Lingerie Football League Heading to Canadian Bible Belt
It may stun Yanks who think Canada’s just a frozen outpost of draft-dodgers and seal-clubbers who frequent hospitals just for funsies (socialized medicine is just a cover for recreational surgery, after all), but your big, maple-scented friend to the north has a Bible Belt of its own, and it’s about to be festooned in garters. The Lingerie Football League is expanding from its single Canadian outpost in Toronto to include Abbotsford, B.C. This sleepy, diverse Vancouver exurb heretofore has been known for its Benedictine monastery, its Roman Catholic mission founders, its big annual Soap Box Derby championship and its agricultural fertility — the Raspberry Capital of Canada, it’s called.
Some news outlets in the area covered the announcement of the yet-unnamed team as a business story. CTV, for one, emphasized the underuse of the tax-supported arena where the team will play, and the growth of the LFL (“the popularity of the league of scantily clad women is on the rise,” you will be shocked to hear). Others took the cheekier tack that this skincentric brand of pigskin would hack off some people in a wholesome town that has been Canada’s most charitable for nine years running.
Sure enough, the Vancouver Sun found the obligatory “one Abbotsford councilor” who “expressed his displeasure” with the whole shebang:
“I believe that a number of our residents will find this form of entertainment objectionable and demeaning to women,” said Coun. Simon Gibson, who also writes a faith column for the Abbotsford-Mission Times. “I regret that this kind of entertainment is growing and that’s why I was opposed to it. I don’t feel it’s in the best interest of nurturing a quality lifestyle in the city of Abbotsford. But the majority of council, informally, thought otherwise.”

Naturally the league’s spokesfolks have emphasized the butch rigors of the sport (“from concussions to broken collar bones”) over its more obvious draw (bums, bras). In any case, the resistance seems muted. The LFL has already planted its flag in a nine NFL cities (plus L.A. and Vegas) without staining the moral character of the likes of Orlando or Minneapolis; hell, 14 partially nude women cavorting in front of thousands of meaty-necked frat-jocks is practically a choir recital by Tampa standards. Plus there’s the issue of quantity. The summer’s schedule will include just two games in Abbotsford, and here’s guessing the $48 average ticket prices will send any impressionable preteen boys to get their gawking in elsewhere.
You have to admire the core of Gibson’s gripe, though, that women deserve better. The LFL’s argument that its dress code is in line with volleyball players and swimmers is laughably sleazy. Uniforms bedecked in baby-bows and topped off with purely decorative garters undermine the very thought of this as a sporting enterprise, even if players do get their collar bones concussed or whatever. Churches have enough sexual baggage that any protests look like prudery. But if they’re the ones who step forward to point out the tackiness of packing an arena to slaver over wardrobe malfunctions, then, you know, God bless ’em.
Regardless, women are already looking forward to the tryouts, including this rugby captain who already has the look nailed. Quoth her father: “I know there are a lot of people who are upset — if you’re upset about it, don’t watch. From a guy’s perspective, it’s lingerie, football, girls — I love it.” She, however, has noticed a drawback. “The fact that you’re playing in no clothing — that’s the only negative.”

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65 Responses to “Lingerie Football League Heading to Canadian Bible Belt”
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February 13th, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Is that supposed to make us laugh?
Another steaming pile from Sam Eifling.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:13 PM
How the fuck are you employed?
February 13th, 2012 at 2:14 PM
GREAT POST
February 13th, 2012 at 2:17 PM
no way…canada’s got one of the most badassed humans ever to walk the earth.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Abbotsford = bible belt? Baahahhaaha
February 13th, 2012 at 2:18 PM
Eifling combines all of the weaknesses of the other writers on this site (past and present), and puts them into one big post. Quite the feat.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:19 PM
By the way, close to a quarter of Abborsford’s population is Indian immigrants. You know, just like in the Bible Belt!
Also the Flames AHL team plays in that arena, I don’t think it’s terribly underused.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:19 PM
/pours out one for irish
February 13th, 2012 at 2:21 PM
He’s cracking the shell on that creme brulee.
Don’t ever change.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:23 PM
I would prefer to see this headline instead. With the subhead “Zipper in Sight As Well”
Also, referring to the Vancouver area as Canada’s Bible Belt in analagous to calling San Francisco a hotbed of right-wing fundamentalism.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:24 PM
Over/under writing time for just that paragraph? 6.5 hours.
Also, I’m hoping this was written with sarcasm, though I don’t see that the sarcasm font was used.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:25 PM
Not even gonna read this shit. But maybe this is Duckworth’d, but I wouldn’t take to kindly to this heckler either.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:25 PM
Spence, you sure you didn’t see that in a Tarantino movie?
February 13th, 2012 at 2:26 PM
Not enough youtube links
/BBoB
February 13th, 2012 at 2:26 PM
read the article brother…
February 13th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Good for Lebron.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
thats a hard motherfucker
February 13th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Good get
February 13th, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Each and every man under my command owes me 100 Nazi scalps!
February 13th, 2012 at 2:28 PM
Eifling actually had a good post yesterday on Nolan Richardson.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:30 PM
By the way, Cowboy Mike, I was suffering major brain synapse retardation the other day during the discussion about one-hit wonders. The douchey singer I referred to was in neither Pulp nor Blur, but in Bush. You know who I mean.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Why all the Eifling hate? Is it because he’s Duffy, Jr.?
February 13th, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Sentence. He crammed all that wordy bullshit into 1 sentence.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:33 PM
I think you’re being serious and if you are, I agree. Certain things are sacred and that’s one. Don’t talk about the Moms, you deserve an ass beating if you do.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:37 PM
Yep I’m being serious. I think players responding to hecklers is fucking awesome. Malice at the Palace is the best sporting moment of all time, fuck those assholes.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:39 PM
Yoenis Cespedes’ signing was announced over 3 hours ago. Currently in the Top 10 of Google Trends. USA Today is losing money.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:39 PM
Malice at the Palace is the best sporting moment of all time
There are only a few events where I know exactly where I was when I heard the news — for whatever reason this is one of them.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:40 PM
Sure, but they beat up the wrong guy.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:40 PM
I will never not laugh at Jermaine O’Neal sliding ten feet across the floor and dropping that one shithead.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:40 PM
I thought Jermaine O’Neal got a raw deal out of that for KOing Turtle from Entourage. If a fan goes on the court (or field) he deserves whet ever comes his way.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:40 PM
He looks so much older than Duffy, so shouldn’t he be Duffy, Sr.?
February 13th, 2012 at 2:41 PM
~4am in my college dorm room…mustve had a 102 degree fever was sick as all get out. woke up randomly about 60 seconds before the fun started on the espn replay.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:42 PM
Also… a sport that takes place in the country, starts its preseason in 2 weeks and contrary to the mind numbingly dense thoughts of this place on ratings and popularity, the most lucrative sport for advertising money out there.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:42 PM
Tomorrow morning’s roundup will include:
“Some guy” named Cespedes signed with the A’s. The A’s? The A’s!
February 13th, 2012 at 2:42 PM
Hahahaha same here. I was at a party in college, my best friend from childhood in Indianapolis (Pacers fan) calls me, I hadn’t spoken on the phone to him in a decade “turn on the TV to ESPN, trust me.” Good times.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:42 PM
His knock out was badass. I was in one of my favorite bars in Athens when that shit went down and everyone was glued to the TV. Good times.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:43 PM
It prevented that thuggish Pacers team of winning a title that year. It had some positives.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Save it for a baseball post.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Hahahaha same here. I was at a party in college, my best friend from childhood in Indianapolis (Pacers fan) calls me, I hadn’t spoken on the phone to him in a decade “turn on the TV to ESPN, trust me.” Good times.
Wow, I almost have an identical one. It was from my friend Jeff (who is a TBL reader — hey Jeff) and he said something to the effect of “Where are you? Go find a TV right now, NBA players are beating up fans” — I did and it was a great TV watching night.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:44 PM
*also at a college party
February 13th, 2012 at 2:44 PM
Oh, and Dog Show.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:46 PM
Lin was just named player of the week. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:46 PM
I was in Columbus for Michigan week if I recall.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:46 PM
Why take the bait? Also, a best friend of mine was at a Xmas party with a high level person on the Cavs. A person who has been on the plane for everything the past 5+ years, at least. Said it was common knowledge that LBJ drilled Delonte’s girl when Deltone and her were in a time-out, but NOBODY in deep except possibly a few players, knows if the Delonte story is true. But from the people inside, the prevailing attitude is Delonte is cold-blooded and did it as payback.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:47 PM
Agreed. Same with Stephen Jackson wielding a janitor’s broom bucket.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:47 PM
Who are you and what have you done with my constant stream of Lintelligence?
February 13th, 2012 at 2:48 PM
I was in Columbus for Michigan week if I recall.
That timeline seems to make sense, that was a great weekend.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:49 PM
Duffy’s Dad? Works for me.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:49 PM
Delonte is cold-blooded and did it as payback.
Loews employees are always cold blooded
February 13th, 2012 at 2:51 PM
No doubt. You would have to be cold blooded to throw your yogurt slinger in Gloria.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:51 PM
duffman has trained duffboy well.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:52 PM
He could have connected so much harder if he didn’t slip too, that fat dude got lucky.
I was at my buddy’s house and we were just about to start up a poker tournament and delayed it about 45 mins from watching and re-watching everything.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:54 PM
DOG SHOW!
February 13th, 2012 at 2:55 PM
Abbotsford is in Vancouver’s orbit, but it’s hardly Vancouver. Good Christians and federal prisoners — it’s not so different from Oklahoma after all.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:57 PM
I don’t care how hot she is; no way I’m following a dude like West. That’s how you end up waking up one morning with your dick looking like a pepperoni pizza.
February 13th, 2012 at 2:57 PM
FALCON PUNCH!
February 13th, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Abbotsford is in Vancouver’s orbit, but it’s hardly Vancouver. Good Christians and federal prisoners — it’s not so different from Oklahoma after all.
A few signs on the side of Highway 1 do not a bible belt make.
February 13th, 2012 at 3:13 PM
February 13th, 2012 at 3:30 PM
that might be the worst sentence in the history of the internet, and that includes every America Online chatroom from 1991-1997
February 13th, 2012 at 3:48 PM
It’s very different than Oklahoma and is certainly not at all like it’s been described here. The days of Abbotsford being a ‘bible belt’ are long, long gone (if they ever existed) and in fact it has been more known for its gang wars lately more than anything. Nothing about it these days is “sleepy” (despite what some old-timers around here think) really.
This is very true, if not under estimating (don’t know the current numbers).
February 13th, 2012 at 4:44 PM
Wait, are you really telling me that a town of 130k in the outer ‘burbs on the brink of the coast of western Canada isn’t perfectly analogous to a state of 4 million people in the center of the United States? Next you’ll be telling me that broad terms such as “Bible Belt” are themselves oversimplified constructs, deployed in news reports to accentuate often superficial differences of areas in order to support narratives that are only partially true.
Also: Boobs are coming to a town with a reputation for churchiness.
February 13th, 2012 at 5:03 PM
I’m not entirely sure what you’re being sarcastic about here to be honest. You called Abbotsford the bible belt (or “churchy”) and I’m saying that reputation/stereotype has not fit for many years. It’s widely acknowledged that the dynamics of this area have left that perception in the dust. Yes there’s still some stuffy people on Council who take a moral stance, but that’s not indicative of the broader picture of Abbotsford.
Honestly I don’t think anyone cares at all about the LFL coming, though they will still probably outdraw the Heat.
February 13th, 2012 at 5:37 PM
I’ll spot you that “sleepy” is a toss-up as a descriptor for Abbotsford, considering that certain enterprising individuals there are trying to bring gang shootings back into vogue. But likewise, Missouri and Oklahoma are these days known as much for meth busts as for Bible-flogging.
I agree it was totally obligatory that the council people were going to be pulled in. It’s actually a classic newspaper move to quote the guy who also writes a faith column in the daily paper, rather than ask someone more representative of the sloppy populace at large.
February 13th, 2012 at 5:48 PM
kudos for not going scorched earth brother…musta been doing those whoosah’s.
February 13th, 2012 at 8:49 PM
Absolutely. They did this in another article about something else – tried to push a ‘moral angle’ – when it seemed to be more of a mundane, zoning issue. There are some real stuffy people on council (like there is everywhere!).
I’m curious – are you still in the Vancouver area? Just asking, since you’ve written about a few Vancouver issues lately.
I enjoyed your “Prince” story in Comment 4.