Cleveland Indians’ PR Man Thinks Kansas City’s Drinking Water “Tastes Like Ass”
Bart Swain is the Cleveland Indians Director of Baseball Information. He is also not a fan of the drinking water in Kansas City. Cleveland was in town over the weekend and pillaged and plundered the Royals, but that wasn’t enough for Swain.
/Takes giant gulp of tap water
Yummy yum yum. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Swain thought the Kansas City water had a hint of fecal matter in it. I get it. Local tap water is a lot like farts. Everyone prefers their own brew. I’ve lived in Kansas City so I guess I’m used to it, but I go on trips and . . . well . . . I’ve never thought I was drinking eau d’anus, but I’ve been spent time in Florida and Texas and found the mixture displeasing enough to seek out bottled waters. I’ve never been to Cleveland, though, and I’ve heard great things. Now, I guess I’ll have to see what I’ve been missing with the water, fresh off the Cuyahoga.
[h/t: The Pitch]
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April 19th, 2012 at 12:34 PM
Who drinks water straight from the tap without a filter? Brita that shit. On the road, use water bottles. All tap water is shit.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Everyone prefers their own brew
Pretty much true. I don’t have any problem with water here.
Who drinks water straight from the tap without a filter?
Me. Water ain’t poison. It tastes fine.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
god, waco tap water was the worst. roommate took a trip out to the source one day, and saw a dead cow clogging the path from the river to the sanitizing plant. no wonder it tasted like shit.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
this sounds like something Bort Swain would say.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Pretty much the same thing, no?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Memphis has the best tap water.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:38 PM
houston (specifically Katy), on the other hand, has tap water that taste like candy and flowers.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:38 PM
I drink from the tap.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:38 PM
/takes sip of Evian
//with pinky sticking out
April 19th, 2012 at 12:38 PM
One thing I miss about New Orleans is the constant “boil water” notifications.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:39 PM
commoner.
/cracker jack
April 19th, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Who drinks water straight from the tap without a filter? Brita that shit. On the road, use water bottles. All tap water is shit.
Tap water has to be meet legal standards of cleanliness (whether or not they actually do is another story). Bottled water has no standards at all.
So keep that in mind you chug a bottle of Fiji water and feel all high and mighty.
/team drinks the water from the dispenser in the freezer door.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:39 PM
How come no one has asked him how he knows what “ass” tastes like?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Well my syntax is fucking horrible today. Time for lunch.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
houston (specifically Katy), on the other hand, has tap water that taste like candy and flowers.
I can confirm this. (Except for when the pumping station loses power and the whole of Katy draws from 1 well. Then, it’s not good).
BTW, worst water? Midland, TX. It’s not good.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Chicago water is good
AZ water bad
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Doesn’t mind tap water, wife insists we use a Brita pitcher.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
St. Louis won some competition for best tasting tap water a few years ago. We also routinely finish in the top 5 most dangerous cities list, so we’ve got that going for us to.
I have been to Plano, TX several times and thought the water tasted funny.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Haha
April 19th, 2012 at 12:40 PM
it’s fun reading bottles that list where they get their water from and you realize you are just paying $1.50 for tap water w/o odors.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:41 PM
How come no one has asked him how he knows what “ass” tastes like?
Because we’re not prudes. We eat the pussy, we eat the ass, we eat every motherfuckin’ thing.
/pours one out for Taguchi
//and Samuel L. Jackson…because he got shot right after saying that
April 19th, 2012 at 12:41 PM
Team tap water.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:41 PM
I have a Brita filter pitcher, but I’ll drink tap water if it’s the only option. I don’t have anything against it, just don’t prefer it.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:41 PM
BFFredo- do you live in god’s country, i mean katy?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:42 PM
he’s from Cleveland, it’s implied he knows what ass tastes like.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:42 PM
I dont drink bottled water. I have a Brita pitcher. Tap water skeeves me out and I think it tastes bad, sorry.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:42 PM
Quite the traveler.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Well water is where it’s at. One of the coaches on a hockey team I was on lived out in the sticks and would fill the water bottles with well water. Taste terrible at first, then you learn to love it.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
BFFredo- do you live in god’s country, i mean katy?
When did Katy, Texas become synonymous with ‘God’s country’? It is suburbia hell. Especially for those poor schmucks who commute into and out of Houston each day on I-10.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:44 PM
/Team Drinks from the Garden Hose In the Summer
April 19th, 2012 at 12:44 PM
What do you do at restaurants?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:45 PM
I dont drink bottled water. I have a Brita pitcher. Tap water skeeves me out and I think it tastes bad, sorry.
Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the good men and women at the water purification plant who apparently get no love at all for the hard work they do.
Quick question for your CJ: do you also put your shower water through a Brita? You do realize that tap water and shower water come from the same place I trust.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:45 PM
fixed.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:45 PM
BFFredo- do you live in god’s country, i mean katy?
I used to years ago. Not anymore.
When did Katy, Texas become synonymous with ‘God’s country’? It is suburbia hell. Especially for those poor schmucks who commute into and out of Houston each day on I-10.
It’s a nice, clean place to live. (Cleaner than some parts of Houston). But you’re right in that it is suburbia hell. Nothing much happens in Katy so you gotta go look for it elsewhere.
But at least it’s not Rice Village or Sugarland.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:45 PM
When did Katy, Texas become synonymous with ‘God’s country’? It is suburbia hell.
when it became a city in the late 1800′s. suburbia hell does not apply to katy because it is so great, and the westpark tollroad and I-10 expansion has helped alleviate a bad commute.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Yep, I realized how that looked after I wrote it. One day I’ll save up enough to go back!
April 19th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Do you drink your shower water?!
April 19th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
But at least it’s not Rice Village or Sugarland.
Fair point.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:46 PM
The consumption of bottled water in non-third world countries is one of the great marketing successes of all time.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:47 PM
my cousin up in Boone, NC has a small groundwater spring on his property. it bubbles out just down the hill from his house and is ice cold year round.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:48 PM
When I wake up on the floor of my apartment with a splitting headache I do not have time for your fear based filter equipment. I need all of the cold water immediately.
La-ti-da upper class think their better than me with their bottles and filters, give me a hose.
/Would gladly dump head into river most mornings
//Would do it now if wasn’t afraid of sudden movement causing vomiting
April 19th, 2012 at 12:48 PM
to be fair, cleveland’s drinking water surpasses EPA standards.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:48 PM
But at least it’s not Rice Village or Sugarland.
sugarland isnt too bad, the town center and some neighborhoods are pretty nice. its like katy without the football success.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:48 PM
Another reason I love the Brita pitcher is the ice coldness of the water. Tap water just isnt cold enough. I find the coldness to mask any potential stale taste.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:48 PM
Do you drink your shower water?!
I don’t put a glass in the shower and then drink the contents and I don’t brush my teeth in the shower like some people do. But I’m also not afraid of it like you seem to be.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
How come no one has asked him how he knows what “ass” tastes like?
thanks gg, i came here to ask the same
first time i heard the term, was after a bj…the girl said dried spit smelled like ass
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Ummm…couple cubes of ice would take care of that.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
when it became a city in the late 1800′s. suburbia hell does not apply to katy because it is so great, and the westpark tollroad and I-10 expansion has helped alleviate a bad commute.
Eh, agree to disagree. I fucking hate suburbs. I am /team will always live in a city.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Stop using Purell and stop drinking bottled water. That’s why white kids are sick all the time.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Agreed…now if we can just convince people that honey cures cancer…
April 19th, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Seems like the consummate professional.
/awaits “my Twitter was hacked” Tweet
April 19th, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Another reason I love the Brita pitcher is the ice coldness of the water. Tap water just isnt cold enough. I find the coldness to mask any potential stale taste.
Ummm…couple cubes of ice would take care of that.
Ice cubs are gross. They have frozen skeeves in them.
/CJ
April 19th, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Duh, ice cubes melt and they’re made out of tap water.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:50 PM
you know, you can just fill up a pitcher and put it in the fridge, right? doesn’t need to be Brita.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:51 PM
100% of the time. Fucking prudes, apparently all of you are wearing underwear right now as well.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:51 PM
Yep, and I love watching people who don’t recycle buy bottled water by the case-load.
/Not a tree hugger
April 19th, 2012 at 12:51 PM
Really not a fan of adding ice cubes to anything. AND IM NOT SAYING THAT LIKE I THINK IM BETTER THAN YOU.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:51 PM
I think you’ve already realized the solution to this…
April 19th, 2012 at 12:51 PM
Ice cubs are gross.
Probably would’ve been funnier if I didn’t leave the ‘e’ out.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:52 PM
IT TASTES BETTER. Good Christ.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:52 PM
+1 . We overuse Purell and are afraid to play in the dirty. Hence the reason why every kid now has some kind of peanut allergy or gets sick all the damn time.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:52 PM
So, once again, what do you do at restaurants?
/you think you’re better than me?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Eh, agree to disagree. I fucking hate suburbs. I am /team will always live in a city.
i like the complete package of the suburbs, but i love the city too. thats whats making the pending move so tough. southlake, where you have everything, or preston hollow, where the schools suck balls.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
i thought everything said on this blog was b/c we all think we’re better than each other.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Order a drink?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Also, the Purell thing. Another fantastic marketing scheme. Because it’s based in fear (like ‘tainted’ drinking water), people lap it up.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
Really not a fan of adding ice cubes to anything. AND IM NOT SAYING THAT LIKE I THINK IM BETTER THAN YOU.
CJ you are reminding me of the time I was paging through a Hammacher-Schlemmer catalog on a plane and saw that it was possible to order ice cubes from Scotland.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
Fucking stupid double quote fail.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
sugarland isnt too bad, the town center and some neighborhoods are pretty nice. its like katy without the football success.
True, but folks in Katy are more down to Earth. Folks in Sugarland do get some sort of elitist mentality. Don’t ask me why.
Stop using Purell and stop drinking bottled water. That’s why white kids are sick all the time.
/Team Drank From the Hose on Hot Days
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME POOR?
Palate Cleanser for CJ.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
I always used to associate Katy with Nolan Ryan. Now I associate it with Roger Clemens.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:54 PM
I like drinking the shower water while I pee in the shower, I feel like I’m creating one of those rainfall cycle diagrams from a science textbook.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Order a drink?
Your vodka tonic comes with ice cubes in it you know.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Hot Dog Water > Shower Water
/Limp Bizkit
April 19th, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Such a thing does not exist.
/ Tried asking for ice in a Glasgow bar once. Never again.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:56 PM
“The circle of Liiffee”
April 19th, 2012 at 12:56 PM
I always used to associate Katy with Nolan Ryan. Now I associate it with Roger Clemens.
he lived in katy for about 2 years. and he dressed up like merlin and handed out only king sized candy bars to the kids. it was great. then he moved to memorial and turned into a assface.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:56 PM
nothing better than the metallic and plastic taste of hose water on a hot day.
might do that when i get home tonight.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Hot Dog Water > Shower Water
/Limp Bizkit
Agreed. And water in Kansas City tastes like it comes from a chocolate starfish.
/Bart Swain
//full circle’d
April 19th, 2012 at 12:57 PM
I’m not buying it…unless you have a coupon.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:57 PM
True, but folks in Katy are more down to Earth
thats what i miss most about it. that, and my parents still live there.
April 19th, 2012 at 12:58 PM
Such a thing does not exist.
/ Tried asking for ice in a Glasgow bar once. Never again.
I’ve heard this before, that nothing comes with ice over there. But why do you say “never again”?
April 19th, 2012 at 12:58 PM
Do you cook in the shower?
/ Kramerica
April 19th, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Because I will never set foot in a Glasgow bar again. That city and its inhabitants are the nastiest nasties in existence.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:00 PM
Who the fuck drinks a vodka tonic?
April 19th, 2012 at 1:01 PM
i’d like to think the bar tenders give you a warning if you ask once, and if you ask again, they ask you to leave, with a tip of the hat and a smile.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:01 PM
I have friends who live in Humble, and they are indeed very ‘umble.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:01 PM
/Limp Bizkit
rex, please uphold my internet respect for you and tell me you read about this band, not listened to it
April 19th, 2012 at 1:01 PM
Tonic ruins drinks. Club Soda is where it’s at.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:02 PM
One of the girls on my softball team ordered one at the bar last night.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:02 PM
Have you ever seen Trainspotting? Its depiction of certain Scottish bars and their treatment of non-locals is pretty spot-on.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:03 PM
What’s the diff?
April 19th, 2012 at 1:03 PM
OT/
awesome, republican senate candidate in W. VA equates a smoking ban to hitler’s star of david patches.
cannot wait for the TBL election coverage
/fondly remembers 700+ comment roundups after the debates.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:05 PM
This was in the shower with you?
I prepared it as I bathed.
/hurling
April 19th, 2012 at 1:05 PM
Link? I’m hoping it’s that azzhat John Raese running again. At the rate he loses elections, he should spend himself into bankruptcy pretty soon.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:07 PM
you are correct, sir.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/19/john-raese-smoking-ban-hitler_n_1437201.html
April 19th, 2012 at 1:10 PM
Well water.
Problem solved.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:10 PM
Nearly 100 comments, and NOBODY from NYC has bragged about its tap water? Color me disappointed; you typically arrogant SOBs actually have a few things worthy of your boastfulness, and your municipal water is liquid gold. Be proud.
Go Tribe!
April 19th, 2012 at 1:16 PM
ha.
/tussles cj’s hair
April 19th, 2012 at 1:17 PM
Im being serious. Never bought tonic water, but I bought club soda to attempt to make some fancy drinks. Thought they were one in the same though.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:18 PM
CJ, do you wash your dishes with tap water? How is that different than drinking from the tap?
April 19th, 2012 at 1:18 PM
The house I grew up in had well water. It was awesome. That’s all.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:22 PM
tonic has some flavor to it. club soda is fancy schmancy way of saying carbonated water. the addition of tonic to a liquor creates a whole new flavor. adding club soda just cuts the drink down and adds fizz.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:22 PM
Holy hell I dont like the taste of tap water. In no way does this effect washing dishes or myself.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:23 PM
I would probably like tonic better then.. I tried a swig of club soda on its own and nearly vomited.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
giardia loves well water.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Probably has more to do with your tap water, and not tap water in general.
I grew up with well water as well (pun!). Whenever I visited relatives with city water, I thought it was disgusting.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
This is true. I grew up drinking well water. Maybe thats why Im such a SNOB now.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Tonic has Quinine in it, which is along the lines of a bitter, citrusy taste. Once I had a Vodka and Soda, I’ve never gone back. Same for Gin.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:27 PM
I hate taking a shower in well water. Feels like it takes twice as long to rinse off the soap.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:27 PM
BTW, worst water? Midland, TX. It’s not good.
See I like the water in Midland/Odessa. Clean water just tastes like liquid air. There’s nothing to it. Give me some chemicals and dirt in that shit. It’s an acquired taste. I should know. I drink Keystone.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:28 PM
Also, the tap water in my home town tastes like drinking out of a swimming pool, but the tap water in Chicago tastes pretty good. Same water source, different tastes.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:29 PM
Mexican tap water clearly takes the cake. Like a fresh enema.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
We can use “Mexican” again? Bloody hell…
April 19th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
I’m a big gin and tonic fan. I’ll have to give gin and soda a try.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Same source, but probably run through different filtration plants.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:30 PM
We can use “Mexican” againg? Bloody hell…
April 19th, 2012 at 1:31 PM
well water is generally softer than tap.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:31 PM
I love the best and worst tap water comments. I must have missed the National Tap Water Olympics that allowed us to compare every town in America.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:32 PM
impressive double post.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:32 PM
San Antonio gets its water from the Edwards aquifer. Very hard water at first but hotels often add softeners to it and it takes forever to rinse the soap off.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:34 PM
I assumed the 2nd one was said in a Mexican accent
April 19th, 2012 at 1:34 PM
!
Didn’t even notice it until you said something. Jarring news that needed to be said twice.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Memphis has the best tap water.
Yessssss. Make a helluva pitcher of sweet tea with it.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:51 PM
Doesnt bottled water go against CJ’s frugal ways?
/hernia’d
April 19th, 2012 at 1:53 PM
I. dont. buy. bottled. water.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:54 PM
See you made it back OK from your daily session of hefting the old scimitar with the old lady of the lake.
/ Envious
April 19th, 2012 at 1:55 PM
The problem is, you’re still in Midland/Odessa, no matter how nice the water tastes.
April 19th, 2012 at 1:57 PM
I think I combined TBL server issues with a mild seizure. Also, we can say “bloody” again.
April 19th, 2012 at 2:12 PM
I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU