The Tampa Bay Rays released its promotional schedule for the upcoming season earlier today and the one giveaway that stuck out was the Don Zimmer “Zim Bear.” This unnerving doll is something most young fans will greet with an inspiring wind sprint, and will probably point to later in life as a pivotal moment in which their emotional development took a crumbling turn.

As for the rest of the promotional slate, here are the dates to absolutely avoid at all costs:

April 8th — Raymond Cowbell
June 14th — Rays Cheer Sticks
July 19th — Rays Cheer Sticks
August 9th — Rays Cheer Sticks

The over/under on number of adults who take the “David Price Jersey Wallet” giveaway from their children and use it is for themselves is currently listed at 903. It’s also worth mentioning that I had to look up “sports jersey wallet.” If you’re not fashionably aroused, I don’t know what to tell you.

[via Rays Index]