Joe Flacco’s Wedding Registry is Pretty Much What You Might Expect of a Mediocre QB
The Baltimore Sun discovered Joe Flacco’s wedding registries. (Via Baltimore Sports Report) Somehow I started looking through them and got a few hundred words out of it. Sure, most of those words are “Joe Flacco,” but still. Kim Kardashian’s wedding registry this is not.
Crate & Barrell
Joe Flacco wanted four ice cube trays , but only got 1. Joe Flacco is going to be staring at some warm drinks this summer.
Joe Flacco has a pastry cutter. Joe Flacco got the Madison Taupe Shower Curtain he desired, but did not receive the matching towels and washcloths. Do you think every shower will be a bitter reminder of the towels he had his heart set on?
Joe Flacco did not get a single adjustable garment rack. Anyone who has lived in an apartment that lacked ample closet space knows that adjustable garment racks can be invaluable.
Joe Flacco might have to drape his favorite sports coats over a chair.
Joe Flacco didn’t get either of the drying racks he asked for. ARE YOU GOING TO HAND DRY JOE FLACCO’S SWEATERS!?
Macy’s
If you go to Joe Flacco’s house and can find a chair to sit in that isn’t being used to hang sports coats, he will serve you a delicious margarita.
But why didn’t anyone buy him the stemware he wanted?
The bag holder Joe Flacco wanted is out of stock. I’m guessing this is like the Kate Middleton effect. When Joe Flacco fans see Joe Flacco looking at a bag holder, they run out and buy all those bag holders. It’s the same way British women are with the dresses that Kate Middleton wears.
No one bought Joe Flacco the KitchenAid Food Chopper despite it’s tremendous everyday value of $17.98.
No Takeya White and Raspberry Airtight jugs for Joe Flacco. I really hope you like margies.
Joe Flacco owns a very nice vacuum cleaner.
A Panini Press and a Foreman Grill. Joe Flacco likes his food flat.
Joe Flacco plans on transporting cupcakes and pies to practice when the lockout ends.
Despite extensive Googling, I can’t figure out what thread count Joe Flacco prefers.
- LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- Paul George’s Vicious Dunk on Birdman Was Not Rated PG [Video]
- Matt Harvey, the New York Mets’ Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
- The Kansas City Royals Are Becoming the Royals Again, and Fans Have Been Far Too Patient
- Champions League: Bayern Munich a Legacy of Losing at Stake
- Chief on LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- A.P. on Matt Harvey, the New York Mets' Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
- jdeeser5 on Matt Harvey, the New York Mets' Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
- jdeeser5 on Matt Harvey, the New York Mets' Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
- Monster is Meth on The Kansas City Royals Are Becoming the Royals Again, and Fans Have Been Far Too Patient
93 Responses to “Joe Flacco’s Wedding Registry is Pretty Much What You Might Expect of a Mediocre QB”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
![Paul George Dunked on Birdman, and it was Awesome [Video]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13694502600-thumb0.jpg)
Paul George Dunked on Birdman, and it was Awesome [Video]![Is Anthony Davis Dating One of the Gonzalez Twins? [NBA]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13693092011-thumb1.jpg)
Is Anthony Davis Dating One of the Gonzalez Twins? [NBA]![Fox Sports 1 Heavily in Pursuit of Former NFL Player Trevor Pryce and Sarah Spain of ESPN Chicago [Media]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13693423562-thumb2.jpg)
Fox Sports 1 Heavily in Pursuit of Former NFL Player Trevor Pryce and Sarah Spain of ESPN Chicago [Media]![Birdman, Birdman: TNT Had a Great 7-Minute Interview with Chris 'Birdman' Andersen [Video]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13693161843-thumb3.jpg)
Birdman, Birdman: TNT Had a Great 7-Minute Interview with Chris 'Birdman' Andersen [Video]![Juwan Howard Hanging out at the Beach with MSG Sideline Reporter Jill Martin [Photos]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13692572294-thumb4.jpg)
Juwan Howard Hanging out at the Beach with MSG Sideline Reporter Jill Martin [Photos]![Baltimore Orioles Wearing Canadian Tuxedos (All-Denim) For Their Trip to Toronto [MLB]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13693186075-thumb5.png)
Baltimore Orioles Wearing Canadian Tuxedos (All-Denim) For Their Trip to Toronto [MLB]
2013 NBA Mock Draft![Michael Crabtree Has a Torn Achilles, And He Could Miss the 2013 Season [NFL]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13692568007-thumb7.jpg)
Michael Crabtree Has a Torn Achilles, And He Could Miss the 2013 Season [NFL]![Max Domi Executes Magnificent Between-the-Legs Saucer Pass [Video]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13691529938-thumb8.jpg)
Max Domi Executes Magnificent Between-the-Legs Saucer Pass [Video]![Wayne Gretzky Got Drunk at a Bar in South Carolina [Photos]](http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/plugin/resize_13692402159-thumb9.jpg)
Wayne Gretzky Got Drunk at a Bar in South Carolina [Photos]
June 29th, 2011 at 4:27 PM
Flacco sucks
/obligatory
June 29th, 2011 at 4:28 PM
Laughed loudly.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:30 PM
I can attest that this device is fantastic. Joe Flacco doesn’t know what Joe Flacco is missing on this one.
We’re going with bags of fat now, Cousin Ron.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:30 PM
What I don’t understand is that he’s making millions and he registers for a $18 Food Chopper. Really? Go pick it up your cheapass self. No wonder why he only throws to RBs and 10 feet beyond the reach of the WR.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:32 PM
Has there been a post humanizing Flacco’s GF/Wife yet?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:33 PM
Fuck Baltimore
/also obligatory
June 29th, 2011 at 4:34 PM
If you go to Joe Flacco’s house and can find a chair to sit in that isn’t being used to hang sports coats, he will serve you a delicious margarita.
Oh, god. These comments are just going to be quotes pulled from the post, right? Because that seems 100% ok. This is fantastic
June 29th, 2011 at 4:35 PM
Because he’s stocking up on Rogaine, look at that hairline!
June 29th, 2011 at 4:35 PM
How can it be delicious if its served without ice?
Did he register for a set of tweezers? Or is his bride down with the Bert look?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:36 PM
In his defense, he doesn’t roll with the Lebron Headband yet.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:36 PM
Because he’s stocking up on Rogaine, look at that hairline!
Where are you guys seeing a receding hairline? I don’t see it. Big forehead? Sure. Receding hairline? Mehhh..
June 29th, 2011 at 4:37 PM
I am laughing so hard right now, CRM. Thank you!
June 29th, 2011 at 4:37 PM
Well done CRM. Well done.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:37 PM
Joe Flacco likes his food flat.
Just like his deep throws down the field.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:38 PM
Is this a bull shit Panini press machine or the nice cast iron skillet and press?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:38 PM
Redundant, the Foreman makes a fine pressed hot sandwich
June 29th, 2011 at 4:40 PM
Joe Flacco posts are the new Ohio State.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:40 PM
Redundant, the Foreman makes a fine pressed hot sandwich
But the Foreman Grill is flat on one side. It destroys the whole aesthetic
June 29th, 2011 at 4:40 PM
My panini press doubles as a Foreman and a waffle maker. Pretty sure I haven’t used it in at least 2 years.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:41 PM
I’m not going to re-engage you, you engager.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:41 PM
Joe Flacco received 3 sets of corn cob picks (they come in sets of 8). I’m going to BBQ’s at Joe Flacco’s.
Joe Flacco also received 4 tea bag squeezers. Spencer is going to tea parties at Joe Flacco’s.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:42 PM
I make waffles probably every other weekend. Just make a batch of them and freeze what I don’t eat. I’ll just grab a couple to bring to work for breakfast in the mornings.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:43 PM
I enjoy the copmlexity of a hot ham and cheese with varying levels of press, it’s like Panini Napoleon
June 29th, 2011 at 4:43 PM
I do that, too, Brocco. I enjoy my waffle maker enthusiastically. I would let it give me a handjob if it so wished
June 29th, 2011 at 4:43 PM
this flagrant racism against athletes must end.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:44 PM
I’m not going to re-engage you, you engager.
ENGAGE ME! ENGAGE ME NOW DAMMIT!!!
–Words I would also like to hear from my date Saturday. 2AMish.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:45 PM
I am also on team waffle maker .
Waffles > pancakes
June 29th, 2011 at 4:46 PM
if only you knew…if only…
/cries into MLJ-branded cry towel
June 29th, 2011 at 4:47 PM
I do that, too, Brocco. I enjoy my waffle maker enthusiastically. I would let it give me a handjob if it so wished
I like how you present this as some sort of hypothetical.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:48 PM
I do that, too, Brocco. I enjoy my waffle maker enthusiastically. I would let it give me a handjob if it so wished
Are you referring to your girlfriend as a wafflemaker?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:49 PM
Drunk marriages don’t lead to good marriages.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:49 PM
Are you referring to your girlfriend as a wafflemaker?
I wish. She never cooks. I was more referring to my waffle maker as a fine woman of exquisite taste and passion
June 29th, 2011 at 4:50 PM
Those were great back to back comments, definitely let out a few chuckles.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:51 PM
A Foreman Grill? You have a fucking BBQ, use it.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:51 PM
Team Waffles.
//Scared to try waffles and chicken together as it might send me into a food coma.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:51 PM
Just make sure it’s not still hot when you start to make out with it.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:52 PM
Or maybe he’s picking affordable items for his guests that aren’t rich?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:52 PM
I bet Flacco stood around for a long time to finally make the decision to propose.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:52 PM
Drunk marriages don’t lead to good marriages.
You’re thinking of a different use for the term engage than I am.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:54 PM
Oh I know, it just worked more for my comment to use the connotation I wanted.
/cherry picker
June 29th, 2011 at 4:54 PM
Just remember if you are getting the ‘rapey vibe’ from her. just go for it man.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:54 PM
He actually just took a knee…his defense had already bailed him out.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:56 PM
//Scared to try waffles and chicken together as it might send me into a food coma.
Give in. It’s magnificent
June 29th, 2011 at 4:57 PM
I like how you present this as some sort of hypothetical
It does remain a hypothetical. So far
June 29th, 2011 at 4:58 PM
I had a crepe for the first time last week and, I gotta say, it was delightful.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:58 PM
Fixed
June 29th, 2011 at 4:59 PM
He couldn’t register for some $8 napkins instead?
June 29th, 2011 at 4:59 PM
Just remember if you are getting the ‘rapey vibe’ from her. just go for it man.
NO! Means Yes?
/scribbles in notebook
Got it.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:01 PM
If a guy asks a girl out on a first date on a Saturday night, it seems to be an indication that he has no interest in any sort of relationship other than sexual.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:01 PM
Her resistance is just the PTSD talking. You are doing her a favor.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:01 PM
I finally got it! Flacco looks like Sam the Eagle!
How did I not see this before?
/He throws like Miss Piggy too
June 29th, 2011 at 5:02 PM
If a guy asks a girl out it seems to be an indication that he has no interest in any sort of relationship other than sexual.
You had some extra words in there
June 29th, 2011 at 5:02 PM
Or he’s busy all week and would really like to make time to see her.
/Wait
//Guys ask out women STRICTLY for the sexual, not just on Saturday First Dates
///DUH!
June 29th, 2011 at 5:03 PM
And if the girl says yes with this preconceived notion in her head?
Slut.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:04 PM
But if I take her to a strip club on a Tuesday?
June 29th, 2011 at 5:04 PM
If a guy asks a girl out on a first date on a Saturday night,it seems to be an indication that he has no interest in any sort of relationship other than sexual.
1. I’ve never heard this? Am I in the minority?
2. Who said it was a first date?
3. It was a joke.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:05 PM
This
But definitely this.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:05 PM
But if I take her to a strip club on a Tuesday?
Friend zone
June 29th, 2011 at 5:05 PM
Is Saturday night not a common date-night in Chicago? Or do you only have sex on Saturdays? I’m confused?
June 29th, 2011 at 5:06 PM
// high fives SC!
June 29th, 2011 at 5:06 PM
I find that most girls don’t want to go to their place of business when on a date.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:06 PM
Unless you paid $50 for her wedge salad and 2 drinks she had, $50 at the stupid ass chick flick movie she was dying to see and another $50 for after movie drinks and appetizer. She better be putting out and not talking HJ either.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:07 PM
Only 8 place settings? We registered for 10 and we have neither wealth nor fame.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:08 PM
Not a preconceived notion for most women.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:09 PM
We registered for 8 as well…got 9. Now we have to buy another one.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:09 PM
Adults don’t really still do this, do they? Sparty Justice would be more satisfying.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:09 PM
Not a preconceived notion for most women.
So you’re going on dates with no concept whether or not you’re sexually attracted to a man? Interesting
June 29th, 2011 at 5:10 PM
jesus christ those ravens-colored toasting glasses are hideous. he better hope he doesnt get traded to a team with good taste.
http://slimages.macys.com/is/image/MCY/products/6/optimized/809646_fpx.tif?bgc=255,255,255&wid=166&qlt=90,0&layer=comp&op_sharpen=0&resMode=bicub&op_usm=0.7,1.0,0.5,0&fmt=jpeg
June 29th, 2011 at 5:11 PM
/looks for cheap item to buy and have sent, so I can get his autograph on a thank you note
June 29th, 2011 at 5:12 PM
No, dummy. Women go out on dates because they want to be in a long term relationship. A guy asks a chick out on a saturday night it’s mostly because he just wants to bang her and nothing else.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:13 PM
/cancels date for Saturday
//extends offer of casual sex via text message isntead
June 29th, 2011 at 5:14 PM
Anyone want to take bets if I get a thank you note? I would like to send him something… TBL? He might have a comment on Rubio…
June 29th, 2011 at 5:14 PM
A guy asks a chick out on a saturday night it’s mostly because he just wants to bang her and nothing else
According to who? The guys on Jersey shore?
June 29th, 2011 at 5:15 PM
As stated above, most guys are open to banging a chick on any night that ends in Y, not just Saturday night.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:15 PM
I’m assuming he’d leave the thank yous to Dana, lest he get 75% done with them and accidentally send the card to the wrong person…
June 29th, 2011 at 5:16 PM
Sorry SG, you’re normally right when it comes to introspecting into the male mind, but you’re way off on this one. If a guy is only interested in banging a girl, he could care less what day of the week he’s going to ask her out on.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:16 PM
You think too much.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:16 PM
I’m calling bullshit on this. I only ask women out for nights my wife is out of town, Saturday or otherwise.
/kidding
June 29th, 2011 at 5:18 PM
http://www1.macys.com/registry/wedding/guest/?registryId=408361
Ben Roethlisberger.
/will not be sending a gift
June 29th, 2011 at 5:18 PM
SG…so if a guy were to ask you out for a Saturday night date, your reply would be “What kind of woman do you think I am?!…Wednesday works though”
June 29th, 2011 at 5:19 PM
Nice! Good get, I know what I’ll be reading for the next few minutes…
June 29th, 2011 at 5:19 PM
Women go out on dates because they want to be in a long term relationship.
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:19 PM
Christ. Roethlisberger is getting married in 23 days? He was charged with RAPE less than a year ago!
June 29th, 2011 at 5:19 PM
They sell AIDS test kits and condoms at Macy’s?
June 29th, 2011 at 5:20 PM
“What kind of woman do you think I am?!…Wednesday works though”
I nearly choked on my laughter
June 29th, 2011 at 5:20 PM
I’m slightly put off by the fact that no one commented on Flacco looking like Sam the Eagle (comment 51).
/Rarely troll for commentary, but that was damn funny
June 29th, 2011 at 5:20 PM
Well her response could be yes if she just wants to have her bones jumped.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:21 PM
Christ. Roethlisberger is getting married in 23 days? He was charged with RAPE less than a year ago!
I believe it was a year last March (I only know because it happened the same weekend I moved down here) but your point is well taken.
June 29th, 2011 at 5:24 PM
Roethlisberger also has a registry under Crate and Barrel, if we’d like to compare which couple will be more fun to visit…
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/Gift-Registry/Guest/View-Registry.aspx?grid=4681424
June 29th, 2011 at 5:25 PM
Well her response could be yes if she just wants to have her bones jumped.
Maybe if it’s a long term bones jumping. Otherwise it would not appeal to a woman
June 29th, 2011 at 5:27 PM
You don’t need to compare registries to know that Ben’s will trump Joe’s every time.
/2006′d
June 29th, 2011 at 5:34 PM
Also, he wasn’t charged…
/picking nits
//you point still stands
June 29th, 2011 at 7:41 PM
KC Joyner, a self-douche-appointed ‘football scientist’ (i’ve asked him 1000 times in chats to prove to me how he is, in fact, a football ‘scientist’ and he has yet to do so), would be furious about this article. The only reason you need to never read espn again: http://insider.espn.go.com/nfl/insider/columns/story?columnist=joyner_kc&id=6667673&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fnfl%2finsider%2fcolumns%2fstory%3fcolumnist%3djoyner_kc%26id%3d6667673