According to Blue Jays blog Drunk Jays Fans, Bill Simmons referred to Jose Bautista as Jose “I’m sure as hell not the same at home after that ESPN Mag sign-stealing story” Bautista in a recent mailbag exchange with Jonah Keri. Now maybe this was supposed to be taken as tongue-in-cheek or perhaps it was an attempt to engage Toronto readers since, outside of the guy carrying his team, the Blue Jays are about as intriguing as the trailer for Real Steel. Regardless of the intention, Simmons has successfully hooked the ire of a few impassioned Blue Jays fans, so let’s clear this up.

The “man in white” sign-stealing story was originally published on August 10. As the writer for DJF points out, in the first four games after being outed as a ruthless cheater, Bautista hit .308/.500/.538 with a home run followed by a six game road trip in which he turned into a video game and hit .471/.667/1.000. Of course, in the seven game homestand that followed that, the robotic slugger forgot to recharge his batteries and hit .208/.345/.542.

What does all of this mean? Not much of anything because we’re talking about two homestands and a road trip over the span of a few weeks. The story that tells the story are Bautista’s home and away splits for the season, which couldn’t be any more identical than they already are save for his increased desire to steal — yes, steal — bases primarily on the road:

Home: 19 HR, 42 RBI, 50 BB, 48 K, 1 SB, .313 AVG, 1.116 OPS
Away: 19 HR, 43 RBI, 58 BB, 41 K, 5 SB, .310 AVG, 1.075 OPS

He’s been the same player all season, home or away. If there really is a secret agent offering up signs to the Blue Jay hitters, he’s either flipping Bautista the bird or signaling for the diamondcutter.

[via Drunk Jays Fans]