Roundup: Tim Duncan’s Greatness, Terminator Actor Nick Stahl is Missing & Watch an Alligator Bite a Man in the Arm
Zooey Deschanel … credit card payment options are over-tipping taxi drivers … pictures of people with high winds in their face … baby snow leopards … Yankee Candles “man candles” … drunk driver goes through a wall, into a pool … next iPhone will have a bigger screen … photos of Vegas from the 50′s … woman has baby with daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend … Ken Marino has a new show – on Yahoo! … man protests all you can eat buffet … Texas may have executed the wrong Carlos …
Tim Duncan is the greatest. Why doesn’t everyone love him? [Sports Illustrated]
Brett Lawrie gets 4 games for his helmet-spiking freakout. [Boston Globe]
White golf team wins Minority Collegiate Golf Championship. [The Daily]
Actor Nick Stahl is missing. Drugs are likely involved. [LA Times]
Columnist slams Saints for “misguided” tribute to suspended coach Sean Payton. [SF Gate]
Your Sketchers Shape Ups did not work. That’s going to cost them $40 million. [NYT]
NBC isn’t happy with recent comments made by ESPN’s John Skipper. [USA Today]
Musician Chuck Brown died. [Washington Post]
Remembering Patrice O’Neal for the terrifying comic that he was. [New York Magazine]
Cleveland still isn’t over LeBron. [FOX8]
Larry Bird named Executive of the Year. [ESPN]
How to cure flopping. [Wall Street Journal]
Watch this man place a towel over an alligator’s head (?) and then try to corral it. He’s lucky to be alive.
Pretty sweet – these guys went around and visited all the locations from Ghostbusters.
The history of “First!”
This dude and his kids recreated the Sabotage video.
Your / you’re – More fun for people on the Internet.
- Bob Stoops: Home Was Burglarized, Had Car Stolen
- Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal’s KO of the Year Candidate Against Seth Petruzelli at Bellator 96
- Break-Up Song About Players Leaving Via Free Agency Should Make Fans Cry
- Fight Master: Bellator MMA: Freshening Up a Tired Format
- John Wall Tattoos Are of the Raleigh Skyline and ‘The Great Wall’
- PL StabbinKabin on Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal's KO of the Year Candidate Against Seth Petruzelli at Bellator 96
- PL StabbinKabin on Neymar's Silky Dribbling Schools the Mexican Defense, Sets Up Another Brazilian Goal [Video]
- VladimirCrouton on Bob Stoops: Home Was Burglarized, Had Car Stolen
- KC Resident on Break-Up Song About Players Leaving Via Free Agency Should Make Fans Cry
- A.P. on Break-Up Song About Players Leaving Via Free Agency Should Make Fans Cry
319 Responses to “Roundup: Tim Duncan’s Greatness, Terminator Actor Nick Stahl is Missing & Watch an Alligator Bite a Man in the Arm”
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Tim Duncan Scored 25 Points in the First Half Against Miami [Video]
May 17th, 2012 at 8:17 AM
I saw this first hand in SF two weeks ago. We cabbed it to the airport from our hotel downtown, and when I swiped the card those were the 3 default tip percentages. It took a second, but I found the “other” option and gave him the standard 10%.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:20 AM
I want to dip my balls in it!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Big Skip! The Skipper!
Annnnnnd the solid roundup girl streak dies a horrible horrible death.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Watch this man place a towel over an alligator’s head (?) and then try to corral it. He’s lucky to be alive.
A towel??? God bless America, I guess. He thought a towel was smart. Wow.
Tim Duncan is the greatest. Why doesn’t everyone love him?
I deeply admire how he goes about his business. I will miss his class and carriage when he retires from the Association.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:25 AM
DOUGLAS ADAMS’S LEGACY LIVES ON!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:25 AM
My only remote complaint about Duncan is the dumbass, incredulous looks he gives every time he’s called for a foul. Still, I love the Big Fundamental.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
Worst pic of Zooey ever.. congrats
May 17th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
freaking idiot.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:27 AM
THIS.
/Katy Perry for life!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:28 AM
My only remote complaint about Duncan is the dumbass, incredulous looks he gives every time he’s called for a foul.
Cracks me up every time. He’s gotta know he looks ridiculous.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:29 AM
I know why the Ghostbusters guy never got into Columbia. Maybe he should buy a plane ticket.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:29 AM
Really sound roundup CRM, just could use less of that hipster idol.
The Vegas pics are crazy.
SROD – the Marvin Gaye icon earns you a +1
May 17th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
straight cash homey.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
SROD – the Marvin Gaye icon earns you a +1
Thank you, good sir. That’s my all-time favorite album. And, it holds up well today.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:32 AM
Zooey is so overrated.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Roethlishotdog, I don’t use the word “hero” very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
/Works for the eating machine as well
Not sure how corralling an alligator with a towel will get you the question of 42.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:33 AM
very cool.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:34 AM
That was actually MY first thought upon seeing the roundup this morning.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:34 AM
Probably the best Motown album of all time.
/awaits the wrath of the music elites
May 17th, 2012 at 8:35 AM
Your Sketchers Shape Ups did not work. That’s going to cost them $40 million
The Reebok shoe didnt either. I know somebody who found a pair of the Reeboks in question, sent them back and got a $40 voucher/check. They both really fouled this up.
/Team Chive Hump Day Gallery
May 17th, 2012 at 8:35 AM
‘Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out the mist
came a beast more stomach than man.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Go-go music legend. Radio was filled with his music on the drive to work
/Gimme da bridge y’all!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Am I the only one who is quite enjoying Tortorella’s press conferences, and the subsequent media freak out over them? Hilarious.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
/awaits the wrath of the music elites
Let ‘em bring it on. That’s the kind of debate I love. And, of course we’re right…
May 17th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
My pregnant wife sprang some new shit on me last night that nearly had me turning over a table at the restaurant with rage: the Push Present.
Evidently some women got it in their head that they deserved some kind of gift for going through labor and pushing out a child? Isn’t the baby enough?
I suggested that if women get a Push Present, the new fathers should get something like a two week guys trip or unlimited golf passes for weekend mornings.
A fucking “push present.” Some dumb spoiled housewives with cowardly husbands came up with this shit, and now it’s becoming an expected part of the birthing process.
I hate people.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Watch this man place a towel over an alligator’s head
Proof that not all “scientists” are geniuses.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
alot of the motown hits were singles and not albums, right? plus the # of motown artists on that label vs. the # of artists with the “motown sound” are two different items.
also, Redfoo is berry gordy’s youngest kid and skyblu is his grandson
May 17th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
You are not winning this battle. Get your lovely wife something fucking nice, and shut the fuck up about it.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
@Urinal Mint
Just… I’m sorry man. That is terrible.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
but she’s so quirky?!?!?!?!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
I lucked out – after our son surprised us by coming 6 weeks early we didn’t get to bring him home until right before Mother’s Day so I just splurged on a nice first Mother’s Day present (earrings with the kids birthstone).
May 17th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Damn skippy…and kudos again for the icon SROD. That CD is on constant rotation in my apartment/car.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Oh I’m sure he will… doesn’t mean he can’t bitch about it to his TBL commenter friends though. He has my sympathy.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:42 AM
And we have to give stuff for Mother’s Day, and Valentines Day, and the anniversary, and their birthdays, and Christmas. As Arya said it, “Most girls are idiots.”
May 17th, 2012 at 8:42 AM
Visionary.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Yeah, that’s retarded. Thank God my wife doesn’t go for crap like that.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
I got her something lovely already. It’s called A BABY.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Aaaand I’m forwarding this to your wife.
DUDES HAVE THE SAME HOLIDAYS
May 17th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Zooey. Yes.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
another one that I think is bullshit is a “stock the bar” party. and granted, I am not yet married, and I am sure they are fucking sweet because who doesn’t like a stocked bar right after they are married. but it’s not like going to someones wedding isn’t already kind of a pain in the ass, where you are spending money on a present for the bride and groom, possibly transportation and hotel, getting dressed up and all the other bullshit. oh, and also, buy me a $50 bottle of booze for my house.
I’m sure I am wrong on this, and will have different views once I get engaged, just seems like overkill to me.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
we’ve talked about this before here. do yourself a favor – get over it and get her something nice.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
kobe showed last night why he is on the downside of his career!!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
I dont know if I would ask for a present, but I for sure want to go on one of those pre baby vacations. Babymoons I think they’re called?
May 17th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Here you go sweetheart anti-depressants, a bottle of scotch, gym membership and french vaginal re-tightening classes.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
Ive never heard of this, but this is genius, albiet incredibly pretentious
May 17th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
Am I the only one who is quite enjoying Tortorella’s press conferences, and the subsequent media freak out over them? Hilarious.
I’m in with this. Tortorella is the best.
alot of the motown hits were singles and not albums, right?
Yep. That’s what made Gaye and Stevie Wonder’s work so groundbreaking at the time. They wanted to stretch their creativity & do more than just a couple of possible singles and a bunch of filler. Gordy chased the crossover bucks, while the artists wanted to make powerful statements.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
i think i mentioned this a year ago when i randomly watched it on golf channel…i was blown away by the fact that 95% of the entrants in the minority golf championships were white.
there’s a woman who used to work with club companies to get HBCU’s golf clubs…so she worked her ass off and goes to visit one of the coaches and finds out the whole team was white. when she asked the coach, the coach replied “i want to win.”
you gotta admit, the irony’s kinda funny.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:47 AM
nice avatar SROD.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:47 AM
Because she has seen the evidence and she knows that the bounty system is a fact. Because so far every piece of evidence the NFL has released (the Williams confession, the Hargrove confession, the Ornstein promise) has been proven to be false or reworded by the NFL.
Oh, and yesterday we heard that they will release the evidence but they will “protect” the whistleblowers. And yet, they had no problem putting Anthony Hargrove’s name out there.
Their case is shit and people are beginning to realize it.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:47 AM
The difference is that the typical male wants the following for those holidays:
Valentines Day: To ignore it and not spend any money/ have sex
Father’s Day: To be left alone to go play golf or do what they want for the day. Then have sex we get home
Anniversary: Maybe dinner and then sex
Christmas: We all want gifts at Christmas, then sex
May 17th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
dudes don’t have teh same holidays. i mean come on would ya
May 17th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn’t find one?
Marge: [crying] We… went… fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?
[the jury is made up of fat, obese people]
Jury: No, no.
Jury Man: No, that couldn’t ‘ve been me.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
/high fives spencer
//sky-fives Roethlishotdog
May 17th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
I feel I deserve a push present when I drop the kids off at the pool the morning after a big meal.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Just seems like dudes want sex and ladies want presents. Dont see the problem with either.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
don’t even try to bring that argument to the table. women’s holidays are so over-blown compared to anything men get holiday wise it’s not even a fair comparison.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
You are not winning this battle. Get your lovely wife something fucking nice, and shut the fuck up about it.
So the times I cleaned vomit out of her car in 90 degree heat doesn’t count for anything? And driving her family back and forth to the hospital?
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
tbl should call the all you can eta buffett guy lol
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
^^^^THIS^^^^
/Team Zooey
May 17th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
same here. we’ve talked about it, my wife would rather have the money spent elsewhere, not on some worthless trinket. a healthy baby is present enough.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
hi-five!
May 17th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
Honey, I’m worried that we’re falling into a societal trap of rewarding each significant milestone in our lives with presents. I’m losing sleep that it might be setting an unhealthy tone for our child-raising envirionment. I don’t want my child to think every event in his life will be rewarded with a present. That’s bad parenting and a bad example, wouldn’t you agree?
Throws her a copy of the recent US Weekly.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
Brav-fucking-o
Oh and CJ, I’m “Expected” to buy things on those days. Christmas, the B-day and Anniversary (I’ve got my 1st coming up in two and a half weeks) are understandable. But it all adds up.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:52 AM
don’t listen to her
May 17th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
oh hi webercantcoach. Nice Thibs prediction.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Rough. At this point in our marriage, rather then spending our money on crap for each other we might not even like or need, we usually talk before a birthday or Christmas and figure out what we both want. Like a Wii, a new loveseat. We dont really do surprise presents anymore, except for the occassional flowers. We dont even buy each other anniversary gifts, we just go out to a nice meal and have marital relations.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
oh well. he is on a short leash. they should get jackson
May 17th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
This has the imprimatur of Craig James written all over it.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
This year I was informed it was Mother’s Day weekend. Yet on Father’s day she will be working.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
I have never heard of a push present. Women suck, sometimes.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Tiger Woods coach Sean Foley played golf at one of the historically black colleges.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:57 AM
Didn’t even click on the vid, this man is so unfunny. I can’t believe he was even a character on King of Queens.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
If youre lucky, amirite?
Very neanderthal-y in here this morning
May 17th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
But he was a great rat in “Ratatouille”.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
tennessee state?
/feeling like vez right now…dont wanna look up myself
May 17th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
My wife likes to be surprised and doesn’t give hints, it’s even more of a pain in the ass. I drop hints and tell what I want, and she still likes to surprise me. It’s the only thing that drives me nuts.
May 17th, 2012 at 8:59 AM
i lolled
May 17th, 2012 at 8:59 AM
Good to see v4l back in the neighborhood again.
/tips hat
//straightens tie
May 17th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
Didn’t even click on the vid, this man is so unfunny.
I know right!
/Nobody
May 17th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
You should then surprise her with things like mens razors and golf clubs
May 17th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
1.) Let 14 year old kid prove concept
2.)
???Change name of scents3.) Profit
May 17th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
“rather then spending our money on crap for each other we might not even like”
Being honest here, this sounds like bullshit my wife does. I like a few simple things. How hard is it to ask me what I like and then get it? A gift certificate to my favorite golf course. To a favorite steak house and I can take a friends? I get the financial practicality of a joint gift. But if it’s honestly b/c you don’t know what your man would like, cmon. Is it you just dont want to get him a gift he cant share with you, or will cause him to go away for a day or two?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
I already told my wife that after the baby is born she gets a day at Elizabeth Arden. I’ve never heard of this push gift, but since she is super worried about her looks and stuff this seemed like a solid path to a post-baby BJ.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
Am I the only one who is quite enjoying Tortorella’s press conferences, and the subsequent media freak out over them? Hilarious.
He’s a dick, an entertaining dick, but still a dick.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
I like your thinking….
May 17th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
pujols has 2 hrs now… gettin it dpone
May 17th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
Speaking of TBL, his before and after steroid pics are pretty impressive
/here comes the banhammer
May 17th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
Never heard of a “push present”. Sounds stupid really. Whats next, the placenta present?
Friend of mine went to an HBCU just so he could get a minority scholarship, he is white.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
got some new gronola cereal.. very gooda and very healthy
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Holy fuck, man. No. We both hate the pressure of gift giving blindly. Yes, sometimes the other person wants something and asks for it, and it’s given. Doesnt have to be a joint gift.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
His standup bit equating religion to cake is hilarious.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Zooey is so overrated.
i agree, but sometimes i really want to just cram her.
@Mint- Just found out about the old push present, huh? I thought the same thing, i was pissed at people for doing it. but, i caved because my wife asks for nothing, not because of her asshole friends.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
I’m going to go ahead and blame the “couples” wedding shower for stupid things that have followed like push presents and stock the bar parties.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
You are not winning this battle. Get your lovely wife something fucking nice, and shut the fuck up about it.
This all the way. I got my wife a single piece of jewelry for each child – all blue sapphire matching pieces. She didn’t have to tell me either – I just did it. Although some of my comments on this site might indicate that I’m stupid, I’m really not.
“push present” is not what I called them – there’s something just not right about that.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Buffet should do the right thing and sign him to a promo deal. “Come for the freak, stay for the food!”
May 17th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Tortorella’s players probably enjoy it because if the media is focusing on the coach, they are not focusing on what the players are doing.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Worst pic of Zooey ever.. congrats
Took quick look and thought it was current day Shannon Doherty. Yuck. I am on the desk at 6:30am every morning. You tell me the roundup gal and I will gladly find a pic that will satisfy the masses
May 17th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Bravo to you sir, you are a gentleman and a scholar.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
Tortorella’s players probably enjoy it because if the media is focusing on the coach, they are not focusing on what the players are doing.
Alternatively, if the coach won’t answer questions then the media goes to the players.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
I assumed the epidural was all the push present that was needed
May 17th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
That is bullshit.
They already get engagement rings for crissakes.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
We have a baby due any day now, I’m considering getting my wife an iPad.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
plus, my wife was a total saint during the pregnancy- i went out drinking, she offered to be the DD, stuff like that. so i was okay with the push present, and got her an LV purse.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
someone else said it before, “not rewarding for every milestone”.
can’t help but think the terminology and expectation is brought on by reality tv bullshit from materialistic morons.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
This will be the only way I can justify it, too. If I decide to do it.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
I assumed the epidural was all the push present that was needed
Have you actually seen an epidural get administered? It’s not recommended that you watch a horse needle get stuck in a spine.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
another one that I think is bullshit is a “stock the bar” party
I’m calling you out as wrong on this.
We had one for my wife’s sister’s wedding – like a shower – at our house.
All I’ll say is – their bar got stocked chocked full of great liquor and we had houses one street over calling our neighbors asking wth was going on. It was absolutely crazy.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
I have never been to a more miserable experience than a couples fucking baby shower.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
Couples wedding showers are the worst things ever. Guys stand around and complain about being there, girls huddle around and talk about the wedding.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
I thought the “push present” was used during conception. Salt N Pepa agree.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
I’m considering getting my wife an iPad
Jewelry man – that’s all I’m gonna say.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Push present is a great idea. I’d never call it that, but she carried your kid for nine months.
Sack up and buy her something nice.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
holy shit
/apologies if duckworth’d
May 17th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Samuel L. Jackson > Zoey Deschanel
/hotzpacho’d
May 17th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
This right here. I knew better than to look. I just crouched in front of my wife and held her hand. I think she was more worried about me passing out.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
See…what you do here is get something both of you want, but say it’s for her…like an iPad. We both wanted one, but just going out and dropping $500+ seems rash. Spin that shit the right way and say it’s a push present and voila…you’ve got an iPad.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Jewelry man – that’s all I’m gonna say.
The only jewelry she wears is her engagement/wedding ring. It’s either an iPad or maid service for a year.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
I have never been to a more miserable experience than a couples fucking baby shower.
Man, you guys hang with the wrong crowd.
My first born – his future godparents (Mike) threw us a couples baby shower.
By 8:30, Mike was running to the liquor store getting additional kegs. Jello shots, it was awesome.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
Those pictures of 50′s Vegas are pretty sweet. I like that all the guys are wearing suits when they gambled.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
do this. the gift that keeps on giving.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
The hospital wouldn’t let me stand, actually. I guess too many fathers/husbands pass out. They made me sit in a chair in front of her, but I I watched as much as I could. It was pretty interesting. The needle also wasn’t as big as I was led to believe.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
After my buddy had his 1st child, he got a Tiffany’s Credit Card. That’s all I’ll say.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Not as bad as joint bachelor/bachelorette parties that some people I know have had. What the fuck is that?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
So, she gets a gift for being biologically capable of bearing children?
Ridiculous.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Where the hell did this term/idea come from? Oprah’s Couch? I’m not that too far removed from bringing kids into this world, 13 yrs ago, but have never heard of this term.
Having the glorious baby is the present….that you both share for the rest of your life.
/Dad said don’t get married and don’t have kids
//didn’t listen
///doesn’t want to hear when I complain about either one now.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
Dudes have been buying their wives “baby” gifts for decades. I’d guess some “Wake Up! Good Morning, Los Angeles!” assfuck show host decided to introduce everyone to “the newest baby gift craze sweeping the nation(‘s suburbs)!”.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
Hating on Marvin is like hating on the flag or puppies or something.
Long as you’re groovin’ there’s always a chance
Somebody watchin’ might wanna make romance
May 17th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
Any man that allows that should just have his testicles surgically removed and handed over to his fiancee for placement on a high shelf in her closet next to her vibrators.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
These comments have made me lose hope for humanity.
/twitter
May 17th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
It’s still a needle though. That is one of the things my body does not like. Mind plays no part in it.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
are little canucks born with a hockey stick in hand?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
found a couple good pics of the goofy chick. didn’t take more than 2 mins. i’m serious, i would gladly do this
http://manscreed.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/zooey-deschanel-2.jpg
http://www.celebritiesheight.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Zooey-Deschanel.jpg
May 17th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Damn. I see nothing with getting her something. My wife never asked for it, I just figured it was the least I could do for her since her body was getting beat the fuck up for 9+ months and then she had to pop that thing out in just about the most humbling way possible.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Thats weird. I was just at one of these and it was just an outdoor party. Drinks, and they brought in a BBQ caterer, so there was great pulled pork and bbq chicken. Then they opened presents for like 10 minutes. Fini.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Whatever you do, don’t google images of childbirth with safe search off. That’ll ruin your day.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Your buddy is married to Callista Gingrich?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Now that is fucked up.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Puppies suck. Rescue dogs, on the other hand…
May 17th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Yeah, but that’s YOU taking the initiative to do that out of the kindness of your heart.
Not some bullshit demand for a “push present” from your wife.
In my mind, there’s a difference.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Musician Chuck Brown died.
Go-go music legend. Radio was filled with his music on the drive to work
I feel like bustin’ loose!
/trips & falls while shaking my booty
May 17th, 2012 at 9:22 AM
Here’s one for ya. My buddy had a bachelor party on a Bus that we went to Baltimore, bars, pool hall and red light area. Told my wife about it when we got home, no big deal she said. She’s at the wedding shower a few weeks later and they were discussing our trip, and my wife just said where we went and what we did. Unknowingly, just about every other guy didnt tell their wives/gfriends and the shit hit the fan with a couple of the women. lol. bunch of pansies
/
May 17th, 2012 at 9:22 AM
It’s not having the capability…it’s the actual act. If somebody told me I’d have to go nine months without boozing or smoking, I’d sure as shit want an acknowledgement of some sort.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
“Push presents”? Smh @ white folks.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
That Zooey iphone commercial makes me want to hurl a brick at the TV. Who the fuck gets tomato soup delivered?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
are little canucks born with a hockey stick in hand?
We celebrate with shots of maple syrup.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
Im confused, why would they lie about a bus trip to Baltimore?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
So, she gets a gift for being biologically capable of bearing children?
that was my first thought when i heard of push presents, but when you see your wife lug 30 lbs of extra weight around during the hottest texas summer ever and not complain once, you will want to get her something.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
that is some fine one-upmanship MP, congrats.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Go through a 12 step program. They acknowledge shit like this all the time.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:25 AM
Yea, another “commenters ruin your site” retweet by tbl last night. Uncool, J-Mac
May 17th, 2012 at 9:25 AM
exactly.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:25 AM
I’ve never had one of these not devolve into 40 minutes of presents and the chicks oooh-ing and ahh-ing over them …
May 17th, 2012 at 9:25 AM
the one I had to go to was a buddy of mine, who is a complete pussy. plus his wife doesn’t have any friends, so I think he thought he needed to invite all his friends, or no one would be there.
there was booze, but it still sucked ass.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
This. I have a severe disdain for guys that won’t tell their gfs/wives about doing something even if they aren’t doing anything wrong. They just think (usually correctly) that their other half will throw a shit fit about having a good time without them.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
My wife was a trooper about it, too, but she hated not being able to drink during football season. HATED IT.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
maybe he should check the archives when most posts had no comments and the ones that did have a comment was a random person saying some random shit into the void of pre sell out TBL.com
May 17th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
All
That Zooeyiphone commercials makes me want to hurl a brick at the TV.fixed
May 17th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
That’s why you leave out important details as much as possible.
Like spending $2200 for bottle service at the club in Vegas
Like making it rain at the strip club
Like passing out at 7pm on St. Patty’s Day after drinking all day
And everything else that happens…
May 17th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
what’s the fucking point? I am curious how many of those marriages end up in divorce.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
Do we need the NASCAR add to expand every time we refresh the site?
/banned
May 17th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
Besides the kid
May 17th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
A hoarder
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
the one I had to go to was a buddy of mine,
I repeat … you guys hang with the wrong crowd.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Just do what I do and forget that Jace is even apart of the site. When I think of this site I think of commenting, Lisk and Duffy. That’s it. The only time I’ve ever remembered a piece TBL did was the Cowherd blow job and that’s because I thought it was somewhat of a swing and a miss. Duffy and Lisk bring the goods on the reg.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
If you give a wedding shower present are you exempt from coming up with something for the actual wedding? If not that’s quite the racket
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Well if they follow the general trend I would say over half.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
I continue to be puzzled by married life. If you want to go away with the guys and you have made the time/arrangements for shit why does the wife have to grant the gift of permission?
And if she wants to go away and has made the time or arranged for shit to be taken care of she also wouldn’t need my signature but that end doesn’t seem to be a problem because I have never heard chics saying “hey I would come out with you girls if it wasn’t going to get me dog housed”
/everything I know about marriage I learned from “8 Simple Rules”
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
that is some fine one-upmanship MP, congrats.
you dont one up jewelry, friend-o.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
i just hate how she asks Siri if it’s raining out when she’s got a fucking window.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
My pregnant wife sprang some new shit on me last night that nearly had me turning over a table at the restaurant with rage: the Push Present.
Where the hell did this term/idea come from?
I bet dollars to biscuits this idea came from one of those cunty Real Housewives of (Insert City) shows.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
GoTG gets it. and that “+” he added to the 9 months is more like an additional 6 months of crazy body changes between recovery and breastfeeding.
/shut the fuck up, sportsgal
May 17th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
Like passing out seated at the stage at the Spearmint Rhino only to be awaken by 4 titties in his face?
/that happened to some dude
//not sure who, though
May 17th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
Oh, and if I’m driving down the highway and I see an 8 foot gator on the side of the road, I’m not throwing a towel over it’s head and trying to wrassle it. I’m grabbing my Glock, pointing at it’s head, and pulling the fucking trigger ’til it goes click.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Team Emily here.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Why wouldn’t you just keep driving?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:32 AM
Couples wedding showers are the worst things ever.
Yeah, two of my friends has those. I skipped them. Just fucking no.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:32 AM
Nah, the usual way I handle it is a bunch of us will go in on a gift for the shower, so we dont spend that much individually. Then I bring my own gift to the wedding.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
Gator!
/archer’d
May 17th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
Have you ever had:
1. Joint Shower
2a. Push presents
2b. baby moons
3. Family members outside husband/wife in the delivery room
4. Joint bachelor(ette) Parties
5. Dry wedding
If you checked off more than two of these, you will either be divoriced and/or void of friends. More than one makes you suspect.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
Oh, and if I’m driving down the highway and I see an 8 foot gator on the side of the road, I’m not throwing a towel over it’s head and trying to wrassle it. I’m grabbing my Glock, pointing at it’s head, and pulling the fucking trigger ’til it goes click.
Why wouldn’t you just keep driving?
He needed to get his wife a alligator skin purse for a push present.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
She seems like the most annoying person in the world, but she’s cute.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
You guys are missing the point a little …
Jewelry. There is no other choice.
When your kids get older, your wife passes it to them.
If the child is a son, he’ll later give it to his wife.
If the child is a girl, she’ll wear it.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
No, not exempt. When my ex went to her friends’ or relatives’ wedding showers, I was still writing checks on their wedding day.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
If you give a wedding shower present are you exempt from coming up with something for the actual wedding? If not that’s quite the racket
That’s it. My wife and I used to get into arguments over this. We were married before most of our friends and I couldn’t believe the bride expected two presents for getting married. Fucking ridiculous. The whole wedding thing is a big racket.
/Eloped.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Incredible, how much shit do people need? And odds are they’re already living together so it’s not like in the days of yore when at a wedding you gave the couple stuff to start their first home together
As a single renter there’s no occasion where I can expect pointless gifts…perhaps I should throw myself one of those stock the bar parties and see if I can get people to accept the idea and give me booze
May 17th, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Fuck that. My wife has plenty of jewelry. We didn’t have an iPad and both wanted one. I’ve given the Mrs. plenty of jewelry over the years, and other than the engagement ring, she was happier when I gave her an iPad (she is Asian after all…that shit is like crack to them).
May 17th, 2012 at 9:36 AM
And not my bride. The brides of our friends of the countless fucking weddings we had to attend.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Way to tie it all together KC.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
I made sure the people in my wedding didn’t bring a gift. I already had them drop $100+ on a tux plus the hotel and all that shit. No need to have them get me something else.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
She seems like the most annoying person in the world, but she’s cute.
i hate the iphone commercial intensely until shake rattle and roll comes on and she kicks her feet backwards. for some reason, that makes me want to sneak up behind her and start pelvic thrusting.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Fuck each and every one of those things.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Spencer I’ll check that link later. I’ve always found the RFK clan much more intriguing than JFK’s family. I really feel RFK’s assassination was really a misunderstood turning point for 20th century America.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
you are a wise man scripty.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
In my experience, most couples expect cash/checks on their weddding and they get the china, kitchen ware, and other bullshit at the shower.
I’m fairly convinced the wedding industry is the true engine of our economy.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
I am all for the Push Present. Here is your contribution to the pregnancy – you got to fuck your wife and get off inside her. Your wife has to endure changing hormones, frequent urination, morning/all-day sickness in many cases, her skin and body parts stretching or being pushed in all different directions. Then when the baby comes, she gets to have her vagina stretched out so that she can push out a watermelon, many times having to get said vagina sewed up after the doctor cuts it open to get the fucking watermelon out of her. Or worse, she gets major surgery and has her guts lifted out of her stomach so that the baby can be delivered. The anesthesia could make her puke and there’s a good chance she could shit herself during delivery.
In other words, shut the fuck up with your whining and get her a push present.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
He needed to get his wife a alligator skin purse for a push present.
Way to tie it all together KC.
I’m just worried we’ve strayed too far from topic and TBL will blast us all on the Twitter again like he did last night. Alligator and push presents were topics in the round-up this morning, right?
/doesn’t remember what was in the round-up this morning.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Bought an engagement ring, then a condo, then a house, now it’s furniture. I mention these things when I get complaints of not having more diamonds. I’m told they are for “us”, and then met with stony silence when I am unable to stifle laughter.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Because that wouldn’t be awesome
May 17th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
I gotta say…No. 195 is pretty spot on.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
I made sure the people in my wedding didn’t bring a gift. I already had them drop $100+ on a tux plus the hotel and all that shit. No need to have them get me something else.
You are a good man, Dawg.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
(she is Asian after all…that shit is like crack to them).
good gawd thats funny.
Jewelry. There is no other choice.
I’ve been selective with the jewelry – my thought is to create an heirloom. My wife has stuff passed from generations that are all pretty damn cool.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
This plays a big role in my stance that marriage licenses should expire every 5 years…can help cut down on divorce proceedings if couples can just not re-up and you know people will throw themselves parties if they do and parties equal purchases
We’ll be out of debt by 2020
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
I’m already hauling my wife to Chicago on her birthday to see her Favorite Person Ever (Tim McGraw). I do good shit for her. I’ll probably cave and buy her a Coach bag.
But I’m counting it as an early Xmas gift. Because I’m chintzy like that.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
Pretty much. For our wedding it seemed like we got the gifts at the showers and then at the wedding it was mostly gift cards and money. The money we blew through quite nicely on our honeymoon.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
I think I’m going to have to reject a lot of people’s wedding invitations in the future.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:40 AM
one of the things I love about my gf is that she isn’t really into jewelry, purses, stuff like that. I could give her a nice pearl-snap shirt and she would be fucking pumped for weeks.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Never heard of these
May 17th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Dude, you really are a fucking moron. I am very aware of what happens to women when they get pregnant. It’s one of the many reasons why I don’t want to have kids.
I don’t like you and I never will so do us both a favor and stop trying to start arguments with me.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
so a trinket makes it all better, is that what you’re saying?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
You know all that going in, comes with the territory.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Note to self: make appointment for tubal ligation. Stat.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Another wonderfully articulated lecture by sportsgal.
/ducks
//sort of agree
May 17th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Push presents are retarded. Team abortions.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
If I arrange to pass a kidney stone at the same time she’s giving birth, does that count? A show of solidarity instead of a trinket?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
I hadn’t either until a friend of friend did one. I laughed. I also ran into an old HS friend a while back and saw him with a gold ring one the right hand and a silver ring on the other. I asked what it was, and he told me one was the engagement band and the other was the wedding band. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face. My gf (wife now) got in the car when we left and said, “what the fuck was that about? Lame.” That’s when I knew I had a keeper.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
damn dude, hope you’re getting a new driver out of that deal or something.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Scripty, put me down for:
3. Family members outside husband/wife in the delivery room
With my first born, both my parents and her parents were there, since it was the 1st grandkid on the her side.
I’ll tell you what, my boy is 13yrs old, and I’m 42 and it is the quickest 1/3 of life. Time disappears like no other time before in my life. In about another few yrs, he’ll be married and having his 1st kid.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Doesn’t mean it isn’t tough, man. After going through my wife’s pregnancy with her, I’ll never disagree when someone says woman are tougher. The entire experience is one I’m so glad I’ll never have to deal with.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
I made sure the people in my wedding didn’t bring a gift. I already had them drop $100+ on a tux plus the hotel and all that shit. No need to have them get me something else.
Yeah – same here.
And I picked up greens fees for 18 on the day before. Funny – we played golf at the same place we had the reception. On Friday, the club manager was not happy to learn we’d be back the next day with an open bar and music.
Husker – you prolly know the place – Indian Hills.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:45 AM
She drove your drunk ass around town for nine fucking months while you got wasted with your buddies. The least you can do is get her a gift to say “thanks.”
May 17th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
If my future baby moms asks for a gift just for having a kid, I think I would literally give her a single cookie.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Nice place. I was just up at a wedding at Windemere a few weeks back. Easily the hottest wedding party plus bride I’ve seen. Usually there are 1 or 2 ugly bridesmaids, but this time they were 5 for 5 and the bride was gorgeous.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
I love young people. Sure you would…sure you would.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
I have a golf membership, so I kinda get away with one already.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Im taking my 4 year old fishing on SAT. I really hope we catch some stuff. They are stocking an area w/ trout so I think we’ll be fine. Last year we went we got shut out (on VAC and had bad choppy weather on a proven hot spot) so I cant expect it to grow on him if he dont land anything. Amazingly that night after we got blanked he told me “I had fun fishing with you dadddy” so I want him to pick it up good.
He also began reading books two nights ago. He’s been awesome.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
I laughed at this.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
so a trinket makes it all better, is that what you’re saying?
That’s why the E Arden Gift Card is so money. She gets pampered and made to feel pretty after feeling so fat and ugly for the last 6 months.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
miz and SG are totally gonna do it.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Anyone who complains about these is an idiot. Its your last chance to get away before both of your lives are changed forever. Its a nice little vacation for relaxing and getting ready for the hell that is the next few months of exhaustion. It’s for the both of you.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
This seems like it was intended for someone else … I’m on team no kids as well, but I’m also opposed to the push present when you know exactly what you’re getting into. Now, if complications arise we may have a different discussion.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:50 AM
Fuck that. I’d rather just buy her a present.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:50 AM
3. Family members outside husband/wife in the delivery room
That is just freaking creepy. I didn’t even call my mom or the in-laws until my wife was induced and then shut the phone off until my wife was at 8. I had a co-worker who demanded that she be in the room with her daughters when they birthed. That had to be uncomfortable for the husbands.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
that’s awesome man, I hope y’all catch something, he will love it.
if they just stocked it with trout, take some mini-marshmallows or a can of corn and you’ll tear em up.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Im on the fence about this. No dudes, for sure. But having my mom in there talking me through it would be so nice, at least for the first one.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
What the fuck is wrong with you people? If your woman gives birth to your child, do something nice for her you cheap bastards.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Im taking my 4 year old fishing on SAT.
Have a blast. I’ve taken my kid fishing since he was three. Snoopy pole. He usually gets bored after 20 or 30 minutes of doing it and likes watching me cast with spinners. He wants to use lures but he just isn’t quite old enough to cast far enough. The 30 minutes of reeling in bluegill and bass on his worm on the hook keeps me busy.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Both my mother and my mother-in-law expressed interest in being in the room. The hospital policy was only 2 people, so it made it easy to tell them to stay in the waiting room, and I’ll come get you.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
Only alligators. Whomever started the push present stuff took over the comments. I don’t get why he cares what we say in the comments when he says no one reads them and they don’t drive the site.
Also, no one cares about Nick Stahl apparently.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
If my future baby moms asks for a gift just for having a kid, I think I would literally give her a single cookie.
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Watsonian
It is topics like this where you can tell the youngsters from us seasoned old folks.
I got my wife all sorts of stuff after the birthing. I just don’t like it called a push present. Seems demeaning and once again, I’m almost certain that term came from a Real Housewives show.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
i haven’t cared about him since he ruined the terminator franchise.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
Mel Gibson might, or is Nick Stahl Jewish?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
@CJ and SC: Boston is @Baltimore only during the week in August.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
after a recent weekend that involved a ton of bbq, beer and steak, i deserved a push present after what i did monday morning.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
What now I have to buy you a push present for an abortion? Your present IS the abortion!
May 17th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
You need to talk to my Wife. She says I have to be there, but doesn’t want her mom.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Yeah I checked that out.. only weekend series is mid September
May 17th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Disturbing Behavior is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Oh, it’s like that?
May 17th, 2012 at 9:58 AM
I don’t get why he cares what we say in the comments when he says no one reads them and they don’t drive the site. Cleet
I’ve never understood that either. Eh, whatever. It is his site to manage. I suspect most of his traffic is driven by Twitter and the comment section is a black hole to most. And I understand that. I visit lots of blogs and this is only one of two that I even read the comments much less comment on.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:58 AM
Good tips. I’ve fished 95>% of my time on lake erie and not really inland so that will help. It’s a new spot but I’ve already got my license, took out the poles, checked my tackle box, etc (refreshed everything last fall), and mapped out my travel time.
I might go check it out tomorrow. They are prohibiting fishing there until SAT but I hate going to a lake or something to meet people fishing and have to figure it out for the first time in pre-dawn or dawn light. It’s kinda of a fishing derby, normally I don’t like these pseudo fishing events but I just need to take him where there are certain fish.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:58 AM
There’s a place about 45 minutes away, it’s a trout farm that also has public fishing. Rent a pole, buy some bait and you’re off. It’s a hoot. The Elder caught a trout that actually popped the reel off the pole.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Mother-in-law was in the room and it really bothered me for some reason. Ultimately had to have a c-section, so she missed the birth anyway.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
So true.
May 17th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Hard to pin that on him. He didn’t write the movie, or direct it. And Ed Furlong turned the role down. If they had come to me with a fat paycheck I would have accepted the role too. I wouldn’t have blown it all on drugs though….possibly….
May 17th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
She says I have to be there, but doesn’t want her mom. C.
Dude, you have to be there. Don’t even pretend not being there is an option. This isn’t 1955.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:00 AM
I know a woman that said she never wanted to have children, basically because she said a child would destroy her body. Now, 12 years later (she’s in her 40′s), she’s most definitely regretting it. To add insult to injury, her husband left her, and now she really regretting her decision because she has no one. Something to think about.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:03 AM
If you look like Don Draper you can just get wasted in the waiting room. It’s a new loophole.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:04 AM
My wife and I are firmly entrenched in the no children camp.
/team dogs
May 17th, 2012 at 10:04 AM
To summarize, nobody likes to be told by a person to give them a gift, a gift they might have gotten anyways, and especially one with a faux 21st centurty uber-consumerism title.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:04 AM
I’m thinking about it. Sounds like she’d benefit from some counseling.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
The problem is with the title. Just get your a woman a gift for giving you a child and carrying it around for 9 months.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
whoa whoa whoa…when did I ever express not liking you, sweetcheeks? I just like to needle you and about 10 other people here and I enjoy the return needling. it makes my day better to banter on the internet whenever I get the chance because work’s so effing serious and stressful sometimes; so if my banter with you bothers you, I’ll stop.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:07 AM
/Draper’d
May 17th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Yeah, I know nothing about his shit and none of my buddies are going to be getting married anytime soon. Maybe we should stop getting shitfaced and go to the casino every weekend.
/we won’t
May 17th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Even modern childbirth is not 100% safe. You can have a blood issue, or something like a detached placenta, a strangulation/suffocation, etc.
Go in there and be strong. You won’t regret it. It’s quite possible you’ll see some wild shit even if things go well. Plus seeing that little guy when he’s 10 seconds old is great.
***
BTW – GEEZUS – thoughts and prayers buddy. What are you guys having?
May 17th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
But why? Support for her in general? Support if something goes wrong?
/can you tell I don’t have kids?
May 17th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
what was that movie he was in with Sissy Spacek, Marisa Tomei and Tom Wilkenson? He’s dating a much older than him Marisa Tomei in the movie and she has a psycho ex. It was a really good movie. I think a lot of people were nominated for Oscars in that one.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Wow good point, from the sample size of one lonely woman’s regret I think /Team Dogs need to reevaluate our life decisions.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
That expanding NASCAR ad up top needs to go away – annoying.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
You know what else is retarded? Old people. Just because you’re closer to being dead doesn’t mean you’re inherently smarter than me.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:12 AM
No, the trick is to find a woman who will do all of this with you!
May 17th, 2012 at 10:12 AM
Marisa Tomei
Forever.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:12 AM
And they vote like total cunts.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Agreed… asking for a gift is always in bad taste. Any sort of retaliation about not getting a gift is always bitchy and entitled
Lets clear up the terminology if its a gift you can’t exactly ask or demand one if you do then its a ransom.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:13 AM
I can’t speak for her, but I doubt counseling would overcome her regret of choosing to not be a mother.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
I feel better now knowing that a lot of folks bought their wife something. I get that. Being told that a gift is expected, and then giving it a retarded name… that’s when I turn into a wall and tune the world out.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
More tired and willing to compromise.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:14 AM
so basically what scripty said.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:15 AM
Windermere
Yeah – I can relate – that place is filled with trophies and milfs. Most of my kids baseball/football team lives there. I’ve played that course a few times – pretty nice but bring a fucking donkey to get up and down the hills.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:15 AM
Do you think Old People are more likely to read the bible cuz they’re cramming for finals?
May 17th, 2012 at 10:16 AM
I know a woman that said she never wanted to have children, basically because she said a child would destroy her body. Now, 12 years later (she’s in her 40′s), she’s most definitely regretting it. To add insult to injury, her husband left her, and now she really regretting her decision because she has no one. Something to think about.
But is she hot?
May 17th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Do you think Old People are more likely to read the bible cuz they’re cramming for finals?
Will use.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Your wife is one lucky lady.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:19 AM
Your momma so old when she was in history class, they just wrote down what they were doing.
/Key&Peele
May 17th, 2012 at 10:19 AM
Being lit and having to depose witnesses is not a wise combination.
/team malpractice
May 17th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
My dad skipped my birth to play in a league softball game.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Plus seeing that little guy when he’s 10 seconds old is great.
This trumps all.
When my 3rd was born, the doc: “Look at the size of the feet on this guy!”
/team proud. Ohhhhhh … he said feet.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
I will be stealing this for use in my real life and will certainly not be giving you proper credit.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
Did you think he said meat?
May 17th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
All your marriages and children will never fill the void in your lives like constant binge drinking with a puppy.
I know a woman that said she never wanted to be a drunkard with a puppy, basically because she said a puppy and alcoholism would destroy her chance of a marriage and family. Now, 12 years later (she’s in her 40′s), she’s most definitely regretting it. To add insult to injury, her husband left her, and now she’s really regretting her decision because she has and annoying pre-teen child, can’t drink for shit and is puppy-less. Something to think about.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
Having a kid because you’re lonely is a terrible reason to regret not having kids. I’m sticking with my counseling suggestion.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
She says I have to be there, but doesn’t want her mom. C.
Who the hell brings others in with them for this. Ridiculous.
Birth story:
Wife’s legs are propped, and at one moment, at least 6 medical personnel are looking at her goods.
Wife (while raising both arms): “Is it possible for at least one more person to look at my crotch – I don’t think there’s enough of you here.”
6 heads snap around to look elsewhere and people disperse nervously away.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:25 AM
May 17th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
My dog loves when I come home belligerent at 4am because my friends and I always bring him across the street to the beach and let him run wild for a while while we finish every drop of alcohol that was left in the house.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
you’re porking the counselor, aren’t you?
/see comment 262
May 17th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
I find bringing a human into this world to keep you company morally objectionable. I’d rather be lonely. I also have absolutely nothing against people who think differently since I cannot come up with a non-selfish reason for making babies but understand making babies is probably something that needs to continue happening.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Just an incredible emotional connection.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Nice. We’d hop the fence to a lawn bowling court and let her run around like crazy each with multiple beers in our pockets.
Kept throwing parties to socialize the pup. When you throw a puppy into the mix you get a great turnout.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
/Team Dogs are good, it’s /Team Cats that need to re-evaluate their decisions
Yes
May 17th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
I started throwing parties in high school when I was left to myself every weekend and one time this stupid cooz let my beagle out so I had to chase him around the neighborhood.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Do you think Old People are more likely to read the bible cuz they’re cramming for finals?
Laughing, I am.
You know what else is retarded? Old people. Just because you’re closer to being dead doesn’t mean you’re inherently smarter than me.
Ouchie.
Aaaand – I was in the birthing room for both my kids. No doubt women are stronger than men, pound for pound.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
It took a couple hundred comments, but scripty nailed it. It’s not the gift, per se, it’s the sense of entitlement and expectation.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Cried as much as the baby did both times. And, yes, your wife needs you there. Emotional, sometimes physical. Regardless, those two days are in the top 3 of days spent in my entire life!
May 17th, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Always. Especially that puff ball of yours. Has to be a crowd-pleaser.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:39 AM
Cried as much as the baby did both times.
I never felt this – just pride and fun.
And I was very interested in what they were doing with the baby. Measuring, weighing, smearing that silver crap on their eyes and basically draining the fluids out.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:39 AM
I agree, but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make, and that’s not why she regrets it. Anyway, everyone has their reasons for doing what they do and each person has to live their own life, so to each his or her own. I do have a little girl (16 months), and there is nothing in this world that I love more than her, and I can’t imagine what life would be like without her….. and we’re planning for another soon. Anyway, let’s lighten the mood, shall we?
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XnDwQGlpQFo/TDR9AVwGM6I/AAAAAAAAAJc/9z1mI4Om6DM/s1600/golden-retriever-puppies.jpg
May 17th, 2012 at 10:40 AM
If you’re not doing everything you can to watch your child come into this world…then I just don’t know what to tell you.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:41 AM
I’d probably feel differently if I wanted a kid (broken record, I know). Having a kid is world-changing to those having it, but it doesn’t make them special in the grand scheme. That’s probably my real issue – that I must stop an appreciate the miracle of life any time it comes across my path.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:51 AM
Talk to me in a month after the kids is born and tell me that it isn’t special. It’s your creation. A living, breathing, crying, and (sometimes) sleeping creation from you. If that doesn’t make it special in the grand scheme, your definition of “special” must be out of this world.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
Nothing better than people with kids looking down on people who don’t want kids. It’s my favorite.
May 17th, 2012 at 10:59 AM
Having a kid because you’re lonely is a terrible reason to regret not having kids. Sportsgal
Agreed. These type of kids end up being the ones that talk in movie theaters.
Having a kid is world-changing to those having it, but it doesn’t make them special in the grand scheme.
Oof. What makes you special in the grand scheme? Nothing. The grand scheme is meaningless. I can’t tell you how to feel, but I think your emotions will be different after that kiddo pops out.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:00 AM
Exactly my point. Your kid is certainly special to you, you created it. How many thousands are created each day? The world at large doesn’t think your kid is special.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Mr. C – I was reading your posts as if your wife was pregnant. Sorry if my responses were a bit confrontational. If you don’t want a kid, then don’t have a kid. I’ve got nothing against that. I respect Sportsgal for not wanting a kid and admitting it.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:06 AM
Late on this, but the push present deal is something that people with too much money do (i.e. not me). Definitely try to do the baby moon though. Getting away (even if it’s small) one last time just the two of you is invaluable.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
I have kids but I don’t see it as some world changing thing. I’m just happy to be raising kids that get it – be considerate, polite and respectful all while keeping a competitive edge, having fun and working hard. Life is really pretty simple.
My sister doesn’t have kids and she’s awesome – my kids love her and so do I. She and her husband are better b/c of it. Again – life is really pretty simple.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:32 AM
KC – no problem at all. I should apologize as well as my comments can be inflammatory in the context of a website comments section.
May 17th, 2012 at 11:39 AM
Shockingly and refreshingly reasonable. I probably don’t notice that most people are like you because I only feel judgment or comments from the extreme examples. Thanks.
May 17th, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Is this roundup pic a joke?
I cant watch the spurs because everytime they are called for a foul or dont get a call they will just start arguing with the ref.
May 17th, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Please tell me the Man Candle is a hoax.