There’s a Conspiracy Keeping Jose Canseco Out Of Mexican League Baseball Because He Uses Testosterone

All, Baseball, Shady McShady Stephen Douglas March 8th. 2012, 10:53am

Jose Canseco latest comeback attempt has apparently ended in embarrassment. According to the Chicago Tribune, Canseco, who was set to play with the Quintana Roo Tigers of the MLB-affiliated Mexican League, refused to take a drug test and admitted he had taken testosterone. Canseco is denying the banishment and you’ll be surprised to learn that he says the testosterone is prescribed and that someone is out to get him.

@JoseCanseco: Someone big wants me out of Mexico .question is who and y

@JoseCanseco: @JoseCanseco Doctors have been monitoring me ever since to make sure my levels are normal.that’s why I don’t use any illegal substances its prescribed

@JoseCanseco: @JoseCanseco Did anyone watch the a&e special last shot Jose canseco about 5 years ago when doctors put me on testosterone therapy because I can’t produce my own

@JoseCanseco: Who is behind the conspiracy and the lies

Yes, those were replies to himself. The true sign of insanity. The only thing higher than Jose’s testosterone levels are his crazy levels. At 47-years-old, he really had delusions of a major league comeback. Canseco last played in the majors in 2001 and a stint with the Quintana Roo Tigers was supposed to be his big break. The question is, who and y does/do someone big want him out of Mexico? Who and y? WHO AND Y!?

Update: Jose is coming unglued on Twitter.

@JoseCanseco: Do you believe in Bigfoot of the loch Ness monster

If they’re involved, Godzilla help us all.

[Chicago Tribune, The Indy Channel, Getty]

Previously: Jose Canseco’s Twitter Meltdown Over His Model Ex, Leila
Previously: Jose Canseco fought a 60-year-old and LOST

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34 Responses to “There’s a Conspiracy Keeping Jose Canseco Out Of Mexican League Baseball Because He Uses Testosterone”

1
SouvenirCity Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:55 AM
Great pick for the 2013 dead pool this one is.
2
molemaninthemorning Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:55 AM
@JoseCanseco: Someone big wants me out of Mexico .question is who and y
Well if I know conspiracies involving “y” my money is on “x” and “z” playing a role here.
3
KC Resident Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:57 AM
I think I have held on to my Jose Canseco rookie card too long. How much do you think I can get for it?
4
Billy Buckner Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:58 AM
I fucking love this guy. His life is unreal.
5
KingGrizz Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:58 AM
The true sign of insanity
*Linsanity — speaking of, where have the Lin posts been?
6
spencer096 Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 10:58 AM
I think I have held on to my Jose Canseco rookie card too long. How much do you think I can get for it?
for you? thirty nine cents.
/figured id use some humor from the last time canseco was relevant
7
Irvin Pankey Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Jose Canseco has a great body.
/TBL
8
KC Resident Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
I think I have held on to my Jose Canseco rookie card too long. How much do you think I can get for it?
for you? thirty nine cents.
/figured id use some humor from the last time canseco was relevant
Sold. Now give me a couple years to figure out which storage bin in my basement I casually threw it in 25 years ago.
9
scripty Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
ricky, lansford, canseco, mcguire, baines, hendu, bordick, steinbach, gallego
10
KC Resident Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Jose Canseco has a great body.
/TBL
It is all about the V.
11
HtownHacker Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:10 AM
Now give me a couple years to figure out which storage bin in my basement I casually threw it in 25 years ago.
We don’t have basements in Houston, and I presume in all of Texas. Where else do they not exist?
12
spencer096 Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:10 AM
Now give me a couple years to figure out which storage bin in my basement I casually threw it in 25 years ago.
storage bin laden.
/gots nothin
13
cleet Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:11 AM
Where else do they not exist?
DOn’t really exist where I lived in NC, just “crawl spaces”
14
scripty Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:14 AM
Now give me a couple years to figure out which storage bin in my basement I casually threw it in 25 years ago.
The rookiie card is in a bin within a bin.
(takes off sunglasses)
Looks like we have Binception
YEAHHHHH
15
spencer096 Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:16 AM
The rookiie card is in a bin within a bin.
(takes off sunglasses)
Looks like we have Binception
YEAHHHHH
lol
16
KC Resident Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:17 AM
We don’t have basements in Houston, and I presume in all of Texas. Where else do they not exist?
Oklahoma. Which baffles me because Oklahoma attracts tornadoes.
17
HtownHacker Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
I think it has something to do with the soil composition. At least that’s my guess.
18
jim Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Can’t you get testosterone and other steroids like candy in Mexico?
19
H.E. Pennypacker Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:22 AM
We don’t have basements in Houston, and I presume in all of Texas. Where else do they not exist?
Oklahoma. Which baffles me because Oklahoma attracts tornadoes.
None in Florida either. As for Oklahoma… could be that bedrock is not that deep there. I think it all depends that. Where as in most parts of Florida, I’m guessing you don’t have to dig very deep before you hit water.
20
heldover Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
We don’t have basements in Houston, and I presume in all of Texas. Where else do they not exist?

southern parts of the Gulf States.
21
H.E. Pennypacker Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I’m assuming in Houston the water table is pretty high as well, seeing as how it’s so close to the coast. I doubt they have basements in New Orleans either.
22
H.E. Pennypacker Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Oklahoma. Which baffles me because Oklahoma attracts tornadoes.
Also, not practical to put a basement under a mobile home.
/veal
23
scripty Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:26 AM
We don’t have basements in Houston, and I presume in all of Texas. Where else do they not exist?
Large areas of California.
24
starkweather Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:27 AM
I have looked at al available evidence and only a fool would doubt the existence of Bigfoot of the loch Ness monster
25
spencer096 Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:29 AM
I have looked at al available evidence and only a fool would doubt the existence of Bigfoot of the loch Ness monster
Chef’s Father: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we met the Loch Ness Monster?
Stan: [impatiently] No, that’s okay.
Chef’s Father: Ooh, it must have been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of the sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic Era, comes out of the water.
Chef’s Mother: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat, and I said, “Thomas, Thomas, what on earth is that creature?”
Chef’s Father: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes…
Chef’s Mother: Oh, it was so scary!
Chef’s Father: …and I yelled, I said, “What do you want from us, monster?” And the monster bent down, and said, “I need about tree-fitty.”
[long pause]
Kyle: What’s tree-fitty?
Chef’s Father: Tree dollars, and fitty cents.
Chef’s Mother: Tree-fitty.
Stan: He wanted money?
Chef’s Father: That’s right. I said, “I ain’t givin’ you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!”
Chef’s Mother: I gave him a dollar.
Chef’s Father: She gave him a dollar.
Chef’s Mother: I thought he’d go away if I have him a dollar.
Chef’s Father: Well, of course he’s not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he’s gonna assume you got more!
26
molemaninthemorning Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Well it was about this time I realized that the girl scout was eight stories tall nd was a crustacean from the paleolithic era!
27
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Chef’s Father: That’s right. I said, “I ain’t givin’ you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!”
Love that episode. This one line gets me every time.
28
spencer096 Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:40 AM
Well it was about this time I realized that the girl scout was eight stories tall nd was a crustacean from the paleolithic era!
i love chef’s parents.
oh lord, they didn’t bring a victim child.
29
molemaninthemorning Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:42 AM
His “She gave him a dolla!” gets me every time, the timing is perfect.
I need to find a place to burn one down before lunch.
30
St. Bear Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 11:48 AM
@JoseCanseco: Do you believe in Bigfoot of the loch Ness monster
Maybe Rovell inspired him to start doing Twitter polls?
31
Huskerteers Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 12:00 PM
Canseco is definitely an entertaining Twitter follow, but it can be painful to read sometimes. Not sure what’s worse, his delusions or awful spelling/grammar/factual mistakes:
@JoseCanseco
cancun is one of the best places i have been it should be named the capital of the caribean
@JoseCanseco
GRATE DAY ! Smoked a pair of dingers in live action 4-7
32
Nada Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 12:15 PM
Are the Roo Tigers the Mexican equivalent of Japan’s Ham Fighters?
33
sandibalz Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Who knew Kenny Powers was real?
34
CodenameDuchess Says:
March 8th, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Jose Canseco is a national treasure! If you combine the scripts of A Beautiful Mind, Bachelor Party and The Natural you would get a pretty good approximation of this man’s life.