Yesterday it was mentioned how stale the closing weeks of baseball have become without any division races other than the AL West, but thanks to Stephen Strasburg’s return and the presence of Nyjer Morgan, the pulse of baseball is at or near the level of a Jets fan’s upon opening the most recent issue of GQ. In his latest edition of pissing people off, Morgan tossed a wad of chewing tobacco at Chris Carpenter after striking out in the ninth inning. He claims Carpenter cursed at him, thus requiring him to launch a tobacco grenade in the pitcher’s direction. Things remained relatively calm until Alison Pujols began yapping to Morgan, who immediately switched gears as the benches cleared. Later on, Morgan took to Twitter and, among other things, crowned the Cardinals All-Star first baseman with the name “Alberta.” He will be referred as such for the remainder of the season. Carpenter later stated he will not play Morgan’s game. Tony LaRussa thinks Nyjer is “close to the edge” … of glory? Perhaps, perhaps:

Lost in all of this is Carpenter’s complete game four-hitter and 2-0 Cardinals win, though victories at this point for St. Louis are as significant as the results of your fantasy football draft.

Padres 3, Giants 1 — Matt Cain went seven innings and allowed two runs and all he got for it was another lousy loss. The Giants are now seven games back in the West. Pathetic.

D-Backs 5, Rockies 3 — Arizona has won 8 of its last 10, otherwise known as the proper way to hammer the nail into the coffin.

Rays 5, Rangers 4, 10 innings — Desmond Jennings hit a walkoff homer in the 10th to assist in tightening things up in the AL West. He’s been awesome since day one. BJ Upton, who will be wearing a different costume next year, welcomed the rookie with arms wide open. Hit the music.

Angels 3, Mariners 1 — With the division lead down to 2.5 games the Rangers are starting to hear footsteps. The Angels have 16 more games to keep things close before the two teams close out the regular season with a three game tryst in Anaheim.

Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 10 — Daniel Bard came on in the eighth inning and opted to take Tim Wakefield’s 200th win and dance on it like it was a Nintendo Power Pad. His line for the evening? 1 IP, 1 H, 5 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. Next time it’s probably best to just turn around and throw the ball into the outfield.

Phils 3, Braves 2 — When Ross Gload is hitting game-winning singles there’s really no where to turn for explanation. Accept the sweep and being outscored 18-5 in the three game set and move on knowing you don’t have to play Philly in the first round of the playoffs.

Tigers 8, Indians 6 — Justin Verlander only allowed three hits over six innings but two of them went to slugger and frequent razor blade chewer, Shelley Duncan, and both hits happened to be two-run homers. Despite a dip in dominance, he still notched his 22nd win of the season.

Mets 1, Marlins 0 — R.A. Dickey pitched seven shutout innings and celebrated the impressive outing by watching Star Wars in full Storm Trooper gear.

[Photo via Getty]