Each week Tim “Amy” Ryan and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 18 months ago. Every time this post appears, a riot breaks out in London in an impressively elegant manner. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

1. The Glorious Return of Football!
CRM — Well, kinda. It was just preseason. I only watched a few snaps live between Parks & Rec and 30 Rock reruns. I heard multiple starters made appearances though. I’m in the “preseason is too long” camp and can’t wait for a real football Sunday. On a related note, I had my first Sam Adams Octoberfest last night. I love the Fall.

TSH — The growing smell of football is slowly beginning to flirt with my nostrils which leaves me craving, well, football — but also buffalo wings. I don’t think it’s possible to ever tire of buffalo wings. Discovering a place with really good wings is as satisfying as swatting someone in basketball.

2. Hope Solo Nude Google Results
TSH — Unlike soccer, nudity moves the needle. Seriously, soccer has made the Weekly Top Five and there’s no World Cup to speak of, but there is skin. Whatever the shoot ends up looking like it will surely surpass Hope’s goalie uniform, so stop complaining that you won’t see enough.

CRM — The amount of love the ESPN The Magazine The Body Issue gets despite never actually showing us anything is impressive. Having said that, Hope Solo posing nude with well-placed soccer balls will surely take her soccer to the next level. I thought during the World Cup last month that soccer was ready to make the leap and this just proves that theory. Look at  us talking soccer in August.

3. Watch The Throne
TSH — I have yet to purchase the album but I always take my time with these things unless it’s something I’ve been thirsting to listen to, like when Eminem returned with “Recovery,” but I do know chances are high I will enjoy this one. I still strongly believe Jay-Z’s greatest musical contribution to sports was “Big Pimpin” because it allowed Derek Bell to use it as his at-bat music during his tenure with the Mets.

CRM — After my initial tongue-in-cheek review of WTT, I’ve listened a few more times and I’m not sure the album holds up to the hype. It’s still good, but it’s definitely not the all-time classic album that people had hoped for. I guess we’ll just have to wait for Detox to drop.

4. NBA Lockout
CRM — Why must I wait to watch Jimmer play basketball? I’m stuck watching him practice cheerleading.

TSH — Stephen A. Smith subbed in for Colin Cowherd today and discussed the NBA’s predicament long enough that I found myself suddenly yearning for this lockout to end. Upon the show’s completion, Stephen A. drove directly to Long Island to deejay a Bar Mitzvah.

5. Blue Jays Stealing Signs
TSH — The countless references to the “man in white” reminds me just how much I miss Lost, especially the irreplaceable “Desmond Face.” As for the Blue Jays, they aren’t exactly ripping through the competition (59-58, 29-28 at home). At least the heartless Patriots won a ton of games during several years of disgraceful cheating.

CRM — Those dirty rotten cheating Blue Jays! While this is one of the unwritten rules of baseball that I kind of agree with, the idea of unwritten rules remains comical. Baseball. What a sport.

Honorable Mention
Urijah Faber interview … Rudy Fernandez’s girl … Barry Zito’s girl … something else by Stephen Douglas … asshole usher … a fucking hat!

This is a damn sweet knockout.

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Last Week’s Query
Toonces trounced Keyboard Cat.

Query of the Week
Spaghettios or ABCS’s & 123′s?

Spaghettios or ABC's & 123's?

View Results

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This Week In Retarded Pictures of Snooki
TSH — Glasses tend to make some people look smarter. I don’t believe that to be the case for Snooki.

CRM — [Stephen Douglas has no comment this week]

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Wake. UP.

[Images by Getty]