Roundup: Man vs. Goose Video, Tim Tebow the Careful Evangelical & Baseball’s Cuban Conundrum
Kate Upton … this Jet Blue flight sounds terrifying … “Virginia man injured in gun accident gets new face” … the Miami Herald can’t stop deleting comments on the Trayvon Martin stories … MLB advanced media rules the world! … “Naked man with weapon shot dead” … Pitbull talks to GQ … “4 Tricks Restaurants Use to Make More Money” … from waitressing to writing for the NYT … Mad Men power rankings … “Madison teacher dismissed; 3rd graders reportedly engaged in sex act in class” … nobody won Mega Millions, so Friday’s jackpot is now $476 million …
Baseball’s Cuban conundrum. [News-Press]
Renardo Sidney, the one-time star prospect who is now overweight and delusional, has declared for the NBA draft. [Ledger]
Would the NFL open the season overseas? No. So why is MLB? [ESPN]
Tebow, a Careful Evangelical. This is good. [NYT]
Nice read about how Calipari and Pitino went at it on the sidelines 20 years ago while coaching UMass and Kentucky, respectively. [Penn Live]
Barry Hinson will be the next coach at Southern Illinois. [News Leader]
The Cajun Boy’s pretty sweet history of the Final 4 in New Orleans. [Best of New Orleans]
Frank Martin “won” his South Carolina introductory press conference. The media loves him! [State]
A torn oblique has likely ended the season of Toronto guard Jerryd Bayless. [Globe & Mail]
What are the chances Boise State’s Chris Petersen goes back to Oregon? [Oregonian]
Here’s a preview of the 2012 Pittsburgh Pirates. [Trading Bases]
Theo Epstein’s biggest blunder might have been Bobby Jenks. [Globe]
Any interest in a Wrestlemania preview? It’s coming up. [Guys Speed]
This video needs no introduction. I’m just glad YouTube wasn’t around when I was partying hard. [via Adam]
Man vs. Goose. Intense. [via Herbie]
A few days late, but this was the 2nd best highlight of the final game of Draymond Green’s sterling college career. [via Intern Mike]
Don’t recognize these guys? They’re all going to be playing in the Final Four this weekend. Here’s an interview with them last year at this time prior to the McDonald’s All-American game.
This is six months old, but I’m sure this kind of thing is still going on, so buy your ticket to Brazil, now! [via Cartmaniak]
- Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- Oxbow Upsets Orb To Win Preakness, No Triple Crown For 2013
- Charmin “Stop Skidmarks” Billboard Won At Charlotte Motor Speedway
- Mets Resort To Groupon To Sell Tickets, Including Yankees Games
- Oklahoma State Blocks Wes Lunt Transfer Options, Lest Mike Gundy Look Bad Indirectly
- PurdueMatt on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- kazzythekid on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- Liquor on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
- ThatsSoTaguchi (Now With Zip) on John McCain Wants To Blow Up Sports On Television
- starkweather on Roy Hibbert Blocked Carmelo Anthony And It Was Epic [GIF]
319 Responses to “Roundup: Man vs. Goose Video, Tim Tebow the Careful Evangelical & Baseball’s Cuban Conundrum”
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March 28th, 2012 at 8:11 AM
Back to the main page to squint at that Upton pic.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:13 AM
That’s not even remotely true. That article is horrible.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:14 AM
Really? I think Roger would love to do that. London’s becoming an annual thing and isnt going away.
Hmm. This looks like it written sarcastically. Why do you hate baseball so much?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:14 AM
I almost didn’t recognize Kate all covered up like that.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:16 AM
Wait which videos are we going to hate?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Why Lots of People Think the Media is Wrong about the Trayvon Martin Case
http://tinyurl.com/c5eo6a3
Juan Williams: The Trayvon Martin Tragedies
http://tinyurl.com/ccxdh6e
/shit-stirring asshole’d
March 28th, 2012 at 8:21 AM
from waitressing to writing for the NYT
Nobody has ever taken a job to pay bills while they work to get their dream job before?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:22 AM
That goose is a hero.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Definitely NOT the Brazil video. Goodness. Nice.
Never trust a big butt and a smile.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:24 AM
“The menu is the place where people choose their meal”
March 28th, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Yeah, I’ve never seen this, but then again I don’t typically drink drinks that come with straws.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Never trust a big butt and a smile.
Not really the big butt type. But today? Yes!
March 28th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
I will beat the fuck out of a goose. Come at me, bro.
P.S. Two of those videos fucking suck.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
Usually little cocktails come with those tiny straws. The big fat straws are for soft drinks that come in those big red cups like at Pizza Hut.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:26 AM
so, I didn’t win the mega millions last night.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:27 AM
Matt – Can you help me with a link to Zimmerman’s previous police incidents? I think there were 2 or 3, I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about. Thanks, bud.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:28 AM
The upsellling idea is pretty lame. Like someone can be brainwashed by a waitress into buying something they don’t want by mere suggestion. Unless she’s hot, then maybe.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:28 AM
Would the NFL open the season overseas? No. So why is MLB?
Because MLB is more of a global sport than the NFL?
the Miami Herald can’t stop deleting comments on the Trayvon Martin stories
an NOPD officer quit after he got suspended for insensitive comments he left on a news site two-three days ago. Honestly, keyboard warriors are the worst.
Pitbull talks to GQ
GQ: “Mr. Pitbull, thank you for coming.”
Pitbull: “Let’s have a real good time! Let’s have a real good time! Let’s have a real good time!”
March 28th, 2012 at 8:29 AM
The only time I get straws they are the super thin stirring straws.
Restaurants make all their money on drinks anyhow. A five gallon box of Coca Cola syrup costs $50 and you make that back from thirty people, but make thousands of drinks out of the concentrate. Soda and tea are the biggest profit makers.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
that was fucking great. there are stupid ass geese all over my golf course, pretty sure one is going down before the end of the summer.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
LOL. Sometimes youre a funny dude, J-Mac.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
so, I didn’t win the mega millions last night.
me either. i went in on some tix with about 7 people here at work. our only stipulation was that if we won, we couldn’t all quit at the same time. though i have it in writing that i can be the first to quit if we win. sometimes its the little things in life.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
Carl Pierre Crawford says hello
March 28th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
And that’s why I drink my own urine
/moleman
March 28th, 2012 at 8:32 AM
Shit that reminds me the detergent bottle I pissed in the other week is still in the basement.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:32 AM
Restaurants make all their money on drinks anyhow. A five gallon box of Coca Cola syrup costs $50 and you make that back from thirty people, but make thousands of drinks out of the concentrate. Soda and tea are the biggest profit makers.
An then drink prices go up to keep food prices down. As a drinker, I am supporting the eaters. You’re welcome.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:33 AM
hey! I could buy the Doyers for that!
/in 2004
March 28th, 2012 at 8:34 AM
That’s ridiculous. You have no idea how the rest of his Boston career will play out.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Well done.
More Dr. Pepper and parkour under the expressway please, Mr. Pitbull
March 28th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Good Roundup today, though the restaurant story was stupid shit.
Brazil FTW!!!
March 28th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Some ne’er-do-wells are gonna have hell blowing through that Powerball jackpot in 10 years. That’s a lot of scratch to waste in a short amount of time.
May need to hire Antoine Walker as a consultant.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Nobody has ever taken a job to pay bills while they work to get their dream job before?
Didn’t we have that article yesterday about the Houston Chronicle society writer who moonlights as a stripper?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
I’m not on ‘Team Zimmerman,’ I’m on ‘Team Media back off and let investigation run its course’
March 28th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
When Lisk is writing for the NYT in a few years, get back to me on this one.
Ugh, I am one hungover cryogenicist today.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:39 AM
Yeah, I’ve never seen this, but then again I don’t typically drink drinks that come with straws.
but yet worldwide, when i order my standard bourbon on ice, i get a swizzle stick too. wtf am i gonna stir?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:39 AM
That’s ridiculous. You have no idea how the rest of his Boston career will play out.
I like how Joe Maddon nonchalantly tossed out yesterday that the Rays were well aware of Crawfords chronic wrist problems for the last 5 or so years.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
P.S. Two of those videos fucking suck.
still pissed that pennypacker got banned before you?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
Put down the remote. Or watch some sports. Seriously, I havent heard 2 words about this case besides Twitter and here, but thats because I’m not glued to stupid 24 hour news channels.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:40 AM
Sometimes you need to change things up and go with The Stranger
March 28th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Should have had the pic from the page listed on the roundup pic. Great googly moogly
March 28th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
so, I didn’t win the mega millions last night.
the 11yo got braces this week, so while the little kids got cupcakes, i got him a slushee. had an extra buck and bought a megamillions quick pick. i showed him the prize and told him if we won i’d give him 3 million. then i remembered that the govmint gets half. so i told him let;s see how it shakes out before he counts his cash
March 28th, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Should have had the pic from the front page listed on the this page. Great googly moogly
March 28th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
This. I hate geese. They crap everywhere and are generally a menace.
I had a bunch of them regularly huddling on the empty lot next to my house and they would come over to my yard and graze on my lawn and some of my flowers. I gave my son full permission to use small explosives to chase them away. So far, it has worked.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
i work to sustain my golf habit and that’s it.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Maybe this will help with the Kate Upton pic
March 28th, 2012 at 8:45 AM
GET ‘EM.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
Enjoyed the Tebow NYT link. Thanks for sharing.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
HOMER VS. BUGS AND THE INDUSTRIOUS MARVIN THE MARTIAN VS. FRED FLINTSTONE ZOMG FOR THE FINAL FOUR
March 28th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
just once in life, i want to run over a goose with a lawnmower.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
we ordered up the muppet movie on On Demand, and of course the kids dig it. me?
rashida jones >> amy adams
March 28th, 2012 at 8:46 AM
$364 million in cash, about $200 mil after-tax. Yeah, I would definitely not even come into work after winning that.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:47 AM
I realize the article was generally comical, but I’m pretty sure Indiana beat Syracuse that year, not Providence.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
The only time I get straws they are the super thin stirring straws.They’re technically not for drinking – for stirring only.
I think it’s hilarious watching someone pursing their lips on one of those things and drinking through them. Especially at a bar. Idiots – it’s for stirring not drinking.
We’ve got a douche-bag here at work that drinks his hot tea through a stirrer. I don’t care if you have an MBA – you’re still an idiot.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
fockin dirty birds. you should be able shoot those damn things. I believe they’re federally protected. they “occupy” a local golf course and it sucks during the year when the females are giving birth/young have just hatched. you go looking for an errant shot and these damn things are hissing at you. Want to take my 7 iron and smack upside the head.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
damn, that is pretty noble of all of you. I told everyone I work with that if I won it they would never see me again, and I absolutely meant it.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:48 AM
/Team Saggers
March 28th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
I think that choice would depend on my mood that day.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
The big straws they are talking about are probably the ones on those huge margaritas/dacquiris that are like $12 each.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Stella is often the same price as the premium pints but you only get 14 ounces in their Stella glass instead of 18 to 20.
/Premium dude, premium!
March 28th, 2012 at 8:49 AM
fuck steve alford
March 28th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
/send text message with “to-do list” to son
March 28th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Oh I would. I’d attempt to recreate Costanza’s employment with Play Now until they fired me.
/I’M IN MY OFFICE!!!!!
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
just once in life, i want to run over a goose with a lawnmower.
you’re a sick fuck mac
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
I’d take a week off. Play 18 every day of that week. Get a financial advisor in line and a good tax accountant.
After that I’d come back to work. I like my job. I feel like becoming filthy, independently rich would make me even better at it because I don’t need it anymore.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
In the last 5-6 years, they had a open season shoot on them at Lake Lanier in North GA. Not sure if that’s an annual thing yet.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
i’d come in to work but spend my time looking at various high end super cars, planning extravagent vacations, and essentially trying to pull a george costanza. how fun would that be knowing you had a $200mm safety net?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
They’re technically not for drinking – for stirring only.
so it’s probably just habit when they put them in drinks that don’t need stirring
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
so I’m wandering through my house, doing my own thing, and my 3y/o runs up to me, for a hug. So I heft him up and we’re hugging and all that, jib jabbing about whatever, and he says, “be careful for my meat, it’s really long now.”
Guy is rubbing his boner up against me. Awesome.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:51 AM
I got a mole last year, and some baby rabbits a couple years before that.
I’m the fricking grim reaper with a lawnmore apparently.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:52 AM
What would be your threshold for continuing to work? I would think 10 mil after tax would do for me. Invest well and youre set for life. Even less than that and I would at least take time off, maybe find a different career.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
Seconded.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
they are migratory water fowl, so in a sense they are protected, but they still have a hunting season. in Arkansas, as well as other states I believe, they are so many they have a “bonus” season on them where you can take the plug out of your shotgun and they up the limit to 15 I think. that is good times.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
Stella is often the same price as the premium pints but you only get 14 ounces in their Stella glass instead of 18 to 20.
Stella glasses I have seen hold the same amount as a typical bar pint glass. Did the experiment.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:53 AM
It’s crazy the shit kids pick up from their parents
March 28th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
I definitely would come back one day.
I’d have the biggest French wad of singles you ever saw and would walk around the place tossing it in the air saying “Fuck ya’ll… have a nice life.” repeatedly.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
this is the funniest thing ever written on this site. best comment of all time.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
stand your ground!
March 28th, 2012 at 8:54 AM
I like my job too, Urinal. But with $200M in the bank, I’m out like Scarface in Half Baked. I can write from a beach somewhere. Financial adviser and a really scummy, effective tax attorney are my first two calls. After that I’m throwing darts at a map.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Meh, I’ll travel then become a bartender or a craft beer store owner if i get bored.
Threshold to stop working? Probably $40 mil. If I’m winning $200 mil, I’m dumping 80% of it into 10-year treasuries and TIPS and live off the interest.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Was this not the issue? That there was no investigation? I don’t think this is very difficult.
I read the Juan Williams link, Matt, and I think it’s completely missing the point in this case. I agree that there needs to be more of a focus on the plethora of young black murder victims and other issues in the black community, but I don’t see how that relates. The outrage here is that we have a child killed and we have a killer. Killer was not investigated in the slightest, and that’s where the outrage is coming from. I don’t find it surprising in the slightest.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:55 AM
just straight decapitate them or did it look like a meat grinder?
March 28th, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Can you teach me your methodology? Rabbits and chipmunks devastated my tomatoes last year.
Gonna set up the “Pool of death” for the chipmunks here pretty soon.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:57 AM
what i took from that dirt story is that ‘meat’ is what little guy calls his johnson. penis and weenis in this house
March 28th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
I know it’s a stupid tax, but if $10 worth of lottery tickets will take my mind off of my soul crushing job for 3 days, I’m plunking that money down.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
This.
That’s not really true at all.
March 28th, 2012 at 8:58 AM
i would need at leat $750k to pay off my mortgage and remodel my home to be exactly what i want it to be, pay off all debt and essentially “work” for property tax.
on top of that i would want to set a standard of $250K a year in income for the next 40 years, so that’s about $10mm.
+ another $5mm for investments + $1mm for each kid to cover college and a little extra to do something, but not enough to do nothing once they are out of college.
i’d aim for $20mm in a perfect world
March 28th, 2012 at 8:59 AM
A couple years ago the powerball\mega millions was in the 300′s and things snowballed at work quickly. We had about 20 people each putting in 20 dollars — it showed the worst in people when coworkers were gettin gpissed because we were adding people because it diluted the pot. Nothing like getting mad over spiltting money you havent won.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
Technically, it’s the “Idiot Tax”
/submits paperwork to be an idiot for a day.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
I have a friend who taught his son to call it “monster”. So this kid walks around scratching his junk and proclaiming “the monsters itchy”.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:00 AM
My kid is starting to wear real underwear so my wife got him some with Batman, Superman, etc. The other day he farts and says “excuse me batman”. Took me a while to realize he was talking to the batman on his underwear.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
I got a mole last year, and some baby rabbits a couple years before that.
I’m the fricking grim reaper with a lawnmore apparently.
just straight decapitate them or did it look like a meat grinder?
something killed something else on our lawn last week. there was gray tufts of fur, so i figured it had been a bunny, and also deduced that we may have missed something really cool….a hawk choosing our lawn to eat what he just caught
March 28th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
This is the greediest, most disgusting line of thinking ever but I know I’d feel this way if it happened — you buy a ticket and hit the $476 million jackpot….along with four or five other people. There’s no way you could ever let on, but lets be honest — you’re a little pissed about that, right?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:02 AM
I’m making my first run at a garden this year, planting it this weekend. I’m hoping a small fence and a crazy dog will do the trick, but I will be sniping with the air rifle from the deck as well. do you have any kind of fence around your tomatoes?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
I always put in for the small group at work that plays when it gets big, because I know the one time I dont put in, those bastards will win. We put in a minimum amount each though, I really dont see the point in everyone throwing in $10-$20, like that really increases your chances much.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:03 AM
yeah, eventually i’d get bored of being Costanza and I’d want to make a show of it, tell some people off and then jump in my convertable Ferrari with $100 bills flying out as a burn out of the parking lot.
then i’d open up a wine and whiskey store and a crateless boarding facility for dogs. not a good one around here.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
that hilarious.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
MLB could never go to Japan during the season. They lose too much time traveling there and back, and there wouldn’t be enough off days to accommodate it. The only time they could do this is to start the season. So who gives a shit what the NFL does?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:04 AM
this.
if i won the lottery, id blow it all on pot and golf.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
That was the moment I felt like I was succeeding as a father…..when my son started enjoying and making fart jokes.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:05 AM
It was dumb luck. I tend to just ‘zone out’ while mowing the lawn and just heard some really awful squeals. It was by no means purposeful (now bees/wasps I run over on purpose).
The mole was a “scalping” – it was clearly suffering and by the time I went to get a shovel to put it out of its misery it died. The rabbits – one was a clean kill and the other scampered back down into the hole and screamed for a while.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
phenomenal.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
something died in our backyard last weekend and we had about 4 vultures picking it apart. within about 20 minutes nothing was left, but we had these full, food coma vultures hanging out on the roof for half a day catching some rays.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
1/5 of 500 million? I’m not pissed about anything anymore, sir.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
STOP TALKING ABOUT KILLING ANIMALS
March 28th, 2012 at 9:07 AM
youre the archangel of rodent mutilation.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
Maybe this will help with the Kate Upton pic
those things are so real, and so nice.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
Nothing like getting mad over spiltting money you havent won.
That’s a psychological condition we all have. I forget the name of it but basically we start counting on money we haven’t earned or had and lost. it’s why people in casinos double down after losing. They want to “regain” the money they had.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
I would definitely be buying a membership to one of the most exclusive golf clubs in the country if I won the lottery. Somewhere warm and in the South, so I could play golf all winter.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
cracker jack- google turkey guillotine.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
Meh, I’ll travel then become a bartender or a craft beer store owner if i get bored.
Can I be your brewer please?
I’d get my parents VERY comfortable, set aside a decent chunk for my kids’ college (they ain’t gonna be trust fund boys), give my sister and her family retirement money, and just travel the world for 6 months.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
These people are morons, by the way. I get the same shit at my office. If they feel this way, then they shouldn’t enter an office pool. Buy the fucking tickets on your own.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
TBL recently told us that “usually, I’m just looking for new photos, not necessarily the “best” ever.”.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:10 AM
i have a feeling that type of money wouldn’t be ridiculous enough to convince members at augusta or pine valley to grant us membership in this hypothetical. feel like you gotta be a captain of industry and they frown on new money.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
This is the greediest, most disgusting line of thinking ever but I know I’d feel this way if it happened — you buy a ticket and hit the $476 million jackpot….along with four or five other people. There’s no way you could ever let on, but lets be honest — you’re a little pissed about that, right?
there are all kinds of behavioral tests done to show how folks get even withh small amounts. do you want 2 dollars now or 10 dollars in two days? you can have 50 dollars but you have to split it with one other person, or you can have 20 dollars yourself….which do folks pick?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:11 AM
I was reading somewhere that buying more tickets doesn’t actually increase your odds of winning any more than if you bought 1 ticket.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:12 AM
Nope. Just the standard cage enclosures to keep them upright.
Chipmunks will do more harm than rabbits. The dog will keep them at bay mostly with his smell. Not the chipmunks – they’re smart and bold little bastards.
The “Pool of Death”.
5 gallon bucket filled 5/8 with water
10-12 handfuls of sunflower seeds floating on top of water.
Using wire across the bucket, suspend a Dr. Pepper can so it spins
Paint the can with peanut butter
Prop a 1″x3″x3′ from the ground to the top of the bucket – THE PLANK!
paint some peanut butter up the plank.
You’ll have “brined” chipmunk in the morning.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
The best is when co-workers sue because they chose to not get in the pot that week, or were sick that day, or chose coffee over kicking in, or…
Saw that happen to a guy I know who was part of a 15 person group that won $200m a couple of years ago. Fucking hysterical.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Fucking snooty golfers
March 28th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Oh, and Thomas Keller or Ferran Adria would be my personal chefs. Their signature or their brains would be on the contract.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
10 year treasuries at 2%? No thanks. Look at muni’s.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Do people really pick the $2 or the $20?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
are those the arrows that cut the head clean off? what they don’t tell you is how good of a shot you need to be, especially with a turkey. but they are bad ass, I’ll give you that.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Yeah those tests are fascinating. It’s incredible how many people will fuck themselves because they’re more concerned with “winning” — or making the other person lose — than finding the best deal.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Easiest method for potty training. For my kid:
1. Purchase Ninja Turtle underwear.
2. Instruct kid: You don’t EVER pee on the Ninja Turtles!
Boom. Done. 2 days.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
That was a nice hit piece on Calipari. I really can’t believe the hypocrisy in college basketball. Does anyone really think UK is cheating to get these players? Dumb question I guess. Doesn’t everyone realize how closely the NCAA and Forde and Thamel and the rest of the sportwriter gestapo is watching? Calhoun is praised and yet what UConn was found to have done is far worse than anything Cal has been accused of. It’s really just amazing to me.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
id open my own golf club…with hookers and blackjack. you know what…forget the golf club.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
if i won the lottery, id blow it all on pot and golf.
amen to that brother. i might even buy some of you clowns new golf clubs every year.
/nods at ark, mr. 096 and ill
March 28th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
I’ll just buy a place by Pebble then and golf there then.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
2 percent on 100 million? Don’t care what the rate of return is, you’re winning large there.
Plus, it’s safe. Safe is good when you can scale to that amount.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
When it gets to the $400 million+ range, I usually buy 1 ticket for myself and put in the minimum for the office pool. I understand the odds of it, but I can spare the $4 total for two tickets. Plus, I don’t want to be the asshole that didn’t join the office pool when they won. So really I’m just doing that based on an irrational fear.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Also, EVERY COLLEGE COACHIN AMERICA WOULD HAVE TAKEN A DAVIS AND MKG. They just didn’t get them so Cal is the sleezeball.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
I threw some Cheerios in the toilet and asked my kids to try and hit the center of each Cheerio. They liked that game.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
I threw some Cheerios in the toilet and asked my kids to try and hit the center of each Cheerio. They liked that game.
i still do that. its fun.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Took my kid longer than 2 days, but we were very happy with his training. He had the smallest little accident the other day and was terribly upset that he pissed on Mickey Mouse.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
“I fucking missed on Ryan Gomes, OK? I got Emeka Okafor and Caron Butler, OK? They turned out to be pretty good.”
March 28th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Well, you gotta protect yourself, hence the majority in TIPs, the rest would go into double A- to BBB range corporate bonds.
id open my own golf club…with hookers and blackjack. you know what…forget the golf club.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Peeing is just much more fun for boys. Its like a squirt gun.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
I’m really expecting the administrator of an office pool to flee with the winning ticket and as for 50% of each participants winnings to come back to claim the ticket.
/Harlan County’d
March 28th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
honestly, besides buying a huge plot of land and putting a house on it, and setting up my family and giving all my friends with a kids a college fund, I really don’t know what I would do with a ton of money. don’t get me wrong, I would be very, very comfortable, but I really don’t know what I would do besides invest a lot of it.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
10 year treasuries at 2%? No thanks. Look at muni’s.
short term, yes to munis. but the minute rates rise, and they will soon, muni’s will bomb.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:22 AM
This right here, though I’d put 90% of it in the bank and then blow the shit out the remaining 10% and then live off of the interest.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
lol.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
you made out with a tree?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
Things you shouldn’t do with that much money: Give loans to all of your family, private jet, too many flashy cars.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:23 AM
Whatever the fuck you wanted.
But seriously, it becomes that old Chris Rock bit — I’m not talkin about rich, I’m talkin about wealth. You set your family up for generations. Even if you take $100M and just dump it into treasury bonds, that’s $2M a year return. Your children’s children will be set for life.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Just don’t follow Antoine Walker’s investment advice.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Probably $3-5 mil for me.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:25 AM
fockin dirty birds. you should be able shoot those damn things. I believe they’re federally protected.
Yes, they are fucking dirty ass birds. No, they are not federally protected. The state will sanction their deaths.
http://kdwpt.state.ks.us/news/Hunting/Migratory-Birds/Geese/HARVEST
March 28th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
after investing i would likely buy the most absurd shit in the world.
and i’d try to live like the Dos Equis guy.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:26 AM
This is assuming that your offspring and their offspring are as smart with money as you are.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
But seriously, it becomes that old Chris Rock bit — I’m not talkin about rich, I’m talkin about wealth. You set your family up for generations. Even if you take $100M and just dump it into treasury bonds, that’s $2M a year return. Your children’s children will be set for life.
i really thought you were going to mention how MLK Blvd is always the most dangerous street in every city.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
I wouldn’t loan any money to my immediate family. I’d just give them some. I don’t need $200 million. I can live off of $150 million with ease. I’d cut up the $50 million extra and give that to my brother, parents and immediate in-laws.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
His HBO standup specials hold up so damn well
March 28th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
When it gets to the $400 million+ range, I usually buy 1 ticket for myself and put in the minimum for the office pool. I understand the odds of it, but I can spare the $4 total for two tickets. Plus, I don’t want to be the asshole that didn’t join the office pool when they won. So really I’m just doing that based on an irrational fear.
i do the subscription….150 bucks for 3x a week of two lines of lotto, so six chances a week. quick picks
March 28th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
My favorite street in ATL is Memorial Drive. It has a Tupac memorial statue on it.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:29 AM
I’m not talkin about rich, I’m talkin about wealth.
I’m not talking bout rich I’m talking bout wealth. Repeat 100x.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
LOL. I can live off 3 million with ease. What do you need 150 mil for?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
much obliged sir.
speaking of new clubs. when my dad came down a couple weeks ago he sold a buddy of mine his R11 irons because he was upgrading to the RBZ irons. He played with the RBZ’s for a couple weeks and didn’t like them so he returned them and got a new set of R11′s. he was saying the head weight on the RBZ irons was quite a bit different than the R11′s.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
Not really the big butt type. But today? Yes!
A nice-shaped female butt brings me happiness and joy.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:30 AM
Yeah, that’d be enough for me.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
i’d pay off my parents mortgage and my in-laws mortgage, give each pair enough to retire and enjoy life.
my wife would probably want to give some to her brother, but he’s lazy and we’d be better off throwing stacks of cash into the woodchipper.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Muirfield would be nice.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:32 AM
So that my family would be set for the next 100 years.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:33 AM
I misunderstood the context because I thought you were just talking about you and your immediate family. In that case, yea, $150 million would be nice.
Go Bulls, player.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
Oh, yeah. Almost forgot…
WE HAVE BASEBALL!!!!!
Cheyenne Mountain High (Brandon McCarthy) – represent!
March 28th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
Lofty goal. Our farm can have a goose pen.
I was pissing on a jeep outside a bar last night and was making machine gun turret sounds.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
The better video was the one youtube put up as a suggestion of a woman walking out her door to her two cats, an eagle and a fox all hanging out on her porch.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
If I won the Mega Millions jackpot, I’d be dead in a year. There’s no way my body could take the pollution I’d put it through.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Let the Harvesting begin.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Yeah exactly. Getting mega millions is great for helping my parents and inlaws retire, and giving money to family, but ‘just’ winning a few million is enough for me to be set for life. Dont really need to buy fancy things to be happy.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
I’m not into cars all that much, and buying a jet is just dumb. but I would give my family enough to be comfortable and set all my friends with kids up with a college fund. that would be what, maybe 5% tops of what you won? wouldn’t even miss it.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
oh jesus, bad schwarzenneger impressions just spread throughout the office like wildfire.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:35 AM
As someone said above, t-bills would be my game. I wouldn’t care to make my $200 million into $1 billion. I’d rather do nothing, earn $2 million a year off of that and have $1 million in cash post capital gains tax (perhaps more, depending on that tax rate) and be the happiest fucking person in the world.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:37 AM
/Sir Mix-A-Lot’d
March 28th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
If I had that kind of fuck you money I’d buy a ton of property in Bat Cave NC and just turn it into a real Batcave, but just get high and watch cartoons instead of fight crime.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
“Stop talking about killing animals.”
Agreed.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
No way I’d buy a jet, but I’ll be goddamned if I’m sitting in coach again. I have no idea how anyone over 6′ flys.
Do they have to store people like SC with the animals in the bottom of the plane so he can stretch out?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
I don’t know why you’d waste your money on booze. If I won I’d be completely pampered. Vacations to exotic locations in the best hotels, spa treatments every day, a personal chef…
March 28th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
I’m sure we’re all just forgetting the millions we would give to charity, right?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Every member of my immediate family except for me has an accounting degree. I’d just give my dad and mom a designated amount for each side of their family and let them handle that.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
But, vacations in exotic locations would include plenty of booze. I’m in on the personal chef thing too. Oh, and I’d probably be a regular at The Bellagio. I love me some Vegas.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
My buddy who won 1.5 mil at a World Poker Tour event paid off his parents’ mortgage and put the rest in the bank.
It was hilarious watching all the chicks we knew throw themselves at them. He would fuck them but not spend a dime on them. He wasn’t stupid.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Things you shouldn’t do with that much money: Give loans to all of your family, private jet, too many flashy cars.
i know one thing i would do- go to scotland and tour all the delicious scotch distilleries and play an assload of golf.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
I would give money to charity for sure, but I’d also have the free time to actually do shit for charity. I think more people (even the ones who hate those damn liberals in hollywood) would do more charity stuff if they had the time and money that those people have. Maybe that’s a bit naive, though.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:42 AM
they store SC down there b/c he’s a Cubs and Yankees fan.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
If you were to win the current jackpot, you might want to set aside some of that cash for protection.
You’d have a massive target on your chest:
1. Charities are relentless
2. Extortionists are even more relentless
When you buy a winning ticket, you’re obliged to allow the lottery commission to publish your name and location. This jackpot is way too big to be casual about it.
My advice would be to secure some hotel rooms, under an alias, at a nice out of the way place and have your financial adviser meet you there to work out details. I’d have a “For Sale” sign in my front yard immediately and would secure the purchase of a new home under a corporation name or through your adviser.
I’d try like hell to go off the grid.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
bullshit. you’d still be a Dawg and that’s just an inherently miserable species of college sports fan right thurr.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
I’d probably make like Shaq every Christmas, fill semis with toys, show up at shelters and orphanages and just watch the insanity.
Be worth every single penny.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
Tax shelters are something my accountant handles. Just pick one.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
I’m 6-6, 225, and flying is one of the single worst experiences I have in routine life. When I have to travel for work I take trains everywhere there’s a fucking track. I will lay on top a coal car for 800 miles if it means not getting in a sardine can jet.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
.
jck49erfan would look amazing in his casket, resplendent in a cardigan made from the hair of the 99%.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Agreed. I would certainly be upgrading to a better drug of choice.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
i would certainly do more for charity if i wasn’t working 40 hours a week and spending 1/2 my paychecks on keeping my family in a home and the other 1/2 paying bills and scraping some savings together.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
I’d give money to my animal friends. Just so I didn’t have to see any more 3 legged dog commercials.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
who said anything about booze?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
If I won $500M Vegas wouldn’t even make my top 100 list of places to visit now that I’m rich. Picking Vegas is completely lame and unimaginative.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
So what places would everyone go to during their travels if they won the lottery?
I would definitely spend a good 2-3 months touring Europe (England, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Greece, Czech Republic, Netherlands). South Africa, Brazil, Australia, Hong Kong and Japan. Oh and definitely would hit up Aruba, Cayman, St. Marteen, Bahamas as well.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:45 AM
Please. If Roman Abromovich or (insert super rich actor/athlete) can hang out and live life so can I. After you sold your house and moved no one would know where you are who, better yet, what you looked like unless you wanted them to.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:45 AM
Easily the least revealing Kate Upton pic ever. I didn’t even know you could find pictures of her where she wasn’t at least showing something.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
my 1,000 acre ranch in booger county, Arkansas would have quite the perimeter fence on it.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
This. My family is my charity.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
$25m after tax would like be the threshold.
This pot is just silly funny money. The after tax is actually more like $240m. Regardless, at $200m, the family and family’s family is set for ever.
The first stop is to 3 money managers, two risk averse and one aggressive. Diversify the portfolio.
The next stop is Maui.
There may not need to be a third stop.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Why go to Vegas when you can go to Monaco?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Uruguay, Russia, Poland, Iceland, Senegal, Thailand.
He has tons of bodyguards and everything he owns is bomb/bullet-proof.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
I actually have a plan for when I get rich: donate $999,999 to UF, $1,000,000 to the U of Memphis, and $1,000,001 to UT.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Unimaginative? Sure. But going to Vegas for a weekend with boatloads of money that you budgeted for that trip after winning 300 mil would be far from lame.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
The fuck? I’d be in Vegas for every single NCAA men’s tournament opening weekend. Every.Single.One. And instead of bringing $1,000 with me I’d bring $10,000 for four nights and have the time of my life.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
This one’s easy. The Azores.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
oh, and those donations are all purely academic and non-athletic.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:48 AM
I don’t know why both methods of frivolous spending have to be mutually exclusive. Seems like my vacations to exotic places, spa treatments and personal chef would all be more enjoyable with a cocktail in my hand.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:48 AM
May I recommend the esteemed Wu Tang Financial?
As for travel plans, I’d set foot in every important city in the world within a year (by train, obviously). The next year would be island destinations. Then I’d train like crazy to climb a mountain. Always wanted to do that.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Pitbull has one of the most unintentional funny radio spots I have ever heard. He advertises these “Energy sheets” kind of like a breath mint sheet only loaded with god knows what. Anyways the whole time he is like “So take a sheeet!” “Next time you are feeling down you probably just need to take a sheeeeeet”
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
If I’m being honest I would say it’s a virtual certainty I would start doing heroin.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
You don’t GIVE to charity. You CREATE your own charity, your very own foundation that gives money where you want to give (oh, and helps reduce your taxes like a MF’er).
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
I’m telling Jersey you said that.
Believe me, I’d be going to every tropical location you can imagine…but I wouldn’t skip my first true love.
Just call me Andy Dufrense
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
This. With a Browning 50cal on a turret.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:49 AM
So what places would everyone go to during their travels if they won the lottery?
i would be more excited about the 500 acres in the hill country i just bought to get away from people.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:50 AM
For shooting chipmunks, of course.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:50 AM
Yeah Im not sure I see the ‘thrill’ of Vegas when you already have boatloads of cash. Gambling is pointless.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
I would travel my ass off, but I wouldn’t own homes in more than maybe 2 places. No need for the headache. I’d just rent everywhere I visited.
Spain
China
Japan
Egypt
Tahiti
Fiji
March 28th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
very, very true. aside from inter-island travel there would be no reason to leave.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
EXACTLY. This is why picking Vegas is lame.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
I would donate a shitload of money specifically to the GT Track and Field program.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
Me too but I’d be neck deep in whiskey, cigarettes, and cocaine.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Yeah, Vegas is the one place where you can buy your way into VIP. Jck & the Senator (and I) would be all about VIPing it at the Bank or the other clubs in Vegas.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Have you ever gambled in Vegas? It’s just about the greatest thing ever.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Oh! I would also make sure that on top of traveling and living in tropical, exotic places, that I buy a huge piece of land where I build my zombie survival compound on.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
this must be why no rich people ever go to Vegas.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
agreed. Jeff Tedford is the worst.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
You don’t GIVE to charity. You CREATE your own charityYes. I actually talked with my teenage daughter about winning a big lottery and she and I agreed that we’d create a massive center for unwed mothers. Help them with adoption or continuing careers/education etc. I told her she could run the place.
I would definitely do this.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
Especially Tennessee.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
Because in Monaco the NCAA tourny begins at what, 6 pm? Meaning the late games start at 3 am? Fuck that noise. I’ll hit up the Riviera another weekend. There is no better place in the world at any moment then on a bachelor party in Vegas for the tournament.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
How DARE you take my idea!
March 28th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
Who said anything about the thrill? It would just be fun to go crazy in Vegas once or twice with a bunch of friends. It’s not like it’s the only place I would go, or even close to being the best place. But it certainly wouldn’t be lame, especially not simply because Monaco exists. That makes zero sense.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:54 AM
I like it.
I would give a bunch of money to Appalachian State. I would want my old dorm named after me and would have the room I stayed in turned into a shrine.
I would also subsidize my favorite bar from college and give my favorite bartenders ten grand each.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
Its why I’ll never understand MJ or Barkley betting their millions. YOUVE ALREADY WON! I buy lottery tickets to try to GET rich, but once I’m there, no thanks.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
London, Paris, Barcelona, Sydney, Japan, all 50 states (48 contiguous would be in a 1967 Corvette Stingray Convertible), the Caribbean, extended stay in Scotland for a distillery tour.
and one of those islands with the bungalows over the water.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:55 AM
agreed.
/cries
March 28th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
I’m not sure I’d go to Vegas for the gambling at that point so much as for the thrill of getting my newly wealthy ass kissed, VIP-style. But I suspect that would become boring after awhile.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
I’d buy a zeppelin, fly it over hated sports towns (PIT, PHI, MIA, NY, Austin) and defecate on them from high above.
I’m not sure the folks in PIT or PHI would notice, though.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
/high fives Husker & everyone else
A hot craps table in Vegas might be the best thing ever. People getting drunk as anything and winning hand over fist. It’s beyond awesome.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:56 AM
they’re there for the thrill of winning and losing.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Who said anything about gambling? I’m just going to Vegas for the clubs, booze, and whores.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I watched Phil Ivey play craps for 30 minutes at the Bellagio last year. He was betting crazy amounts of money and the swings were insane. He looked like he was having incredible amounts of fun.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Those guys gamble because they’re competition junkies. Many competition junkies become degenerate gamblers.
/see Rose, Peter Edward
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I would also travel the world and watch cool sporting events. Champions League final? Sure. Winter Olympics in Italy? Why not.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
How could you possibly know that Vegas for the tournament is the best place in the world when you’ve never done or gone anywhere else? You have nothing to compare it to.
I went to Tempe for the start of the tournament and had the most fun time ever. Got in some spring training games, watched basketball while I drank at an outdoor bar in the sun…
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
what?
March 28th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Oh, and I’d tour with the Foo Fighters for an entire year.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
I don’t think I would choose Tempe, but I’m not going to tell you it’s lame and unimaginative.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Well, I can compare it to not being in Vegas for the NCAA tournament during a bachelor party, that’s for sure. I can compare it to a lot of things, really.
March 28th, 2012 at 9:59 AM
I’m seriously disappointed in the lack of imagination some of you people are exhibiting right now. You guys will NOT be invited to my TBL meet up party after I win $500M (flights and accommodations all paid in full).
March 28th, 2012 at 10:00 AM
Yeah, I guess I can see that. Just not for me. Admittedly Ive never been to Vegas, but Im not really interested in the “VIP” thing either. Though I am married.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
If it wasn’t in Monaco, I wouldn’t be going anyway.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
VIP experience is phenomenal. you haven’t lived until you’d had bottle service.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
You go see your cubbies at that abomination of a spring training facility?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:01 AM
If I won $500M I wouldn’t spend the tournament in Tempe. That’s the whole point. You are picking a place because you’ve been there and had a good time. Why would you do something you could do without millions of dollars?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Yay. bottles of booze. I’ll have my own private party, thanks.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:02 AM
As far as charities go I always liked Life Straw concept.
Not trying to pay for a charities office furniture (fuck you madd canada) let’s just equitable and fairly get people drinking water.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Well in truth if I became rich enough I’d hunt men for sport but wasn’t sure how that would be received if I threw it out there
March 28th, 2012 at 10:03 AM
protip: never use the straw, except to stir.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:03 AM
I would have a ridiculous amount of time do to whatever I wanted, and one or two Vegas trips would be pretty damn fun. Like I said, it probably wouldn’t nearly be the best thing I did, but still a lot of fun.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Comments from 1970.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
I can’t fathom complete and utter financial security. That thought just blows my mind, especially after just having a child and thinking about daycare, education and her eventual wedding. The feeling of never even once worrying about that has to be an amazing feeling. It’s one I’m envious of for sure.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
I want in, but you have to promise not to hunt me.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Ugh I need booze.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
I would personally buy a bunch of land and create something akin to my own vassal state. With a castle in the middle.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
When I was in Vegas last year, I didn’t play craps (don’t know how), but I was around a table where there was guys going nuts and having a grand ol time. Someone must have been hitting it big consistently, they were going nuts and hi-fiving
March 28th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
I would definitely buy a castle in Europe and spend millions on renovating it.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Yes.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Only time I’ve been to Vegas was when I was 15, and I stayed at the Flamingo with my family. Let’s just say I didn’t have much fun.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:09 AM
The only thing moleman gambles on is whether the hooker on craigslist is a woman or a tranny.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:10 AM
I read Drew Magary’s novel The Postmortem, and in it there was a rich guy in Texas that had an incredible underground compound for the apocalypse. Something like that would be fun to build.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
In regards to my previous heroin comment. I would actually buy a boat-house on the canals in Amsterdam, naturalize, and spend all of my money on whores and drugs and would buy a share of Ajax. I would be unfathomably happy.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:11 AM
YOU are unimaginative. “ooooh, I’m gonna travel and pamper myself and get a chef and blahblahblaheverythingeverybodyelsealwayssaysthey’lldo”
March 28th, 2012 at 10:16 AM
MY WAY OF SPENDING MONEY IS BETTER THAN ALL YOUR WAYS, DICKBAGS!!!!!
/sg
March 28th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Yup, sounds about right. When people start winning hundreds and thousands of dollars on a craps table, it gets rowdy. And I speak from personal experience at 5pm on a Friday at a $10 table.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
I would like to set up paypal accounts with phony ecommerce websites for the sole purpose of trying to pay high school kids to go to the college teams I like. That’s imaginative as no one ever thought of that before.
/Abortions will be dealt with transparently on a case by case basis
March 28th, 2012 at 10:18 AM
I would buy a number of golf courses and try to create some places for teens and tweens to escape to in the summer. I’d also take the vast sum of money and try to change an entire metro region through education grants and civic projects. If I had the $250 mill cash, I don’t think my 2 kids would get more than $250k. If that. Why would you give your kids so much $$$. Young people with $$$ are almost always aholes. I don’t see why setting them up w/ money is a priority at all.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:19 AM
im disgusted that you would flaunt your fortunate winnings by being a jerk to those who lost.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:21 AM
God damnit why do links so often just get eaten by this site?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:21 AM
When you win tons of money, often the first order of business becomes trying to turn that into more money (or blow it all). I think people would be shocked how low sports would be a priority in the fan sense. Escapism would be a priority. You think you’d be all T Boone Pickens but in reality you’d be busy trying to unload your wife with as little as possible and upgrading to some young thing almost immediately.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
I will buy a giant beer vat like the one in Strange Brew, fill it with my winnings and then swim in it every day.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
So according to this, female beach volleyball players no longer have to wear bikinis at the Olympics.
What, then, is the point of watching?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:23 AM
Scripty- If I were to give my kids a bunch of money, I think I would put like 5 million in a fund for each of my kids (if I had any), but they couldn’t know about it until they were 30 or something, at which point they would receive the money as long as they weren’t fuck-ups. I would pay for their school probably, too.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:23 AM
seriously tho, with lotto winnings, id build my dream course…american style links course on the coast of lake erie. cleveland links. designed by either gil hanse or coore/crenshaw. 18 must be a driveable par 4 and the other two closing holes must contain a par 5 that’s reachable in 2 with danger everywhere and a short par 3 that requires a precise tee shot otherwise youll face a tough recovery. must play at par 70 for tournaments with two par 5′s for amateurs that play as par 4′s for tourneys and pros yet be under 7,000 yards. natural hazards, multiple tee boxes…aw yea.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
you’ll never notice that i peed in there.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:25 AM
Carl Spackler grass?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
Gambling is only fun when it hurts a bit to lose what you’ve wagered. Losing a few grand would not mean crap when you have 200 mill in the banks.
Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
/reserves 3 tee times a week at spencer’s course
March 28th, 2012 at 10:29 AM
What are unnatural hazards, spencer?
March 28th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
just the hydroponic stuff growing in the “toolshed” under two 1,000w lights.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:30 AM
sportsgal at 0:25.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
Spence you should have the Predator and ice course from Tiger Woods 2005 made.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
is there any other?
/takes cannonball
March 28th, 2012 at 10:31 AM
lasers.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:32 AM
I respectfully submit my resume for superintendent.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:32 AM
man-made lakes/mounds/forced carries/etc, bunkers that aren’t natural waste areas (yes, even pot bunkers), imported trees that aren’t indigenous to the course…shit like that.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:33 AM
The mechanical gorilla in front of the cup
March 28th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
there’s a movie about what happens after folks win big…follows like 10-15 people after they make bank in the lottery. the liner notes suggest it ain’t all rainbows and blowjobs
March 28th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
This all gets fixed with millions in the couple-hundo range.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:36 AM
Consider me as a dutiful and trusted reference for the exemplary work habits of one “arkbadger”. I highly recommend him to be appointed superintendent of Spencer Springs Golf Club.
/expects payback in the form of “special guest” privileges.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:37 AM
imported trees that aren’t indigenous to the course…shit like that.
Augusta National still has trees from its nursery days.
/goes back to looking at my 2012 Masters souvenier program.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:37 AM
it’s kinda funny…we had a course in the area called thunder hills that was just as extreme as the predator. it closed because people got sick of losing six balls in all the little hidden lakes on the property.
but the ice course could be sweet…that’ll be my second project.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:39 AM
if you reserve the teetime under your TBL handle, the round is free and you get to take a rip from the claret bong.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:43 AM
The trees there are so strong they can withstand presidential attacks.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:43 AM
It’s true.
Breaking: Dumb people stupid with money
March 28th, 2012 at 10:44 AM
eisenhower could conquer europe…he couldn’t cut down a tree.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:44 AM
Imagine the hydroponic system you could install to grow your “vegetables”.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:47 AM
/researches sub-air system’s application for hydroponic use
March 28th, 2012 at 10:50 AM
30 day t-bills, yo.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:51 AM
There’s a company in Atl that advertises on the radio for hydroponic systems.
They have a pre-recorded message that obviously sells on the benefits of using a hydroponic system to grow marijuana. Every place in the recorded ad, the words “green beans” is recorded over-top “marijuana” in a different voice. It’s actually quite hilarious. I’ll see if I can find it on the interwebs.
March 28th, 2012 at 10:53 AM
Harvey Updike can fix that
March 28th, 2012 at 10:55 AM
lol
March 28th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
/Reads about Harvey Updike poisoning trees in Maine.
March 28th, 2012 at 11:01 AM
If I won the lotery, I’d buy her a set of hips.
March 28th, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Fixed
March 28th, 2012 at 11:11 AM
Upton has hips
March 28th, 2012 at 5:56 PM
Seriously? No one else noticed PurdueMatt’s racist ass comment in 176? ALL he has been talking about the past few days is Trayvon Martin…