Albert Pujols Still Has Not Hit a Home Run in 2012
The Albert Pujols home run watch remains lost and empty, much like the portly first baseman’s plate approach. As of today, he’s batting .202 with no home runs, obviously, and five RBI to go along with a saggy boob of an OPS, which currently sits alone in the dark at .524. Last night, Al B. Sure was 0-for-3 in a 5-0 loss to the Blue Jays. Of course he was.
The Angels remain in last place all by their lonesome with a record of 10-16, and find themselves 7.5 games back of the loaded Rangers. On the bright side, Jered Weaver threw a no-hitter a few nights ago, stealing the spotlight away from Pujols’ awful season for approximately 11 minutes. So there’s that.

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92 Responses to “Albert Pujols Still Has Not Hit a Home Run in 2012”
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May 4th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
I read this post in the voice of Judge Smails.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Casey Kotchman has 2 dingers to go along with his .162 AVG.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
He probably switched from his tighty whities after he was humanized by Mr. Ryan. Little did he know, that was the key to his success.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:53 PM
The big, baggy pants look has to go. High socks look so much better.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Indeed.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:54 PM
big props to the guy who linked to the picture of Danielle Fischel (Topanga) in the previous post.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Ha. That’s beautiful, and oh so fitting. We’re waiting, AL-bertha.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
I havent been to second base in like two months
May 4th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Who are we talking about?
May 4th, 2012 at 3:57 PM
It needed to be said.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Dear illformula and BillyBuckner,
Fuck the Orioles!
May 4th, 2012 at 3:58 PM
That no hitter was a fraud. I watched the last few innings of that game. The umps where calling everything a strike. It was a goddamn joke. I should also add I hate the fucking angels.
May 4th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
PM Yardwork!
May 4th, 2012 at 3:59 PM
some players weren’t meant for the AL.
/nods at Edgar Renteria
May 4th, 2012 at 4:00 PM
I think Steve Lyons just said ‘shit burger’ on live TV during the Dodger/Cubs game.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:00 PM
Possible comment thread options:
1. Yardwork loss of
2. Being a Dickface relative to place of birth
3. Best Gardening clogs speculation
4 Food and subsequent digestive reaction to
5. 90′s TV actress with the biggest forehead that would you bang
6. How everyone knows Frank Zappa is a huge talentless cunt
May 4th, 2012 at 4:00 PM
Get thee to a Gentleman’s club.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:01 PM
Break up the Dodgers! they signed Bobby Abreu! lolz.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
Pedro Alvarez may finish with 40 HR and 50 hits.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:02 PM
4 Food and subsequent digestive reaction to
I agree with whoever posted it yesterday. Chipotle’s hot sauce messes with my innards. I still get it every time I go there.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:03 PM
Whats wrong with that?
/Adam Dunn
May 4th, 2012 at 4:03 PM
as they looked in the 90′s, or what they are like now? that could be a huge deal breaker.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Dear illformula and BillyBuckner,
Fuck the Orioles!
What the fuck, jerk? I’m sitting right here
May 4th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
that’s efficient if you ask me.
i like the philosophy that if you don’t hit it out of the park, don’t hit at all.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:04 PM
They did?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:05 PM
Dear Yankees,
Have closer, will eat salary.
Signed,
Theo
May 4th, 2012 at 4:05 PM
oh stark, i give you enough shit during basketball season.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
Dear Yankees,
Have closer, will eat salary.
Signed,
Theo
That would be horrendous. For the Yankees. And beautiful at the same time
May 4th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
Chubby’s chilli cheese fries wreak havoc
May 4th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
oh stark, i give you enough shit during basketball season.
Eh, it’s fun. Also, the Red Sox are a stain upon humanity
May 4th, 2012 at 4:06 PM
Ballz,
yeah, i saw it on the ticker on ESPN today.
SC – I don’t feel so bad about boston’s situation at closer now that I’ve watched a few Cubs games.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
I hope the Red Sox can knock this Chen guy back to earth. He’s been pretty good for the O’s this season. Too bad it’s not Bruce Chen. that would be an automatic win for Boston
May 4th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
The big, baggy pants look has to go. High socks look so much better.
been saying this for years. i believe derek bell started the baggy look
May 4th, 2012 at 4:07 PM
I’d take 3 Doritos tacos for Marmol at this point.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Also, the Red Sox are a stain upon humanity
You’re…a stain upon humanity!
May 4th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
Pedro Alvarez may finish with 40 HR and 50 hits.
did brett favre teach him to hit?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
i believe derek bell started the baggy look
He of “Operation Shutdown” fame — the best worst Pirate moment of the last 20 years. Though Raul Mondesi just deciding he didnt feel like playing for the buccos is a close 2nd.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:09 PM
you lose all rights to talk about good food!
/Chief’d
//you can like great food and still eat shitty taco bell when its the only option at midnight on the road.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Those dorito tacos arent new. People been making them in prisons for years.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:10 PM
I think the new Chen is pretty good. He should be OK (cue tonight’s Brian Matusz special) for a few months, at least. I don’t think he’s a Cy Young contender but he’s a decent middle-rotation guy
May 4th, 2012 at 4:11 PM
Though Raul Mondesi just deciding he didnt feel like playing for the buccos is a close 2nd.
didn’t ramirez tank it with the red sox?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:12 PM
Are those any good?
/the Doritos tacos, not Marmol
May 4th, 2012 at 4:12 PM
Why do people feel the need to cut their nails at their desk?
Fucking Savages
May 4th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Are those any good?
I thought they were OK at best. All hype.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
the jackedup doritos are pretty good. i tore through most of two big bags a couple weeks ago. no regrets
May 4th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
didn’t ramirez tank it with the red sox?
He didn’t run out grounders and he didn’t field (which he never did) but he hit something like .340 while he was “tanking” so, as usual, it was just Red Sox fans feeling put upon by the cruel world
May 4th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Not really. Still prefer a good old fashioned hard shell taco supreme, a chicken baja gordita, a bean burrito and a large Wild Cherry Pepsi if I’m slumming it at Taco Bell.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:13 PM
johndewar,
its typical taco bell..with dorito flavor
May 4th, 2012 at 4:14 PM
Why do people feel the need to cut their nails at their desk?
Fucking Savages
fingernail biter, toenail cutter
/not at desk
//with feet on the dinner table
May 4th, 2012 at 4:14 PM
Kinda what I suspected.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:14 PM
Smoky chipotle BBQ flavor..win..
May 4th, 2012 at 4:15 PM
was in a waiting room yesterday and some lady was cutting her nails. gross
May 4th, 2012 at 4:15 PM
That’s a solid post-drinking order right there.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Make that 3 hard shell taco supremes as my go to order. Along with the rest of the stuff. When I go to TB, I don’t mess around. All or nothing visits.
Eating here tonight. I’m not sure what they do with their sweet potatoes but holy shit are they the best. Plan on getting some ribs, a sweet potato, corn on the cob and a $2 PBR before walking across the street to see Avengers. Gonna be a good night, scooter.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Was going to see the Avengers late night tonight…until I didnt get paid on time. Fucking employer..
May 4th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
when i was desperate, that beefy crunch burrito with the flaming hot fritos inside it hit the spot
May 4th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
I still want the Tribe to acquire Manny at the deadline if he’s playing alright. Could split time at DH with Pronk. Of course that’s assuming the Tribe’s still in it.
/Most likely wont be
May 4th, 2012 at 4:20 PM
Del Taco >>>>> Taco Bell for late night drunken gorging.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:20 PM
I used to love their Taco Pizza’s – unfortunately eating one now leads to a very quick trip to spray some insulation.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:20 PM
Watched it last night online. It was good. Had I been in the theater instead of drinking on the couch it might have been different. Enjoyable.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:20 PM
My usual is 2 regular tacos, 1 chicken soft taco, 1 double-decker
May 4th, 2012 at 4:21 PM
Are those any good?
/the Doritos tacos, not Marmol
Not really. Still prefer a good old fashioned hard shell taco supreme, a chicken baja gordita, a bean burrito and a large Wild Cherry Pepsi if I’m slumming it at Taco Bell.
Double Decker, Chalupa(sp?) and a Nachos Bellgrande
May 4th, 2012 at 4:21 PM
if there was more than one option in town, of course. living in a small town sucks
May 4th, 2012 at 4:21 PM
gilled stuft burritos, one ‘steak’ one chicken and a couple bean burritos. love the deadweight of those things
May 4th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Del Taco >>>>> Taco Bell for late night drunken gorging
Agreed. Judging by sales volume amongst taco chains we are in a very small minority
May 4th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Buncha fatties in here.
/Hernia
May 4th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
That’s happening Sunday afternoon. I sprung for the XD tickets as well, figured go big.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Del Taco gives you worse shits than Taco Bell. That stuff is rancid. There way too much authentic Mexican food in CA to be going to Del Taco. Holes in the wall that are probably cheaper than TB or Del Taco.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:23 PM
What the hell is XD?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:23 PM
They don’t have them up here in NorCal, otherwise I’d do the same.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:23 PM
4 hard shell tacos, a chicken quesedilla, chili cheese fries, and no hangover.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:24 PM
Taco John’s was a staple in Iowa City for the poor college days. $0.50 taco Tuesday. We used to pool our change together every week between the other 4 guys I lived in a house with and get as many tacos as we could. Come back with like a box of 30 tacos and get lifted.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:24 PM
It’s like seeing it in imax and 3d at the same time. At least that’s how I read it, never actually seen a movie in XD yet.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:25 PM
it was just Red Sox fans feeling put upon by the cruel world
That’s actually not true. He was blatantly jogging out ground balls, some that could’ve been beaten out. I’m not bitter, as I think he was just wanting to mess wityh people’s minds…except for that clubhouse attendant he threw to the ground
/allegedly
//immediately thinks of Pedro throwing Zimmer down
///he deserved it
May 4th, 2012 at 4:25 PM
24 hours homey. Plus I’m a picky eater. You never know what you’re going to get with those Taco Shops.
/points and laughs
May 4th, 2012 at 4:26 PM
You guys want tacos, go to San Antonio. There’s a taco stand or tex-mex restaurant on every single block.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:26 PM
I would put the late night average calories I consumed at the Taco Hut Express at tOSU around 1500.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:27 PM
what are you, a woman?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Taco Hut Express
That name just screams quality.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:30 PM
That name just screams quality.
It was one of those Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express things. But don’t you dare cross pollinate your order or I will judge you.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:30 PM
I loathe onions. That’s a problem for hole in the wall Taco Shops.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:31 PM
Taco Tuesday is the shit.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:33 PM
I loathe onions
Who are you? Martin Blank?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:34 PM
Holes in the wall that are probably cheaper than TB or Del Taco.
Not usually. About the same. But you do need to have a spot you know or you’re taking some serious chances.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:36 PM
Nothing is cheaper than Del Taco. Especially on Tuesdays.
I don’t understand that comment, and I won’t respond to it.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:40 PM
I don’t understand that comment, and I won’t respond to it.
It’s a fairly obscure Grosse Point Blank reference.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:43 PM
t was one of those Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express things. But don’t you dare cross pollinate your order or I will judge you.
I have a taco bell/KFC by me and I’m all about the cross pollination. I thought that was the point of having them in the same place?
May 4th, 2012 at 4:51 PM
Taco Tuesday is the shit.
Literally.
May 4th, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Spoken like a true fat-man.
May 4th, 2012 at 5:13 PM
I guess Kinsler is still having trouble keeping Hamilton out of the bars around Dallas.
May 4th, 2012 at 5:15 PM
Hey vez, is that the burrito equivalent of fish tacos?
May 5th, 2012 at 1:52 AM
Fuck fish tacos.