Iowa State Freshman DeVondrick Nealy Picked Up By Police After BB Gun Incident
Iowa State has suspended running back DeVondrick Nealy indefinitely after he was picked up by Iowa State police with a BB gun. He was with a group that were shooting things on campus at 2:39 in the morning.
Nealy was told to get and stay on the ground by an officer, but when the officer went to assist a fellow policeman Nealy got up and started walking north on Stange. A BB gun was found on Nealy.
BB guns are the cool freshman thing to do. Ask Markieff Morris.
Last summer I was getting ice cream with my girlfriend’s family when two police cars came screeching to a halt on the roadside 20 feet away. The officers jumped out of the car, drew their guns and screamed at this guy to get on the ground. Someone had called the cops after seeing this guy walking down the street on a cell phone wildly gesticulating with a weapon over his shoulder. The guy quickly dropped to his knees saying, “I’m sorry!”
After putting the guy in the car and talking to him the police eventually let him go. Turns that he had just bought an air rifle at a yard sale. The police took the air rifled and said he could come to the station to pick it up. I’m not sure if the man went back to the yard sale to try and buy a new pair of underpants.
The point is, kids, you can get in just as much trouble with a BB Gun as you can with a real gun. Sometimes toys aren’t just toys.
[GoCyclones via @BryanDFischer]
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June 23rd, 2011 at 12:09 PM
clearly a case of racism.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:11 PM
Maybe they were just concerned he would shoot his eye out.
/obligatory
//purchases new pair of glasses
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:12 PM
Thank you for the laugh on an otherwise crappy day.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:14 PM
I don’t even take joy in making fun of the Cyclones anymore. Much like the Gophers, I’ve moved on to pity.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:14 PM
especially when you pump it 20 times.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:15 PM
They don’t need your pity as they have Floyd to cheer them up
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:16 PM
single pump gas powered air rifle is the way to go.
/squirrel killer
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Someone had called the cops after seeing this guy walking down the street on a cell phone wildly gesticulating with a weapon over his shoulder
Come again?
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Sometimes toys aren’t just toys.
especially when you pump it 20 times.
That’s what she said.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Meh.
It’s coming back this year. Momentary lapse in an otherwise lopsided series. Sun shines, dog’s ass and all that.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:19 PM
Badgers were a much more interesting rival seeing as how one team didn’t win that game every single year. The B1G had to go and fuck that up though. That trophy is pretty stupid now seeing as we’ll only play each other once every 4-5 years.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:19 PM
single pump gas powered air rifle is the way to go.
/squirrel killer
you must be a good shot. You know what’s hard to kill with an air gun? A Raccoon.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:21 PM
Badgers were a much more interesting rival seeing as how one team didn’t win that game every single year. The B1G had to go and fuck that up though. That trophy is pretty stupid now seeing as we’ll only play each other once every 4-5 years
I was furious about this as well. Frankly, I’m quite bored with whooping up on MN every year. Those IOWA/UW games have always been great. Who’d they make Iowa’s cross-division rival? Neb?
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:21 PM
40-34 in Minnesota’s favor doesn’t seem that lopsided.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:23 PM
9 of the last 10 prior to last year’s loss.
Purdue. Once again, great job B1G. Way to pick someone we have a storied history against. Idiots.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:23 PM
“No shit!”
- John Denver
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:24 PM
Has anyone ever been to Ames Iowa? There can’t be much going on there. I’m surprised he didn’t turn the gun on himself.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:25 PM
Iowa is boring.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:25 PM
i miss wayne fontes’ late season, job saving winning streaks.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:26 PM
You can’t say this after railing against the Wisconsin-Minnesota pairing…most-played rivalry in the history of D-1A
The Rasputin of coaches, and then he just disappeared
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:27 PM
drive through there every time I head to my parents. pretty sure the tallest building is a grain silo..
also, what SG said.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:27 PM
Purdue. Once again, great job B1G. Way to pick someone we have a storied history against. Idiots
Haha. Wow. I still haven’t learned the divisions yet. I better get on that. All I know is that UW’s in the same division as OSU and the two Indiana schools and maybe PSU? Not sure whether that makes us legends or leaders though. What an abortion the B1G made out of this expansion. Like the idea, poorly executed.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:28 PM
Having to drive through that piece of shit every summer to go from my home here to my dad and his family in Missouri was awful.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:29 PM
The Rasputin of coaches, and then he just disappeared.
I think he was finally fired, no? Berman referring to him as rasputin was hilarious.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:29 PM
It’s Purdue. We have no connection to them whatsoever. That’s for Illinois and the Hoosiers. The only connection we have there is that we aren’t very good in that dump known as Ross-Ade Stadium. There’s no trophy. There’s no regional connection. There’s nothing.
Just that we were the two schools left when decided the whole most hated rival thing. Illinois and Ohio State got to keep the Illibuck. You got the Axe. I think MSU-PSU is the Land Grant or whatever. Iowa and Purdue is a silly pairing. There’s no defending it. It’s non-sensical and lazy.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:30 PM
Having to drive through that piece of shit every summer to go from my home here to my dad and his family in Missouri was awful.
At least it’s not that lengthy of a state north to south. You want a boring state? Try driving through Indiana on your way from WI to GA. 3 hours of nothing, 20 minutes of Indianapolis, followed by 2.5 hours of nothing until you reach Louisville. There are barely any trees. What a culture-less wasteland that state is.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:31 PM
No NBA draft post? Well anyway, this is funny…
Miami Heat center Zydrunas Ilgauskas exercised his $1.4 million option for the 2011-12 season on Wednesday.
It’s going to cost the Heat the league minimum next year to get rid of this guy, who’s already said publicly he doesn’t want to play anymore, and the rest of the world agrees that he shouldn’t play anymore.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:31 PM
ground hogs are beasts.
was at a friends house, tried to put a cap in the ass of the vagrant groundhog living under his shed. motherfucker felt the bb bounce off it and just kept meandering across his property. bad ass.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:32 PM
Hey. Some good news. Things are turning around. Now if I could just decide what I want for lunch…
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:32 PM
It is, but the rivalry is not our crossover rivalry. So, that means we get PSU once ever four years or whatever. Our crossover rivalry is Indiana for the Old Brass Spittoon.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:33 PM
Allende. That’s a no-brainer.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:34 PM
was at a friends house, tried to put a cap in the ass of the vagrant groundhog living under his shed. motherfucker felt the bb bounce off it and just kept meandering across his property. bad ass.
I can’t even tell my raccoon/air rifle story unless sportsgal goes home. Besides, I can’t tell a story in less than an hour anyway.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:34 PM
Are they the Jets yet?
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:34 PM
Our crossover rivalry is Indiana for the Old Brass Spittoon.
That’s a pretty terrible cross-over as well.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:35 PM
I’m bored as hell and avoiding work. tell it anyways.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:35 PM
Driving through any state in the Midwest is boring, people. Central Illinois, most of Wisconsin, much of Minnesota, all of Southern Ohio and most of Michigan that isn’t directly on the water are no fun to drive through.
Iowa is indeed a wasteland of cornfield and grain silos. Kansas and Nebraska continue the trend.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:36 PM
Are they the Jets yet?
Nope, some thought that they may announce a name at the draft tomorrow.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:36 PM
Not yet. They aren’t stealing my assistant coach that makes the powerplay hum here though. That’s pretty fantastic. Their new GM must have somehow gotten overruled in making the choice for a coach because Chevy and Havvy were pretty tight. It’s quite confusing as I thought it was pretty much a done deal.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:37 PM
Wait, youre telling me another league is having a draft this week?!
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:37 PM
I’m still here, bitch face, and will be all day.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:37 PM
boom
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Yup. The forced rivalry between MSU and PSU was killed so the big10 could make a new rivalry between Neb and PSU. Although, it does make our schedule a lot easier every year.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 PM
South Dakota is probably the most vapid stretch of land I’ve been on. You won’t see another car for 90 minutes at a time in some places up there.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 PM
It’s quite confusing as I thought it was pretty much a done deal.
Go back and look to see who reported it as being a done deal.
Wait, youre telling me another league is having a draft this week?!
!
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 PM
please do tell.
can’t be worse than my friend trying to nail a different ground hog with a cheap crossbow. 3 direct hits needed to finish the thing off, and the third was standing directly over it as it tried to crawl back to his burrow.
considering the damage caused by said groundhog, like unsettling foundation beneath his deck, it was a wash.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Add Central PA, upstate NY, and pretty much all of 95 between Richmond and FL.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:39 PM
Be honest. Do you really know/care that much about the NHL draft? I could certainly give a shit. Tell me who they pick and I’ll look for them in about 3 years to see if they’ve made the AHL roster.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:39 PM
Is it the same guy who reported the Flyers and Bryzgalov had a done deal?
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:40 PM
was at a friends house, tried to put a cap in the ass of the vagrant groundhog living under his shed. motherfucker felt the bb bounce off it and just kept meandering across his property. bad ass.
BB vs Groundhog isn’t even a battle. Groundhogs are fucking viscious.
I used to shoot squirrels with a bb gun back when I lived in the city. Those fuckers were always eating my tomatoes. I killed 19 one summer. Those fuckers would just be replaced by other rats with tails. Now that I live in the country, I just leave them alone. The boy likes watching them scurry around and up and down the hickory trees.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:40 PM
South Dakota is probably the most vapid stretch of land I’ve been on. You won’t see another car for 90 minutes at a time in some places up there.
It has to be better than ND though, right? At least there are the badlands to look at in the western half of the state. I’ve never been to either. Hope it stays that way.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:40 PM
South Dakota is probably the most vapid stretch of land I’ve been on. You won’t see another car for 90 minutes at a time in some places up there.
Vapid? Interesting use there. And as someone who has spent hours weaving between cars going less than the speed limit on I-45, not seeing other cars for awhile isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That sounds awfully refreshing to me actually.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:41 PM
I care exactly as much about the NHL draft as I do about the NBA draft.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:41 PM
Hockeybuzz. What’s your point? Chevy left the Blackhawks and had a previous connection to Haviland. Pretty much everyone had him as a lock to be the Jets next coach.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Is it the same guy who reported the Flyers and Bryzgalov had a done deal?
Negative. I’m not a big fan of Nick Kypreos, but he doesn’t usually throw shit against the wall to see what sticks. Hockeybuzz on the other hand…
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Purdue. Once again, great job B1G. Way to pick someone we have a storied history against. Idiots.
Don’t worry, you can get bitch slapped by Nebraska on a yearly basis now…
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Right there with ya. Throw in the NFL and MLB drafts and we’ve got a pact.
/holds out pinky finger
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 PM
The point is Hockeybuzz gets shit wrong 99.99999% of the time.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:43 PM
I live up near a mountain preserve in Phoenix and always see these fat fucking quail running around. How I have not ran over a hundred of these things I have no idea. I also want to take a .22 out and shoot up some dinner.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Pretty much everyone had him as a lock to be the Jets next coach.
Easily top 10 most false statements you’ve made this year.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Watson – back to the lunch discussion. Even though I’ve worked in this neighborhood for almost 2 years, I don’t know the lunch spots that well. I had Chinese for dinner last night, so Allende is a no go as I’d like to get something healthy.
Anything is this area that’s not named Scott and Kim’s fit that bill? Roly Poly sucks so don’t say that.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:44 PM
The point is Hockeybuzz gets shit wrong 99.99999% of the time.
Thank you.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 PM
/pulls it
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 PM
3 direct hits needed to finish the thing off
oh, it’s worse.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Winnipeg management has proven to be pretty loyal to former Manitoba Moose guys, so this isn’t all that surprising. Which is why they’ll call them the Moose and not the Jets.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Yeah. Nobody. Just me.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 PM
awful drive. Rockford to St. Louis is brutal, usually a ton of state troopers as well.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Yeah. Nobody. Just me.
Funny that the linked source in that post is…. wait for it…. Hockeybuzz!
Noel has been the leading candidate since day 1.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:48 PM
That ‘hood has changed so much. I don’t even know what’s down there anymore. Too bad Pickle closed.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:49 PM
Just go to chipotle or Allende. Fuck being healthy.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:49 PM
That doesn’t mean… you know what? Nevermind. This is stupid.
One of the bigger disappointments. I really want to know how they didn’t do a good business. Such good sandwiches and a nice alternative to JJ and Potbelly.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:54 PM
that’s the exact reason I got the air rifle. hickory tree right next to my house, gutters getting filled up with nuts, completely fucked them up. killed 7 squirrels so far since I got my air rifle in January, but it’s harder to do with leaves on the tree’s.
June 23rd, 2011 at 12:56 PM
3 direct hits needed to finish the thing off, and the third was standing directly over it as it tried to crawl back to his burrow.
I used to volunteer at a wildlife rehab place near the zoo. We had to deal with raccoons and groundhogs with those dog stick things. For some reason, we also rehabbed baby squirrels and baby rabbits. I never quite got my mind wrapped around that.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:01 PM
that’s the exact reason I got the air rifle. hickory tree right next to my house, gutters getting filled up with nuts, completely fucked them up. killed 7 squirrels so far since I got my air rifle in January, but it’s harder to do with leaves on the tree’s
So after you killed them, how did you prepare them? Did you use a dry rub?
/Arkansas BBQ’d
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:05 PM
For some reason, we also rehabbed baby squirrels and baby rabbits.
it’s hard to wrap your head around putting down several babies, which is probably why the policy came into being.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:06 PM
I’m still waiting on your story, dirt.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:17 PM
it’s hard to wrap your head around putting down several babies, which is probably why the policy came into being.
Nah, we put down animals all the time. Idiot city-dwellers would find baby rabbits and bring them in. Most of the time it wasn’t even rehab, it was raising the fuckers. Of course, I was the birds of prey and snake guy, so I was just wanting food for my animals.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:18 PM
I’m still waiting on your story, dirt.
Ditto. Everyone is gone now to tell TBL is Mock Draft 3.0 is wrong. Come back and weave a tale.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 PM
I’m gonna go get a sandwich. I also would like a story when I get back.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:23 PM
I’m still waiting on your story, dirt.
Ditto. Everyone is gone now to tell TBL is Mock Draft 3.0 is wrong. Come back and weave a tale.
I’ll cut it down to the shorter version..
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:26 PM
so we moved up here, and I didn’t have a job yet. We live in a farm house with an absolutely enormous barn. It was all full of trash and what not, so i was busy cleaning it up. The wife wanted chickens, so I was also building a chicken coop. And we were way broke, so I couldn’t spend any money (or very little).
I was cleaning trash and old metal and junk out of the haybarn (which is over the cattle barn), and buliding a chicken coop out of the trash. I’m hammering shit and what not, and all of the sudden I hear a nasty ass growl coming from high above me. Just low, rumbling, enraged…pretty menacing.
So I look up and realize that the eaves of the barn aren’t closed off, there are pockets built in there for some reason.
Like maybe 20 of them across the whole barn, they’re three feet across by 6 inches high, and they’re deep, because the overhang is enclosed. Why they’re they’re I don’t know, but anyway, something lives in there, and it’s pissed.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:29 PM
I dont’ know what it is, and I’m curious. So I start climbing up the posts to get to the corner. There’s a post nearby, and I can hear this thing rumbling. It’s halfway up the second level where the barn roof starts, but there’s a 3rd level above that, far away, so I’m standing on a post 8 feet in the air, on my tippy toes, and I can’t reach it. So I start to scale the wall a little bit to the next post.
Anyway, this thing gets furious, and I lose my nerve. I scamper down and run in the house to call my wife and tell her what’s up.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:31 PM
Go on.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:33 PM
no answer, so I go back out and try again. This time I bring my camera. So I get back to the spot, reach into this deep hole that’s somehow up in the air, and snap several digital photos, then run for the hills again.
Back in the house, adrenaline everywhere, and it’s a raccoon. Yikes. I’ve got the dumb dogs, and this thing can’t live in here. So I’m back outside, thinking what to do. I’m looking around everywhere, trying to figure out how to trap it or what not. (keep in mind that i”m pretty stupid). So here’s what I come up with. I”ll put on my woodstove gloves, grab a stick and a rubbermaid bin and go up there and catch it. Absolutely no joke, I thought my stick was too long, so I broke it in half. So I went up on a post, 8-10 feet off the ground, to poke an angry raccoon with a short stick, so I could catch it and put it in a plastic bin.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:35 PM
So I went up on a post, 8-10 feet off the ground, to poke an angry raccoon with a short stick, so I could catch it and put it in a plastic bin.
For comedic purposes, I like where this story is going.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:35 PM
I feel like this is a transcript to one of those “I shouldnt be alive” shows
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:35 PM
I love story time with Clay
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:36 PM
as you can imagine, that plan went to hell, and quickly. I succeeded in poking it, and it erupted in a rage, and I fell backwards. Dropped my bin, my stick and almost me (through the shitty barn floor, had I fallen).
Anyway, I need a new plan.
So I go back in the house, regain my composure, and decide I”ll jab at it with a shovel. So back out I go, after it, back up shovel in hand, and I get to stabbing, but it’s gone. I”m a hero. But guess what i find in there. An incredibly small, now abandoned, baby raccoon.
The dogs go nuts, because they want it, and now I”m a huge fucking asshole, because what do you do? You can’t kill a baby, and you can’t leave it to starve.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:39 PM
so I bring it in, get some of my baby chicken sawdust, and put it in the bin. I have no clue what to do with it, and we literally know nobody up here. So I call my wife’s work, she’s busy, and talk it out with some random office lady. She tells me to call the game warden. So I do that, and leave a message. In the meantime, baby raccoon. Probably needs to eat, must be devastated, I’ve run it off. So I can’t think of what to feed it, but settle on canned cat food mixed with half and half. NO good, so I put it on my finger and try to nipple feed it. Dumb.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:40 PM
I go back out to see what’s up, and I get to the third level of the hay loft (not an easy climb). Anyway, up there, there is every single cat food tin I’ve ever put in my recycling bin, licked clean…along with about 20 years worth of raccoon shit. Who knows how many raccoons have lived in here ( i forgot it was May – for story purposes).
Back in, phone rings, game warden’s office. I tell them what’s up, and they tell me to leave raccoons alone.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:44 PM
i say, I have an abandoned baby raccoon. They say get rid of it. I say, can’t, has no mother. They say get rid of it, but dont’ touch it–rabies. I say it’s a baby. They say don’t touch it. I say I’ve touched it. They say — no problem, just dont’ come into contact with it’s bodily fluids, especially saliva. I say – um, I had my finger in it’s mouth.
The lady gets pissed, and now they have to send a guy to test it for rabies. I say -why, it’s a baby. she says there have been instances of rabies in raccoons as young as a month. I say – maybe, but this thing is two days old, maximum.
About two hours later, here comes the warden. I talk to him about my situation in the barn, and told him I ran the mother off. We go to look in the barn, and it’s back, in another corner eave, and even angrier than ever, since I stole its baby. It sounds like a bear with a megaphone.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:44 PM
good Jeebus, man. that is an enormous barn.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:45 PM
I want this story turned into a SyFy movie, like Arachnophobia only with genetically mutated racoons
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:45 PM
the game warden is advising me on my options, and notices that I am intending on having chickens. He tells me how a raccoon will destroy everything i’ve built with no trouble and that I can’t put chickens into a place where there’s raccoons, not if I want chickens.
So what do I do, I say? He says, two choices…either kill it, or trap it and then kill it. But raccoons are too smart for traps, he says. Well shit, says I, I guess I’ll kill it.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:46 PM
Will you get rid of my hornets’ nest dirt? They came back.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:46 PM
Didnt have a baby bottle lying around, Dirt?
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 PM
patphish can trap a raccoon. you should have contracted him.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Kill! Kill! Kill!
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 PM
I say to the guy, I have a BB gun. The guy says, you cannot kill a raccoon with a BB gun. Dont’ waste your time, go buy a gun. But I’m broke, remember ( i guess the term is house poor).
So now I have a directive (must kill raccoon), a caveat (can’t be done with your equipment), and all fucking day.
So i commence to try and rid myself of this raccoon.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:48 PM
Didnt have a baby bottle lying around, Dirt?
this is like 6 years ago
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:49 PM
I’m so glad you’re breaking this story up. it’s like Mystery Science Theater 3000 up in here.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:49 PM
Why would someone do that? Best to kill those godforsaken things when they’re young and easier to just be stepped on to do the trick
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:49 PM
And now the music from Commando starts playing.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:50 PM
no answering questions or responding to commentary…continue, please.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:51 PM
I’m picturing full Rambo II gear on and at some point “I ain’t got time to get rabies” is said in a gravelly tone
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:51 PM
OK, so back to the barn, and that raccoon is so, so pissed. It’s in the corner eave, same height of the ground, only there’s no cross post, only wall. And the wall is right above where I’m partway done building this chicken coop.
So I can only balance against half a beam and the wall, up to my 8-10 feet off the ground perch to start the fight with this thing. It’s going to be hard to reach. I”ve got the BB gun and the shovel, and I’m ready to go.
So I hang on tight, tippy toe up, and jam my shovel down into the hole where the thing is, and immediately lose control of my footing and the shovel. i teetered long enough that when I fell, I landed on my feet, and the floor was a little better here, so I didnt’ go straight through to the next level. But I fell/half jumped down to the ground.
Now I don’t even have the shovel.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:51 PM
Ha, that’s perfect.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:52 PM
I realize raccoons are mean and diseased ridden, but I have a feeling I’m about to get sad anyway
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:53 PM
I”m not hurt, but I”m scared out of my wits. My three dogs don’t know what’s up, but they’re going apeshit (at this point, Buddy was 2.5, but Id’ had him for less than a week).
I’m about to go in, defeated, because I’m so scared. But I get hung up on not being a tough enough guy, and having nothing to do all day and accomplishing nothing. And that’s our only shovel, and the wife wants to garden that weekend.
So I cowboy up, and go again
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:54 PM
don’t be sad, cj. that raccoon was poised to steal dirt’s future babies and eat them.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:55 PM
hilarious.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:55 PM
back up to this ridiculous perch to at least retrieve my shovel. I get back, get into position, reach up on the tippy toes, and get it. I give one punch downward with it because I’m feeling it and pull back to scurry backwards. As I’m scurrying backwards, out comes this raccoon to fucking kill me. Literally, it charges me. Once more, I hit the ground running from 8 feet, scared to fucking death.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:56 PM
but the raccoon sees the dogs, and also panics. It runs out to a high post and hunkers down. Now it’s trapped, out of these holes.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:56 PM
Raccoons are nasty M’Fers when cornered, be careful. If you have a barn I’m guessing you have a weapon more powerful than a BB gun. Shoot it.
Otherwise hit it with something really heavy.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:57 PM
Now I’ve got it out in the open, it’s maybe 16 feet off the floor of the barn, and ostensibly treed. I put the dogs away in the half built chicken coop, because that’s right below it, but at least i know where they are. I doubt this thing stays put.
And I commence to put it down with my trusty BB gun.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 PM
How many shots? This thing look like Sonny Corleone when it was all said and done?
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 PM
So you can imagine how the next very long time went. Me, pumppumppumppumppump, aim, fire..the raccoon absorbs the blow, and we start over. And over, and over.
It doesn’t know what to do, so it stays treed, and I dont’ know what to do, so I keep trying to shoot it in the head.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:59 PM
somebody has obviously not read from the beginning.
June 23rd, 2011 at 1:59 PM
coop, stop talking to the TV. This already happened.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:00 PM
It’s got itself flattened down on top of this beam (imagine a rough cut 8×8), and i can’t do anything but hit it in the ribs from less than 12 feet away. Over and over.
Finally (20 shots, 30 shots, a long, long time)it tries to move and makes a break for it, fast over to the other side of the barn, and right back into one of these eave holes.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:00 PM
earmuffs, sportsgal!
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 PM
Sucks big time, however, now it’s over on the side of the barn where there’s a floor layer. I can stand there, amongst about a hundred years worth of trash, metal and broken glass and attack this hole.
So I’ve got now the metal railing from an old bed box, and I’m slamming it into this hole where this fucker is.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 PM
No, I did not. I was just here to say “Fuck Iowa” then I caught a story of raccoon killing, which I do enjoy.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:04 PM
This story is great. Also, I found a grocer and got a salad and some macaroni salad so healthy and cheap lunch solved.
Now for raccoon! Die!
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:05 PM
Disgusting. And all that mayo ain’t healthy.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:05 PM
Out it springs again to attack me, but runs across the barn, to the other side and into an eave. We move the fight over there.
Same weapons, same scenario, but not I’m going to be able to jab righty. So it comes out again to run, and I’m ready. Home run swing with this bed rail, right to the head. It goes about 8 feet and just hangs there, still alive, but ruined.
So I pick up the BB gun, and finally dispatch it through the eye. It falls down to the ground, and as you’d expect, shits everywhere.
The dogs, nuts, the raccoon, dead, the BB gun, cracked stock, and me, utterly and completely exhausted with no adrenaline.
So that would be the end of the story, except….
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:06 PM
that fucking raccoon had given birth to several baby raccoons, and stashed them away in various of these eaves. For the next several days, I would go out and find dead/dying baby raccoons. 3 more total that were able to get out and fall to their doom.
It was really horrible. Within a week, I was the proud owner of a shotgun.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:07 PM
Baby raccoon has come back to avenge mama raccoon!?!??
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:07 PM
Oh no, the baby
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:07 PM
THUNDERCLAP
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:08 PM
That wasn’t the last raccoon I had to kill in the barn, just the toughest. I’ve since learned that you need a whole bunch of cats in there, to make it an unsafe place to have babies.
And you have to be vigilant in April and May, but otherwise, they don’t bother you, unless you eat lobsters.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:08 PM
This story can be titled Dirt’s Final Solution
Well done
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:09 PM
Vinegar and oil. There is french dressing on my salad though. But it’s loaded with hard boiled eggs, broccoli, black olives, tomatoes and green peppers so I don’t harsh my mellow… man.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:09 PM
This sounds like another story . . .
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:09 PM
oh, i forgot to tell you about the one baby i tried to feed… the guy had to take it away and test it for rabies. So I handed him the rubbermaid bin and the sawdust, and he looked at my like i was retarded. He plucked the thing out, snapped it’s neck and threw it in the back of his green pickup while the little thing was still twitching. It was horribly unpleasant.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:09 PM
I’ll bite. Why do they bother you if you eat lobsters?
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:10 PM
so anyway, the end. Sorry about leaving that one part out.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:10 PM
Raccoons suck. Do you have rats anywhere or mice, dirt? We’re having a bit of a rat issue in my back alley by all our garbage cans. The city should take care of it, but I may take matters into my own hands if another one of those wormtailed bastards jumps out of the can when I open it next time.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:11 PM
Quick story with rats . . . . (won’t be as good as Dirt’s)
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:11 PM
Why do they bother you if you eat lobsters?
because they’re really stinky as they rot, and the green stuff, gills, etc is all delicious to a hungry thing. You throw away a lot of edible parts of a lobster. Not palatable, but edible.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:11 PM
If there had been a picture of you Dirt, on the ground, with the dead raccoon, and your dogs, and all your equipment next to you at the end of this, it would totally be an iconic picture.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:12 PM
I’m in my backyard playing with my dogs and I hear something in one of my trash bins in the alley. I go back there and every few seconds I here this rapid scratching noise. I’m thinking it’s definitely a rat . . .
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:12 PM
good story, dirt.
I’m drawing up a petition to have a daily “Story time with Clay” in the comments.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:13 PM
GOO!
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:13 PM
But the more I listen it sounds like a bird flapping it’s wings, trying to fly out. So I grab a really long stick and flip the lid open. I’m like 10 feet away. Nothing. So I walk over and look down.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:14 PM
And a fucking rat jumps up, trying to jump out of the bin. But it can’t make it to the top. So, I look down (the trash can is empty) and there’s two dead rats at the bottom and this one still alive, trying to jump out.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:14 PM
Some people like them. No idea why
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:15 PM
When I was young we had a bluetick coonhound. That thing was a killing machine. Probably killed around 1000 groundhogs in its life, several snakes, and even a fox. Couple times a raccoon was cornered in a shed being all nasty and it would just run in, grab it by the neck, shake it, throw it in the air, catching it again by the neck, and shake it until said neck was broke.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:15 PM
I’m not sure what to do. I figure I have to kill it. I don’t know the best way to do it. Meanwhile, some concrete guys are replacing the steps on my front porch. Well, when I go back to the trash can, theres probably a 25 lb. chunk of concrete dropped on the rat.
Fin.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:15 PM
Lighter fluid. Match. Solved.
/speaks from experience
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:17 PM
I’ll sign that petition.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:18 PM
I won’t get started on rat stories, as I have several. But they are very, very hearty animals. And it hurts if you get bitten.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:18 PM
I”ve got the BB gun and the shovel, and I’m ready to go.
Copied and reposted for awesomeness.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:18 PM
We have to time it so its in an old thread while an active boring NBA thread is going on.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:19 PM
If there had been a picture of you Dirt, on the ground, with the dead raccoon, and your dogs, and all your equipment next to you at the end of this, it would totally be an iconic picture.
the worst part is then you have to dig a hole, and it has to be really deep, since the dogs are watching you. But I got my shovel back.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:26 PM
Dirt please tell me you made a hat out of that coon.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:27 PM
Dirt please tell me you made a hat out of that coon.
so gross. My wife made me bleach the skull of the next one. I have never been so disgusted with a process in my life. Picking brains out of a nose with a nail.
So no hat. Just a hole in the ground.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:28 PM
Is that so other animals don’t smell the carcass?
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:31 PM
I’m assuming they affixed the skull to a post outside the barn as a warning to others
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Anyone here by chance see that Hoarders episode with the guy who raised rats? He had to move out of his house and they found around 2-3000 in there. It was disturbing, and they had to catch and handle each one “with care” so they didn’t freak the guy out.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Is that so other animals don’t smell the carcass?
no, she wanted it to put on the barn wall. A decoration.
June 23rd, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Now that makes much more sense.
June 23rd, 2011 at 3:11 PM
You have a problem