Kris Humphries will re-sign with the the New Jersey Nets according to Yahoo!’s Adrian Wojnaroski. The contract is worth somewhere in the $7-8 million range – which is approximately what you earn in a very short marriage. This means a few things. First, the Nets probably don’t need Dwight Howard now. I mean, Humphries is a double-double machine. Dwight Howard will just get in the way.

Second, this means that Kris is much more (or less) likely to get back together with Kim Kardashian. You guys. This is major. That brings me to this – When I just Googled “Kris Humphries” the second news result was this USA Today story article thing which is apparently a frame-by-frame recap of the most recent episode of Kim and Kris Get Divorced. An excerpt:

Right away, trouble begins.

Kris says they might have a few friends over, and Kourtney and Kim tell the guys that’s not allowed. Kourtney says they don’t want people “around Mason’s toys and our clothes. Why don’t you go out?”

Kris says he wants to party at their place, and he wants Scott to side with him, but Scott says, “Leave me out of this.”

“Scott, you’re whipped,” says Kris. “She’s going to think it’s okay for me to act like that and that’s the norm. That is not the norm with us.”

At this point, Kim looks like she’s sneering at Kris. He burps. “That is so gross,” she says. But then she begins to pick at something in his teeth with her nail. “Stop!” he says, and starts grabbing at her head: “You have bumps on your face.”

“Get off me!” she says. And Kim, barefoot, kicks Kris in the thigh with her heel.

“Baby, that hurt!” says Kris.

Scott points out that they are messing with their careers if she hurts his legs and he damages her face. Scott’s actually the closest thing to a voice of reason in this episode.

“I’m getting off,” says Kim, and she walks away.

I know we’re in the middle of the holidays, but I just wanted to ruin your day by posting that. After accidentally reading part of that thing thinking it might have been some sort of news I went and smashed the presents I had purchased for my loved ones for Christmas. No one deserves anything nice right now.

[Twitter is the last remaining news source, Getty]