ESPN Wants Talent to Avoid Sarcasm, One-Liners and “Attempts at Humor” For 2012 Elections
ESPN has published its guidelines for the 2012 elections. Cliffs Notes: they aren’t obligated to provide equal time to the candidates, though they will try to do so where reasonable. Also, no jokes, you guys.
We should refrain from political editorializing and gratuitous references to the candidates, their campaigns or their political positions. This means no personal attacks or “drive-by” remarks in columns or on-air segments. Approved commentaries on sports-specific issues, or seeking responses from both candidates on relevant news issues, are appropriate. However, sarcasm, one-liners, perceived endorsements, attempts at humor or political criticism should be avoided.
That last part feels like when they tell everyone on an airplane to please sit down, but there’s clearly that one person standing and fussing with his bag in the overhead compartment. Presumably all ESPN platforms includes Grantland?
[Photo via Presswire]

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98 Responses to “ESPN Wants Talent to Avoid Sarcasm, One-Liners and “Attempts at Humor” For 2012 Elections”
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May 18th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
I assume Gannet sends out a similar memo?
May 18th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Someone’s all about Simmons and his journalistic ethics lately.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Mr. Roboto
May 18th, 2012 at 10:19 AM
Should I know who that guy is next to Obama?
May 18th, 2012 at 10:21 AM
DOMO ARIGATO, MR ROBOTO…MATA AHOO HIMA DE!!!
May 18th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
NEIL TYSON DEGRASSE 2016!!!
May 18th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
david cameron, prime minister of the UK
May 18th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
I wish this memo was applicable to all ESPN activities.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:25 AM
Should I know who that guy is next to Obama?
I believe that is British Prime Minister David Cameron. When he was here on an official visit in March, Obama took him to an NCAA tourney game. Apparently basketball is as foreign to English people as cricket is foreign to us.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:25 AM
NEIL TYSON DEGRASSE 2016!!!
Went to a lecture by him in November. That guy is fantastic.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Oh and it’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Douche.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:27 AM
DIECK 2024
May 18th, 2012 at 10:28 AM
holy dyslexia batman…
May 18th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
If you consider knowing who the Prime Minister of England important information.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
OT: The new Prime Minister of France has a last name which is Arabic means ‘penis’.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
i humbly accept this nomination and will absolutely destroy the jersey/heldover campaign like bologna does a car’s finish.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Thanks guys. Youd think a prime minister would warrant a picture caption.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
So did the Ricketts officially screw themselves out of any funding for a Wrigley plan with daddy’s manifesto against POTUS.
“Tom Ricketts, whose baseball team is pursuing city and state assistance for a $300 million stadium renovation, said in another statement, “I repudiate any return to racially divisive issues in this year’s presidential campaign or in any setting — like my father has. My focus is on one of the great American pastimes, baseball.”
Umm, not according to that “Ricketts plan” document. Damn.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
i feel his pain.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
OT: The new Prime Minister of France has a last name which is Arabic means ‘penis’.
i feel his pain.
And spencer has won.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
Speaking of politicians going to sporting events, Angela Merkel vowed not to go to Ukraine for the European Championship next month. So damn weird. I think we can all agree that sports comes before human rights.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
Thanks guys. Youd think a prime minister would warrant a picture caption.
This is a Duffy post. If comments aren’t important to him, then you can bet your ass that captions aren’t either.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:32 AM
Seriously?
May 18th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Apparently basketball is as foreign to English people as cricket is foreign to us.
deng, gordon and some bobcat head up the brit hoops olympics roster. the team only gets to play because of host status. rockets asst. chris finch is hc
May 18th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
I love how this completely blew up in their faces, and the only defense was, “It was just the thoughts of one or two crazy people. We were never going to do it.” Yeah, that’s why it was professionally printed, spiral-bound, and included detailed pictures and talking points. Definitely a pipe dream.
Right-wing political scumbags are some of the worst people on earth. Fact.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
Fuck Angela Merkel, I’ll austerity her fucking life.
/Empty Threats Friday
May 18th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
deng, gordon and some bobcat head up the brit hoops olympics roster. the team only gets to play because of host status. rockets asst. chris finch is hc
Should be amusing to watch.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:36 AM
hilarious
May 18th, 2012 at 10:38 AM
This whole thing is just fucking hilarious. It’s high comedy watching the Mittster trying to earn the embrace of the loony wing of his party while simultaneously trying to disavow stuff like this that’s part and parcel of the modern GOP campaign.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:38 AM
Should be amusing to watch.
better watch the first game or two, they will definitely be an LTO
i feel his pain.
hilarious
my last name is just as fodderish for jokes and annoying
May 18th, 2012 at 10:40 AM
my last name is just as fodderish for jokes and annoying
Indeed. You and spencer should go on a comedy tour together. The tagline can be “Funny things happen when Dieck and Bush get together.”
May 18th, 2012 at 10:42 AM
Right-wing political scumbags are some of the worst people on earth. Fact.
agreed. and the left is right there with them.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:43 AM
TKO
May 18th, 2012 at 10:43 AM
i mean there are names i couldn;t give my kids because of it, over and above the lame jokes about pubic hair
May 18th, 2012 at 10:43 AM
maybe they should stop having the president unveil is bracket on sportscenter to avoid any perception of a double standard.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:44 AM
I think Romney is about as fraudulent and disingenuous as anyone who has ever run for president, and believe he would make a horrific commander in chief. That said, I kinda feel bad for him for the exact reasons your pointed out.
Calling the Republican base “crazy” used to be a snide generalization. Now? It’s pretty apt. He has to court these nutbags (or at least, he thinks he does–they’re gonna come out and vote regardless because they hate the metrosexual black Abe Lincoln) while still trying to convince normal people that he’s not an out-of-touch robot indebted to the kooks. Tough, tough position.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Well to be fair, Harry, Massive, and Unkempt are pretty shitty names.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:45 AM
“Wow, I can’t believe we were able to walk on to the Canadian Olympic basketball team!”
“Yup, it’s that easy”
*badly misses shot*
“You hit the backboard on that one, eh. You can be the starting center.”
May 18th, 2012 at 10:46 AM
False. The left has many, many problems of its own but there’s just nothing to match the vitriol and disdain of anything that isn’t male, while, old, and economically secure that comes from the right.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:46 AM
will be so (interesting??) to see how the romney religion will be handled by dems, just as romney is trying to distance himself from Rev. wright attack ads while straddling the line of things he’s said in reference to obama and wright
/not interestng
//preparing to watch fox tis summer and fall just to get myself riled up
May 18th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
And yet Smelly and Crabby made the cut.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
at least the republicans get their John Kerry
May 18th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
I could probably paint my entire house in five or six strokes with these brushes you guys are using.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Well to be fair, Harry, Massive, and Unkempt are pretty shitty names.
George, Fire, any of the flower/plant names like Lily, Rose
May 18th, 2012 at 10:48 AM
I could probably paint my entire house in five or six strokes with these brushes you guys are using.
It’s part for the course when it comes to discussion of certain subjects* in these parts.
*mainly politics and the BCS
May 18th, 2012 at 10:48 AM
The Zimmerman, Martin medical report is interesting. Someone should ask Trey Wingo what he thinks about it.
http://tinyurl.com/825mgwy
May 18th, 2012 at 10:49 AM
If they’re smart they’ll just leave it alone. Someone’s religion should never be relevant to a political campaign. How much they believe in that religion and how they use it to make decisions? Absolutely fair game. But the Dems lose any semblance of high ground if they go after Romney’s cult. Furthermore, they don’t need it. Obama is going to wipe his ass with Romney in the debates, and the dude has no appeal to independent or minority voters.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:49 AM
Here’s a FANTASTIC 1st-person account of the guy who shot 55 in golf.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:50 AM
ndeed. You and spencer should go on a comedy tour together. The tagline can be “Funny things happen when Dieck and Bush get together.”
the dick/bush ticket
May 18th, 2012 at 10:50 AM
Duffy kind of reminds me of Romney.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:50 AM
Kerry had all sorts of problems and was a terrible candidate, but he was never the coward the GOP slander machine painted him to be. Only in America could a legitimate war hero be turned into a laughing stock through propaganda.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:51 AM
To be clear, I’m only talking about a certain wing of the GOP. But no question that wing is the tail that wags the dog. It’s the dominant voice of the party today and you see it in the no-compromise-under-any-circumstances House GOP contingent.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:52 AM
They will probably just air the Southpark Mormon episode and at the end have a message that sad “paid for by Americans who think magical underwear is hilarious” or some other dem PAC
May 18th, 2012 at 10:52 AM
Man went to pick a fight, got one and when he was getting his ass kicked started shooting…amazing how in Florida that’s self-defense
May 18th, 2012 at 10:52 AM
Universal Health Care came out of a conservative think tank. Now the right shits all over it. The problem is modern conservatism has gone so far to the right as to remove useful debate or effective governance. At least the libertarians are logically consistent, but when you are screaming for small government and literally creating laws to inset probes into women’s vaginas I get incredulous.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:52 AM
If they’re smart they’ll just leave it alone. Someone’s religion should never be relevant to a political campaign. How much they believe in that religion and how they use it to make decisions? Absolutely fair game. But the Dems lose any semblance of high ground if they go after Romney’s cult. Furthermore, they don’t need it. Obama is going to wipe his ass with Romney in the debates, and the dude has no appeal to independent or minority voters.
moral high ground is nice and all, but the dems have lost elections because of it. no need to attack the cult, subtlety works. but you;re right about the debates. you can never go broke underestimating the general electorate though, so courting the folks who appreciate great debating skills has never commanded too much of the campaiging budget. the media will tell people who won/lost
May 18th, 2012 at 10:53 AM
So he’s a big proponent of frivolous space research. I tend to have conversations like this
Friend: Did you hear about the NASA budgetary cuts?
Me: No … whats the big deal?
Friend: Well no more missions to other planets or search for extraterrestrials and Goldilocks planets.
Me: Ok fuck no! … wait why’s that bad again?
Friend: Well there’s international bragging rights at stake. And these missions bring back breathtaking slides shows … oh there’s also a good chance of inventing Tang in process.
Me: Wonderful but at what cost?
These are things a govt does when its running a budget surplus since we’re not lets focus on the life we have found on Earth.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:54 AM
That old joke is no longer a joke…in the 2012 GOP, the right to life really does begin at conception and end at birth.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:54 AM
“you see it in the no-compromise under any circumstances House GOP contingent”
Have you already forgotten how Obama and dem leaders rammed through their agenda on party line votes from ’08 to ’10 while not even meeting with Republican leadership?
May 18th, 2012 at 10:54 AM
So he’s a big proponent of frivolous space research
This is where I stopped reading.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:54 AM
Some of the great quotes about the 55-round
Inches away from an ace on par 3, also parred a par 5, no bogyes
This outburst of near perfect golf resulted in Rhein carding a 26! All etiquette about the no-hitter went out the door. All superstition was replaced with whooping, hollering, high-fives…
we were watching a perfect game and a 3-minute mile done all at once.
Oh by the way, I had just shot 69 and lost by 14 strokes.
Jim Young, a teaching pro and regular member of the Saturday morning group, summed it up hilariously. “Hey Rhein,” he said. “Act like you’ve been there before,
May 18th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
Have you already forgotten how Obama and dem leaders rammed through their agenda on party line votes from ’08 to ’10 while not even meeting with Republican leadership?
And it was the first time that either party with a majority did that ever.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
PurdueMatt and MikeNYC bat signal cranked up this morning.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
willful ignorance truly is a blessing.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Fairly or not, Obama cultivates a different brand. He always tries to be the adult in the room. It hurts him in governance (his infuriating tactic of trying to meet the Republicans in the middle right off the bat during negotiations cost him more than once) but plays great during the campaign. If he gets petty about religion – or is tied to petty ads – not only does his image take a hit but it makes Wright fair game. He’s better off leaving it alone. People know Romney is a Mormon and I’m sure the news media will hit that point over and over again. Obama doesn’t have to do shit. Just sit back, be the adult, and let the Republicans embarrass themselves.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:58 AM
John Edwards would like a word, but he has to finish banging some crazy chick.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:59 AM
Have you already forgotten how Obama and dem leaders rammed through their agenda on party line votes from ’08 to ’10 while not even meeting with Republican leadership?
did it get shit done? i’m in favor if it then. our system sucks, so not compromising within that system, is ok by me. you want to ram stuff through? get your folks elected
May 18th, 2012 at 11:00 AM
Vladimir Putin just cried inside.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:01 AM
John Edwards would like a word, but he has to finish banging some crazy chick.
Not only was he banging a crazy chick, he was doing it while his wife had cancer. The only way I can imagine that being worse would be if while fucking Rielle Hunter, he also videotaped himself stepping on puppies and kittens and then made his kids watch it.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:02 AM
i feel his pain.
I know the PM is not king, but the idea of being called “King Wiener” is somehow a bit appealing.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:02 AM
Every inch of that is spectacular.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:02 AM
The worst part is that this country badly needs a genuine opposition party to the Democrats. We need honest dialogue and smart solutions to our problems. I lean left but I’m not so rigid that I think one side has all the answers.
But for all the Democrats’ problems, and there are many, I think they’re the only ones serious about governing. Slashing spending without any attempt to raise revenues, when tax rates are at their lowest in history, is not a serious solution. Picking petty fights about abortion, which has been legal for 40 years, when the global economy sucks is not a serious solution.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:03 AM
lol holy shit. Putting aside the fact that this is a gross mischaracterization, I’m sure a few meetings would have totally had the Republicans on board with healthcare. The party of death panels and government takeovers would have been swayed by meetings. Yup.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:03 AM
Every inch of that is spectacular.
that’s what your gf said to me
May 18th, 2012 at 11:04 AM
yeah, it was pretty sad what the slander machine did to him, no vet should be treated that way.
Kerry made an appearance in a documentary a few years before he was candidate where he met with a woman searching for details about her father’s time in Vietnam, Kerry served with him and was friends with him. He was in the movie for about 5 minutes and it was all screen time of him telling the daughter what her father was like to serve with and giving the answers she wanted. it didn’t qualify him for president, but it made me angry when the slander started during the campaign after seeing that.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:05 AM
NO!!!! Political Friday!!!
/pulls plug, slashes wrists
May 18th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Edwards is a massive scumbag, but he only affected himself. There’s a difference between his failings and the failing of an entire party.
This. I lean left but I’m fiscally conservative and believe in gun rights. The Republicans have made it impossible for me to even consider supporting their candidates, though. Their agenda is so far out of touch with reality you’d think they’ll all Mormons.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
yes, because computers would be smaller now w/o NASA engineers trying to fit a super computer into the Apollo space capsule.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:10 AM
The idea that NASA space projects must continue at any cost in every fiscal environment is probably misguided. Every society with limited resources must at some point have to prioritize its needs and suggesting a particular budgetary item isn’t entirely untouchable is more like the inverse of willful ignorance.
I’m not suggesting NASA is completely useless or anything of the sort but it doesn’t deserve the immunity of a cost-benefit analysis that you’d grant to say feeding your kids.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
You should do some research about all the innovations NASA is responsible for that weren’t directly related to space exploration. NASA owns.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
I don’t know my guess is that other scientists would’ve tried to make computers smaller because well… its kind of a good idea Apollo space project or not. I don’t think my laptop would be size of a Civic if it wasn’t for Apollo
May 18th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Sorry, but Edwards is No. 1 on the prestigious All-Time Creeps List for politicians. What I don’t like about Romney is that he thinks he should be president more so than he wants to president. Obama, Hunstman, Biden, Paul all want(ed) to be president. They felt they could set their vision for the country. Arrogant as that is (all Pres candidates are arrogant) I don’t think any of them felt they thought they should be president as if it was their right or their destiny. Romeny’s entire background has set forth a path to be groomed to be a president. It’s almost like he’ll call himself a failure if he doesn’t win. That’s odd to me.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:14 AM
I’m not suggesting NASA is completely useless or anything of the sort but it doesn’t deserve the immunity of a cost-benefit analysis that you’d grant to say feeding your kids.
You did start to imply that, so it’s nice to see you qualify your statement. Because the dividends which society gets from research associated with a space program are quite far reaching and make that society with a space program more advanced in every way than those who do not.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:17 AM
NASA and the private space industry is INNOVATION. The INNOVATION done in the quest to put humans in space can pay tenfold on Earth.
NASA recently developed a prototype capsule that can be surgically inserted under the skin and automatically deliver anti radiation drugs to lessen the impact of space radiation for astronauts that are exposed to it. and it doesn’t have to be managed by an external device.
the medical ramifications and applications on earth are incredible. No shots for insulin. better and more accurate use of radiation to treat cancer.
so much is innovated and designed for the space program that has practical used on earth that it’s foolish to use a short sighted excuse for budget reasons to cancel the space program, or severely limit it.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:18 AM
He is a huge, festering wound on the political process and should burn in hell. I just don’t think he’s emblematic of an entire party. He’s not organizing slanderous smear campaigns or trying to rob women of the right to make decisions or systematically rigging the laws to benefit the wealthy at the expense of the middle class or willfully bogging down the political process to harm someone’s electoral chances. There’s a difference there to me.
But yeah, fuck John Edwards with a spiked bat.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:18 AM
I am slightly uncomfortable with the idea that we should spend significant amounts say on the search for extraterrestrial life amid a fiscal crisis because there could be tangential innovations that may result. In that case that leaves you with no basis to judge the viability or merits of a project since its pros are unknown and unlimited. Essentially everything should then be green lighted since unlimited benefits is always > limited and known costs.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:18 AM
Obama, Hunstman, Biden, Paul all want(ed) to be president. They felt they could set their vision for the country.
there has to be literature somehwere on just how effective a president is. vision or no, how much can a president in a three-legged government really change/get done? times of crisis/war don;t count as much as peacetime
May 18th, 2012 at 11:20 AM
so much is innovated and designed for the space program that has practical used on earth that it’s foolish to use a short sighted excuse for budget reasons to cancel the space program, or severely limit it.
can’t this research be done without all the rockets and fuel and other really expensive equipment and man hours?
May 18th, 2012 at 11:22 AM
It’s far less than they think it is, but they still all feel as though they can point the ship in the right direction. They’re an arrogant lot for sure.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I am slightly uncomfortable with the idea that we should spend significant amounts say on the search for extraterrestrial life amid a fiscal crisis because there could be tangential innovations that may result
The search for extra-terrestrial life is a very, very small part of what NASA does.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
Exactly my point… I find it hard to believe innovation on all fronts necessarily needs to be incubated as part of a space project. There’s all kinds of scientific activity and innovation going on that has nothing to do with the stated goals of NASA projects.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:24 AM
The Senate, if they so choose, can shut anything the fuck down. Anything. I want Senate reform before almost everything else on either party’s agenda.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:25 AM
The expensive equipment, man hours, and relatively unlimited budgets are what makes this stuff possible. Profit-driven companies are held accountable to shareholders. They need to produce quickly and cheaply. Not everything can be done that way.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Jesus Christ, if someone who owns a cell phone can’t see the benefits of what NASA does on our everyday lives, I don’t even want to know what you think of the NEA or NIH.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:32 AM
sure, but who will do it if there’s no one pushing the boundaries of technology as it is today?
May 18th, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Private industry, duh.
/enacts tax break
May 18th, 2012 at 11:51 AM
Edited for greater significance
May 18th, 2012 at 2:56 PM
im completely blown away by the things you say on a frequent basis.