Each week Stephen Teach-Me-How-To Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over two years ago. Every time this post appears, Ty Duffy plays the Tetris theme song on his electric guitar. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

To kick things off, how does Leighton Meester’s butt sound? You’re welcome.

1. NFL Draft

TSH — Awkward hugs and unexpected makeout sessions are two of biggest reasons people watch the NFL draft. The other reason? The use of helmet phones. Those things are timeless, the gift that as is Mel Kiper.

CRM — The two minutes I watched of the draft were just as thrilling as the recap of the selections I read on ESPN this morning.

2. NHL Playoffs

TSH — Fist fights, Twitter fights, the 2012 NHL playoffs has had it all thus far. This is probably the most hockey I’ve watched since the Olympics, and it’s been nothing short of awesome. I’ve been lured in by the Rangers and find myself actually caring, a lot, about the results of a hockey game. John Tortorella, who looks like a mix of Dennis Miller and Arthur Fonzarelli, has been a big part of that development. The man is endlessly entertaining. Also, Sam Rosen makes for an amazing hockey announcer. He really makes a difference, and you can’t say that about too many play-by-play guys. Now, on to the Capitals.

CRM — I have thoroughly enjoyed the NHL post season so far. The last week has focused on the actual playing of the hockey instead of the other stuff that goes on during the games. Since the Penguins-Flyers game two weekends ago, it seems the league and its officials have taken back control of the games.

3. Deion and Pilar Sanders

TSH — This is sad to see as Deion Sanders is such an easy person to root for. Anyone who routinely chooses to dress like Dick Tracy and the mobster from Bugs Bunny will always have a loyal, passionate following. The only question is, what will Michael Irvin do to steal the headlines from Prime Time and Warren Sapp?

CRM — When I was growing up, Deion was one of my favorite players. Now all I think about when I hear his name is his reality show when he spent entire episodes running around his house on a scooter. Did his wife beat him until he had a limp? Or is it just the ultimate status symbol to drive around your home when you don’t have to?

4. Albert Pujols and his Crappy Start

CRM — The one positive of the Marlins season is that Albert Pujols isn’t a part of their struggles. He is just playing like he is. Doesn’t matter to me.

TSH — Albert Pujols ended his hitless streak at 21 at-bats by rolling a grounder up the middle to beat the Rays’ shift, but was unfortunately gunned down at second trying to stretch the single into a double. Hilarious. That sequence kind of sums up the whole problem. He’s trying to do a bit too much. Just take the single next time, tubby.

5. The Flyers and Nickelback, Because it’s Really That Embarrassing

TSH — You’re a professional athlete. You can go to any concert in the world that you want to, and proudly stand on stage. Why Nickelback? Seriously, why? I’m now rooting for the Flyers to get swept.

CRM — Nickelback is the official band of the NHL. Should we really pick on the Flyers for toeing the company line?

TSH — Yes.

Honorable Mention

Jeremy Lin news! … The NBA regular season is finally over so now we can, you know, enjoy basketball … World Peace! … a fucking hat!

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results
Well, more like last month’s poll results: Streaky March Madness won best collegiate playoff system by just one vote!

Query of the Week…

Would you rather spend an afternoon inside Burger Time or Dig Dug?

View Results

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

CRM — What is that?

TSH — Yes, Snooki borrowed Homer’s storied muumuu.

What a Moment for Music