Here’s the official transcript of the interview:

Yu Fan: “Oh yes, I … Love … Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Rangers Guy: “Guess he liked it. Here’s the bag, here’s the hat, congratulations.”

Yu Fan: “No … I love … Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Speaking of Yu, his Rangers beat the Mariners 1-0 last night behind seven scoreless innings from Neftali Feliz, who was making his first career start. We’re just five games in, but I’m already afraid of this team. Tons of pitching, endless bats, and Nolan Ryan staring you down from his seat in the front row. No thanks, I’ll pass.

Tigers 5, Rays 2 — Also frightening? The Detroit bats. Yes, there’s Prince and Miggy, but Austin Jackson is also off to a tremendous start.

Braves 6, Astros 4 — Chipper Jones returned to the lineup, hit a two-run homer, and the Braves notched their first victory of the young season. Coincidence? Probably.

D-Backs 4, Padres — Chris Young’s two-run shot in the top of the 11th was the difference, and Trevor Cahill’s Diamondback debut went swimmingly as he allowed just a run and two hits over six innings, despite six ugly walks. Arizona improved to 4-0, but it sure seems like this team won’t be widely discussed unless they rip off 15 straight. Is it the combination of playing in Arizona and being an expansion team that equates to no one paying attention to these guys? They’re very good, but again, no one cares.

Dodgers 2, Pirates 1 — Magic’s Dodgers are off to a 4-1 start, but all credit should deservedly go to calming clubhouse force, Donnie Baseball. Clayton Kershaw was Clayton Kershaw (7 IP, 4 H, 1 ER, 7K).

Yankees 5, Orioles 4, 12 innings — There are two reasons this game is in this space today: Freddy Garcia threw five, five, wild pitches. He’s a nice arm to have on deck should someone go down with an injury, but please, this guy belongs in the ‘pen for long relief, not the starting rotation. The other reason we’re talking about the Yankees? The bullpen pitched 7.1 scoreless innings. That will get you a gold star each and every time.

Cards 3, Reds 1 — The Reds have locked up their young stars for the foreseeable future, so let’s celebrate by filling up at least 9.3% of the ballpark. To be fair, it’s still chilly enough at night to keep people on the couch rather than in the stands.

Royals 3, A’s 0 — Wow, the Royals and A’s have entered the discussion! I’m happy to report that the reason they’re here is solely due to Oakland sending “G. Godfrey” to the mound, which is fun if you don’t know how to spell Gilbert Gottfried.

Cubs 7, Brewers 4 — The Cubs are in midseason form. A predictable losing record of 1-4 and horrible starting pitching. Paul Maholm, fittingly still wearing a Pirates cap in his profile shot, served up two homers and six earned runs in four innings of really trying to pitch.

Another look at the fan brawl in the Blue Jays home opener? Most certainly: