ESPN’s Craig James Plans to Run For U.S. Senate Seat in Texas.
As has been suspected, ESPN college football analyst Craig James is planning to bring his unique brand of expertise to the public sector. The Dallas Morning News is reporting that James will officially enter the Republican U.S. Senate primary in Texas by Thursday.
Upside: Taking the next step should, theoretically, put an end to his college football broadcasting career at ESPN immediately. (Though you would have suspected working with an infamous PR firm to mislead an ESPN reporter and help get a coach fired for not playing his son would have done the same.) Downside: He could wield literal power and be charged with decisions that affect the real lives of millions.
James has a modest intellect, speaks purely in vapid cliches, displays a smarmy bonhomie, works back-room channels like a snake and played football in the Southwest Conference. He’s shameless. He’s a natural name-dropper. In short, he’s the ideal Texas Republican candidate.
[Photo via Getty]
Previously: Craig James is Not a Boise State Broncos Fan
Previously: Craig James Definitely Looks Like He’s Running For Office
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86 Responses to “ESPN’s Craig James Plans to Run For U.S. Senate Seat in Texas.”
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December 13th, 2011 at 2:20 PM
5,000 comments guys. Come on, let’s do it.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:21 PM
Downside: He could wield literal power and be charged with decisions that affect the real lives of millions.
There are far scarier people than Craig James already traipsing through the halls of power.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:22 PM
When girls find Valtrex in Craig James’ medicine cabinet, he lies and tells them it’s only for cold sores.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:25 PM
I’m guessing without google you couldn’t name our 2 current US Senators from down here in Texas. Kind of makes your stereotype hollow.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:27 PM
I’m guessing without google you couldn’t name our 2 current US Senators from down here in Texas. Kind of makes your stereotype hollow.
I bet he could, if only because both are often on the news.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:27 PM
Craig James is going to be good for at least five or six anti-gay Rick Perry style ads, book it.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:27 PM
There’s no way this guy can read otherwise he’d know that public sentiment ranks Stalin ahead of him. Does Craig James have any self-awareness whatsoever?
December 13th, 2011 at 2:29 PM
craig james and tim tebow for president
December 13th, 2011 at 2:29 PM
Hutchinson & Cornyn
December 13th, 2011 at 2:30 PM
The true upside is that his campaign will no doubt have a Twitter account which should be good for some real fun.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:30 PM
Hutchinson & Cornyn
Your prize is a Pray Away the Gay bumper sticker and completely un-ironic lollipop.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:31 PM
he’s not that advanced.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:31 PM
The true upside is that his campaign will no doubt have a Twitter account which should be good for some real fun.
If he hires a campaign staff that’s worth a damn, they won’t let him anywhere near it.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:32 PM
Craig James will cheat on your sister with your girlfriend.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:33 PM
Google.
My sister worked for Hutchison for a while. She’s got an amazing picture of her, Barbara Bush, Kay Bailey, and Jerry Jones standing in Jerry’s house in front of his Super Bowl trophies. There is also an awesome artists rendering of Jerry from his playing days at Arkansas. And by rendering I mean he’s painted to look like a gladiator.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:34 PM
We need to make a concerted effort to make sure that all of the top google results for Craig James are these comment threads. Let’s do it troops.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Actually, I hope he wins. Texas deserves it.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Guessing that means we’re in for some Twitter fun.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:34 PM
I didn’t know Ballz changed his username…
/really old joke
December 13th, 2011 at 2:35 PM
I really want some Blue Label now…
December 13th, 2011 at 2:35 PM
Craig James splashes the pot when he plays poker.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:36 PM
I really want some Blue Label now…
Those things are just gargantuan. And yes I would.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:36 PM
There are far scarier people than Craig James already traipsing through the halls of power.
No kidding. James is a dufus. It is people like Pelosi and McConnell that are truly evil.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:36 PM
You can have that over priced Scotch. I, on the other hand, will partake of some Johnny Walker Double Black
December 13th, 2011 at 2:37 PM
Actually I knew it. I like knowing who the people that supposedly represent us are.
PA: Casey & Toomey
NJ: Menendez & Lautenberg
NY: Gilbride & Schumer
MA: Brown & Kerry
/at least know the tri-state senators, TX, Reid (NV), Boxer (CA), Sanders (VT), McConnell (KY), Paul (KY), Rubio (FL), Durbin (IL), Kohl (WI), Webb (VA), Inhouye (HI), McCain (AZ), Snowe (ME) and many others
December 13th, 2011 at 2:38 PM
Craig James retweets @sportsguy33
December 13th, 2011 at 2:39 PM
Nicely done.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:39 PM
I know Illinois’ Senators but I haven’t a clue who represents my district in the House. Now my Alderman on the other hand… those are good people to know if you want something done in your neighborhood.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
so not only does he think people like him enough to vote for him, but he also believes that people care what he thinks politically? wow.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
No kidding. James is a dufus. It is people like Pelosi and McConnell that are truly evil.
Steve King of Iowa. Pray that he never gets into a position of authority in the House. The guy is nuttier than a shithouse rat.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
Craig James takes a seat for his bag when the bus is full.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
Gloria Allred is a real piece of work at this press conference announcing that Bobby Davis and Mike Lang are suing Boeheim and Syracuse University for defamation. They aren’t looking for money? If they weren’t, they wouldn’t hire the biggest ambulance chaser in the country.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
I know Illinois’ Senators but I haven’t a clue who represents my district in the House
You could find that out in less than 10 seconds if you so chose.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:40 PM
Craig James got his Derek Jeter signed ball the hard way.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:41 PM
I’m starting a “Dead Hookers for Craig James!” PAC. Get them contributions flowing in, please.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:41 PM
SC–Crennel may be ushering in the Stanzi era.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:41 PM
I am going to drink one-dollar-more-expensive-than-the-cheapest-whiskey because I am a baller like that and need volume.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:42 PM
See also: Allen West (R-FL), and practically every member of Congress
/seriously they’re all batshit nuts
December 13th, 2011 at 2:42 PM
Craig James asks to see your completed essay before you turn it in “just so he can get an idea of what’s he’s supposed to do”. Next thing you know, the teacher is accusing you of plagiarizing his work.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:42 PM
I hate to say it, but Craig James at his worst would still be a better U.S. senator than David Vitter at his best.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:42 PM
now in the plaintiffs statement, they reference Syracuse’s number one ranking..and these guys are stumbling over their words. What a fucking trainwreck.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:42 PM
Bachmann represents my district. The bottle of water sitting next to me would do a better job.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:43 PM
Craig James > David Vitter
The correlation is hookers, either dead or living.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:43 PM
where was the scotch in that picture?
/team curves and bewbs
//team redhead
December 13th, 2011 at 2:43 PM
Donations in increments of 5 please.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:44 PM
WOOHOO! I am convinced they will beat Green Bay is Rick is playing on Sunday. Freedom always wins in the battle against tyranny.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:44 PM
See also: Allen West (R-FL), and practically every member of Congress
/seriously they’re all batshit nuts
There’s some good ones left, but they are mostly moderates. And it’s moderates, in both parties, who have been getting destroyed in the last three elections.
/pours one out for the Blue Dogs
//especially Stephanie Herseth
//she was a fox, at least relative to Congress
December 13th, 2011 at 2:45 PM
Slogan: “It’s No Big Deal, We Were Already Dead on the Inside”
December 13th, 2011 at 2:46 PM
Boeheim apologized in a press conference but Allred says that she didn’t take it as an apology. When quoting Boeheim, Allred spoke in a mocking voice.
Quote from Davis: “I am filing this lawsuit because I don’t want kids to be afraid. The coach has seriously hurt my reputation” What reputation?
December 13th, 2011 at 2:46 PM
If he beats Tebow, I will join in on the sparkler party.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:47 PM
I cannot wait to read the takes by Whitlock and Lisk on this press conference circus.
The sole basis for this lawsuit: Boeheim called the accusers liars and they accusers are hurt and feel defamed.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Think a Texas senator apologized to the CEO of BP oil during congressional testimony for giving BP a hard time. Not sure his name but he is a douche-bag with deep oil money pockets.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Call Girl! She was a call Girl!
No Cyril, when they’re dead they are just hookers.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:49 PM
It’s sounding more and more like Haley had a death wish and was playing Palko to spite Piloi. Hard to imagine Stanzi could be worse.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Dude, we get it. You think molestation victims should shut the fuck up.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:49 PM
The only state that deserves this guy to be their representative is Florida. God that state is awful.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:50 PM
Think a Texas senator apologized to the CEO of BP oil during congressional testimony for giving BP a hard time. Not sure his name but he is a douche-bag with deep oil money pockets.
It wasn’t Cornyn or Hutchison. But it was a congressman from Texas. It was Joe Barton.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:51 PM
John Cornyn is all you need to know.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:51 PM
Call Girl! She was a call Girl!
No Cyril, when they’re dead they are just hookers.
+1 loose pen cap
December 13th, 2011 at 2:52 PM
Dude, you don’t get it. Then again, I’ve come to expect you to lack an ability to read or have a conversation. If you hire Gloria Allred, you are going for money. I have no problem that they came forward, dickface. I just think they are now trying to grasp at anything to smear the people who had NOTHING to do with the alleged abuse.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:52 PM
If he wins, I think it’s time to either 1). let Texas be independent or 2). Sell it back to Mexico.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:53 PM
We need the oil, though.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:56 PM
Wow, Texas is messed up. Joe Barton Big Oil apologist (literally!) on wind energy:
“Wind is God’s way of balancing heat. Wind is the way you shift heat from areas where it’s hotter to areas where it’s cooler. That’s what wind is. Wouldn’t it be ironic if in the interest of global warming we mandated massive switches to energy, which is a finite resource, which slows the winds down, which causes the temperature to go up? Now, I’m not saying that’s going to happen, Mr. Chairman, but that is definitely something on the massive scale. I mean, it does make some sense. You stop something, you can’t transfer that heat, and the heat goes up. It’s just something to think about.”
December 13th, 2011 at 2:56 PM
Damn it. Hopefully Alaska gives us something then.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:56 PM
Annex the middle of Canada if you want oil.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:57 PM
No way Craig James beats Dewherst. He’s like Rick Perry with more money and vapidity.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:00 PM
Texans for a Better America.
I love PACs. You can support the most disgusting of causes and wrap yourself around a patriotic name and deceive people of your real purpose.
For example, you could start a group that supports the legalization of child pornography and call yourself “Americans for Prosperous Youth.”
December 13th, 2011 at 3:00 PM
Wow, Texas is messed up. Joe Barton Big Oil apologist (literally!) on wind energy…
Unfuckingreal. That is some frightening shit right there. Beautiful scientific deduction framed with “God’s way” reasoning. Scurry…
December 13th, 2011 at 3:02 PM
“Americans for Prosperous Youth.”
Or…just call it The Second Mile.
/just horsing around
December 13th, 2011 at 3:02 PM
Annex the middle of Canada if you want oil.
Fuck you. No oil here, none whatsoever.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:02 PM
Or you can name a bill – that does nothing but give the government the ability to store your ISP information indefinitely – “Protecting Our Children From Pornography Act”. Because our children need protection from legal pornography. Or the children need protection from some guy illegally downloading Men In Black III and a J Cole album.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:04 PM
/banders
December 13th, 2011 at 3:04 PM
Ted Cruz is the right man for the Senate job from Texas. Craig James is the right man for the job of tongue punching the fart boxes of hookers on Harry Hines Boulevard in Dallas.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:05 PM
what’s probably worse is that there are people that honestly believe that.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:06 PM
Oil sands?
December 13th, 2011 at 3:06 PM
/waits to hear about it on his local talk show
December 13th, 2011 at 3:12 PM
Oil sands?
Pssshawwww, no such thing.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:14 PM
No way Craig James beats Dewherst. He’s like Rick Perry with more money and vapidity.
Yes, pretty much this. Dewhurst will mop the floor with him. So would Abbott if he got into the race.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:15 PM
Oil sands?
Pssshawwww, no such thing.
He said with spoonfuls of irony given the name of his favorite hockey team.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:31 PM
I feel like this can’t be said enough:
1) His name really is Jesse James
2) He started something called “Texans for a Better America”
/feels like Duffy should have included these in the post
December 13th, 2011 at 3:35 PM
We’ve slipped to the bottom of the first page of google hits for “Craig James”. Time to get on this.
Literal? I think not.
December 13th, 2011 at 3:36 PM
We’ve slipped to the bottom of the first page of google hits for “Craig James”. Time to get on this.
Not enough people heeded my call.
December 13th, 2011 at 4:32 PM
Someone should pull a Santorum on Craigger.
December 13th, 2011 at 4:44 PM
The Phony Express…get him outtahere..
December 13th, 2011 at 10:06 PM
Craig James thinks Rick Perry is a Real Man of Genius
December 14th, 2011 at 9:57 AM
Even Heath Shuler is a better Congressman than Craig James will ever be. What a poser.