal.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:39 PM
i feel the same way about horse racing.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:39 PM
50 of those hotdogs is 1500% of your daily suggested sodium intake and 600% of your daily suggested cholesterol intake. That could stop your heart.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:40 PM
I have heard contestants for Wing Bowl have trained in a similar manner.
Oh, and the Nathan’s contest needs more strippers and early morning drinking.
/jessayin
May 24th, 2012 at 3:41 PM
I’m not privy on the subject, but something tells me that people that engage in eating competitions have very little, if any, concern for their well-being.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Twitter down for anyone else? Or has my office finally blocked it?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:41 PM
only live once.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:43 PM
JMac is currently sending out texts trying to get column ideas…so yes, it’s down.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:43 PM
If you throw up soon enough after eating, there is no stomach acid. Just chewed food.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:44 PM
It was down for a while on the web CJ.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:44 PM
Oh, and the Nathan’s contest needs more strippers and early morning drinking.
Move it to Tampa
May 24th, 2012 at 3:45 PM
“NHL EA voting will surpass EA Madden…vote total is now 19.5Million vs. 19.65Million”
/wheres Janoff when you need him
//don’t really need him
May 24th, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Works for me. And KYDerby Jay just called you guys full of shit saying competitive eaters throw up everything they eat. Just sayin’
May 24th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
WHY DON’T YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE, JAY?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
I thought it was sweater puppies? Sweater monkey sounds super gay.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
True, but if I’m gonna abuse my body and not give a shit, binge eating hotdogs will not be my method.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:49 PM
This is bad but the gypsy West Virginian lady on that show about West Virginia gypsies brushed her teeth with actual bleach, so I guess let’s all eat some hot dogs.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:50 PM
YEAH! Now Ive heard sweater puppies before, that makes much more sense.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:50 PM
Maybe my model is defective. I’ll inquire about a refund.
I’ve already inquired about a refund. I received a new operator’s guide and was amazed at the importance of the parts above the neck so I gave up.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Ha, that’s nothing compared to the lady on My Strange Addiction who brushed her teeth with her own urine. Oh, and bathed in it, gargled it, and poured in her eyes and nostrils with a neti pot.
YOURE WELCOME
May 24th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Quite an amusing comments section on this here thread
May 24th, 2012 at 3:52 PM
I like sweater monkeys better because monkeys hang from your neck, just like big titties will when they start to sag.
There’s an urban dictionary entry for it, so I’m standing by it.
/team C cup or smaller
May 24th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
btw, Charlie Sheen, AI, and Roy “Billy Bob” Halladay are all staring at me like I am the last one in on the joke.
/links at top need more TMZ-scrubbed Upton titties
May 24th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Oh, and bathed in it, gargled it, and poured in her eyes and nostrils with a neti pot.
Was the neti pot really necessary for the eyes? Those are pretty easily accessible without going through the hassle of filling a neti pot. And yes this is what immediately jumped out at me from that entire paragraph.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
TJ
Nicks breaks bone in foot, out up to 12 weeks
end TJ
May 24th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
So sweater puppies turn into sweater monkeys. Bewbs are like gremlins.
May 24th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Drinking your own piss is gnarly but won’t eat huge holes in your esophagus. At least, I hope.
/Swills from Nalgene bottle full of warm piss
//BPA free
May 24th, 2012 at 3:55 PM
btw, Charlie Sheen, AI, and Roy “Billy Bob” Halladay are all staring at me like I am the last one in on the joke.
How dare you leave out Dylan Mckay!
May 24th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
what about the other one?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Well what else do you expect the woman to do with the mason jars of piss laying around her shitty apartment?
May 24th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Oh and fuck neti pots.
/Team blow your fuckin nose
May 24th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
I pissed in a bottle last night because I didn’t feel like going downstairs to the bathroom in the middle of a Civ game.
YOLO
May 24th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Which Nicks?
/Not a Hakeem joke
May 24th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches… are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O’Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O’Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it’s sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: …Okay.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:00 PM
Hakeem. Looks like he’ll have surgery tomorrow, but thats gotta suck for them. Not sue what that will do to his conditioning and how productive he’ll be the first few weeks of the season.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
I have one but can’t bring myself to use it because of some report I read about people dying from it.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Just curious, what to you do if you have to take a dump in the middle of a Civ game?
May 24th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Fuck is a neti pot?
May 24th, 2012 at 4:05 PM
pinch’n'pray.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:05 PM
knew a guy in college who had his TV on a cart, a la middle school classrooms, and would wheel it into the shitter if need be.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:05 PM
Well I mean I can pause the game.
Though …. nah, nah, that story is too gross.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/neti-pot/AN01755
May 24th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
V?
May 24th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
now that is fucking genius.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
I once almost shat my pants of the golf course. That would have been embarrassing. It was touching cloth the whole way back to the clubhouse. Longest golf cart ride ever from hole 14.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
You know it.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
Got back to the computer version with this a few months ago. Last version I’d played was III. Pretty solid game.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
speaking of…i think i might still have a roll of TP (tour preferred model…tipped 1/2″ and pured) in my golf bag from a dangerous combination of early golf and late papa johns.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:12 PM
This is genius man. I have to add TP to my bag. You really never know.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
I didn’t start playing until IV. My roommate in law school had played all of them and I started playing IV when the last expansion pack came out, we played across PSU’s wireless during classes all the time, loved that game.
Sucks not being able to stack units, but the Giant Death Robot is where it’s at. Last night I was playing a game with Rome and just dicking around, managed to get nukes before 1900 with only four cities, then nuked the fuck out Japan and called it a night.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:15 PM
My mom uses a neti pot and hasn’t had any problems.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Never even saw IV, but I read about the seeming split between players who prefer that to V. Went to V since I didn’t care.
Never actually seen the Robot. I get bogged down in the middle game and spin my wheels a lot building probably unnecessary stuff. Never get to a win scenario until after 2000 at least.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:18 PM
It’s awesome. If you build/buy them in the right cities and get three promotions out of the gate you can get the blitz promotion after a few attacks and they get multiple attacks per turn. You can destroy a 20 or lower city with one attack from one of them.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Does anyone even watch the contest? It’s appalling
May 24th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Well, I’ll be making a beeline for this tonight …
May 24th, 2012 at 4:24 PM
They require uranium though. Adopt autocracy because one of the policies is double strategic resources. Or play with the Russians, then get autocracy, and you get quadruple strategic resources and with the right amount of money will never lose a war.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:27 PM
I wonder if I could ever get here at my current pace. I probably just don’t focus enough on science when I feel like I’m not collecting policies often enough.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:28 PM
I always keep a roll in my truck. you just never know.
May 24th, 2012 at 4:41 PM
I love this event. My kids and I watch it every year.
USA! USA! USA!
I’ll always root for Eater X too (aka Tim Janus). He’s an “underdog” to be sure.